скачать книгу бесплатно
‘If you were the last girl on earth I’d probably kill myself!’
He’d seen the look of horror on her face. The way her cheeks had flushed bright red. The way tears had welled up in her eyes and had begun to run roughly down her ruddy cheeks. And he’d hated what he’d said, but hadn’t been able to stop himself.
‘The only boyfriend you could ever get would be a blind one.’
And then he’d grabbed the gaping, gawking, laughing Dex.
‘Let’s go.’
Dex had ripped into him for hours after that, and he’d spent days feeling angry and ashamed that he’d treated someone like that, made her feel small just so he could maintain his street cred with a friend.
He’d not been brought up to be that way. His dad had raised him to be respectful of women, despite the way his own wife had treated him. He’d been taught never to bring another person down, but instead to make yourself better. Despite his mother walking out on them, he had never heard his father badmouth his wife.
And what had he done? Believed his reputation to be more important. Believed that being ‘one of the boys’ was more important.
He’d never gone back to the children’s home after that. He’d not wanted to see the hurt in Nit-Nat’s eyes. Not wanted to be reminded of what he’d done. And the only way he’d been able to cope had been to push it to the back of his mind, pretend it had never happened and bury the shame beneath mountains of other stuff. Fighting the urge to go and apologise the way he knew he should.
He hadn’t thought about her for years. Why would he? He’d been just sixteen when it had happened. She had been thirteen. It was ancient history. So much had happened since then. Other stuff had taken precedence, as was wont to happen in life.
Until now.
He’d never believed they would ever be face to face again. The world was a big place to get lost in.
Quinn sucked in a breath, his heart pounding in his chest, the shame from all those years ago flooding him like a tsunami of regret. He knew what he ought to say. Right now.
I’m sorry I hurt you. I apologise. I never meant to do it. I hated myself for it.
‘Tasha, I—’
‘You know, I know we were just kids, but I was thirteen years old. Thirteen! You were my first love. The first boy I lost my heart to. Now I know why they call it a crush. Because when you’re rejected and humiliated in front of everyone it feels like you’re being crushed. That’s what you did. That’s how you made me feel. Tiny. Inconsequential. Stamped on from a great height. You could have just said No, thanks. I would have understood.’
He watched as she gunned the engine, put her hand on the gearstick to shove it into first gear.
Quinn laid his hand upon hers. He didn’t want her to start driving yet. He had to tell her. Had to let her know.
‘I’m so sorry. I behaved appallingly. I know I did. You won’t believe me, but I was incredibly ashamed of what I said to you. It haunted me. I wasn’t raised to act like that and yet I did, out of some misguided belief that my credibility with my friend was more important than your heart. I felt guilty for ages.’
She yanked her hand out from under his. ‘Good. I’m glad.’
‘I really am sorry, Tasha. I should never have hurt you.’
‘Well, you did.’
She stared at him for a moment, those eyes of hers welling up once again. As the first tear dripped onto her cheek she revved the engine.
‘Let’s get back to the ship.’
And then she was driving.
He sat in the passenger seat beside her and gazed at her profile as she concentrated on the road. The curls had been tamed and glinted golden in the hot African sun. She had a soft caramel tan and her blue eyes were steely and determined. The set of her jaw showed she meant business and wouldn’t take any crap from anyone.
He knew he had to make it up to her. Make up for all the years of hurt and anger she must have carried inside because of him.
Tasha Kincaid—once Natasha Drummond—had certainly grown up. The puppy fat of youth had disappeared with the braces and she’d emerged as a beautiful young woman. A gazelle—long-limbed and graceful. He’d seen the possibility in her back then. But kids were kids and anyone different—fat, bespectacled, red-haired—was an object for their attempts at humour.
He vowed that he would show her the way a woman deserved to be treated. That he would be charming, caring and kind. He would build her up and replace her harsh memories of him with something more wonderful.
He hoped he could do that.
He’d originally asked her to go with him to introduce them to Ada and the villagers because he’d wanted to spend more time with this enigmatic woman who knew his name and somehow seemed familiar.
He didn’t regret asking her. Because now he knew it was important that she came with them. Because he needed more time with her.
Time to put things right.
* * *
Before Quinn’s humiliation of her they’d once gone on a trip together. Years ago—when they were children and Tasha’s home had organised a visit to the zoo. Everyone had gone along, and somehow Dexter had wangled a place for Quinn on the bus.
The boys had sat at the back, loud and vocal, but Tasha had been at the front, very aware that Quinn was there.
She’d worn her best dress—a pale blue number, with tiny daisies on it—white ankle socks and scuffed patent leather shoes. Hours had been spent in front of the mirror, trying to tame her hair, but the more she’d combed it the frizzier the curls had become, so in the end she’d tied it back with a red bow, wanting to look her best for Quinn. She’d practised her smile in front of the mirror before they left, trying to work out the best way to do it so her braces didn’t show too much.
She’d said hi to him when he’d arrived in the morning, barely getting a nod of acknowledgement in return, but that hadn’t mattered. She’d offered him a drink and fetched him a glass of juice from the kitchen. He’d taken it, smiled at her and said, ‘Thanks, Nit-Nat.’
Her little teenage heart had almost exploded with excitement. This dashing, handsome, blond-haired young stud had smiled at her! Said her name!
And then he’d said, ‘You look nice today.’
It was the only thing he’d got to say to her before they’d left but she’d dined out on that compliment for days. It had warmed her. Had made her feel good. All gooey inside and yet shy. He’d liked her dress. Liked what she’d done to her hair. She vowed to do her hair like that all the time if he liked it that way.
She’d wanted to turn and smile at him on the bus but she hadn’t, knowing that Dexter would wind her up about it, so she’d spent the trip staring out of the window, intently listening to everything she could—hoping that he might be talking about her in a nice way.
He never had been.
Her day had been spent half looking at the giraffes and the wolves and the lions and monkeys, and half sneaking glances at Quinn and having little hopeful dreams about their future together. She’d wished she had a camera, so she could take his picture and put it in her bedroom.
He’d wanted to be a doctor and so had she. She’d imagined them working together at the same hospital. They would save lives! He would look at her after a long day together and thank her, and give her a hug, and then they would go home together, because of course they would be married. And at home it would be even more blissful than at work. She would have beautiful little blonde-haired children, with big blue eyes, and they would take them with them on their many trips around the globe.
None of that had ever happened, of course.
But here they were today. Together again. In Africa. Hopefully off to save some lives.
Maybe all she’d ever needed to do was wait?
* * *
It didn’t take him long to inform the personnel on the ship of what they were doing. The staff seemed excited about the idea of a road trip, and as they busied themselves in preparation for a possible mass vaccination Tasha found a moment to check on Abeje.
She was asleep. Sweat beaded her brow and pooled in the dip at the base of her throat. Her breathing was rapid.
Tasha laid a hand against the little girl’s skin and winced at the heat. Poor thing. She let out a breath and took a moment to centre herself. She could remember being poorly as a young child herself, with no one to sit by her bed, to soothe her brow or just to give her cuddles and goodnight kisses. It had been so lonely.
Quinn knew who she was now. It was an even playing field. And, though she’d been worried about telling him who she was, now that it was out in the open she felt glad. He had a lot of making up to do if he was ever going to be in her good books again. He’d apologised, but that was too little, too late.
You should never have hurt me in the first place.
He deserved to spend some time wriggling on the end of her hook. She knew she ought to be gracious and allow him to show her who he was now. They had both been children. But...
He’d always said he was going to be a doctor. Always said he was going to travel the world. And here he was, doing just that. She liked it that he had stuck to his grand plan and was doing something worthwhile and noble. It showed her he wasn’t still that cruel teenage boy he had once been. That there was more to him now.
It would have been so easy for him to have stayed working in a hospital in the UK, with modern equipment and civilisation and technology all around him, but no. He had come out here. To treat the needy, to give aid to those who had none.
That was a good thing to do, wasn’t it? Heroic?
So you get some Brownie points, Quinn. I get that you’re not all bad.
Tasha reached for Abeje’s hand as a nurse, Rowan, came up to her.
‘She’s doing okay. I know it looks like nothing is happening, but we have to wait for the medications to work.’
Her Irish accent was lilting and musical. Even reassuring in a homely way.
‘How long should that take?’
‘It depends how long she’d been sick for, before we got the meds on board. The parasite she has in her system is quite an aggressive one.’
‘It could kill her.’ It wasn’t a question. Tasha knew the risks of this parasite.
‘We need to hope for the best.’
Rowan was not saying yes or no. Not promising that everything would be all right.
Tasha knew how to do that. She’d done it herself. But she’d never realised just how frustrating it sounded when she was on the receiving end of it. When you were worried sick about someone you needed someone in charge to tell you it would be okay. That they wouldn’t die. This vagueness, the non-promise, was devastating, but as a doctor she’d always assumed her vague answer would be comforting. Would give hope.
‘Will you keep an eye on her whilst I’m gone?’ she asked Rowan.
‘Of course. There won’t be any change for a while, so it’s probably best that you’re out there doing something else. It’ll help keep your mind off it.’
Tasha wasn’t sure that was true. She was hardly going to forget Abeje. The little girl was almost like a daughter. Not that she’d ever had one. But she definitely wanted children some day, and this was how she imagined it to be—worrying constantly. Fearing for their wellbeing.
‘You’ll contact me on the radio if there’s any change?’
‘Of course I will. It’s a good thing you’re doing. Going to help those villagers.’
Tasha nodded and Rowan walked away. It felt strange to her that she was going out with a medical team. It had been such a long time since she’d walked in their shoes, and it felt a little terrifying to be returning to it.
The last time she’d made a field trip with a hospital team had been out to the London bombings, back in 2005. There had been carnage. Injured people lying in the streets. Blood. Screams. She shuddered just remembering it.
What would they find in Mosa? A whole village wiped out? One or two people ill? Everyone healthy?
She hoped for the latter. Steepling her hands, she closed her eyes and began to pray to whatever god might be listening.
* * *
The Serendipity had a truck. Quinn and Tasha sat up front and two of the ship’s nurses sat in the back, along with all the medical equipment and drugs they might need. It was a two-hour drive to the village from Ntembe, and if they got out there by mid-afternoon they could have everyone vaccinated by late evening—in time to drive home again. If people were sick they’d brought tents to stay in overnight.
Quinn was driving, his muscular forearms wrestling with the wheel as it reacted to the rough road surface.
‘So, tell me something good.’
Tasha looked across at him. Something good? Sure. She could do that. In fact she yearned to make him see that she was happy and successful. That what he’d done had not had any profound effect on her life. That it had not left her scrambling for any scraps of self-esteem she might have had left. Yes, he’d torn her down, but she had rebuilt herself and done so in spite of him.
‘Qualifying as a teacher was a good day.’
He smiled, nodding. ‘That’s great! Which uni did you go to?’
‘I did my PGCE at Kingston.’
‘Fantastic! You must have felt very proud when you passed.’
She had. But not as proud as she had been when she’d qualified as a doctor. That had been after many years of hard work—not just one. But he didn’t know that teaching had been her second choice. Her fall-back position.
‘It was a lot of hard work. Lots of essays.’
‘Universities do like those essays and dissertations.’ He smiled again. ‘Tell me what it felt like the first time you had to stand in front of a class of kids.’
She sighed, thinking back to her first placement. The one that had almost made her quit. The out-of-control kids, their jeering and taunts. It had reminded her of how she’d felt once before.
‘The first one was awful. They send you out on two-week placements during training. It was like putting a kitten in front of a pack of baying, rabid dogs. The students were awful. Teenage boys. Laughing and disrespectful. On my first day I ended up running from the room in tears.’
She didn’t add that she’d felt particularly raw to teasing from teenage boys. Surely he must understand that? That she’d been weakened by him from the get-go and had never stood a chance? How it had made her feel like she was Nit-Nat all over again.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It wasn’t your fault, was it?’
But maybe it was? Maybe he’d made her ripe for the picking? Those boys had sensed her nerves. Her weakness. One of her first lecturers had talked about showing no fear. Said that some kids were like packs of hyenas, looking to wear a newbie teacher down.
‘No, but...’
‘My second placement was much better. Great kids—attentive. Determined to do well. The contrast in the two places really surprised me, but it was a lesson for me to persevere. I could so easily have given up after that first experience, but I think, in a way, that you toughened me up. I was determined to carry on and succeed. Lippy teenage boys weren’t going to ruin my life.’
He nodded. Smiled. ‘Lippy teenage boys are mostly cowards. Perhaps the only way they knew to deal with someone better than them, was to try and tear them down.’
She smiled back. ‘Well, they failed.’
‘I’m very glad to hear it.’ He was solemn.
