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All they’ve ever known, really, is each other, but that was not a choice either of them made. It was forced upon them. How can either of them know if there isn’t something better, if she doesn’t do this now? If she doesn’t try, for both their sakes?
She lets him believe she’s selfish. She takes his anger. Then she steps back to let him go.
She is going to have to let him go.
chapter six (#ulink_c21b5ac1-9908-5ade-b8d2-8ec8cde8f26e)
Effie loved the curve of a man’s thighs. Muscles, crisp and curling hair. She let her mouth follow the bulge to Bill’s knee, which she nipped lightly before letting her tongue trail slowly over his calf to the blunt knob of his ankle. This time when she pressed her teeth to his skin, he groaned.
Effie looked up at him for a second before moving up his body to straddle him. She let her fingers dig into his chest, not hard enough to break the skin. He wouldn’t like that. When Bill grabbed her hips, she let her head fall back. The brush of her hair along her shoulders, almost to her waist, sent shivers all through her. Her nipples tightened, craving his mouth.
“Touch me,” she said.
Obediently, Bill’s hand slid between them until his knuckles pressed her clit. He rocked his hand against her. The pressure was good—not enough to get her off, but still nice. Bill had big, strong hands. He could circle both her wrists with one of them, though he never had and Effie doubted he ever would. He was too afraid of hurting her.
“Do you want to taste me?” she asked.
Bill groaned again. “You know I do.”
She wanted that, too. Mitchell’s dating profile had been witty and charming, but their date had been bland and unremarkable. He’d been nice enough. Polite. He’d insisted on holding the door open for her and pulling out her chair, which was a pleasant surprise.
He hadn’t kissed her good-night.
It might be that he was too much of a gentleman or maybe he didn’t like her enough. Effie didn’t really care. He’d asked her if she might consider going out with him again, and she’d said sure, but she wasn’t convinced he’d actually call her. She didn’t really care about that, either.
Right now, Effie only cared about Bill’s hot, wet tongue on her cunt. Making her come. All she wanted or needed was a thick, hard cock inside her.
“Eat my pussy,” she breathed and moved up over Bill’s face, her knees on either side of his head. She let her body hover over his lips, not close enough for him to touch her unless he made the effort. When he did, laughing, she pulled away, just out of reach.
With a small growl, Bill grabbed her hips again, his fingers digging in. He pulled her close. Got his mouth on her. His tongue swiped her expertly, delving into her folds and probing her entrance before moving up to start a steady pace against her clit.
“Fffffucccck,” Effie breathed. She gripped the headboard, already rocking against him. No more teasing. No games. Pure pleasure.
Bill slid a finger, then another, inside her, fucking as he licked. The dual sensations sent her tumbling closer and closer, but her orgasm danced just out of reach. She needed something...more.
“Harder.” She twisted to look at his cock. He had a hand on it, stroking. The man was nothing if not coordinated. He was going to come before she would; this had become a race. She didn’t want to lose.
Gripping Bill’s headboard until it creaked, Effie fucked herself against his mouth and fingers. He stretched her, too much. It hurt and not in the good way. It was a distraction that was keeping her from going over. She would be sore for days.
So close, so close and yet not close enough. Bill stepped up the pace, one hand jerking his cock while the other slipped away to grab her thigh. His tongue worked, swiping less steadily, the pace switching up at random.
She was going to lose it. Effie cupped her breasts, thumbing her nipples and then pinching them. Hard. The pain sparked a small surge of pleasure, but not enough.
Bill let out a low groan and rolled them both so he was on top. He fumbled in the nightstand for a condom and put it on before sliding inside her. He pumped a few times, then shuddered.
That was it for her. All done. Her cunt ached from the pounding of his fingers, but everything else felt swollen, throbbing, dissatisfied. Like menstrual cramps but worse. Women could get blue balls, too, she thought and shoved him until he rolled off her. Effie moved onto her back, head on the pillow beside his. They lay shoulder to shoulder until the slickness of his sweat repulsed her, and she shifted half an inch. He noticed, though. Bill always did.
“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out,” he said as he sat up to dispose of the condom in the trash pail by the bed.
Effie twisted to look at him. “Don’t be like that. Jesus, Bill. Have a little more class.”
“That’s a good one.” He snorted softly and lay back with an arm beneath his head. Somewhere in his house a clock chimed, though she knew him well enough not to believe the hour it was crying. He’d have forgotten to set it back for the time change, let the batteries run down, something. “You come over here after being out with some other guy, half-drunk, and all you want to do is fuck.”
She hadn’t been half-drunk or even drunk at all. She’d sipped from a glass of wine, just enough to let it linger on her breath. She just let Bill think that because it gave him an excuse to demand she stay until she’d sobered up. He was a cop. He didn’t condone drunk driving, though he didn’t seem to have a problem fucking her and letting her leave without so much as a cuddle after. Of course, that was why she came to Bill’s apartment late at night after bland and dissatisfying dates in the first place.
Effie sat up, cross-legged, and poked him in the side. “Oh, don’t act like it’s your dream to have me here in the morning, making me eggs.”
“You could make me eggs,” Bill pointed out.
“I can’t cook,” she lied with a hint of a grin and poked him again. This time, he snagged her hand and held it for a moment as they looked into each other’s eyes.
He settled her hand on his hip. She gave him a second or so before withdrawing it. He noticed that, too.
“You could stay,” Bill said in a low voice. “The bed’s big enough. You could have all your own space.”
“I have to get home to my kid.”
Bill frowned and pushed up on his elbow. “Bullshit. Your kid’s with your mother tonight.”
“How would you—” Effie scooted backward and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, then said over her shoulder, “What did you do, drive past her house? Check it out? Creeper.”
“If you’re with me, your kid’s with your mom. Or with someone. You wouldn’t leave her by herself. I know you better than that.”
She did not like that, not one bit, this idea that he believed he could ever know her. That he was right only soured her further. Effie stood, searching for her panties and settling for her dress. That, at least, she’d hung neatly over the back of a chair. The underwear had come off at a rather more heated pace. She’d probably kicked her panties under the bed or something, but she’d be damned if she was going to get on her hands and knees to look for them.
“Ah, shit, Effie. Don’t be like that.” Bill got up, too, and came around the bed to grip her by the upper arms, though loosely enough she’d have no trouble getting free if she wanted to.
“It’s late,” she said. “I’m sure you have to work in the morning. And I have things I need to do, too.”
She had a commission to work on. Laundry. Her tires needed to be rotated, she’d almost forgotten about that appointment, and then she had to get over to her mom’s house to pick up Polly.
“Sure. Fine.” Bill let her go. Stepped back. Naked, his belly and chest still glistening with sweat, he bent to grab his T-shirt and cleaned himself off before tossing the shirt in the direction of a pile of laundry on the floor.
“God forbid you should put it in a basket,” she murmured.
Bill snorted soft laughter. “The hell do you care? I don’t see you offering to do my wash for me.”
“Does that mean you have to live like a pig?” Effie buttoned the shirtdress to her throat and smoothed the skirt over her bare ass. It was going to be cold outside without her nylons, but they’d been shredded within a few minutes of her arrival here.
Bill frowned again, harder this time. “You have a mouth on you. You know that?”
“So I’ve been told.” Effie shrugged and turned away. Bill caught her arm again, a little harder this time. Surprised, she faced him. “Hey.”
His grip loosened, but he didn’t let her go. He pulled her closer. Shit. Was he going to kiss her?
“No?” he said when she turned her face at the last second so that his lips brushed her cheek.
Effie said nothing. It was such a fucking cliché. She usually didn’t even care about kissing in that way, except right now when he wanted it from her, and she didn’t want to give it.
“You come over here and fuck around with me,” Bill said into her ear. “You won’t sleep over. You won’t let me kiss you. You don’t let me get anywhere fucking close to you, do you?”
Effie shrugged out of his grasp. “Don’t.”
Bill sighed and scrubbed at his short, pale hair. “Go, then. I guess I’ll see you the next time you have an itch that needs to be scratched.”
He slammed the door to his apartment behind her, which made her want to thump her fist on it until he opened it again. He wasn’t being fair. This was the way it worked with them. He should’ve been used to it by now. She’d needed and wanted him to get her off, but he hadn’t. She’d wasted her time and his. She’d hurt his feelings and hadn’t meant to.
Shit. Effie sighed and didn’t knock on the door. In her car, she watched Bill’s silhouette in the window. He would stand there until she drove away, so he could be sure she left instead of, what, being murdered in her car in the parking lot? Effie laughed without humor, hating the bitter taste.
Backing up, she pulled out into the street. In her rearview mirror, she watched the golden square of light from his window turn into darkness. Then she drove home.
chapter seven (#ulink_26ee4298-cdb8-50cb-8eb3-0c43368aab2d)
“How was he?”
She wasn’t startled. Didn’t scream. She’d known Heath was waiting for her the second she came into the kitchen and saw the back door was slightly open. You’d think she’d be smarter about it, take a baseball bat or something to protect herself in case it was a serial killer who’d happened to pick her house out of all the ones lined up along this suburban street. You’d think she’d have been more careful about locking her doors, the way her mother had urged her over and over again to be.
When the worst had already happened to you, everything else seemed a lot less dangerous.
“None of your business.” Effie went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, listening for the sound of the crack as she broke the sealed lid before she drank greedily.
Her stomach rumbled. Mitchell had taken her to a Chinese place for dinner, and there’d been no way for her to eat any of that jumbled-together sort of food. Nor any good way to explain to him why she couldn’t have anything touching each other on the plate. Not without sounding like a lunatic. She’d gone to Bill with a different sort of appetite and he’d left her hungry, too. She pulled out a block of sliced cheese and took a piece. She offered one to Heath. He refused.
“Dammit, Effie.”
She turned and leaned against the counter. Heath wore all black. Ancient jeans, ragged at the hems. A black hoodie over a black T-shirt. He’d left his shoes by the door, and he wore no socks. She had to look away from his bare, long toes—his feet killed her with their perfection. His arms stuck out a few inches below the sleeves. Heath had a hard time finding clothes that fit him. Legs and arms and torso too long. At six-five he was gangly, even now as a man when he’d filled out with muscle.
Thinking of his body, Effie swallowed hard and drank more water. Her thighs rubbed together, slick from her earlier, unsated arousal. Her lower abdomen still felt crampy.
“Where did he take you?”
“Jade Garden.” She chewed slowly. Swallowed. Washed down the rest of the cheese with a swig of water, then another.
Heath let out a short, sharp bark of mocking laughter. “No wonder you’re hungry now.”
“He was a nice guy,” Effie said mildly. “He’s a software engineer. He makes good money. He smelled nice. He wears glasses.”
Heath moved closer. He’d been working in the cafeteria at a local private college for the past couple years. He did most of their catered events. He stank of grease and fried foods with an undertone of grass and smoke. He would taste like honey. Effie didn’t move away, but she didn’t lean into him, either. Didn’t soften or bend, didn’t open her mouth for him to kiss her.
Heath leaned in to sniff her neck. His lips moved against her skin. “You fucked him.”
“No.”
“You fucked someone,” he said and slid a hand under her dress and between her legs. His fingers cupped her hard enough to force a gasp out of her. In the next second he’d pushed his fingers inside her. “He’s still dripping out of you.”
In, out, his fingers slid against her slick heat, but he was wrong. She wasn’t wet inside from Bill, but from this. Oh, fuck yes, for Heath, always for him. He could look at her from across the room, no words. None needed. A glance, and she was weak-kneed and trembling at the thought of his touch. Of his mouth, that tongue. His teeth.
The water bottle fell to the floor, splashing her legs with chilly liquid. She put both her hands up flat on his chest. His T-shirt bunched under her fingers. She pushed at him, but Heath had put his other hand at the small of her back, holding her still.
He slid his fingers deeper until his thumb pressed her clit. His teeth took the place of his whisper, fierce on the tender skin of her throat. Effie’s head tipped back; now her fingers clutched at his T-shirt not to push him away but to keep herself from falling. Not that Heath ever would have let her.
He would never let her fall.
“So fucking wet,” Heath breathed into her ear. His hand moved faster. He added another finger, stretching her. His thumb stroked. Had it only been this morning that they’d been doing this?
He backed away from her so suddenly that Effie took a couple stumbling steps forward in order to keep her balance. She cried out, low, as she lost her grip on his shirt. Her head spun.
“I waited for you,” he said. “I was worried.”
What else could she do then, but draw him close to her and hold him? What else but to kiss him, first gently and then as though they each were the only meal the other would ever need? Here in the dark and in the morning’s ugliest hour, it was surely all right to take him by the hand and lead him into her bedroom, where he stood in front of her as she undressed slowly, piece by piece until she was naked in front of him.
Heath hesitated before stripping out of his hoodie, then pulled his T-shirt over his head with one hand over his shoulder in that purely male way. He tugged the button on his jeans and then slid the zipper down notch by notch without ever looking away from her. He wore no briefs beneath, and at the first sight of the dark bush of hair, Effie let a low groan slip out of her. Heath pushed his jeans down and kicked them off.
Effie backed up slowly until she reached the bed, then scooted back on it. She opened her thighs to show him her treasure and reveled in the way his gaze flashed in the light coming from the window. Propped on her elbow, she let the fingers of her other hand toy with her cunt, easing inside and then up to circle her clit. Slow, slow, until her head fell back and her back arched at how good it felt to have him watching her.
“Did he eat that pussy?”
“Yes.”
“But he didn’t make you come.”
A stuttering, sighing moan ground from her throat. “No.”
“Look at me, Effie.”
She managed to lift her head. Heath’s cock was in his fist. He got harder as she watched. Long and thick, his cock was slightly curved upward. Effie had been with dozens of men. She’d seen a lot of erections. Long, short, thick, thin, bent, uncut. Low-hanging balls or tight and high. Some men trimmed or shaved their pubic hair and some let it grow dense and wild. Yet of them all, Heath’s was the only one she could have picked out of the crowd. She knew his body as well as she knew her own.
And he knew hers. Moving closer, he knelt between her legs to rub his prick along the seam of her cunt, up and over her clit again and again until she fell back onto the bed, legs splayed wide to urge him inside her. He teased her with the tip of his cock, his hands planted beside her head, his hips barely thrusting. Slick, flesh on flesh. She wanted him to fill her.
When at last he began to move, her hands went above her head, palm to palm, fingers linked. She gave herself up to the pleasure of him rocking his cock against her. She lost herself in it. She came in slow, rolling waves, aware she was crying out but not caring. So many times they’d had to fuck in silence, careful not to let anyone overhear them, but now in this empty house she let herself give voice to the passion only Heath had ever been able to give her.
Over and over, she rose and crested and dipped; over and over, he took her body higher until she thought she might pass out. Or die. Yes, she could die right now with him making her come. Or maybe she’d already died and this was both heaven and hell, this never-ending climax.
When the shaking of her body eased and she was able to breathe again, Effie opened her eyes. Heath still held himself above her. The cords on his arms stood out. His mouth had parted, slack, but his gaze was sharp and focused on her face. It stabbed her, that look. Penetrating and intense.
Without putting a hand on his cock, he nevertheless managed to find her opening and push inside. She groaned at the way he filled her. She moved to touch him, but he muttered a command for her to stay still. He didn’t move. He stared into her eyes and pressed his lips together.
“Please,” Effie said again. “Heath.”
A low noise like a growl rumbled out of him. He slid out of her almost entirely, then back in. So slow, but not gentle. Sweat dripped from his face onto hers and she licked it away, drowning in the taste of him.
He fucked her that way forever. Each thrust began to sting. She couldn’t come again, it was impossible, but the pain was a pleasure of its own and she rode it the way she’d done the string of earlier climaxes.
Heath drew a series of ragged breaths. His hair fell in front of his eyes as he ducked his head. His arms had begun to shake, but he didn’t lower himself onto her. He fucked harder, desperately. Frustration twisted his expression. Finally, he stopped, pushing upward again on his hands. He shook his head, but when he tried to pull out of her, Effie hooked her heels behind his calves and kept him close.
When she slapped him lightly across the face, Heath shuddered. The next time, she did it harder. His gaze flashed. Angry, but also that other thing, that dark thing that never went away between them. So she did it again, and this time he let out a low shout that got lost inside her mouth as he dived to kiss her. It was brutal, a clash of teeth and slash of tongue. She raked his chest with her nails, and he took her lower lip between his teeth. Then her tongue, biting.
They moved together, rolling, until she was on top. His hands gripped her hips. He thrust upward hard enough to knock her forward, her hands flat on his chest. She kissed him, not kind or sweet or loving. They made war and love at the same time until at last he pounded his cock deep inside her again, crying out. Then he went still.
