Loving Our Heroes

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As if in slow motion, she saw Campbell lower his head towards her, and then his mouth captured hers and sensations Tilly hadn’t even known existed exploded inside her. She parted her lips on a gasp that was part thrill, part alarm at the dizzying loss of control as she felt herself submerge beneath a rush of response. Every cell in her body was clamouring to press closer, taste more, touch again and again and again…

Her arms went round his waist and she leant into him, giddy with the feel of him. His lips were warm and sure as they explored her mouth, his tongue teasing, his hands hard and insistent. He smelt wonderful, tasted better, and she clung to him almost feverishly. He was her solid anchor, her safe harbour, the one point of certainty in a world that was unravelling with electrifying speed, and she kissed him back, oblivious to the waiting taxi, oblivious to anything except the gathering need and the deep, dark pulse of desire inside her.

And then, abruptly, it was over.

Campbell stepped back and opened the taxi door. His jaw was set and a muscle jerked in his cheek, but Tilly was too dazed to take much else in. Somehow she got herself into the back seat of the taxi. Campbell closed the door without a word and the taxi drove off, leaving him standing on the pavement and cursing himself for a fool.

CHAPTER EIGHT

TILLY fumbled with the seat belt. Her body was raging with disappointment and frustration. Why had he stopped? She had no idea now of how long the kiss had lasted. Could it really have been just a brief goodnight kiss?

But then why would it mean any more to Campbell? Tilly asked herself disconsolately. He must have picked up on the vibes she had tried so hard to suppress all night, and realised that all she could think about was touching him. Maybe he had thought to himself, why not? Or, worse, had decided to indulge her.

Body still thumping, she scowled miserably out of the window. I told you so, her mind said smugly. I knew you’d regret it.

But she didn’t, not really. She had had to know what it felt like to kiss him, to hold him. The trouble was that now that she did, she wanted it again, she wanted more. Tilly had never had much time for the saying that a taste of honey was worse than none at all, but it was starting to make more sense.

Perhaps she could have more. The daring thought slid into her mind and she sat up straighter, as if shocked at her own presumption.

If she made it clear to Campbell that she had no expectations of any relationship, if she could convince him that it would just be a physical thing as far as she was concerned, would he be prepared to kiss her again? To make love to her? To share a night where they could shrug off the past and the future, where they could put aside hopes and fears, and not think at all, where nothing would matter but touching and tasting and feeling and the heady swell of pleasure?

Tilly’s mouth was dry, her heart hammering at the mere thought of it. A single night … Would it be worth it? Yes, her body shouted. Yes, yes, yes!

What about your poor heart? her mind countered immediately, the way Tilly had known it would. What if Campbell breaks it?

She wouldn’t let him break it, Tilly decided firmly. She would keep her heart intact. There would be no question of loving him. It would just be…sex.

She could suggest it, and see what Campbell said. She was a grown woman, he was a man. Surely they could talk about sex without embarrassment. He could only say no. It would be perfectly simple.

Or would it?

Tilly’s confidence, ever fragile, faltered whenever she imagined facing Campbell with her proposition. Campbell, about Friday night, she could begin, but she couldn’t decide what to say after that. Could we try that again, she might suggest, but next time, don’t stop and put me in a taxi.

Perhaps it would be better to be more upfront. I was wondering how you felt about a brief affair before you go? Somehow Tilly couldn’t see herself carrying that one off.

She couldn’t decide whether she was glad or sorry that she wouldn’t see him the next day. The arrangement had been that the participants in the competition would have the weekend off, presumably so that they could go home if necessary, but when Campbell had indicated that he wouldn’t be going back to London it had seemed only polite to invite him for Sunday lunch.

Seb and Harry were coming home for the weekend on Saturday, and Tilly had been pleased at first. She had thought that her aching awareness of Campbell would be easier to handle if the boys were there to dilute the atmosphere, but now she wished they were staying at their respective universities and partying too hard the way they usually did. She loved Harry and Seb dearly, but she could hardly propose an affair in front of her younger brothers.

As it turned out, Seb and Harry were both still in bed nursing hangovers when Campbell arrived on Sunday. Having practised exactly what she would say if the opportunity arose, Tilly promptly forgot every word when she opened the door. The sight of him was like a fist thumping into her stomach, driving the breath from her lungs and leaving her reeling with a strange mixture of shock and delight.

Somehow she’d expected him to have changed since that kiss, but he looked exactly the same as always: cool, contained, faintly austere. It was hard to believe that only thirty-six hours ago he had held her hard against him and kissed her, that the stern mouth had been warm and sure and exciting on hers.

Campbell’s expression gave nothing away. The pale, piercing eyes were guarded, Tilly thought, and her entrails churned. It was all very well deciding to be cool and upfront, but it all seemed a lot harder when you were faced with six feet of solid, detached male.

Flustered, she led the way to the kitchen and explained about Seb and Harry in far too much detail.

‘They should be down any minute now. Would you like a coffee while we’re waiting?’

‘No, thanks. I’m fine.’

He might be fine, but she needed something to do to distract herself from the memory of that kiss that reverberated in the air between them. Tilly busied herself checking the meat, and tried to ignore the silence yawning around them.

This was ridiculous, she told herself, exasperated. She was being pathetic. It was just Campbell, for heaven’s sake. She had been able to talk to him perfectly easily before, so she should be able to now. Taking off the oven gloves, she turned from the oven with a deep breath.

‘About Friday night,’ she began, exactly as she had planned. She even sounded calm, which was quite something given that her nerves were jumping and jittering and jangling in a way that that made it hard to think, let alone string a coherent sentence together.

She didn’t get a chance to say any more. Campbell held up a hand to stop her.

‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘You don’t need to say any more.’

‘Er…I don’t?’

‘I need to apologise,’ he said stiffly. ‘I was out of order on Friday night. I didn’t mean to kiss you, I was just…I wasn’t thinking,’ he confessed. ‘All I can say is that I’m sorry, and that it won’t happen again. I’ll keep my hands to myself in the future.’

Ah.

How was she supposed to respond to that? Tilly wondered. Clearly Campbell regretted the kiss and had no intention of repeating it, so she could hardly force herself upon him now. Her heart twisted at the realisation, but the only thing to do was put a good face on it.

At least it wouldn’t be difficult. She had years of experience of being ‘good old Tilly’ who could be relied upon to dispel any potential awkwardness with a smiling face.

‘It must have been that wine,’ she said lightly. ‘I don’t think either of us was thinking clearly on Friday evening. That’ll teach you to leave the choice up to the wine waiter!’

There was no mistaking the relief in Campbell’s expression. He had obviously been dreading a scene, or that she might do exactly what she had been planning to do and throw herself at him.

‘It’s good of you to take it like that,’ he said. ‘I’d be sorry if I had spoiled things between us.’

‘There’s no question of that,’ said Tilly, keeping her bright smile firmly in place.

‘I was afraid I might have jeopardised our chances on the programme.’

Of course, the programme. Tilly had almost forgotten about that. It was telling that Campbell hadn’t. He might be momentarily distracted by a kiss, but he would never lose sight of his ultimate goal.

‘The only thing that will really jeopardise them is if you can’t make Cleo’s cake,’ she told him and he grimaced.

‘I know. It’s harder than I expected,’ he admitted.

Convincing herself that it was all for the best was harder than Tilly had expected, too. No matter how fiercely she reminded herself that he was leaving soon, or that he was still hung up on his ex-wife, disappointment still twisted painfully inside her. She made herself remember how much it had hurt when Olivier had gone, of how much better off on her own she would be in the long run, but none of it helped.

There was nothing to be done but keep the smile on her face, but it was feeling fixed by the time first Seb and then Harry appeared, yawning and rubbing their rumpled hair. In spite of their hangovers, they brightened considerably at Tilly’s suggestion that they take Campbell to the pub while she finished getting lunch ready.

Campbell was all set to demur. ‘We can’t leave you alone to do all the work,’ he protested.

‘Honestly, it’s better if we do,’ Seb confided, and Harry nodded vigorous agreement. ‘She’ll just get ratty if we hang around.’

‘We could help,’ Campbell suggested, but they only looked at him as if he had sprouted a second head.

Tilly rolled her eyes. ‘Their idea of “helping” was to send me off for a weekend in the Highlands and look where that got me! No, you go,’ she told him. ‘Seb’s right, you’ll all just get in the way. There’s not much more to do, in any case.’

She was desperate to get rid of them and have a few minutes to herself so that she could stop putting on a front.

Seeing that she was serious, Campbell let himself be persuaded, and the three men walked down to the local pub together. Tilly’s brothers were very young but engaging company, and they were obviously very fond of their sister.

Over a beer, they told him all about Olivier. ‘What a tosser!’ said Harry dismissively. ‘I’m glad Tilly isn’t with him any more, but she was really cut up about him. She deserves better.’

Seb nodded. ‘I mean, we give her a hard time, of course, but she’s done everything for us. She stayed in Allerby and worked so that we could have a home and now we’ve gone we think it’s time she got out and had a life for herself. That’s why we put her up for this television thing. We thought it would be good for her. Left to herself, she’d just stay stuck in her kitchen and the truth is we don’t like to think of her being on her own.’

‘No,’ his twin chimed in. ‘Tilly needs someone to love, and she’s not going to find anyone if she doesn’t go out and look. The trouble is, she’s got lousy taste. Knowing her, she’ll just end up with another loser like Olivier!’

That made Campbell feel even worse about kissing her the other night. He had acted purely on instinct, and he had been taken aback by how sweet she had tasted, how good it had felt to hold her in his arms—how right it had seemed.

It had been a huge effort to make himself stop but, if he hadn’t, there was only one way it could have ended. Rather late in the day, Campbell had remembered how honest Tilly had been about not wanting to get involved. She had been badly hurt, he had known that, and she deserved better than a Friday night fumble.

He should have had more control, Campbell blamed himself austerely. He didn’t like to think about how thoughtless he had been. It wasn’t like him to lose sight of what was what. Perhaps Tilly was right, and the wine was to blame?

Whatever the reason, he had felt stupidly nervous about seeing her again today. He’d been afraid that she would have been embarrassed about the kiss, and awkward about telling him that she didn’t want a repetition—as she clearly didn’t. At least he had got in first with his apology to save her having to find the words. It had seemed the least he could do.

It was all sorted, anyway. He had taken evasive measures, a potentially difficult situation had been resolved, and all he had to do now was make that damn wedding cake. Then he could leave to get on with the rest of his life. It was the right thing to do for both of them.

So why didn’t it feel right?

Campbell’s video diary:

[Clears throat] I’ve been reminded to record this tonight, as there’s only one more day to go. Tomorrow I’ve got to make Cleo’s wedding cake, assemble it, decorate it and get it to the hotel in time for the party in the evening. I’ve planned much more difficult missions in my time, but I’ve got to admit this is the one I feel most nervous about. Cleo wants lemon sponge cake, so it has to be made fresh, and that means I don’t get a trial run. But I’m sure it will be fine. I’ve been practising. Tilly has showed me how to cut the cake into blocks and then assemble them in the right shape, and I’ve learnt how to ice and use a piping bag—which I have to say I never thought I would hear myself say! Tilly is a good teacher. Very good, in fact.

There’s much more to the cake-making business than I realised. I’ve seen how Tilly makes a real connection with people, not just when it comes to the design and what’s likely to be suitable, but when she’s delivering the cakes. [Relaxing as forgets camera and pursues own thoughts] I think her brothers may be wrong about her being stuck in the kitchen. It seems to me that Tilly is out all the time and that she knows a lot of people.

Yesterday, for instance, we went to the hospice she’ll donate her cheque to if we win. It was quite an experience. I’d never been anywhere like it before. I expected it to be a depressing place, to be honest, but it wasn’t. It felt bright and light and peaceful and I felt … [Pause, searching for the right word] …well, I suppose I was moved. Yes, moved.

Tilly was quite at ease there. She seemed to know everyone, but she told me afterwards that she didn’t. I think people respond to her warmth. There’s a kind of brightness about her …[Abruptly recollects camera] Anyway…well, I can see how much winning would mean to the hospice, so I’d better make Cleo a good cake tomorrow and make sure we get the maximum number of points.

I can’t see why we shouldn’t. I’ve done a bit of research and got a picture of an ancient Egyptian barge and the costumes and so on. I even had a look at the play. Tilly drew up a design and kept it as simple as possible, but it’s still going to be tricky. I’ll be glad when tomorrow’s over.

[Stops, realises that hasn’t sounded very sure] Yes, of course I will be. I need to get back to work. I’ve got things to do. I want the cake to be a success tomorrow, but then it will be time to say goodbye.

Tilly’s video diary:

[Pushes hair tiredly from face] I can’t believe it’s almost over. Campbell has just gone back to his hotel for the last time. He’ll be back tomorrow to make Cleo’s cake, but then he’s leaving. It’s funny to think how much has changed since the last time I recorded this diary. Campbell’s changed—or maybe it’s just that I’ve got to know him better. Or maybe I’m the one that’s changed.

The kitchen won’t be the same without him. I mean, he can be really irritating. He insists in clearing up immaculately—and I mean immaculately—every five minutes, which I know is a good thing, and I should do that, too, but sometimes when you’re doing a tricky bit of piping you don’t want someone asking, ‘Have you finished with the sugar because I’ll put it away if you have?’ or, ‘If you just stand away from the table a minute, I’ll wipe up the extraordinary mess you’ve created’. The worst thing is, I think I’m going to miss it. [Sighs]

Anyway…he’s learnt how to make a sponge. The thing about Campbell is that he’s really focused. If he decides he’s going to do something, he’ll do it. He’d never admit it, but I think he might be a bit nervous about Cleo’s cake. It’s a difficult design. Too difficult for a beginner, but he’s determined to get it right. I hope he does. I’m not supposed to have anything to do with it, but I’ll be around to give advice until I have to go to the wedding ceremony at three. There’s a small reception afterwards, but the cake is for the party in the evening, so I’ll come back after that and hopefully the cake will be all ready to go.

And then that’ll be it. It’s going to be…strange. But of course, Campbell has got his new job to go to, and I’ve got a business to run. [Stops, swallows] It’ll be for the best, I know, but I hate saying goodbye.

‘You won’t forget the asp, will you?’ It was the morning of Cleo’s wedding, and Tilly was supposed to be getting ready for the ceremony, but she kept popping down to the kitchen where Campbell was making cakes with military precision.

‘Stop flapping,’ he said, exasperated. ‘I’m the one that’s supposed to be nervous here! It’s all under control. Look!’ He waved the time plan he had plotted minute by minute at her and checked his watch. ‘Right now cakes five and six are supposed to be in the oven, and there they are, see,’ he said, pointing at the oven. ‘I’m going to take them out at thirteen ten.’

‘I don’t like all this precision,’ Tilly fretted. ‘This isn’t a mission that can be planned down to the last second. The cakes will be ready when they’re ready. Remember what I told you about the skewer? Keep an eye on them rather than the clock, that’s all I’d say.’

Campbell wished she would go away. Quite apart from the fact that she was casting doubt on his plan, of which he was secretly very proud, she was far too distracting standing there in a faded towelling robe, with her hair wrapped up in a towel and her face clean and rosy from the shower.