скачать книгу бесплатно
‘I’d better go and change this one’s nappy.’ Phoebe hoisted Max onto her hip and headed for the door.
‘Phoebe?’
Phoebe halted, hand on door frame.
Adele smiled. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem. Us special effects widows have to stick together.’
Adele sat down at the kitchen table and rested her chin in her hands. Phoebe made it all sound so easy, but it felt like giving in to Nick to treat him like a wayward toddler. She didn’t want a big kid to discipline; she wanted a partner. Someone to share the burden, not add to it.
She sighed.
Nick was outside playing with bits of metal, and if she didn’t go and get him they would never get to Scotland today. It seemed as if her choice was already made for her.
Nick clenched the steering wheel and tried not to let the words racing round his head burst out on one long, continuous yell.
So much for his brilliant plan.
He’d visualised the visit as the perfect opportunity to show Adele how happy Andy and Phoebe were, and how they had managed to make their different lifestyles mesh together.
Come on! If their home were any more perfect, little cartoon bluebirds would be coming to rest on Phoebe’s fingers when she hung the washing out!
But Adele couldn’t see any of that. She was stuck in her it-can-never-work rut and would not be pulled out of it. The scary thing was, he suspected he was teetering on the edge and was just about to slide down into the ditch to join her.
Where was the funny, sexy woman he’d married? Sure, she’d always been a little high-maintenance, but that was half the fun. When they’d first got together, he could have honestly put his hand on his heart and sworn she was the perfect woman. And even after their big fight, he had still believed it. It was only when she’d shut him out of her life completely that he’d started to suspect she might be slightly tarnished.
And part of him was angry with her for that—for not living up to the promise on the outside of the box.
The swirling words got too much for him and he realised he had to let some of them out before he imploded.
‘What the heck was wrong with you back there, Adele?’
See? She’d always said she wanted the direct approach and now he was giving it to her. She ought to be proud of him.
Adele didn’t move her forehead off the passenger window, but answered in a weary voice. ‘I’m not talking to you when you’re being like this.’
‘Like what? Rude? Like you were at Andy and Phoebe’s?’
She closed her eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to be rude. Just drop it, Nick.’
‘No, I won’t drop it. You embarrassed me in front of my friends. If you ever do something like that again, so help me I’ll—’
‘What? Divorce me? It’s too late for that threat, remember?’
He pressed his teeth together until the muscles at the sides of his jaw started to twitch. He turned the windscreen wipers up a notch to deal with the rain pounding on the car.
The metallic voice of the satellite-navigation system pierced the atmosphere.
‘In thirteen hundred feet, continue right.’
Adele snorted. ‘Continue right? What does that mean?’
He tried to keep his voice even. ‘It means the left-hand lane is about to feed into the slip-road and we need to keep right if we want to stay on the motorway.’
‘Can’t we turn the stupid thing off?’
Nick took his eyes off the road momentarily and looked across at Adele in the passenger seat.
‘What is it about the satellite-navigation system that really bothers you?’
She stiffened. ‘It doesn’t bother me. It’s just unnecessary. We’re on a motorway going north for the next hundred miles at least. All it does is tell us the obvious.’
‘You hate it.’
She fidgeted in her seat.
‘I…Oh…’
‘And shall I tell you why you hate it?’
Adele turned to look at him. He was about to turn psychologist on her? This she had got to hear!
‘Fire away, professor.’
‘You don’t like handing the control over to somebody else, even if it’s just a bit of machinery that could make your life easier.’
‘That is so not true. I use machines at work all the time.’
‘Not the point. You’re so flipping independent, Adele. I’m surprised you actually let your computer crunch numbers for you instead of getting your abacus out and doing it yourself.’
‘Well, that was a very grown-up response. I’m glad you took the time to share that.’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘I’m not doing anything other than trying to be the adult in this scenario.’
‘Well, it’s a pity you didn’t think of that back at Andy and Phoebe’s house, isn’t it? You acted like a spoiled brat, so don’t come all high and mighty and I’m being the grown-up on me!’
Adele folded her arms and glared at what she could see of the carriageway through the driving rain.
She didn’t have an answer to that.
And the reason she didn’t have an answer was that Nick was spot-on.
Her voice was soft when she answered a minute later. ‘I apologised to Phoebe while you were out in the shed.’
He shot her an incredulous look, but didn’t accuse her further.
‘Well, I’m glad you came to your senses. They’re a great couple.’
‘I know.’
He flicked the indicator and overtook a caravan.
‘Why do you insist on cutting yourself off from people, Adele?’
‘I…’
She frowned. Did she?
‘Do I?’ she asked.
Nick shook his head. ‘You certainly shut me out.’
‘Don’t be silly.’
‘You talk to Mona, but you won’t talk to me. Why am I always kept at arm’s length?’
She didn’t know. It was just easier to be herself with Mona. She was a good friend, but her world wouldn’t crumble if they fell out. So much more was at stake with Nick. She didn’t want to let him down.
She looked at him. She’d already disappointed him today. There wasn’t much point in digging herself in deeper by making more excuses.
Nick shook his head then indicated at a sign on the grass verge. ‘Service station. I need a break.’
CHAPTER SIX
THERE was a sharpness in the air Adele hadn’t expected when she stepped out of the car. The Lake District wasn’t far away. They were two hundred and fifty miles north of London and it was noticeably colder. Snow dusted the fells to the north. She reached inside her pockets for her gloves.
Nick seemed happy to hurry into the low building of the service station, but she took her time as she walked across the car park.
She loved this kind of landscape. It was proud, ancient and soul-achingly lonely. Rolling green hills covered in scrubby grass dipped down into a valley where a rocky little stream gurgled along. Sheep dotted the banks, meandering in and out of neighbouring fields through the crumbling dry-stone walls.
Clean, cold air filled her lungs as she took one deep breath. Just being here was detoxifying. She turned one full circle before entering the services, just to take it all in.
The building was obviously not owned by one of the large chains—there were no fast-food counters or slot machines and as she entered the restaurant she was relieved to see wooden tables and chairs, real plants and exposed timber beams supporting the roof.
Nick was standing at the counter waiting to order coffee and she stood silently next to him. When his order came he handed her a large latte and the fattest, moistest slice of chocolate cake she’d ever seen. Then he walked off to a table and sat down without saying a word.
She slid into the chair opposite him.
‘Talk to me, Nick.’
He stirred his coffee. She’d never seen him like this before. Where were the smart retorts? The jokes? Suddenly she missed them. Usually he had the irritating ability to just snap out of being angry, as if he’d flicked a switch or something.
‘I’m sorry I let you down, truly I am.’ Nick dropped his spoon in surprise. She knew it wasn’t often that word passed her lips. ‘I was out of my depth and you kind of sprang the visit on me, after all.’
‘I didn’t think visiting friends would be such a big deal. I thought we’d have a nice time.’
‘Your friends, though. I didn’t feel comfortable at all. What on earth had you told them about me? What was all that “famous Adele” business?’
He snorted. ‘Great! Now I’m in trouble for saying nice things about my wife?’
She pressed her lips together and pondered her answer. How could she tell him it was very hard to admit she was going under? All she heard was: You’re so wonderful, Adele, or You can do anything, Adele. He always seemed to expect her to cope with everything he flung at her, and so she did.
‘No, that’s not it at all. I used to love the fact you believed in me so much, but you don’t understand the pressure it puts me under. You’re just like my parents in that respect. I didn’t want to disappoint you.’
He put his coffee-cup down and stared at her. ‘Well, you did.’
‘See? As soon as I admit I’m not the oh-so-perfect picture you paint of me, I’ve let you down. Sometimes I just want to be Adele, without the adjectives. Not “successful” or “famous” or “fabulous”. Just me.’
‘But you are all of those things.’
The look he gave her made tears prickle behind her eyes. She knew he thought that and, while it melted her heart that he held her in such high regard, on the other hand she wanted him to see right through the illusion.
‘I’m not who you think I am.’
He took a sip of his coffee and studied her. She refused to flinch under his gaze.
‘I’m starting to see that.’
Suddenly she wanted to take it all back, to stop him seeing what a fraud she was. It felt too raw to have him peeling away the layers one by one.
They sat in silence while Adele took comfort in her chocolate cake and they finished their coffees. As she started to pile the crockery up on the tray, he spoke.
‘Maybe I’ve been guilty of asking the impossible of you, believing in you too much, if you like, but you do the opposite. You don’t believe in me enough.’
She stopped stacking, opened her mouth to speak then paused as a cup slid off the pile. She carefully replaced it, only letting go when she was sure it was perfectly balanced.
She spoke without taking her eyes off it. ‘Is this about the job? Because you know—’
‘It all comes back to the flipping job in America, doesn’t it? Are you ever going to be able to forgive me for that?’
She didn’t answer.
‘We could have worked something out, you know. It would have been difficult for a few months, but it wasn’t the end of the world. You could have come with me, even just for short visits.’
‘But my job, the house—’ Her roots.
‘Are the most important things in your life. I know that now.’
‘I couldn’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice. You didn’t even give me time to work out a plan. It was now or never. And you chose now for the job and never for me. How do you think I felt when I realised you hadn’t just gone down the pub to cool off, when I got your text message saying you’d call me when you landed in LA?’
He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his seat. ‘You were the one who told me to get on the plane.’
‘I was angry, Nick! I didn’t think you’d actually do it! Stop being so pigheaded.’
‘Then why, if you wanted to sort it out later, did you not answer any of my calls? It gave a pretty clear message, you know.’
