While I Was Waiting

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She got out of the car and made her way over to him. ‘Hello,’ she said, cautiously, ‘you must be Mr Penry.’

Stan came away from the tree almost grudgingly. ‘Miss Makepeace?’

Rachel held out her hand and found it enveloped in a calloused and nicotine-stained grip. ‘Rachel, please.’

‘Ar. That’d be Stan, then. You got a bit o’ work for me then, like?’

‘A bit of work?’ Rachel smiled at the understatement. ‘Well, yes. If you’re interested, that is.’ Rachel pointed to the front garden, knowing perfectly well that Stan had given the place the once-over before she’d arrived. She half-hoped he’d say it was too much for him and leave her in peace. After her conversation with Roger and Neil she couldn’t wait to get back to Hetty’s story again.

‘You know what you want doing with it?’ Stan squished his cigarette between finger and thumb, fished out an old tobacco tin from his trouser pocket, placed the butt inside and immediately began to roll another.

‘Erm, no, not really,’ Rachel said, a little helplessly. This hadn’t begun well. She couldn’t ever see herself warming to this man and certainly didn’t want him prowling around her garden.

‘Mrs Lewis used to have a fine old clematis growin’ up that wall.’ Stan gestured to the side of the front door. And she had hollyhocks and suchlike growing up in front. It were a rare old sight. She liked her gardening, did old Hetty.’

Rachel stared at him in astonishment. ‘You knew her?’

Stan met her look. His eyes were full of a wicked humour. It was in direct contrast to his pinched and thin mouth.

‘Knew her a bit, like. When I was living in the village afore. Before I got married to my Eunice, that is. Never had much to do with Hetty. Bit of a loner, bit scary, like.’ Stan leaned over to Rachel and winked. ‘But me and Eunice, we used to come up here to do a bit o’ courting. We’d have a good old look at the garden before she’d come out and shoo us off. Reckon she had a fancy man up here, I do. Made Eunice giggle, it did.’

For a second, Stan’s face clouded.

‘I’m sorry for your …’ God, how was one supposed to say these things and why was it so hard? ‘I’m sorry to hear about your wife.’

Stan took a deep pull on his cigarette and looked away. He cleared his throat. ‘Ar. Never enough time with the ones you love, is there?’

Thinking back later, Rachel realised it was that moment which made her decide to take Stan on. That he’d known Hetty, even at a distance, was a draw, of course, but it was that statement which did it. Unsentimentally said, but with such feeling. Such love. She was getting quite good at making snap decisions!

Instinct told her Stan would be unwilling to accept any gesture that smacked of charity. She adopted a bracing tone. ‘So, it’s a lot of work. The garden, that is. Have you – have you got any ideas about what I could do with it?’

‘Might have.’

He was obviously a man of few words. ‘Look, Stan, why don’t you come in and have a cup of tea?’ She smiled at him.

‘Don’t mind if I do. Coffee, though.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Don’t drink tea. I likes me a coffee. Milky, three sugars.’

‘Coffee, then,’ Rachel said slowly and wondered if he was making this deliberately difficult. Then she saw the expression in his strange yellowy-green eyes. He was teasing her. Well, in that case, she could get her own back. ‘Oh but –’ she stared pointedly at the cigarette.

Stan scowled at her. ‘You another one o’ them anti smokers? Just like my Sharon. Me daughter-in-law. She can’t abide it neither.’

‘Well, if you wouldn’t mind not smoking in the house, I’d be grateful. Come on, let’s get the kettle on and we can get going with some plans for the garden.’

And so it had been decided. Quite easily in the end. Stan would begin by clearing part of the garden for his vegetable beds; he’d share some of the produce with Rachel. In return, he was willing to get the rest of the garden into shape.

‘Might take a deal o’ time, though,’ he warned her.

Rachel didn’t mind and assured him so. It occurred to her that she was adapting to the slow pace of the way things happened around here. And what’s more, was happy about it.

‘Thank you, Gabe,’ she whispered, as she lay in bed that night. It was one more favour to chalk up to him. ‘And thank you, Hetty,’ she tried out, tentatively. There was no answer, but Rachel heard what might have been a giggle. Content that, if Hetty’s ghost was haunting the cottage, she meant no harm, she turned over to face the sigh of breeze that floated in through the open window. She heard the house settle around her and fell asleep, feeling blessed.

Chapter 11 (#ulink_fdb03cc4-b83e-5315-8519-addb788560fc)

It was one of those gifts of a summer morning, when it was a privilege to be awake with the dawn chorus.

Rachel had been woken at five by Indignant the Sparrow. The bird had got into the habit of sitting on the roof above her bedroom, cheeping loudly and, well, indignantly, until the moment she leaned out of her window and he took fright.

As she did so this morning, the view took her breath away and stole time. After heavy rainfall in the night, the sun shone, jewelling the landscape. It was a morning washed clean. After two months of living in the cottage, the trees had greened up even more, making the bucolic scene teem with life. The sky was still pale and cold, but even Rachel, with her rudimentary knowledge of weather, could tell it was going to be a wonderful day. It was shaping up to be a fantastic summer.

She pulled on her newly purchased Wellingtons and her fleece and slipped out into the magic. Making her way down the track from the cottage, she turned right down the narrow lane that led away from the rest of the village. She was surrounded by apple orchards, which enveloped her in a scent so sweet it nearly made her weep. Stopping for a moment to enjoy the sweet melancholy she leaned on a gate and stared into the field. The blossom fuzzed around the branches like so much pinky-white candy-floss. In contrast, in the next field, there was a decrepit building housing a tractor. The unploughed field was furrowed deep in red clay mud and, above, the sky had deepened to an azure blue, warm with promise. Beauty and dereliction side by side. Swallows dive-bombed flies and then swooped under the beams of the building, popping neatly into their mud nests. It was as far removed from city life as could be imagined.

Rachel heard a light and fast tapping on the tarmac behind her and turned, expecting to see a small dog. Instead of which, she came face to face with a hare. It had an alert, inquiring expression. She and the hare stared at one another for some moments, its large, pale eyes contemplating her without fear. Then it trotted off, squeezed under the hedge on the opposite side of the road and disappeared. Rachel released the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.

She walked on, further down the lane, past a field of sheep. She paused again to enjoy the sight. The lambs were beyond the tiny cute stage but were still suckling, every now and again, in between grazing. Rachel could hear their teeth tearing the grass and watched as a mother bucked off a lamb attempting a cheeky suckle.

In the opposite field were some enormous cows, even Rachel recognised them as the distinctive breed that had marked Herefordshire on the world agricultural map. Big and lumbering, with red flanks that echoed the colour of the soil, their cream faces bore a sweetly vacant expression. To Rachel’s delight, they had calves with them. They trembled on unsteady legs, far too insubstantial to bear their weight. She leaned on the gate, entranced. Some of the cows spotted her and plodded over, their offspring doing a wobbling dance behind. One cow mooed ominously. Rachel backed away, suddenly very aware of their size and protective mothering instinct.

She moved on, wondering if Hetty had enjoyed walking the same lanes. It was no wonder the woman was lingering in such a beautiful place, even after death. Rachel felt even more sure Roger Foster’s words held true. It just didn’t feel right that Hetty would wish her harm. The vibes she got from the atmosphere that occasionally sprang up in the cottage were girlish, mischievous even. If Hetty wanted to stay in her old home, she supposed it was fine with her. As long as the ghost or spirit or essence, or whatever it was, didn’t mind sharing with a load of builders too.

The lane wound round in a long, slow loop and Rachel found herself back on the edge of the village coming up behind a rambling house, bearing a sign proclaiming ‘Michael Llewellyn and Son, Builders.’ She checked her watch; she’d been out longer than she thought and it was getting on for nine. Gabe had offered an open invitation to visit whenever she had time. Country people got up early, didn’t they? Perhaps it was time to test the theory.

It was a large and solid-looking house, painted white, with small-paned windows set at odd intervals across the walls. It looked as if bits had been added on over the years and wasn’t the smart, done-up building she had expected. From what Gabe had told her, the family never used the front door, so Rachel ignored it and made her way down a narrow, rutted drive to the side of the house. She squeezed past Gabe’s Toyota and a hatchback, feeling like an interloper. As she did so, a door in the house flew open and a middle-aged woman sprang out, a large bundle of letters pressed against her. She stopped and appraised Rachel, with a broad smile.

‘You must be Rachel, from old Hetty’s cottage. How do you do?’ The older woman held out her free hand and smiled. ‘Gabe and Mike have told me so much about you. It’s good to meet you at last.’

Rachel went shy. ‘Hello,’ she managed. She wondered exactly what had been said and how she had been recognised so immediately.

‘Sheila Llewellyn,’ the woman explained, although it was hardly necessary; the resemblance to her son was unmistakable. The same golden-brown hair, the same sherry- coloured eyes. ‘Now, I’m so sorry to dash off, but I must get these to the post and, if I don’t go now, I’ll miss it. Be back in a mo’, though, and I’ll get the kettle on. Mike’s out, but Gabriel’s in his shed if you want to go on through.’ Sheila nodded her head to the back of the house, raised her hand as a goodbye and hurried off.

Rachel stared after her for a second and then made her way further along the drive to the back of the house, following the sounds of a tool being applied to wood. Some pale- brown chickens scattered before her, scolding her for the intrusion. The outbuildings rambled on in an untidy way, but the door to the one nearest the house was open. She stepped over a ginger-and-white cat lazing fatly in the doorway and stopped short as she caught sight of Gabe.

He had paused in whatever he’d been doing and was instead staring intently at a large piece of wood held in a clamp. He had his back to her, so she couldn’t see his expression, but she had a feeling an important decision was being made.

He was dressed casually, as usual, in disreputable jeans and a ragged green t-shirt, with a logo now so faded it was indecipherable. Rachel enjoyed the view for a moment. Gabe’s back was strong and well muscled, but in the way created by physical labour rather than hours put in at a gym. He had long muscles, well defined but not huge and bunchy in an off-puttingly he-man way.

Her eyes were drawn to his arms. She always liked looking at them. Sinewy and tough, the bulge of his triceps was revealed under the fraying sleeve of his t-shirt. She longed to draw him like this.

Gabe picked up a chisel and lightly tapped it on the wood. There was some pop music playing on an old Bakelite radio wedged on a dusty shelf. Dust motes spun in the sunlit air and the place hummed with the smell of sawdust.

It was wonderful.

Gabe, still unaware of his audience, tucked a length of hair behind his ear and reached sideways, bending over as he did so. He ran a long, brown thumb along the length of the wood, feeling the grain. It was a tender caress, as if he was touching a woman in that first questioning contact before making love. It made Rachel go liquid inside. She wanted to call out but couldn’t speak. She refused to break the mood. And then, just as she was beginning to feel like a voyeur, the cat got up and, after stretching, wove its way between Gabe’s legs, making him jump.

‘Christ, Ned, you nearly gave me a heart attack.’ Gabe picked up the cat and turned to the door, scratching it under its ears. Then he saw Rachel.

‘Fuck!’

At the oath, the cat protested loudly and jumped out of Gabe’s arms, sliding past Rachel and making good its escape. Rachel wished she could follow.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Your mum said –’

Gabe crossed his arms, defensively. ‘It’s okay. You just gave me a bit of a fright. Didn’t hear you come in.’

‘No, the, erm, the music.’ Rachel gestured to the radio, from which still blared pop.

Gabe rubbed a hand over his face, leaving a sawdust trail. ‘No, it’s tiredness really. Been up most of the night on a job, trying to get it finished. Dad’s just gone over now to fit the last bit.’ He crossed the workshop to the radio and turned it off.

‘A job?’

‘Oh a kitchen. On the house we’ve been working on. Owner changed her mind at the last minute and then wanted it done by yesterday.’ Gabe shrugged and Rachel could see how weary the gesture was.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean –’ Now she really felt like an intruder.

‘No worries, it’s okay.’ Gabe appeared to be recovering himself. His shoulders relaxed. ‘I was just having a look at this.’ He ran a hand lightly over the piece of wood. ‘Can’t beat a bit of English oak and this is a beaut. Was just having a look to see what to do with it.’

Rachel’s curiosity piqued. ‘What do you mean? For part of a kitchen?’

Gabe grinned broadly, his eyes shining through his tiredness. ‘Wouldn’t waste it on something practical, not this.’ He leaned against the workbench, obviously amused. ‘Don’t you ever get that feeling with a blank piece of paper? When it speaks to you. Wants you to do something really special with it?’

Rachel did. Often. She was amazed that Gabe felt the same about a piece of timber. She nodded.

‘Well, it’s exactly the same here. Only better, because with wood there’s already something there. Pattern, grain, shape, colour. A suggestion of something inside waiting for you to release it.’

Rachel couldn’t speak. A whole new Gabriel was opening out to her.

‘Sometimes I look at wood and see a piece of furniture, you know a chair, table. Sometimes, though, it wants me to make something more, something less useful, more…’ he shrugged as he struggled for the right word.

‘More purely aesthetic?’ Rachel whispered.

Gabe grimaced. ‘If you say so. I have to stop and take a good look. See what I can make of it. See what it promises, what it’s asking of me.’ He stopped, embarrassed. ‘God, that’s the sleepless night talking, I reckon. I’m bloody knackered.’ He grinned again, this time sheepishly and ran a hand through his hair, making it untidier than ever. ‘Good to have someone to rabbit on about these things to, though. No one else round here really gets it. But I knew you would. Thank you for listening.’

There was a beat. A complete understanding between them. A connection.

‘I do. I absolutely get it.’ Rachel said, eventually. A thought occurred and she stopped, embarrassed, not knowing how to phrase it. ‘But I thought you were just a –’

Gabe raised his eyebrows and let her suffer for a minute. ‘You thought I was just what?’

‘Erm …’ How could she tell him she’d had no idea he was this much of a craftsman, that he was so passionate about it. That she was so turned-on by the sight of the muscles in his back working that she felt faint? No, she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t even go there.

‘I thought you were just –’

‘A labourer?’ Gabe laughed. ‘Bit more to it all than that. Learned most of it on the job, and from Dad. I’ve qualifications too. But I’d love to do more of this sculptural sort of stuff,’ he gestured to the block of oak in the clamp, ‘but there’s never enough time. Too much paying work going on.’

‘Do you exhibit anywhere?’ Rachel’s heart was pounding. It was almost as if Gabe’s potential had yet to be unlocked, like his sculptures from the oak.

Gabe pursed his lips. ‘Just not the right time at the moment. I can’t dedicate enough hours to get the pieces together.’ He looked down and scuffed his already disreputable trainers. ‘Besides, Dad doesn’t think much of it all and while I’m living under his roof, it’s all a bit awkward.’

Rachel wondered why he didn’t follow his dream. It was a crime for him not to. What was stopping him? Fear? Idleness? She didn’t know how to respond, so remained silent, her mind racing in its search for some way to help.

He took pity on her and grinned, the smile chasing its way up to his eyes. ‘Come on, enough arty stuff. Mum’s promised coffee and bacon sandwiches when she gets back.’

Rachel followed his lead into the house, her perception of Gabe sliding all over the place, as were her feelings for him.

In contrast to the heady atmosphere that had built up in Gabe’s workshop, the kitchen was warm, light and full of Radio Two. Sheila stood at the Aga frying bacon and the smell reminded Rachel how long she’d been awake. Her mouth watered.

‘Go and get washed. Gabriel and I’ll get these on the table.’ Sheila turned and smiled at Rachel and pointed to a chair pulled up to the kitchen table. ‘Just move some of that junk aside and make room. If I’ve told Mike once about doing his paperwork in the kitchen, I’ve told him a million times.’

Rachel sat down and moved a pile of papers to one side. She could see the appeal of working here. She would want to as well; it was an inviting space. It was a big room, with a sofa covered in faded chintz at one end. Ned, the ginger cat, was now washing his paws and sitting in state on it.

The table dominated the space and was cluttered with the detritus of family life: envelopes, a letter with the local hospital’s logo on it, coffee cups, a plate with toast crumbs, car keys. It was very different to her parents’ stainless-steel and manicured beech kitchen. Rachel loved it – and itched to tidy it in equal measure.

‘I hope you don’t think I’m –’ she began to say to Sheila.

‘’Course not, lovely. It’s really nice to meet you. I told Mike and Gabriel to ask you down one day. You’re welcome any time. We don’t stand on ceremony, here. Didn’t like to think of you all on your own up there, either.’

And you were dying of curiosity to meet me, thought Rachel and, as the older woman looked at her, she had the strangest feeling Sheila knew exactly what she was thinking.

Gabe swept back into the room. He had brushed his hair and tied it back more neatly and had washed his face free of the sawdust. He went up behind his mother and put his arms around her waist. ‘God, I’m starving, Mum. Where’s my food?’

Sheila laughed. ‘If you’ll leave me be, Gabriel, it’ll be on the table. Sit down and stop making a fool of yourself.’

Gabe kissed his mother’s cheek, making exaggerated smacking noises and then pulled up a chair opposite Rachel. ‘Mum makes the best bacon sandwiches in the world.’ He picked up the letter with the hospital heading on it, frowned and tucked it under the pile of envelopes.