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These days, I was a big believer in contingencies.
‘Hey, honey,’ I answered, closing the distance between us. ‘Here, give me that, don’t drag it.’ Rambunctious by nature, Rosie was hard on shoes and on school belongings, and was growing out of her clothes at a pace that staggered me. She took my hand without breaking stride, and walked determinedly towards our battered old Astra while I trailed in her wake.
‘Be careful, don’t step in the mud,’ I cautioned automatically. ‘And why don’t you have your boots on? Where are they?’ I looked disbelievingly at the flimsy ballet flats she currently sported.
‘They’re in the bag. I don’t need them; sure we’re only getting in the car.’ She shrugged and not for the first time, I was taken aback by how much like Greg she sounded. Always so easy-going and carefree, while I was the one more inclined to worry.
We reached the car and I opened the door so Rosie could jump in the back seat. ‘Buckle up. Car or not, I’d still prefer you to wear your boots in this weather, hon. We don’t want you coming down with a cold and your boots are warmer.’ I shut the door and headed around to the driver’s side. Climbing in, I fished my iPhone out of my pocket and handed it to her. ‘Here you go, DJ,’ I said pre-emptively, knowing that when Rosie was in the car she liked to take charge of the music, usually opting for the American rock anthems so beloved by her father. ‘So what happened in school today?’
I started the car and pulled out of the parking area as the heat blasted, and Rosie summoned up the Eagles’ ‘Take It Easy’ and began telling me about her day. She outlined all that had occurred, from the new letters they were learning to the Brachiosaurus picture she had drawn in art. I hummed words of encouragement until something she said caused a tinge of panic to flutter through my heart.
‘And they sent Ellie home after lunch because she’s sick.’
‘What’s wrong with her?’ I asked casually. Ellie Madden sat beside Rosie in class. I wasn’t a hypochondriac or anything – as a nurse I couldn’t be, or I’d drive myself crazy – but I was always keenly aware of my daughter’s health, as well as that of her classmates.
I had to be.
‘She has chicken pox,’ said Rosie dramatically, though she kept her attention firmly focused on my iPhone.
Chicken pox. I quickly felt myself relax, though I felt for poor Ellie and her parents.
Such diseases were a normal rite of passage for school-going kids – especially so soon after the Easter holidays when infection tended to be rampant amongst friends and families meeting up during the break. But chicken pox was something I had dealt with firsthand with Rosie a couple of years before, so at least I didn’t have to worry about it. But that didn’t mean I was worry free either.
‘Ah, I see. I wonder are there many in your class who haven’t had it yet.’ I tried to think of what other poor kid – and parents – from the school might soon fall victim.
‘Ms Connelly asked around after they saw the spots on Ellie’s neck. There were only a few: Kevin, Abigail and Clara, I think. I can’t get them again, can I?’ Rosie peered up from the device then, concern in her eyes, as I turned into our driveway and parked outside the small two-storey house we’d moved into as a family two and a half years ago.
As I got out of the car and helped Rosie gather her things, I shook my head.
‘No, you can’t,’ I confirmed. ‘I mean, technically, you can later as an adult but it’s called shingles then.’ Rosie was a naturally curious type and loved soaking up facts and general knowledge. My more traditional West Cork parents found it strange the way Greg and I had always talked so honestly to her from the get-go, instead of dumbing things down for kids like their generation often did.
‘Good,’ said Rosie as she walked into the house. ‘I hated being itchy.’
Though Greg and I had met, worked and lived in Dublin for all of our five-year marriage before Rosie came along, we both hailed from small-town backgrounds, and had hoped that moving to a closer-knit community in a more rural setting would be good for Rosie – particularly when she started school. So when I was offered a nursing position in a recently opened clinic in the larger town of Glencree – five miles away – we decided the quaint little village of Knockroe was the perfect place to put down roots.
While I loved the place, I still felt a bit like an outsider in the community, especially after losing my husband less than a year after moving there. Because I worked in the neighbouring town, I hadn’t got to know many Knockroe locals all that well, save for the other school parents and a few of the neighbours close by. Most of the townspeople, though kind, tended to leave me to my own devices and, shy by nature, this mostly suited me.
Though I’d had no choice but to come out of my shell over the last seven months or so when it came to the school run and other Applewood Primary-related events, like the Christmas pageant, odd fundraiser and occasional birthday party or play date.
After following my daughter inside, I went into the kitchen and deposited her belongings on the counter. I listened to Rosie’s footsteps on the stairs as she headed up to her room. While she never admitted it, she routinely avoided going straight to the kitchen when she first entered the house. I had never asked her about it and guessed it was a coping mechanism she had devised for herself after dealing with what she had seen on That Day.
I opened her backpack and pulled out her books, lunchbox, as well as a couple of school notes directed to parents. Yep, there was indeed one about chicken pox asking parents to be vigilant. Much like the one we’d got for head lice before Easter.
The joys of primary school.
But these school-related bugs brought to the forefront another temporarily dormant fear I didn’t like to revisit. I hated being reminded of the fact, but here’s the truth: Rosie wasn’t vaccinated for any such typical childhood illnesses – mumps, measles or the like.
I had found out very quickly that when you made such an admission to health professionals, school authorities, or, worst of all, other parents, you were immediately judged. Written off as irresponsible, foolish and downright stupid.
But in reality I wasn’t any of those things – rather Rosie was severely allergic to the gelatin component in almost all live vaccines.
Greg and I had only discovered the issue after she had experienced a horrific cardiorespiratory reaction after her first round of immunisations as a baby. Back then, we were faced with a horrible decision and literally caught between a rock and a hard place.
Our daughter could face a potentially life-threatening situation if she wasn’t vaccinated, but was certain to if she was.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
So after countless hours of research, much soul-searching and finally on the advice of our GP, we had no choice but to opt Rosie out of the standard childhood vaccination programme and hope against hope that herd immunity would prevail.
This was why I was acutely aware of infectious disease warnings from school; I couldn’t afford not to be.
It was my job to keep her safe.
Chapter 2 (#ulink_bd8db982-004f-5b1d-8699-5ff0a1b4dec5)
‘Clara Rose and Jake Alan – you’d both better be ready to go!’ called Madeleine Cooper as she stood at the bottom of the stairs that led up to her kids’ bedrooms.
She hoped the use of their middle names would light a fire under their asses and get them moving. She impatiently looked down at the small gold watch that she wore on her wrist and pursed her lips. Nope; they were going to be late.
Looking once more up the stairs, she raised her voice a few more decibels. ‘I’m serious. If the two of you aren’t down here in the next ten seconds, I’m telling your father. Ten – nine – eight…’ Her voice trailed off as five-year-old Clara’s bedroom door was first flung open, followed by eight-year-old Jake’s a beat later.
Two blond heads rushed onto the landing so fast they almost collided, but continued on racing down the stairs. Madeleine cringed as her son ran his hands across the glass-fronted staircase as he made his way down. A day didn’t go by where she didn’t have to clean grubby handprints off everything. As her husband Tom routinely argued, the minimalist decor that looked so cool in the interiors magazines wasn’t the cleverest idea for a house with children. But Madeleine sure as hell wasn’t compromising on comfort over style. Just because you had kids didn’t mean they should rule the roost.
‘Look, it’s not as if this is a new thing,’ she chided. ‘We always go to Granny Cooper’s on Monday nights. And we haven’t seen her since before the holidays.’ The two murmured something apologetic as they rushed through the hallway to fetch their coats and Madeleine turned back towards the kitchen to where Tom sat at the table checking over the kids’ homework. ‘Are you ready, honey?’ she asked. ‘Your mother will be wondering where we are.’
‘Pure nonsense, all this new-fangled phonics stuff,’ he said in a distracted voice, and from that angle Madeleine noticed a couple of new silver streaks in his hair. And the stress lines that had been eased somewhat during their trip to Florida over the Easter break had sadly since returned to her handsome husband’s forehead.
The four of them had had such a ball in Clearwater, swimming and kayaking in the gulf, taking endless walks along the powdery sand, and enjoying sunset barbecues on the patio of the beach house they’d rented for their two-week stay.
The frowning man sitting in front of Madeleine now was a million miles from the one laughing and splashing in the water with the kids by day, and strumming Willie Nelson tunes on his guitar as the sun went down over the Gulf of Mexico.
Back to reality.
‘What ever happened to just learning the letters instead of pronouncing the sounds?’ Tom complained. ‘That teacher of Jake’s has a lot of nerve too. Look at what she wrote on his maths homework from last week; he actually got points off even though he answered the bloody question correctly. All because he didn’t do it with the “new” standards. A load of crap, if you ask me. All these lazy pen-pushers in the Department of Education who know nothing about education making nonsensical new rules that we don’t need.’
Madeleine rolled her eyes good-naturedly at yet another diatribe from her husband on why the ‘new-fangled’ ways of learning were ridiculous – totally different to how they did things back in their day. A contrarian by nature, it wasn’t unusual for Tom to rail against the status quo, but times moved on and she was sure the teachers knew what they were doing. In truth, Clara was a lot further on in reading than Madeleine had been in her very first year at school. However, it was late and she didn’t have time to discuss this just now, especially since she knew what his next point would be.
‘This is why we should be thinking again about homeschooling them. Because of this palaver. I’ve told you, Maddie, it’s seriously worth looking into—’
‘Not now,’ she said, cutting her husband off, irritated that he seemed to have forgotten the fact that, like him, she had a job, so where on earth would she get the time?
But her ‘job’ – a popular blogging channel for mums that was rapidly growing in popularity and reputation – was all too easily overlooked. To Tom, Mad Mum was just a frivolous hobby and a means for Madeleine to entertain herself while the kids were at school. How quickly he’d forgotten that she was once a marketing executive at the top of her game, before giving it all up six years ago and in some fit of madness (the blog wasn’t just a play on her name) taking early redundancy to be a stay-at-home mother. Madeleine grimaced. She adored Jake and Clara but God knew (as did so many of Mad Mum’s fans) that she was never going to be a candidate for Mother of the Year.
Though to be fair, Tom was an amazing dad; brilliant with the kids (way better than she was most of the time) and a wonderful husband. He was senior management in a top Irish bank and related job pressures meant that she’d always borne the majority of the childcare load.
All well and good while the kids were younger, but now that they were both in school, was it really that terrible for Madeleine to want to get some of her own life back?
She supposed she shouldn’t blame him too much though; her husband had just become so used to the current family dynamic that he’d forgotten the fact that she needed something other than parenthood to define her. And Mad Mum filled that role very well.
Madeleine had originally started the blog as a means of blowing off steam while alone in the house with the kids all day, bemoaning the day-to-day trials of motherhood in a good-natured but deliberately non-mumsy way. At work, writing compelling copy for various campaigns had always come naturally to her, so this felt like a natural extension. And by outlining her frustrations and warts ’n’ all experiences with her new-found domestic role, it was, she supposed, an attempt to rail against the po-faced and somewhat smug ‘how-to’ guides for mums already out there, and she sensed an appetite for some down-to-earth straight talking.
Still, she’d been taken aback by the overwhelmingly positive response her witterings had received, and very quickly her visitor numbers and social media following spiked to remarkable heights. Ever the marketeer, she quickly realised that she had, quite by accident, amassed a captive and thus potentially very valuable demographic, one that admired and trusted her.
But it was really only when Clara started play school a couple of years ago, freeing up Madeleine’s mornings, that she’d taken steps to turn Mad Mum into an actual business.
And while Tom had always been supportive of her endeavours, over the last year or so, she got the sense that he was a little taken aback by the business’s increasing drain on her time as she set determinedly about securing advertising and sponsorship. Of course he didn’t yet have a true inkling of exactly what those efforts were achieving.
But her beloved would get one hell of a surprise at the meeting they’d scheduled with their accountant next week when he realised Madeleine’s ‘little’ media business might actually end up pulling in something close to his salary soon. Thanks to the blog’s burgeoning visitor numbers, avid social media followers, as well as recent TV appearances, her profile was on the rise, and the site had already pulled in some heavy-hitter online advertising partners.
No way was she going to cut the boots from under all that by going back to having the kids at home all day. In truth, Clara starting proper school last year and thus Madeleine getting her life back had been a godsend, and the additional free time the impetus she’d craved to get her business plan into high gear.
‘Hon, we don’t have time to talk about it now,’ she told Tom, glad of an excuse to fob him off. She loved him and they’d always been a great team, but there was no denying that middle age (and no doubt parenthood) was turning her once laid-back and easy-going husband into a grumpy old man. Such a pity that their next family holiday wouldn’t be until the summer; though she could help Tom recapture some of that relaxed gulf coast vibe by plying him with the odd margarita now and then, she thought wickedly.
After grabbing her handbag, Madeleine checked her freshly curled and newly lightened tresses in the hallway mirror, and once again tried to hustle her errant family out the door.
Hopefully the ‘bouncy do’ would hold up well enough for tomorrow’s TV appearance. Madeleine had only got the call from the Channel 2 producer immediately after lunch and had just managed to snag a last-minute appointment with her trusty hairdresser before picking Clara up from school. She wanted to look her best for her slot on Morning Coffee, a popular lifestyle show featuring an ever-changing panel of female guests chatting about interesting topics of the day.
Tomorrow they would be discussing Mad Mum’s latest blog – a controversial piece by Madeleine, which had very quickly gone viral, about why maternity leave was a Very Bad Thing. She smiled, looking forward to the inevitable public outcry and debate, something her profile thrived on.
While most of her posts about motherhood were often deliberately tongue-in-cheek, this was a topic she actually believed in wholeheartedly. If it wasn’t for maternity leave, and how it neatly assigned all the earliest and most difficult child-rearing responsibilities onto the hapless mother – setting up a lifelong ‘default parent’ and allowing Dad to take a less active role – then she and Tom wouldn’t be even having the homeschooling conversation.
Placing his pen down, her husband conceded. ‘All right, maybe we can talk about it later. I’m just sick to the teeth of civil servants telling us how to live our lives, Maddie. I know how I learned maths and look at me now? What’s wrong with kids learning things the old-fashioned way?’
‘I know, I know, it’s all so different these days,’ she soothed, kissing him on the head. ‘But get your ass in gear – we’ll be late at your mum’s.’ Not that Harriet Cooper would mind. Tom’s mother was as laid-back as they came and, unlike Madeleine’s own late mum (who before she died two years ago was routinely scandalised by the forthright opinions her daughter laid bare in public), was a big supporter of Mad Mum.
Tom got up and followed her into the hallway where their children waited, lost in their own conversation.
‘Clara, for goodness’ sake, stop sniffling and just blow your nose. Go on the two of you, get in the car,’ Tom chided them good-naturedly, as he helped Madeleine on with her coat, a sand-coloured cashmere Ralph Lauren number she adored.
Another major benefit to earning her own money again; she could once more afford the beautiful things she’d had to forgo when they were just a single-earner family. She wrapped a colourful silk scarf around her neck and pulled on her leather gloves. She’d picked out a gorgeous DVF top for her TV stint tomorrow, something patterned to try to compensate for the fact that the camera added ten pounds. Which reminded Madeleine to see about maybe arranging weekly group running sessions with some of her friends. Now pushing forty, she knew she needed to try harder to keep herself in tip-top shape.
The couple followed their children out to Tom’s BMW, which sat parked in the driveway of their five-bed faux-Georgian house, about half a mile from Knockroe village. Both kids were now loaded in and sitting dutifully in the back seat, already enraptured with the DVD screens on the back of the front seats. She and Tom did attempt to keep in check the amount of screen time they seemed to default to, but there was no denying that the darned things kept them quiet.
Might write a piece about that soon, she thought wickedly, her mind racing. Something irreverent and completely contrary, sure to send the do-gooders into convulsions.
Tom started the engine and backed out of the long pebbled driveway, just as Cara began a heavy fit of sneezing. He made a face. ‘Here we go. Did you see that note from school today? About the girl in Clara’s class sent home earlier.’
Madeleine was checking her reflection in the mirror and reapplying her lipstick. ‘No, I haven’t had a chance to go through their bags.’ She sighed inwardly. ‘Why – is something going round?’
He shrugged. ‘Nothing serious. Chicken pox apparently.’ He threw an eye back at their sniffling daughter who did look pretty miserable. ‘But Clara hasn’t had that yet.’
Madeleine knew. ‘Well, I suppose we’ll just have to cross our fingers,’ she said optimistically, for Clara’s benefit. Little ears heard everything and she didn’t want her daughter worrying unnecessarily. While the pox wasn’t too serious, it was uncomfortable all the same, and her heart broke at the notion of her little girl coming out in those nasty sores and, depending on the severity of the dose, perhaps even being bedridden for a few days, poor thing.
Of course, one of the great benefits of working from home was that Madeleine didn’t have to call in sick to take care of the children if needs be. It was one of the reasons she’d taken the redundancy package in the first place; Jake been a poorly toddler and she had been exhausted from making excuses for missed meetings and freaking out over work absences for the first two years of his life. The logistics became even more of an issue when Clara was born, so while Madeleine had been dubious as to whether full-time motherhood was really for her, a much-needed respite from all the haring around (as well as the financial package her firm was offering) was ultimately too difficult to ignore.
Still, to her mind, time away from the workplace was always going to be a temporary arrangement – at least until the kids were old enough and she found something else to sustain her creatively and professionally. Thankfully Mad Mum filled that role on both counts.
But she worried the family had become a little too comfortable with these domestic arrangements and now her thoughts came full circle and again returned to Tom’s argument for homeschooling. Once again, she’d be the one having to make the sacrifice and, work commitments aside, why would she want to take on the responsibility of that along with everything else?
She was already overcommitted to not only her business, but also volunteering for various school fundraisers, her book club, Knockroe Tidy Towns and other community endeavours, not to mention that she could be called for a guest slot to any TV or radio station at a moment’s notice.
In order to grow her business to the level that Madeleine aspired, profile was important – it made a huge difference, as any marketeer worth their salt would tell you.
Not that her kids’ education wasn’t important of course – it was just nice to be able to pack them both off to school each day and have someone else deal with them for a while.
Madeleine sighed again as she wondered if she was a bad mother for thinking that way, but then chided herself. She knew from day one that she wasn’t going to be perfect. It was a bit late now for stressing about it.
She was only vaguely aware that the car had gone silent and that her family’s attention was on her. ‘I’m sorry? What was that?’ she asked, turning to face her husband. She noticed that Tom was frowning.
‘Is it true, Mum?’ Clara asked, her nose streaming and Madeleine gulped. Damn, the poor dote really was coming down with something. Hopefully it would be a day or two before the worst of it kicked in.
At least until the TV thing is over and done with…
Yep, she was indeed a bad mother. Terrible.
‘Is what true, sweetheart?’ she replied.
‘What Kevin Campbell said; that he’s never had chicken pox, and when people get sick at school that it’s our fault,’ her five-and-a-half-year-old said indignantly.
Madeleine gritted her teeth. Number one, Kevin Campbell was a known brat who liked to start trouble, and number two, the kid had no idea what he was talking about. But number three – and more to the point – Kevin Campbell’s mother was obviously gossiping about their family within hearing distance of her child.
Now she understood why Tom looked so annoyed. He couldn’t stand Christine Campbell – not only was she always in everyone’s business in Knockroe, trying to tell them how to live their lives and thinking she was so smart with her ‘supposed’ Diploma in Sociology from UCD, but she was also a notorious shit-stirrer.
And Madeleine knew that Christine especially hated how, with the increased popularity of her blog and subsequent TV appearances, Madeleine’s profile and thus her community standing had grown and threatened to supersede Christine’s own self-imposed Queen Bee status. Not that she had the slightest iota of interest in celebrity or overthrowing Christine’s ‘reign’ – she was all about expanding Mad Mum’s reach.
But it was completely out of order for the woman to make such comments, especially in earshot of her son. Jake and Clara shouldn’t be singled out like that. And moreover, her and Tom’s parenting decisions didn’t need to be questioned – by anyone. It was nobody else’s business.
‘Ah, don’t listen to what Kevin says. He has no idea what he’s talking about. Just ignore him.’
‘But is it true, Mum?’ Jake piped up, interested. ‘Would it be our fault if other kids got sick? Because we don’t get injections like everyone else?’
‘No, it wouldn’t be your fault,’ Tom said, through gritted teeth. He turned to look at his wife. ‘I’m going to phone that Campbell woman and—’
Madeleine quickly laid a calming hand on his arm. ‘Don’t give her the pleasure,’ she interjected wisely. ‘You know Christine relishes getting a rise out of people, and she would love nothing more than to debate with us, again, on the vaccination thing. Just ignore her.’ Christine Campbell and her ilk never failed to get her husband – who was fiercely protective of not only his family, but also his principles – riled up.
She turned round to face her kids. ‘Guys, your classmates getting chicken pox is not your fault and never will be. OK?’
To say nothing of the fact that you didn’t usually vaccinate for chicken pox anyway. So at least they didn’t need to worry on that front, and hand-wringers like Christine Campbell could go stuff it.
Clara and Jake nodded solemnly.
‘We’re here.’ Madeleine smiled, as Tom pulled into the entrance of his mother’s home on the other side of the town, and she unsnapped her seat belt, mentally crossing her fingers that Clara’s sniffles were just your typical run-of-the-mill perma-cold and nothing more troublesome. At least not anything that would put the kibosh on her plans for tomorrow. ‘So stop thinking about whatever nonsense Kevin was spouting,’ she reassured her children, ‘and focus on wishing poor Ellie get well soon.’
Chapter 3 (#ulink_96aca11a-f7b3-5d78-9a4e-b738495ba720)
‘Put the kettle on and crank up that coffee-maker, it’s Morning Coffee time! Our panel today is outspoken Daily Record journalist and media commenter Gemma Moore, bestselling author Anita Wright, former Miss Ireland and beauty expert Claudine O’Donnell, and the newcomer to today’s gang, mummy blogger Madeleine Cooper, whose no-nonsense and provocative take on motherhood has garnered her a huge following amongst many Irish women, myself included. Madeleine, welcome to the show.’
‘Thanks a mill, Louise, it’s lovely to be here.’
