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‘Anton …’
‘I know that you do,’ he said, not caring a bit. ‘What colour underwear?’ he asked, as he toyed with the lace.
‘Cream and green, with a red bow—it’s from the Mistletoe collection.’
She loved his moan in her mouth and the feel of his fingers creeping lower. His warm palm massaged low on her stomach as his finger hit the spot and Louise felt her face become red and hot as she kissed now his neck then his ears. One of his hands was behind her head, supporting it, while beneath the other she succumbed.
The tension hit and his mouth suckled hers as he stroked her through the deepest come of her life and then she felt the bliss abate as her stomach lay soft beneath his palm. Her intimate twitches stilled and Louise lay quiet for a moment.
‘Better?’ Anton asked.
‘Positively sedated.’
She lay in sated bliss, pain free for the first time today, and trying to tell herself it was just the sex she wanted as she moved her hand and stroked his thick erection.
‘Poor Anton,’ she said.
‘There have been way too many poor Antons of late,’ Anton said. ‘I’m going to go and you’re going to sleep and—’
‘We never discuss this again.’ Louise smiled. ‘Got it!’
How was she supposed to sleep after that? Louise thought as Anton made his way out.
It took about forty-seven seconds!
CHAPTER SEVEN (#uf4ef54a2-2681-506d-ba72-7239917834a4)
LOUISE AWOKE TO the sound of the domestic’s floor polisher in the hallway and the even happier sound of no pager, which meant nothing had happened with Emily and so she padded out to the ward.
‘How is she?’ Louise asked Evie.
‘Very good,’ Evie said. ‘She’s slept mostly through and her back ache has eased and the contractions have stopped.’ She looked at Louise, who was yawning. ‘Why don’t you go home?’
‘I’m going to have a shower and then I’ll see Emily over to her room before I do just that.’
‘Well, the royal suite is empty.’ Evie smiled as she used the name they all called it. ‘I’ll go and set it up.’
‘I’ll do that when I’ve had my shower,’ Louise said, smiling when she heard Anton’s voice.
‘Morning, Louise,’ Anton said, looking all the more handsome for not having shaven. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Oh, I went out like a light,’ Louise answered. She headed off to the shower and had to wash with the disinfectant soap used for washing hands. Smelling like a bathroom cleaner commercial, she headed out to set up the room for Emily.
It was hardly a royal suite but it had its own loo and was more spacious than others and there was a trundle bed if Hugh wanted to stay. Louise checked the oxygen and suction and that there were pads and vomit bowels and suchlike.
Anton checked in on Emily and was very happy with her lack of progress and agreed that she could be moved.
‘Every day that you don’t go into labour is a good day,’ Anton said, as Louise helped her onto the bed. ‘For now you are on strict bed rest and that means bedpans.’
‘Okay.’ Emily nodded. She wasn’t going to argue if it meant her baby stayed put. ‘I feel much more positive today.’ She looked over at Louise. ‘You can go home now.’
‘I am,’ Louise said. ‘But you’re to text me with anything you want me to bring in for you. I can visit tonight or tomorrow. I’m off for two days now but—’
‘I’ll text you,’ Emily interrupted, because Louise lived by her phone and they texted each other most days anyway.
As they headed out—Anton to start his shift, Louise to commence her days off—he asked if he could have a word with her in his office.
‘Sure,’ Louise said.
She knew what was coming and immediately she broached it. ‘Don’t worry, I get that last night was an aberration.’ She saw him frown. ‘A one-off.’
Anton wasn’t so sure. He had no regrets about last night and he looked at the woman standing before him and wanted to get to know her some more, but before he did there was something that he first needed to know.
‘This referral, are you sure that now is the right time?’
‘Very sure,’ Louise said. ‘I’ve been thinking about it for close to a year.’
‘Okay …’ Anton said, because that alone was enough for him to ensure last night remained an aberration, although still he would like to give them a chance. ‘Why don’t you wait a while? Maybe we can—?’
‘Anton, I already have waited a while. I’m twenty-nine years old and for twenty-eight of those years I have wanted a baby. I didn’t just dress up my dollies and put them in a pram, Anton, I used to put them up my dress …’ Anton smiled as she carried on. ‘I’m not brilliant at relationships.’
‘Why would you say that?’
‘Oh, I’ve gathered quite a list of the reasons over the years.’ Louise started to tick off on her fingers. ‘I’m high maintenance, vain, obsessed with having a baby, inappropriate at times … I could go on but you get the drift. And, yes, I am all of those things and shall happily continue to be them. But, while relationships may not be my forte, I do know for a fact that I shall be a brilliant mum. So many women do it themselves these days.’
‘Even so …’
‘It’s not a decision I’ve come to lightly. I’ve sat on it for close to a year and so, if I could have that referral, it would be completely brilliant.’
He wrote one out for her there and then. ‘I’ll let his secretary know this morning. When you call ask to speak to her because Richard is very booked up too.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Louise …’
‘Anton.’ She turned round. She did not want to hear now how they might stand a chance, and she did not want to be put off her dream. One of the reasons she was attracted to him perhaps was that he had been so unobtainable and she wanted that to remain the same. ‘Don’t be such a girl!’
Six feet two of testosterone stood there and smiled as she continued.
‘It was fun, there can be more fun, just as long as it’s conducted well away from work, but I am going ahead with this.’
He said nothing as she stepped out and Louise didn’t really want him to. She didn’t want to hear that maybe they could give it a go. She had fancied him for ever, since the moment she had first laid eyes on him, and now, when the year she had given herself to come to her decision was almost up, when her dream was in sight, Anton was suddenly interested.
Why couldn’t he have left it at sex?
That, Louise could deal with.
It was the relationship part that terrified her.
Louise went and visited her family that morning and told them what was going on with Emily. When she got home Emily texted, asking her to go shopping for some nightwear but that there was no rush. And she added …
Something suitable, Louise!!!
Louise killed a couple of happy hours choosing nightwear for a pregnant, soon-to-be breastfeeding woman, while pretending she was shopping for herself. She did her level best to buy not what she’d like but what she guessed Emily would like, and, finally home, she thought about Anton and what had happened.
Not just their kiss and things, more the revelation that he liked her.
She had always been herself with him. Almost, since the day they had met, she had actually practised being herself with him. Anton had no idea just how much he had helped her. Not once had he told her to tone it down as she’d gradually returned to the woman she once had been.
She didn’t particularly want Anton to know just how bad things had been. In fact, as her fingers traced the scar on her scalp and her tongue slid over the crown on her front tooth, she could not imagine telling him what had happened in her past—it would be a helluva lot to dump on him.
Louise let out a breath as she recalled her family’s and friends’ reactions.
It had been Emily she had called on Boxing Day and Rory too.
Rory, whose friendship she had dumped, had, when she’d needed him, patched her up enough to go and face her parents at least.
No, she did not even want to think of Anton’s reaction to her tale so she pushed all thoughts of that away and pulled out the referral letter and made the call she had been waiting for ever to make.
Anton must have rung ahead as promised because when Louise spoke to the secretary she was told that there had been a cancellation and that she could see Richard the following Wednesday at ten a.m. Louise checked her diary on her phone and saw that she was on a late that day.
Perfect!
Louise put down the phone and did a little happy dance.
Finally, possibly, her baby was on the way!
CHAPTER EIGHT (#uf4ef54a2-2681-506d-ba72-7239917834a4)
EVERY QUESTION THAT Louise had, and there were many, was answered.
Susan had come to Louise’s appointment with her and Louise was very glad to have her mother by her side. She knew she would probably forget half of what was said later. Also it was easier if her mother understood what was happening first hand.
Richard ordered a full screening, along with a pelvic ultrasound, and did a thorough examination, as well as looking through the app she had on her phone that charted all her dates.
‘We have counsellors here and I really suggest that you take up my suggestion and make an appointment. The next step is to await all the blood results and then I’ll see you in the new year and we’ll look at the ways we can go ahead.’
Louise nodded.
‘But you think I’ll probably end up having IVF?’ Louise said, because that was the impression she had got during the consultation. She was nervous that the fertility drugs might produce too many eggs but with IVF it was more controlled and Louise only wanted one embryo put back. Richard had even discussed egg sharing, which would give Louise one round of IVF free.
‘I’m leaning that way, given your irregular cycle and that you want to avoid a multiple pregnancy, but right now I’d suggest you carry on with the iron and folic acid till we get the results back. We might put you on something stronger once they’re in. For now, go and have a good Christmas.’
Louise made an appointment for the second week in January, when Richard returned from his Christmas break, and she made an appointment for an ultrasound and then went and had all the bloodwork done as well.
‘Aren’t you going to book the counsellor?’ Susan asked.
‘Why would I need to see one?’ Louise said. ‘You didn’t have to see one before you had your three children.’
‘True,’ Susan responded, ‘but before we went in you said that you were going to do everything he suggests.’
‘And I am,’ Louise said, ‘apart from that one.’
Louise’s cheeks were unusually pink as they walked down the corridor. Her mind was all ajumble because even as little as a couple of weeks ago she’d have happily signed up to talk to someone. She was one hundred per cent sure that she wanted this.
Or make that ninety-nine point nine per cent positive.
‘Have you got time for a quick lunch before your shift?’ Susan asked.
She did have time but unfortunately that point one per cent, or rather Anton, was already in the canteen and Louise was very conscious of him as they got their meals. Fortunately the table that Susan selected was quite far away from where Anton sat.
‘Well, all I can say is that he was a lot better than the GP,’ Susan said. ‘Do you feel better for having seen him?’
‘I do.’
‘You’re very quiet all of a sudden.’
Louise didn’t know whether or not to say anything to her mum.
Actually, she didn’t know if there even was anything to discuss. She and Anton had returned to business as usual after the other night. She was being far less flirtatious and Anton was checking up on her work even more than usual, if that was possible.
‘I think I like someone, Mum,’ Louise admitted. ‘I’m a bit confused, to be honest.’
‘Does he know that you like him?’
Louise nodded. ‘And he also knows I’m doing this but I think if I continue to go ahead then it takes away any chance for us. I don’t even know if I want us to have a chance.’
Susan asked what should have been a simple question. ‘What’s he like?’
‘I don’t really know.’ Louise gave a wry laugh. ‘I know what he’s like at work and I find him a bit …’ She hesitated. ‘Well, he’s very thorough with his patients and I’m pretty used to doctors dismissing and overriding midwives …’ Louise thought for a long moment before continuing. ‘I’ve just fancied him for a long time but nothing ever happened and now, when I’ve decided to do this, he seems to want to give us a try.’
‘How long have you liked him for?’ Susan asked.
‘About six months.’
‘And if he’d tried anything six months ago, what would you have done?’
‘Run a mile.’
‘If he’d tried anything three months ago, what would you have done?’
‘Run a mile,’ Louise admitted.
Only now was she truly healing.
‘Do you want to give it a try?’
‘I think so,’ Louise said, ‘but I want this so much too.’
