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And leave he must. Especially after Ravena’s innocent, but all too accurate remark about him robbing a bank in order to have that much money in his saddlebag. Tex had been so terrified she suspected the truth that he hadn’t been able to get back to sleep for hours that night. If he stayed any longer than he had to, she was sure to discover who he’d become and Tex couldn’t stomach the idea of her revulsion. At least if he rode away now, he could tell himself that she wouldn’t completely hate him once she learned the truth.
“What do you do, ’sides getting shot?” Mark rested his elbows on the edge of the bed.
The question so closely matched his thoughts just now that Tex gulped, searching for a suitable answer. “I ride from one place to another, picking up jobs along on the way.”
Luke placed his head in his palm as he regarded Tex. “Do you have a home?”
Tex shook his head. “Nope.”
“Is that because you’re an orphan?” Mark asked.
He thought about that a moment, then nodded. “I guess I am.”
“Well, Miss Ravena will give you a home here with us,” Mark said emphatically.
The boy’s assurance pierced straight through Tex’s tired, pain-filled mind. If only those words could be true for him.
Movement at the door drew his attention. “Boys,” Ravena said as she hurried inside. “You need to leave Mr. Beckett alone.”
“They’re all right,” he said.
But she ignored him. “Let’s go.” She placed a hand on each of their shoulders and steered them toward the door. “Please let me know if they bother you again, Tex.”
“They weren’t a...” The door shut before he could finish.
A feeling of desolation washed over him as the quiet in the room pressed in. Pushing out a sigh, he slid back beneath the covers. He was grateful for Ravena’s help, truly grateful, but he couldn’t linger here.
* * *
After spending a total of five and a half days in bed, Tex felt more than ready to be up and about. And to leave. Under Ravena’s capable hands, his wound had almost completely healed, though there were still moments when he wished he could sleep for a month. Mark and Luke hadn’t come to see him again, so he guessed Ravena had stopped any further attempts at visits. He had been amused by the occasional appearance of a smiling little girl with dark brown braids and blue eyes who held up her kitten for him to see.
Without anyone to talk to, other than short conversations with Ravena when she carried in his food or rebandaged his side, he kept busy resting or reading. He read more while convalescing than he had in years. Books mostly, ones Ravena brought him from downstairs, but also a newspaper, which he’d perused front and back, relieved when he didn’t find mention of himself.
But now it was time to move on. Tex finished putting on his boots and stood. Hefting his saddlebags and throwing his jacket over his arm, he observed the room. It looked as if he hadn’t been here at all. The thought brought a flicker of emotion. Was it disappointment? Had he really left no trace of himself behind when he’d left eight years ago? Maybe, maybe not. But either way, everyone else’s lives had continued on.
He ignored the introspective thoughts and questions as he made his way downstairs. Outside he caught sight of Mark and Luke dashing through the afternoon shadows near the corner of the barn. Ginny, the older girl with red hair whom he’d met during his first day here, sat on the porch step. She was peeling potatoes, her green gaze darting toward him before skittering away.
“You don’t want to sit in the rocker?” he asked, motioning to it.
She shook her head. “The seat is broken.”
It was something he could fix, if he were staying. Which he wasn’t.
“Well, I’m off,” he announced into the ensuing silence. Where was Ravena?
“She’s plowing one of the fields,” Ginny said with canny perceptiveness.
Tex nodded. “Thank you.” He’d see to his horse, then find Ravena to say goodbye. The imminent farewell made his gut twist with apprehension, though he wasn’t sure why. He couldn’t stay. Now that he could walk around with relative ease, it was time to go.
He ducked into the barn, blinking in the dim light. Jacob had already saddled Brutus as Tex had asked him to earlier. “Thanks for seeing to my horse.” The boy gave a wordless nod. Placing the saddlebags in their proper place, Tex slipped into his jacket and gathered the reins in his hand.
“Goodbye, Mr. Beckett,” a small voice called from above. Tex squinted at the hayloft to see the dark-haired little girl sitting there with her kitten in tow, her legs dangling over the ladder.
“Goodbye...” He realized he didn’t know her name.
Jacob answered his unspoken question. “Her name’s Fanny. She’s my sister.”
“Ah. Goodbye then, Fanny.” He doffed his hat to her. “Thank you for sharing your kitten with me.”
She grinned as if she’d shared something more precious than gold with him, a stranger. “Whiskers likes you and so do I.”
Tex wasn’t sure how to respond, so he simply lifted his hand in a goodbye wave and led his horse outside. Jacob followed him. “Can you hold Brutus while I go say goodbye to Miss Ravena?”
Taking the reins from him, Jacob tossed a challenging look at Tex. “You’re gonna up and leave her without help?”
“Pardon me?”
The lad might only be thirteen, but he stood as tall and determined as any man in that moment. “Miss Ravena. She told us that you two were once friends. So why are you up and leaving?”
Tex rubbed a hand over his jaw—this afternoon he’d finally shaved the beard that had taken up residence on his face. “We were friends, but I was just here to rest, Jacob. Nothing more. I’ve got to, you know...” He gestured toward the road. “I had a life before coming here.”
The intensity left Jacob’s gaze and he lowered his chin. “I know,” he murmured. “It’s just that...well, she needs help. We won’t finish the plowing and get the planting in on time if everyone she hires up and quits.”
A gnawing guilt began to creep over him. Tex folded his arms against it. “Did they give a reason?”
“They say they don’t like havin’ the younger kids underfoot, but I think it’s more the wages.” Jacob pushed at the dirt with the toe of his boot. “Miss Ravena doesn’t have much money to pay them. She still needs to finish the bigger house too, so we can take care of the four boys Mr. Ezra wanted to bring to the farm.”
Tex cut a look over his shoulder in the direction of the fields. “That is a difficult predicament all around.” He might have turned his back on farming years ago, but he’d grown up in this life and remembered well the importance of planting on time in order to reap at harvest.
“I told her I can help with the planting.” Jacob’s boyish shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Other boys my age miss school to help out that way. I can too.”
“That’s not a bad idea, kid.” Tex turned and started walking away. “I’ll talk to her.”
The late-afternoon sunlight warmed him through his jacket as he tromped toward the fields. Up ahead he spied Ravena guiding the plow and the team of horses. He stopped to watch her a moment. Her head was down, so she hadn’t seen him yet, her concentration fully on her task. A worn straw hat shaded her from the sun. Her hair, which she typically wore long and flowing, had been braided and lay down her back.
Even from a distance, her natural beauty struck him hard in the chest. She’d been his world and he hers for so long. And they’d both believed that would never change.
She deserves better than a thief. Tate’s angry words from that night eight years ago were even more true now than they’d been at the time. Tex wasn’t just a thief but an outlaw, with a price on his head, and an angry enemy on his trail. Ravena deserved better than him as a sweetheart or a friend. Regret built beneath his collar and he plucked at it in order to breathe.
Ravena paused in her task to brush her sleeve across her forehead. Her expression changed from one of focus to complete exhaustion as she dropped her chin. She was likely praying, Tex guessed, or crying—or maybe both. Her visible despondency seemed to reach across the field and twist at his heart. She couldn’t spend all of her money on hired help when she had a houseful of children to care for and a desire to bring others to the farm. But she couldn’t afford a delay in getting her crops planted either.
As Tex watched, Ravena lifted her head, pulling strength from somewhere, and clucked to the horses to keep moving. It would take her weeks to complete the planting, even with Jacob’s help. And what about everything else that needed doing around the farm in the meantime? While he’d heard the children going about their chores morning and evening, none of them were old enough to take the place of an able-bodied man.
But if he stayed...
Tex blew out his breath, certain the heat must be getting to him after so many days inside. That would explain the crazy notion attempting to take shape inside his head. Staying was a foolish idea. If he wanted to help, he could give her money, as he had in the past, though he suspected she didn’t know those anonymous envelopes of cash were from him.
Ravena wasn’t likely to accept his offer of money though. She would likely see it as him buying her off, attempting to monetarily make up for the pain of the past. And she’d be right, wouldn’t she?
He paced the grass, his side and head beginning to ache. Did she have to be so stubborn? Do you? a gentle thought from deep inside him countered.
Yanking off his hat, he slapped it against his leg. He had to leave. What if she learned he was the Texas Titan? He spun around, determined to bid her goodbye after insisting she take some of his money. But Ravena was no longer plowing. Instead she stood still, her eyes meeting his across the field.
There was more than freshly-turned earth between them—there was a chasm of regrets and heartache. And yet, he hadn’t stopped caring about her and likely never would. She’d been his greatest friend and his first and only love. How could he turn his back on her a second time?
The answer came swift and firm: he couldn’t.
Plopping his hat back on, he marched toward the house. Jacob guided his horse forward as Tex drew closer. “What did she say about me missing school to help?”
“Nothing. I didn’t ask her, but you can put the horse away.”
The boy’s brow scrunched in bewilderment. “Put him away? Why?”
After removing his jacket, Tex tossed it to Jacob who caught it one-handed. “Because,” he said, rolling up his sleeves, “I’m staying to help, kid.”
Chapter Four (#u30b3f714-b001-5a5b-8c5c-a8000a6df2ea)
With heavy heart, Ravena watched Tex walk away. He’d appeared to be feeling well enough today that she’d considered inviting him to eat supper in the kitchen with them tonight, but that would no longer be an option. He was already leaving, without saying goodbye. Just as he’d done once before. She told herself she ought to be glad, relieved even, that he was finally going. One of her many problems had solved itself. Tex would no longer be a constant and painful reminder of the past.
But she didn’t feel happy. She felt like slipping to the dirt and giving in to the desolation threatening to consume her.
Checking her emotions, she gave the horses a gentle slap with the reins and called, “Walk on.” The plowing wouldn’t get done if she didn’t do it herself, whether she felt up to the task or not.
Everything would work out, she firmly told herself, with the Lord’s help. It was something her grandparents had taught her over and over again. Something she’d clung to when Tex hadn’t returned. And she would hold to that hope now. Somehow, some way, she would finish plowing her fields, get the crops planted and build the house. She had to. For herself, for the five children under her care and for those four boys she hoped to bring home soon. They were counting on her and so was her grandfather, whether he was here or not.
As she turned the horses at the edge of the field and lined them up for the next furrow, a flash of movement caught her eye. Ravena twisted to see what it was and felt the breath leave her lungs when she saw Tex stalking back toward her.
“Whoa.” She stopped the horses, her heartbeat thrashing with confusion. What was he doing? Had he decided to say goodbye after all?
Stepping away from the team, she crossed her arms tightly against her worn dress as she waited for Tex to approach. Not for the first time she wondered what sort of young women he’d met or fallen in love with during his time away. If his new clothes and the money in his saddlebags were any indication, he’d likely been associated with wealthy, sophisticated girls. Not farm women with patched clothes and five children to care for.
“I figured you’d be gone by now, Tex,” she said in an icy tone when he was still a few feet away. Anger was her ally, her protection, against having her heart broken again. “Did you forget something?” Maybe it was his jacket. He was no longer wearing it and his sleeves had been rolled back.
“Nope,” he answered. He strode right past her and grabbed the reins.
Ravena stared at him in bewilderment. “What are you doing?” she repeated. Why wasn’t he saying goodbye? Why wouldn’t he just let her be?
“This field needs plowing,” he said before clucking to the horses.
“Of course it needs plowing.” She hurried to keep in step with him and the team. “Which is why I’ve been plowing it, all day.”
Tex didn’t slow. “Now you don’t have to do it. According to Jacob, you’ve got a real need for help this year.” He cast a glance at her. “He seems like a good kid. And stronger than you might think. I’d let him do more.”
Ravena’s mouth fell open and she stopped walking. Was he trying to tell her how to run the farm? Indignation rose inside her as hot as the sun on her back and arms.
“You have no right, Tex Beckett,” she said, her voice shaking with fury. “No right to plow my field before you disappear again or offer your completely unsolicited advice. You left, Tex. By your own volition last time, but this time, I’m demanding that you go.”
Her words had the desired effect. Tex jerked back on the reins and turned to face her. “I’m not leaving, Ravena. Not yet.”
“Yes, you are.” She clenched her hands into fists at her sides, anger and fear dueling inside her. “I will not allow you to manipulate me or think that plowing my field somehow makes up for...for...” She swallowed the fast-forming lump in her throat. “That it somehow makes up for everything else. I want you to leave. And if you don’t, I’m sending Jacob for the sheriff.”
She spun on her heel, intent on making good on her threat, but Tex moved quicker and stopped her with a hand to her elbow. At his touch, her pulse galloped for an entirely different reason than resentment or panic. “Ravena, wait. You’re right.”
Searching his blue gaze, she couldn’t detect any deceit there. But how well did she really know him now? “Right about what?”
“Plowing your field doesn’t make up for the past. And it isn’t supposed to.” He lowered his hand and a traitorous prick of disappointment shot through her. “I want to help with the rest of the plowing and the planting too.”
She folded her arms, suspicious. “Why?” What made him want to stick around this time when he hadn’t all those years ago?
Tex ran his hand over his clean-shaven jaw in a gesture of pure agitation. “I’d like to help because you need it.”
When she opened her mouth to protest, he forged on, “I know you’ll say you don’t. But Jacob says otherwise, and I can see with my own eyes how much work there is right now. You’ve helped me more than your fair share this last week. So let me help you.”
She sensed only sincerity behind his admission, but she still wanted to tell him no. She needed him gone, away, and no longer wreaking havoc in her life and with her feelings. But would she be able to find someone else as willing to help as he seemed to be?
“I can only pay you the same wage I did the other hired hands,” she said, her chin held firm and aloft. She wouldn’t let him see yet that she was beginning to waver in her resolve to turn him out.
“I don’t want your money, Ravena. I’m offering to help without pay.” He pushed his hat up, then tugged it back down as if embarrassed. “It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done to help me get well.”
He’d work for free? Her adamancy that he leave was weakening by the second. “How long will you stay?”
A slow smile lifted his mouth and brightened his blue eyes. The kind of smile that had once lit her world. “Does that mean you accept my offer?”
“Answer the question first, Tex.” She bristled. “How long?”
He glanced at the field. “Until the spring planting’s completed.”
It was a tempting offer. Ravena fiddled with the end of her braid as she considered it. She would only need to manage having him around for another few weeks.
Could he be an answer to her prayers? If so, she might need to be more specific with the Lord in the future about whom she could and could not put up with for help. Still, with Tex’s assistance, they would likely get the planting done on time. And since she wouldn’t be paying him a wage, she could use that money to hopefully hire someone willing to work for cheap to finish building the larger house.
She threw him a glance to find him watching her, and suddenly, she needed to know why he’d disappeared that night. If she was going to agree to let him stay on or not, she needed an answer to the question that had haunted her for so long. “Why didn’t you come back, Tex?”
A puzzled expression settled onto his handsome face. “I did. That’s why I’m standing here.”
“No.” She shook her head, her heart thrashing faster. Did she want to know the answer? There’d be no unhearing Tex’s response. “I mean,” she plunged on, “why didn’t you come for me like we’d planned?”
Understanding washed the color from his jaw and he shifted his weight. Would he tell her the truth? Ravena clasped her hands tightly together, hoping she looked more brave and unaffected than she felt.
“I planned to. But then...” He wiped his hand over his chin. Ravena held her breath. “I realized you deserved far better than me.”
She released the pressure in her lungs in a soft whoosh, feeling just as deflated. He’d decided she deserved better, but he hadn’t bothered to ask if she felt that way too. “I see.”
But she didn’t, not completely. Something had happened that night, between the time they’d finalized their plans to elope and Tate showing up at the farm to say Tex had disappeared.
She considered pressing Tex for more of an explanation, and yet, she couldn’t stomach reopening the old wounds any more than they’d already been. His answer wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped...but it didn’t hurt as much as she’d feared either. And really, what did it matter in the end?
Tex hadn’t come back for her, which meant she hadn’t made the mistake of leaving her grandfather alone. Those were the realities of the past. But she hated that she’d pinned everything on Tex’s word and had come so close to turning her back on the home she’d loved for the man she’d trusted. A man who’d gone back on his promise to be there for her always and come for her that night. A man who stood before her now, offering to help when she needed it most.
