When I'm With You

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Alice was busy in the kitchen when Avery wandered in close to noon.

“Well, well, there you are.” She wiped down the counter with a damp cloth. “You were up late.”

Avery plopped down on a counter chair. “Couldn’t sleep after I got in last night. Thought watching television would help. Sorry if I kept you up.”

“Not at all. I’m a night owl. Came down to make some warm milk and I saw the television light on under your door.” She came to stand beside Avery’s hunched form. “Are you feeling okay? You don’t look like yourself.”

Avery forced a smile. “Who do I look like?” she teased.

Alice placed a comforting hand on Avery’s stiff shoulder. “Like a woman who needs to talk.” She sat down.

Avery blinked rapidly. She lowered her head and then glanced briefly at Alice. The only female in her life that she’d confided in was Kerry. Growing into womanhood without her mom, there was a reluctance inside that kept her from forming any female bonds for fear that the bond would be broken, taken from her like her mother was. She had no frame of reference for mothering, even as she desperately craved it.

Tears, unbidden, slid from her eyes. Instinctively, Alice gathered Avery in her arms and held her close, let her cry. Tenderly she stroked her back and cooed soft words into Avery’s hair. “Let it out,” she soothed. “It’s all right.”

“I’m s-orry,” Avery whispered and sniffed.

“Nothing to be sorry for. We all need a good cry every now and then.”

Avery sniffed harder, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and lowered her head.

Alice eased back but kept her hands planted on Avery’s shoulders. “Want to tell me what’s bothering you?” she gently asked.

Avery pushed out a long breath. “I don’t know how to handle being in this family, any family. I’ve had to go at it on my own for most of my life. Then there’s my career. It’s all about orders and following instructions, being on alert, suspicious.” She sighed. “In my life outside of work it’s the only time when I can pull away from the straitjacket of my everyday life. Now, with the wedding and Rafe’s family...all of those mixed feelings and experiences tumble all over each other and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Alice patted Avery’s thigh. “When you spend hours out of your day being on alert, looking for shadows in every corner, it’s got to be hard to let that go, to trust that there are folks that ain’t the boogeyman, that don’t intend to hurt you, that only want to get close because they really do care. Rafe loves you and you love him, and he’s not going to see you struggle against the weight of his overbearing family.” She wagged a finger. “At the same time, you gonna have to dig deep and find a space that you can open.” She smiled. “Burdens and troubles ain’t so heavy when you have help.” She tipped her head to the side. “How many weddings you planned?”

Avery’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened a bit but then closed.

“Hmm. Those girls, if they know nothing else it’s how to put a wedding together.” She chuckled. “Give them and yourself a chance. I understand the ties that bind you at work. You don’t get to speak up, only take orders, and it’s hard to break old habits. But...how ’bout this. Next time, you initiate the get-together. You call Dom or Desi and tell them your thoughts. One step at a time?” Her right brow lifted with emphasis.

Avery pushed out a breath. “You’re right. This is all so new to me.”

“As much as those Lawsons may fuss and feud with each other, the love and the bond that they have is unbreakable.” She squeezed Avery’s hands. “They want you to be part of that. And if you give it a chance, you might find what you’ve spent your life looking for.”

Avery wiped away the remnants of her tears and offered up a wobbly smile. “I’ll try.”

Alice winked. “Good girl. Now,” she planted her hands on her hips, “hungry?”

She smiled for real this time. “Starved.”

Chapter 7 (#u40ac5182-f25d-56f0-9431-a07763e53e69)

Avery finished her late breakfast, took a shower and went for a short run. She pushed through the stiff breeze wrapped in muggy air. Before she’d gone a little more than a block her skin grew damp and a line of perspiration dribbled down the center of her spine. Her limbs pumped. The fuel of adrenaline rushed through her veins, and clarity pushed through the cobwebs of her thoughts.

She loved Rafe. There was no doubt about that. Yes, she was overwhelmed by the rush of family, even a little scared. But if what Alice said was true, they wanted her to be part of who they were. She’d never had that before, but because she wanted a life with the man of her dreams she would find a way to work through her issues.

Avery rounded the corner and headed back to the house. Just as she slowed in front of the walkway, a car door opened and a man got out, blocking her path.

“Avery Richards, right?”

Her senses leapt to high alert. Instinctively her hand flew to her waist, where her gun would have been.

“Whoa!” He held up his hands. “Reporter.”

She frowned. “Reporter? What do you want?” Her nostrils flared.

“I was hoping I could get a statement from you.”

“I don’t give statements.” She tried to move, and he stepped into her path.

Her body flexed. “Step aside.”

“I was hoping you would give me a comment about your engagement to Rafe Lawson. Your father is Horace Richards, right? Senator Richards.”

Her head snapped to the right. “What did you say?” She took a step toward him and he flinched.

“Look, all I want is an exclusive for the paper. Playboy Lawson and heir to the family jewels hooks up with a senator’s daughter—a Secret Service agent—that’s news.”

“Get away from me.” This time she shoved him out of her way and started up the walkway.

“Are you staying here now? Have you moved in?” he shouted to her back.

Avery quickened her step, a beat short of a jog until she reached the front door. She took a quick look over her shoulder. The reporter snapped her picture. She opened the door and shut it solidly behind her. She leaned her back against it, felt her heart hammer in her chest.

Alice was walking toward her with a blue cloth shopping bag in her hand. She stopped halfway. “What is it?”

Avery vigorously shook her head. “Nothing. That run took more out of me than I thought.”

Alice hurried over. “Go in and sit down. I’ll get you some cold water.”

Avery forced a smile. “Thanks. That’s probably what I need.”

Alice went off to the kitchen. Avery pulled herself together and walked out onto the back deck. Now she was being followed by reporters? How in the hell did they know where she...of course, the papers announcing the engagement. She pushed out a breath of frustration and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. This was not good. The last thing she needed was to be followed around by reporters or photographed while she was on duty. Dammit!

Alice pushed open the screen door to the deck. “Here you go, sweetheart.” She extended the glass of ice water toward Avery.

“Thanks, Alice.” She took several long swallows before setting the glass down on the circular wrought-iron table.

Alice studied her for a moment. “Feeling better?”

Avery nodded. “Yes. Thanks.”

“Okay. Well, I have my daily errands to run. Shouldn’t take too long. Need anything while I’m out?”

Her thoughts swam. “Um, no. Thanks, Alice.”

Alice turned and went back inside.

Avery lowered herself onto one of the lounge chairs. What was she going to do? Rafe felt it best that she stay in his home so that she wouldn’t be alone. But clearly his house was being staked out. If there was one reporter, eventually there would be others. Going home might not be a better option. They probably knew where she lived.

She headed up to the bedroom, pulled out her suitcase and began to pack. Then she called Kerry.

Chapter 8 (#u40ac5182-f25d-56f0-9431-a07763e53e69)

Avery checked the bedroom. Satisfied that she hadn’t overlooked anything she shut the door and pulled her small rolling suitcase behind her. She made a quick stop in the kitchen to leave the note she’d written for Alice.

She took the extra set of keys that Rafe gave her and locked the door behind her. When she’d insisted that he drive her car to his house, it was more a matter of trying to maintain some sense of control. She turned the key in the ignition. Now it was her method of escape.

A little more than a half hour later she pulled up in front of Kerry’s house and parked on the street. She stared at the house. What was she doing? She wasn’t a runner. She didn’t run from problems to avoid confrontations. Guess there was a first time for everything. What she needed was some space to think. The very idea that she was being watched creeped her out in a way that being followed by her father’s private hire when she’d first started dating Rafe didn’t. This was different. She turned the car off just as Kerry’s front door opened, and she stepped out.

Kerry walked to the car. Avery got out.

“Hey, girl.” She opened her back door, pulled out her suitcase and came around to the sidewalk, where Kerry was standing. They hugged.

“You good?” Kerry asked, the concern etched between her brows.

“Yeah,” she said on a breath. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Girl, please. Come on in.” She draped her arm over Avery’s shoulders and they walked inside.

“Can I get you anything?” Kerry asked once they were settled inside.

“No. Thanks. Just want to sit here for a minute.”

Kerry plopped down in the side chair opposite Avery, just as her cellphone rang. Avery took the phone from her back pocket. “It’s Rafe,” she mouthed to Kerry, who eased out of her chair and walked away.

Avery dragged in a breath and pressed the talk icon. “Hey.”

“Avery, what’s going on? I got a call from Alice. She said you packed your bag and went to Kerry’s.”

“I got here a little while ago.”

“Why!”

“I went for a run this morning. When I was on my way back to the house, I was stopped by a reporter who wanted to know had I moved in. He wanted me to comment on our engagement.” She heard his muffled expletives. “I can’t be a target, Rafe. Especially now when I’m getting ready to go back to work.”

“I know,” he ground out. “I get it. Look, I’ll take care of it.”

“I really don’t see what you can do. This is the media. You know better than anyone they can be relentless, and if one of them is following me, there will be others.”

“Every media storm has its moment. This is going to disappear the minute something more interesting happens.” He paused. “Darlin’... I’m sorry. I don’t want any of this for you.”

“I know that. It’s not your fault. But I have to do this for now. I need you to understand that.”

“I don’t like it, but I get it. My only concern is you.”

She sighed softly. “How is everything back home?”

“So far...okay. I’ll see the family tomorrow. You’ll see the doctor on Monday, right?”

“Yes. I don’t have a choice if I want to go back to work.” She would do whatever she needed to do to get cleared. Even if it meant lying about what she was still going through.

“And the headaches?”

Avery closed her eyes and as if conjuring a spell the lie slipped over her lips. “I’m fine.”

“You would tell me, right?”

She hesitated a beat. “Of course.”

Rafe blew out a breath. “I’ll be back in about a week. Sooner if I can get everything tied up here. I need to fly up to New York, get with Quinten.”

“Can’t wait.”

“We’re gonna get through this, darlin’—walk down that aisle and into forever. Me and you.”

Her heart always shook loose from its anchor when he talked like that...about them, forever. She smiled. “’Kay.”

“Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Absolutely.”

“I love you, Avery. No matter what.”

“Love you, too. Bye.” She disconnected the phone and wondered what he meant by “no matter what” again?

* * *

He had to get away from his thoughts at least for a little while. He went down to the garage and fired up his Harley. Not long after, he was racing along the blacktop with the thick Louisiana air whizzing around him.

The early Saturday-evening traffic was relatively light, allowing him to hopscotch across the three lanes at will. Beyond the ribbons of white and yellow lines, rooftops and spires, the sun took its final bow, stretching its fingers of orange and gold across the horizon in a last-ditch effort to cling to its illuminating power. Sunset always had a calming effect on him. As a kid, whenever he’d gotten into trouble at school or was feeling misunderstood, his mother, Louisa, would take him out on the back porch and they would watch the sun set over the lake that ran behind their home. His mother would remind him that the end of the day was the time to put all the happenings of the day to rest. It was the time to think about tomorrow and how to do things better or different. Funny he should think about that now.

Rafe bore down on the accelerator the moment there was an opening. He flipped down his tinted visor against the glare, leaned into the bike until they were one unit of flesh, bone and metal. Together they rode into the wind that pushed against him, tried to hold him back. This was what he did, who he was, even as the counsel of his mother still flowed through his veins. He pushed through the obstacles that tried to hold him back, whether it was his controlling father, who wanted to mold him into his image, a relentless media that chronicled his life and made up the rest, or the laundry list of wannabe matchmakers and conniving women that wanted nothing more than to claim the Lawson name. It was true that a bunch of what was in his way was a result of his own creation. He laughingly told his siblings that he had a “rebel gene” that compelled him to buck the status quo at every turn.

But in a few months he would be a husband, and if he wanted his marriage to last, he was going to have to permanently shake off the tentacles of his past and find a way to quiet, if not silence, the rebel in his soul.

Chapter 9 (#u40ac5182-f25d-56f0-9431-a07763e53e69)

Avery couldn’t seem to shake Rafe’s cryptic comment when they last spoke. If there was one thing that she’d learned about him in the time they’d been together, it was that Rafe Lawson was never vague. He said exactly what he meant, and the world be damned. It was one of the many qualities that she loved about him. His honesty and exactness made her feel secure, knowing that whatever he said, whatever commitment he made, it was for real. This was the first time she didn’t feel that way.

She stuck her feet in her flip-flop slippers. Kerry was on duty, doing a double. She had the house to herself until at least nine, and the emptiness of the two-bedroom condo echoed the sentiments of her stomach as she walked down the hallway to the kitchen. She passed the rows of framed black-and-white photos that hung singularly and in groups, telling the story of Kerry’s growing-up years with her two older brothers and sister, the vacations, holiday gatherings, her handsome exes. She stopped in front of one photo that captured the image of Kerry at her college graduation, flanked by her parents, who gazed at their daughter with unabashed love and pride.