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“She’s the one who’ll be hurt when you leave town again.”
“Why are you so quick to assume that I’d abandon her?”
Nikki looked away. She was afraid for Carly, but she was also afraid for herself. Colin affected her as no other man ever had, and she couldn’t bear to see him walk out on her again. And she knew that he would leave. Sooner or later, Colin always left.
“Because you’re always looking for something better. And when a situation becomes a little too difficult, you walk away rather than trying to make it work.”
“Are you still talking about Carly?” he asked. “Or us?”
Nikki flushed. “Obviously our history has colored my perceptions, but you can’t blame me for wanting to protect Carly.”
“I would never hurt her, Nikki.”
I would never hurt you, Nikki. Yes, she’d heard those words before. She’d even believed them at one time. Not anymore.
“If you really want to be her father, you have to start thinking about what’s best for Carly. You need to consider how it will affect her when you walk out of her life as abruptly as you’ve walked into it.”
“Dammit, Nicole. What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do to prove that I’m committed?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But you don’t get to call yourself her father until you’re ready to take the responsibility of being a father.”
“Maybe we should see what a family-court judge says about it.”
The words, once they’d been spoken, surprised Colin as much as they surprised Nikki. He certainly hadn’t come over here this morning with the intention of threatening to take her to court. But he should have expected the unexpected—nothing had gone according to plan since he’d walked back into this town.
And although he was tempted to follow through on the threat, to force Nikki to accept him as part of Carly’s life, he knew he couldn’t. Court documents were a matter of public record, accessible to anyone who cared to look. Filing a legal claim to his daughter would not only announce his location to the world but potentially endanger Carly as well.
Despite Detective Brock’s phone call last night advising of Duncan Parnell’s arrest, Colin remained wary. Unless and until Parnell signed a confession, he couldn’t let himself believe the threat had passed. He couldn’t let his guard down for a minute, which meant he couldn’t sue for custody of his child.
But Nikki didn’t know this, and her face drained of all color in response to his impulsive statement. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Don’t tempt me,” he warned.
She blinked back the tears that shimmered in her eyes. “I’m only trying to do what’s best for Carly. Why can’t you see that?”
“How can not knowing her father be best?”
“It has to be better than knowing he didn’t care enough to stick around.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “Dammit, Nikki. I didn’t know you were pregnant.”
“And I didn’t think you’d care!”
Her outburst, and the depth of her anger, stunned him into silence for a moment.
“How could you think that?” he asked at last. “How could you think I’d walk away from my child?”
“I didn’t know what to think,” Nikki said bluntly. “But I didn’t think the man who’d told me he’d love me forever would serve me with divorce papers ten months after our wedding, either.”
“You know why I ended our marriage,” Colin said.
“No, I don’t. I’ve listened to all the reasons you’ve given to justify your decision, but I still don’t understand how you could walk out when you supposedly loved me. How could I be sure that you wouldn’t walk out on your child, too?”
“Because I wouldn’t,” he said simply.
He might be a lot of things, but irresponsible wasn’t one of them. Having a baby wasn’t something they’d planned, but if he’d known she was carrying his child, he would have done everything in his power to make their marriage work.
“You told me you didn’t want kids.”
He frowned, having only a vague recollection of a conversation in which she’d asked him about children. It had been shortly after their wedding, and he’d been too preoccupied with his new wife and his lost career to think about anything else. He probably had said he didn’t want them, certainly not at the time.
“Maybe I did,” he agreed. “But there’s a huge difference between the theory of a child and the reality of a little girl who is my own flesh and blood.”
Which reminded him of another issue that had nagged at the back of his mind since he’d first set eyes on Carly. He’d been stunned, not just by the fact that Nikki had had a child, but by the realization that he’d fathered the child. Because if there was one thing in his life that Colin had always been circumspect about, it was birth control.
He always used protection. Even after he and Nikki had been married, he’d kept a supply of condoms in the bedside table. He’d never made love to her without one.
Except…
“When is Carly’s birthday?” he asked abruptly.
She showed no hint of surprise at the question. “October sixth.”
He did a quick mental calculation, confirmed from her response what he’d only just begun to suspect: their child had been conceived the very last weekend they’d been together. The weekend he’d come home to bury his father.
Nikki nodded, somehow following his thoughts, confirming his conclusion.
That weekend had been hell for Colin. He’d been overwhelmed with grief and guilt, and he’d willingly lost himself in the comfort she’d offered without thought of the consequences—without thought of anything but how much he needed her. He’d taken advantage of her warmth and her compassion and her love, and then he’d walked out on her.
He scrubbed a hand over his face. The separation necessitated by his job had been difficult for both of them, and that weekend he’d finally acknowledged the truth of what his father had been saying—Nikki deserved more than a husband who was gone most of the time. She deserved so much more than he could give her.
He’d ended their marriage not because he didn’t want to be with her, but because he wanted her to have the life she deserved. A husband who could be with her, the family she’d always wanted. It had almost killed him to think of her with someone else, but he’d forced himself to walk away, to give her that chance.
At the time, he’d honestly believed he was doing what was best for Nikki. As she’d done what she had for their daughter.
So how could he blame her for keeping her pregnancy a secret when her reasons so closely paralleled his own?
Nikki finally sank down into one of the vacant kitchen chairs, obviously drained by their argument. “I think what’s more important than what either one of us did five years ago is what you want to do now.”
“I want to be a father to my daughter.”
Her hesitation spoke volumes, and had his anger rising again.
“For how long?” she finally asked. “How long are you going to stick around and actually be part of her life?”
He was so damned tired of rehashing the same argument, of feeling guilty for the decisions he’d made. Mostly he hated that he couldn’t give her a definitive answer. Because until he knew for certain that the threats against his life were past, he couldn’t promise her anything.
“I’m here now,” was all he said.
Colin left Nikki’s house with a lot of issues still unresolved but with a firm date set for him to see Carly: tomorrow.
Nikki and Carly had plans to go to the botanical gardens for a picnic in the afternoon, and Nikki had reluctantly agreed to let him tag along. They were still at odds about the “daddy” versus “uncle” matter, but Colin was so excited about actually spending some time with his daughter, he almost didn’t care what she called him.
By the time he got back to his hotel, apprehension was warring with anticipation. He knew nothing about children, less than nothing about his own child. Had he pushed the issue too soon? Had he forced all of them into a situation that none of them was prepared for?
He had to admit, it wouldn’t be the first time. When Nikki had agreed to marry him, he’d rushed her to Vegas without fully considering the magnitude of such a step. He’d loved her, but that love hadn’t been enough to sustain their marriage.
Was his pursuit of a relationship with his daughter destined to the same fate?
No, he refused to believe it. This was different. This was about his child. He’d already missed the first four-and-a-half years of her life; he refused to miss even one more day.
The ring of his cell phone was a welcome interruption from his disquieting thoughts.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?” came the impatient demand.
He recognized his agent’s voice immediately.
“I’m in Fairweather,” Colin told him.
“Didn’t you hear the news? The police arrested Duncan Parnell.”
“Yeah. Detective Brock called me last night.”
“Then why the hell are you still in Pennsylvania? Get your butt on a plane and get back here.”
“I’m not coming back,” Colin said. “Not right now, anyway.”
A long, stunned silence followed his announcement. Then Ian finally asked, “Why not?”
He didn’t even know where to begin to answer that question. “It’s a long story.”
“It’s a woman, isn’t it?” Ian didn’t wait for a response. “Dammit, Colin, haven’t I always warned you that women are the downfall of men?”
“And you have four ex-wives to prove it,” Colin finished for him. “Yeah, you’ve told me the story.”
“Obviously you weren’t listening.”
“You’re my agent, not my personal advisor. And as my agent, I need you to look into a job opportunity for me.”
“You’re not unemployed yet,” Ian reminded him. “The new owners haven’t made a decision about your contract.”
Colin ignored the protest. “There’s a new cable station launching in Fairweather in September—an all-sports channel—that’s looking for on-screen personalities.”
Ian groaned. “You don’t know anything about television.”
“Just get me an interview and a screen test.”
“You’re sure about this?”
“Positive.”
For the first time in five years, he knew exactly what he wanted, and he wasn’t going to let anything stand in his way of getting it.
Chapter 4
Nikki hung up the phone, wondering why she was surprised that Colin had bailed on their plans at the eleventh hour. And why she felt let down.
“I’m glad I didn’t tell Carly he was coming with us,” Nikki told Arden.
“He’s not?”
“No. ‘Something came up,’” she repeated his explanation scornfully.
Arden frowned. “Something that couldn’t wait?”
“Apparently not.” She wasn’t disappointed, she assured herself, she was annoyed. After all, he was the one who’d insisted on spending time with Carly. The only reason she’d agreed was that she felt backed into a corner, his casual threat about taking her to court still looming in her mind.
The biggest irony was that she’d glanced at her calendar this morning and realized it was Father’s Day. And she’d actually been pleased that Carly would, for the first time in her life, spend Father’s Day with her daddy.
“That doesn’t sound like the same man who badgered you into letting him spend the day with Carly,” Arden said.
“No,” Nikki agreed. “Although it’s not the first time he’s changed his mind about what he wants.” They both knew she was referring to the marriage Colin had ended before their first year anniversary.
“He didn’t offer any kind of explanation?”
She shook her head. “No.” Not now, and not five years ago, either. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”
Then again, not a lot about this situation did make sense. She’d once loved Colin with her heart and soul. She’d believed he loved her. Five years later, there was no hint of the tender affection they’d once shared. All that remained were bitterness, remorse and accusations—and a little girl who didn’t deserve to be at the center of their battle.
“How am I going to explain any of this to Carly?” she wondered aloud.
“She’s four years old,” Arden said gently. “She won’t require as much explanation as you think.”
“She’s going to have to be told something.”
“She’ll deal with it,” Arden said. “Kids are amazingly resilient.”
“She shouldn’t have to be resilient,” Nikki said. “She shouldn’t have her world turned upside down because of the mistakes I’ve made.”
The pitter-patter of footsteps forestalled any further conversation, and Nikki managed a smile as Carly skipped into the room.
“Mommy, I’m hungry.”
The familiar refrain transformed the forced smile into a more natural one. “You’re always hungry.”
“But it’s been a really, really long time since breakfast,” Carly said solemnly. “And my tummy is hungry for chocate chip cookies.”
