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It was such a ridiculous thing to say that Ross had no idea how to answer her grief-induced ravings.
“I’m here for Josh,” he repeated. “Whatever you might think about my sister right now, and whatever the circumstances of Lloyd’s death, Josh has lost his father. He asked me to come with him today and I couldn’t let him down.”
Though he had let him down, Ross thought. And he had let his sister down, over and over. He hadn’t been able to get Frannie out of her lousy marriage. He had tried, dozens of times, until he finally gave up. But maybe he hadn’t tried hard enough.
“I want you to leave. Right now.” Jillian’s features reddened and she looked on the verge of some apoplectic attack.
“We’re just leaving, Grandmother,” Josh assured her and Ross was proud of his nephew for his calm, sympathetic manner.
At that moment, Lloyd’s father stepped up and slipped a supporting arm around his wife’s shoulders. “That’s not necessary. You don’t have to leave, Joshua. Come along, Jillian. The Scofields were looking for you a moment ago.”
Cordell gave Ross a quick, apologetic look, then steered his distraught wife away from them. Ross watched after him, his brow furrowed. He hadn’t seen Lloyd’s father in a few months but the man looked as if he had aged a decade or more. His features were lined and worn and he looked utterly exhausted.
Was all that from Lloyd’s death? he wondered. He knew the Fredericks had always doted on their only son and of course his death was bound to hit them hard, but he hadn’t expected Cordell to look so devastated.
Maybe Lloyd’s death wasn’t the only reason the man seemed to have aged overnight. Ross had been hearing rumors even before Lloyd’s death that not all was rosy with the Fredericks’ financial picture. He had heard a few whispers around town that Cordell and Lloyd had been late on some payments and had completely stopped making others.
It wouldn’t have surprised him at all to learn that Lloyd had been the one keeping Fredericks Financial afloat. Maybe Cordell was terrified the whole leaky ship would sink now that his son was dead.
He made a mental note to add a little digging into their financial records to the parallel investigation he had started conducting into Lloyd’s death.
“Follow the money” had always been a pretty good creed when he’d been a cop and he saw no reason for this situation to be any different.
“Sorry about that, Uncle Ross,” Josh said when they finally stepped outside into the warm afternoon, along with others who seemed eager to escape the oppressive funeral chapel. “Grandmother is…distraught.”
Poor Josh had a bum deal when it came to grandparents. On the one side, he had Lloyd’s stiff society parents. On the other, he had Cindy. She was no better a grandmother than she’d been a mother, alternating between bouts of spoiling her grandson outrageously with flamboyant gifts she couldn’t afford, followed by long periods of time when she would ignore him completely.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ross assured him. “Jillian’s reaction is completely understandable.”
“It’s not. She knows my mom. She’s known her for eighteen years, since she married my dad. Grandmother has to know Mom would never kill him.”
“It’s a rough time right now for everyone, Josh.”
“I don’t care how upset she is. My mom is innocent! And then to imply that you were involved, as well. That’s just crazy.”
Ross sighed but before he could answer, he was surprised to see Julie Osterman slip outside through the doors of the chapel and head in their direction.
She wore a conservative blue jacket and skirt with a silky white shirt and had pulled her hair back into a loose updo, and she looked soft and lovely in the sunshine.
His heart had no business jumping around in his chest just at the sight of her. Ross scowled. It didn’t seem right that she should be the single bright spot in what had been a dismal day.
How did she have such a calming presence about her? he wondered. Even some of Josh’s tension seemed to ease out of him when she slipped her arm through his and gave a comforting squeeze.
“Hi, Ms. O.”
She smiled at him, though it appeared rather solemn. “Hi, Josh. I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you.”
“Oh?”
She studied him for a long moment. “I have a dilemma here. Maybe you can help me out. I promised myself I wasn’t going to ask you something clichéd like how you’re holding up. But then, if I don’t ask, how am I supposed to find out how you’re doing?”
Josh smiled, the first one Ross had seen on his features all day. “Go ahead and ask. I don’t mind.”
“All right. How are you doing, under the circumstances?”
He shrugged. “Okay, I guess. Under the circumstances.”
“It was a lovely memorial service, as far as these things go.”
“I guess.” Josh looked down at the asphalt of the parking lot.
“When do you go back to school?” she asked.
“Tomorrow. I’ve got finals next week and I can’t really miss any more school if I want to graduate with my class. Uncle Ross thinks I should study for finals at home.”
He and Ross had argued about it several times, in fact. It was just about the only point of contention between them over the last five days.
“I just think he should take as much time as he needs,” Ross said. “If he doesn’t feel ready, he can probably take a few more days, as long as he gets the assignments from his teachers. There’s also the scandal factor. Everybody’s going to be talking about a murder at the Spring Fling and I want to make sure he’s mentally prepared for that before he goes back to school.”
“What do you think, Ms. O.?” Josh asked.
Ross could tell she didn’t want to be dragged into the middle of things but Julie only smiled at both of them. “There are arguments to be made for both sides. But I think that you’re the only one who can truly know when you’re ready. As long as you feel prepared to handle whatever might come along, I’m sure returning to school tomorrow will be fine.”
“I think I am,” Josh answered. “But I won’t know until I’m there, will I?”
Julie opened her mouth to answer but one of Lloyd’s elderly aunts approached them before she could say anything.
“Joshua? I’ve been looking all over for you,” she said. “You’re not leaving already, are you?”
Josh slanted a look at Ross. “In a minute.”
“You can’t leave yet. Your great-grandmother is here. She specifically wanted to see you.”
Josh looked less than thrilled about being forced to talk with more Fredericks relatives but he nodded and allowed himself to be led away by the other woman, leaving Ross alone with Julie.
“I didn’t expect to see you here,” he said after a moment.
He didn’t add that if he had seen her earlier, it might have made the whole thing a little easier to endure.
She made a face. “I decided I would probably regret it if I didn’t come to pay my respects. I know Jillian casually from some committees we’ve served on together and it seemed the polite thing to do, for her sake alone. But more than that, I wanted to come for Josh. It seemed…right, especially as I feel a little as if I were involved, since you and I were on the scene so quickly after it happened and I was with Josh for those few hours afterward.”
“Makes sense. It was nice of you to come.”
She studied him for a long moment. “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I get the impression you’re not very thrilled to be here.”
His laugh was rough and humorless. “Is it that obvious? I can’t wait to leave. We were just on our way out. And just so you don’t think I’m rushing him away, Josh is as eager to get out of here as I am.”
She frowned. “How is he really doing?”
He gazed toward the door, where Josh was talking politely to an ancient-looking woman in a wheelchair. “Not as peachy as he wants everybody to think. He isn’t the same kid he was five days ago.”
“That’s normal and very much to be expected.”
“I get the grieving process. I mean, even though his relationship with his dad wasn’t the greatest, of course he’s going to be upset that he died a violent death. But something else is going on. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
One of the things Ross liked best about Julie Osterman was the way she gazed intently at him when he was speaking. Some women looked like they had their minds on a hundred other things when he talked to them, everything from what they had for breakfast to what they were going to say next. It bugged the heck out of him. But somehow he was certain Julie was focused only on his words.
“I’m sure he’s also upset about his mother’s arrest.”
“True enough. If you want the truth, he acts like Frannie’s arrest upsets him more than Lloyd’s death. He’s furious that his mother has been charged with the murder and that she’s being held without bail.”
“Have you talked to him about his feelings?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m a guy, in case it escaped your attention.”
“It hasn’t,” she murmured, an odd note in her voice that sent heat curling through him.
He cleared his throat. “I’m no good at the whole ‘let’s talk about our feelings’ thing. Not that I haven’t tried, though. Yesterday I took him out on my boat, thinking he might open up out on the water. Instead, we spent the entire afternoon without saying a word about his mom or about Lloyd or anything. Caught our limit between us, though.”
Why he shared that, he wasn’t sure and he regretted even opening his mouth. What kind of idiot thought a fishing trip might help a troubled teen? But Julie only gazed at him with admiration in the deep blue of her eyes.
“Brilliant idea. That was probably exactly what he needed, Ross. For things to be as normal as possible for a while. To do something he enjoys in a safe environment where he didn’t feel pressured to talk about anything.”
“I used to take my brothers when we were kids. I can’t say we solved all the world’s problems, but we always walked away from the river a little happier, anyway. Or at least we stopped fighting for a few minutes. And sometimes we even caught enough for a few nights’ dinners, too.”
She smiled at that, as he found he’d hoped she would. “You know, Ross, if you think it might help him cope with his grief, I would be happy to talk to Josh in a more formal capacity down at the Fortune Foundation.”
He mulled the offer for a long moment, then he shrugged. “I don’t know if he really needs all that.”
“I’m not talking long-term psychotherapy here. Just a session or two of grief counseling, maybe, if he wants someone to talk to.”
Ross thought of Josh’s behavior since Lloyd’s death. He had become much more secretive and he seemed to be bottling everything up deep inside. Every day since his father’s murder, Josh seemed to become more and more tense and troubled, until Ross worried he would implode.
He had seen good cops take a long, hard journey to nowhere when they tucked everything down inside them. He didn’t want to see the same thing happen to Josh.
His nephew wouldn’t share what he was going through with Ross, but maybe a few sessions with Julie would help him sort through the tangle of his emotions a little better. He supposed it couldn’t hurt.
“If he’s willing, I guess there’s a chance it might help him,” he answered. “You sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all, Ross. I like Josh and I want to do anything I can to help him through this hard time in his life. I would say, from a professional standpoint, it’s probably better if he gets some counseling earlier rather than later. Things won’t become any easier for him the next few months, especially if the case against Frannie goes to trial.”
“It won’t,” he vowed. He was working like crazy on his own investigation, trying to make sure that didn’t happen. “I can’t believe such a miscarriage of justice would be allowed to proceed.”
“You were a police officer,” she said. “You know that innocence doesn’t always guarantee justice.”
“True. But I’m not going to let my baby sister go to prison for something she didn’t do. You can be damn sure of that.”
Her mouth tilted into a soft smile that did crazy things to his insides. “Frannie is lucky to have you,” she said softly.
He deliberately clamped down on the fierce urge to see if that mouth could possibly taste as sweet as his imagination conjured up.
“We’ll see,” he said, his voice a little rough. “If Josh is willing, when is a good time for me to bring him in?”
“I’ve got some time tomorrow afternoon, if that works. Around four, at my office?”
“I’ll talk to Josh and let you know. I don’t want to force him to do anything he’s uncomfortable about.”
“From the little I’ve learned about your nephew, I don’t think you could force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. I’m guessing it’s a family trait.”
He actually managed a smile, his first one in a long time. He was suddenly enormously grateful for her compassion and her insight. “True enough. Thank you for all your help. I’ve been baffled about what to do for him.”
He didn’t add that he felt as if was failing Josh, just as much as he had failed Frannie for the last eighteen years.
“You’re doing fine,” she answered. “Josh needs love most of all and it’s obvious you have plenty of that to give him.”
She touched his arm again, as he realized was her habit, and Ross felt the heat of it sing through his system.
He wanted to stay right here all afternoon, to just let her gentle touch soothe away all his ragged edges, all the tangles and turmoil he had been dealing with since Lloyd’s murder and Frannie’s arrest.
What was it about her that had such a powerful impact on him? She was lovely, yes. He had known lovely women before, though, and none of them exuded the same soft serenity that called to him with such seductive invitation.
“Sorry that took so long. We can leave anytime.”
At Josh’s approach, Julie quickly dropped her hand from his arm and Ross realized they had been standing there staring at each other for who knows how long.
Josh shifted his gaze between the two of them, as if trying to filter through the currents that must be zinging around.
“Um, no problem,” Ross mumbled. “I guess we should go, then.”
They said their goodbyes to Julie, and he couldn’t help noticing that she looked as rattled as he felt, something that probably shouldn’t suddenly make him feel so cheerful.
Julie studied the boy sprawled in the easy chair in her office.
For the past half hour, Josh had been telling her all the reasons he wasn’t grieving for his father. He talked about Lloyd Fredericks as if he despised him, but then Julie would see flashes of pain appear out of nowhere in his eyes and she knew the truth of Josh’s relationship with his father wasn’t so easily defined.
“I’m not glad he’s dead. I know I said that right after he was killed, but it’s not true. I guess I didn’t really want him dead, I just wanted him out of my life and my mom’s life. It’s weird that he’s gone, you know? I keep expecting him to come slamming into the house and start picking on my mom for whatever thing bugged him most that day. Instead, it’s only Ross there and he never says much of anything.”
“It’s natural for you to be conflicted, Josh. You’re grieving for your father, or at least for the relationship you might have wanted to share with your father.”
Josh shrugged. “I guess.”
“Nobody can make that process any easier. We each have to walk our own path when it comes to learning to live with the things we can’t have anymore. But one thing I’ve found that helps me when I’m sad is to focus not on the things that are missing in my life but instead on the many things I’m grateful to have.”
“Glass-half-full kind of stuff, huh?”
“Exactly. You’re in the middle of a crisis right now and many times it’s hard to see beyond that. That’s perfectly normal, Josh. But it can help ease a little of that turmoil to remember you’ve still got your uncle standing by your side. You’ve still got good friends who can help you through.”
“I’ve got Lyndsey.”
