The Emperor Waltz

скачать книгу бесплатно


‘That stuff smells awful,’ Basil said. ‘It smells like disgusting old socks or something. Why would you want to smell that to enjoy yourself?’

‘I’m going to have to open the fucking window now,’ Anita said. ‘My God, I can’t believe it.’

‘But it just smells so awful,’ Basil said.

‘Safe, man,’ Nick said, smiling in a watery, wobbly way to Nathan. They raised their fists and, with some care, managed to bring them together.

‘You’ll like it when you get old enough to try it,’ Nathan said to Basil.

‘I look forward to that,’ Nick said. He was quite serious, but Nathan shook his head and laughed.

‘I look forward to that. Man,’ he said. ‘This stuff is the stuff.’

‘Yeah, the gay stuff,’ Anita said. ‘You have literally no idea how gay you look, passing that stuff between you.’

‘It gets you high, man,’ Nick said. ‘It ain’t no gay ting.’

‘Don’t you know what it does?’ Anita said. ‘It’s a gay sex thing, you sniff it and it makes you want anal sex. That’s why gays always sniff it like the whole time. You get it in gay sex shops.’

‘Yeah, that’s it, my girlfriend, she always wants to sniff it before we have anal sex,’ Nick said. ‘She can’t get enough of that gay anal sex, man.’

‘Yeah, mine too,’ Nathan said. ‘She’s like I wanna sniff that and then I want it up my backdoor pussy, Nathan, yeah, I don’t know if I can take it, it’s too big, man, oh, yeah, I love that gay anal sex, man.’

‘She loves anal sex once she’s had some poppers, you see,’ Nick explained.

‘What in the world is anal sex?’ Basil said. ‘I’ve never heard of anal sex. I know all about sex, we had that in class last year, but we all knew about it anyway – I heard about it from Mummy when I was maybe seven or eight, and then some boys in the playground tried to tell me, but they got some of it wrong. But I’ve never heard of something called anal sex.’

Nathan went through it, his head lolling back and forward. When he had finished Basil said nothing.

‘That was like a horror story,’ Anita said. ‘You’d never guess in like a million years that anyone did that because they thought they would enjoy it.’

‘Yeah, you’ve done it, I know you have,’ Nathan said. ‘Yeah, like Basil here, sitting on a massive organ and loving it.’

‘That is none of your business, little boy,’ Anita said. ‘What Marco and I do in the context of a mature loving relationship is really none of your like business.’

‘Yeah, she’s done it a million times, the sket,’ Nick said. ‘Yeah, ’cause you don’t get babies if he jets his beans up your curry-chute, is it. Hey, Anita, have a sniff on it, it’s good stuff, it goes with your Mr V and Mrs OJ.’ He made an unkind imitation of her voice.

‘Oh, I can tell,’ Anita said, ‘that I’m just not going to have any peace until I have some of your awful drugs. You know what my friend Alice says, the other Alice, the one who lives in Crimond Road? She says that if these drugs are legal, they’re basically random, they’re bound to be rubbish, even if you buy them in like a gay sex shop. The only good drugs are illegal drugs, according to Alice, you know what I mean?’

‘We didn’t buy this in a fucking gay sex shop,’ Nick said. ‘We got it off Chris Garry’s older brother Kevin, he gets it off the internet and sells it to us.’

‘So what do I do?’ Anita said, taking the bottle from Nathan. ‘I have a sniff here –’ she made a ladylike little noise ‘– and a sniff—’ and another one. ‘Ow,’ she said. ‘That stings,’ and holding one hand up to her eyes, she held the bottle out. ‘Put the lid on quickly, it smells awful.’

But Nick held back: he let Basil reach out and take the bottle, and in a quick, puzzled way, he sniffed too, first with one nostril, then the other.

‘Wagwarn!’ said Nathan.

‘Wagwarn!’ said Nick.

‘Wagwarn!’ said Nathan.

‘Wagwarn!’ said Nick.

‘Safe, man,’ Nathan said, taking the bottle from Basil and capping it. ‘Basil, my man, you did it, man. You is the bossman, Basil, respect.’

‘Oh, that is strange,’ Basil said. ‘I feel all wavey now.’

‘Wavey, man, he said wavey,’ Nick said, laughing.

‘No, I really do, I feel wavey,’ Basil said, ‘my hands are almost wobbly, I don’t know why. But I don’t feel that this is like being drunk would be, well, maybe a little, but I feel wobbly, I don’t know why.’

‘I can’t believe you just like gave—’

‘I know why you is feeling a little bit wavey,’ Nathan said, ‘it is because ten seconds ago you had a massive snort off the poppers. Now give me

6. (#ulink_311af0ef-9798-557a-820e-61e794c0f7bc)

‘and in the end I suppose I spent about forty-eight hours on it,’ Carraway was saying. ‘It was a whole weekend, dawn till dusk, and in the end,’ he burped sadly, and looked down at his plate, smeared with rice and gravy, looked down at it with the sad realization that he had in fact told this story before, told it earlier in the same evening to the same people, wondered only whether he had told it when the fat divorced woman had been there, drawing some comfort, anyway, from the thought that one person round the table hadn’t heard it before, if he had told it before, which he wasn’t one hundred per cent sure of, ‘in the end, I was really proud of it as a piece of work.’

‘He’s an odd boy in some ways,’ Vivienne was saying on the other side of the table, not listening to Carraway at all, ‘I would say rather old-fashioned. I don’t know who he takes after. He has hobbies in the way that children, these days, don’t seem to have hobbies, real, old-fashioned hobbies. Do your boys have hobbies?’

‘Hobbies?’ Caroline Carraway said, with a sharpness in her voice. ‘What do you mean, hobbies?’

‘Oh, things to pass the time, hobbies, you know,’ Vivienne said. ‘My son has half a dozen, and a strange couple of collections, too. It seems so old-fashioned nowadays – he plays the cello and the organ, he keeps a record of the morning temperature, he’s done that for years now, since he was seven. He did all the usual things that children do, like getting obsessed with dinosaurs, only with him it was cactuses, cacti I should say, he always corrects me.’

‘No,’ Charles Carraway said heavily. ‘I don’t think Nick or Nathan do any of that, actually.’

‘Can Bina take your plate away, Vivienne?’ Shabnam Khan said.

‘This was truly delicious, Shabnam, delicious – thank you – thank you! Well, children are all so

7. (#ulink_b420246d-f2a1-57e2-9a49-8a8a5d25eafd)

‘time we were at my friend’s house, my friend Alice, it was amazing,’ Anita was saying.

‘I don’t know,’ Nathan was saying. ‘I don’t know what that means.’

‘This is this one time when her boyfriend Jonah wasn’t there, because he’s like always there, he and she, they’re like always all over each other with tongues and shit.’

‘I don’t know what you said,’ Nathan said. He was insistent. ‘What did you say?’

‘What you saying, wallad?’ Nick said.

‘What did you say?’ Nathan said. ‘You said something like, This shit is booky, man.’

‘Yeah, man, I said this shit is booky, man,’ Nick said.

‘Oh, yeah, cool,’ Nathan said.

‘Am I just like talking to myself, or whatever?’ Anita said.

‘You don’t know what booky means!’ Nick said.

‘Yeah, I do, man, I invented it, wallad,’ Nathan said.

‘Yeah, well, what’s it mean then, you feel me,’ Nick said.

‘I ain’t dealing with you and you foolishness,’ Nathan said.

‘What’s it mean?’ Nick said.

‘Fuck you,’ Nathan said.

‘What’s it mean!’ Nick said, and launched himself at Nathan with a chicken samosa in either hand, grinding them into Nathan’s face. They had disintegrated by the time Nick finished.

‘Fuck you,’ Nathan said, brushing the food from his T-shirt and trousers.

‘It means like when you ain’t sure what’s going on,’ said Nick, ‘you think there’s like a conspiracy, you think it’s gonna lead to something bad, then you’re like This shit is booky, man, that’s what it means. I ain’t believe you don’t know what booky means, man.’

‘I know what it means, man,’ Nathan said with disgust.

‘This shit is booky, man,’ Basil said experimentally.

‘Poor little boys,’ Anita said. ‘I know where you can find something better than that poppers, though.’

‘Ah, fuck you, Anita, with your no more vodka and your Indian Cornish pasty or whatever,’ Nick said.

‘No, seriously,’ Anita said. ‘Look at this. My dad would go spare if he knew I knew about this.’

She raised herself from the floor, and went over to the desk. She pulled out the second highest drawer on the left, and awkwardly felt under the bottom of the top drawer. She tugged, and came away holding a small key attached to a strip of Sellotape. She made a mock curtsy.

‘Yeah, what’s that, the key to your mum’s sewing box?’ Nathan said.

‘No, little boy,’ Anita said. ‘It’s the key to the top drawer. My dad thinks I don’t know where he hides it.’

‘So what the fuck’s in the fucking top drawer?’ Nick said.

‘Oh, you wait and see,’ Anita said. ‘You just wait and see.’

‘I don’t think you should be doing that, Anita,’ Basil said. ‘I just don’t think so. If your daddy hid the key like that, he really doesn’t want you to be using it or knowing that it’s there even.’

She took no notice, and put the key in the lock and turned. She gave a little cry of triumph. She pulled something out, pushed the drawer to, and locked it again. She turned round. In her hand there was a small plastic sachet, half filled with some white powder.

‘Oh, my days,’ Nick said. ‘The fuck is that. That is never your dad’s, I don’t fucking believe it.’

‘He thinks my mum doesn’t know about it,’ Anita said. ‘He gets it and then he likes to have a little snort off it sometimes in the evenings when we all think he’s working up here. I saw what he looks at on the computer, and it’s all like lesbian porn – he has a snort of this stuff, and then he switches on his computer and watches these like whores going at it, and my mum’s like going don’t disturb your dad and shit, he’s working so hard at the moment, and I’m like trying not to piss myself like laughing.’

‘Man that shit is nang,’ Nathan said. ‘Yeah, this is like the best evening ever, turning into.’

‘Turning into, man, turning into,’ Nick said, and they bumped their fists together. ‘We is going to watch us some of that lesbian porn and get high. You ever see lesbian porn, Basil, my man?’

‘But what on earth is that stuff?’ Basil said. ‘I’ve never seen anything like that. What on earth is Mr Khan doing hiding it in his top drawer?’

‘Ah, well,’ Nathan said. ‘We is going to show you just how excellent a ting can be, and you is going to have yourself a good time.’

8. (#ulink_436de212-47bd-548a-b124-e0f968a61795)

‘We’ve just stayed too late for the children,’ Vivienne was saying, helping Basil into his overcoat at the end of the evening. ‘Basil gets so tired, he sort of stops making sense altogether.’

‘Poor little boy,’ Michael Khan said. ‘I hope you all had a good time, children.’

‘Yes, thank you, Mr Khan,’ Nathan – or was it Nick? – said. The three others were in a line on the stairs, Anita’s head in a shadow from the upstairs landing. ‘We had a smashing time.’

‘Come back soon,’ Anita’s disembodied voice said. Michael Khan gave her a glance, a suspicious glance. What had happened? he seemed to be asking himself; but then his head clarified, and he smiled again.

‘Come on, you,’ Vivienne said to Basil. ‘It’s time you were in bed, really.’

‘Time, yeah,’ Basil said, his head lolling from side to side with tiredness. ‘That is just so wrong.’

‘Poor little boy,’ Shabnam Khan said, laughing a little. ‘Your car’s not blocked in, is it, Vivienne? It was lovely to see you, too, Charles – Caroline. I guess the next time we see you, we’ll have been to Washington State, we’ll have lots of lovely boring whale stories to tell you.’

‘We look forward to that,’ Charles Carraway said. ‘Come on, boys. Had a good time, did you?’

‘Peak, man,’ Nathan said.

‘Yeah, peak,’ Basil said.

His mother gave him a startled glance. And then, without any intervening time, Basil was apparently being driven away. He felt drowsy but full of ideas. It had been very nice, he had told his mummy. The others had been fun. It had been a nice evening. And she had had a nice evening too. He wasn’t going to tell her everything! About the vodka, no fear. She didn’t need to know about that. And the other stuff, that came later, the poppers, he wasn’t going to mention that. There would be a fearful row if he mentioned that, or if she found out about it somehow, she or Daddy. It had been strange and he wasn’t sure at first he liked it. But he had liked it, it had been fun to feel all wobbly and wavey for five minutes. The other stuff, the stuff that Anita had given them from her daddy’s secret drawer, the white stuff called cocaine, he didn’t think that was so good. She had said that he might feel frightened and he hadn’t felt frightened exactly, but he’d wanted to talk a lot and he was worried afterwards, and it made his nose hurt, and it felt really strange, the idea of doing that. He wouldn’t be doing that again, no fear. But it was interesting to have tried all those things and to have found out about that thing called anal sex, which Basil had never heard of before and then to have seen it even later on, that had been really quite a coincidence and Basil felt quite grown-up to know about all these things. Basil remembered that those twins had said that they had bought the poppers from a boy called Kevin or a brother called Chris and their name was Garry. He was fairly sure that there was another brother at his school, a boy called Adam Garry, and on Monday he would surprise him by telling him that he would like him to get some of those poppers for Basil, too. There was the Christmas money which he would spend on it. And then there were plenty of people at school who would be interested to try it. You could charge 50p for every time someone sniffed it. He couldn’t wait to tell people how nice and strange it was, and they carried on journeying the short distance into the night.