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Gray had no other option. Running a cattle station was his only income-earning skill. Jabiru Creek Station was the best he had to offer. It was all he had to offer.
He was very afraid it wasn’t enough.
The elevator arrived and shot him quickly to the third floor, and when the doors slid open his children were waiting for him.
‘Daddy!’ Anna launched herself, like a small torpedo, straight into Gray’s arms.
He let his duffel bag slip to the floor and lifted her high and she clasped him tightly around his neck.
‘Daddy! My daddy!’ She buried her face into his shoulder and her silky fair hair smelled wonderfully of flowers.
‘Hey, Dad.’ Josh was standing close, looking up expectantly.
Crouching, Gray juggled Anna onto one knee and hugged his son. What a fine little fellow Josh was. Gray had been moved to tears when he’d heard that his small son had been brave and quick-thinking when his mother collapsed at home, rushing to dial Emergency.
Now … how good it was to embrace them both. At last.
They seemed fine. Gray had been worried he’d find them pale and pining, but they looked happy and healthy and bursting with energy. It was such a relief.
‘That’s some welcome,’ a voice said and he looked up to see a young woman with dark hair and dark shiny eyes standing in the apartment’s open doorway.
Holly O’Mara, Chelsea’s young cousin. Gray sent her a smile that felt crooked with emotion. He winced at the twinge in his ankle when he stood once more.
‘Holly,’ he said, holding out his hand.
‘It’s good to see you, Gray.’
He didn’t know this young woman very well. On the rare occasions they’d met at family gatherings, Holly had always been shy, keeping well in the background, as if she preferred her own company, so he’d never gone out of his way to chat with her. Besides, she was training to be an English teacher, which meant she was as well educated and cultured as his former wife, another woman destined to remind him of his inadequacies.
But he couldn’t deny he owed her a great deal. She’d been sole carer of his children for three long, difficult months.
With the twins skipping at his heels, he followed Holly inside the apartment. It was then, without warning, that he was sideswiped by a new emotion—the realisation that his beautiful bride was gone for ever.
It was crazy to feel like this now. Truth was, Gray had already lost Chelsea three years ago when she left him. He’d done his grieving then, and in time he’d moved on, eventually finding comfort in a healthy cynicism for the married state.
Now, suddenly, the finality of her passing hit him like a physical blow. A sense of loss descended like black, suffocating cloud.
Don’t break down. Not now. Not in front of the children.
He heard Holly say gently, ‘You’ve had a long journey. Why don’t you go through to the living room? Take the weight off. I have coffee brewing.’
Gray was grateful for the normality and everyday ease of her welcome. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘Thanks for everything, Holly.’
Their gazes met in an unexpected moment of connection. Holly was smiling, but Gray thought he saw tears glistening in her dark eyes and he felt a painful tightening in his throat.
He spoke more gruffly than he meant to. ‘Come on, kids, show me the way.’
* * *
Holly told herself to keep smiling as she watched Gray and his children head down the hall. Alone in the kitchen, however, she was fighting tears as she filled the coffee-maker.
It was two months now since her break-up with Brandon, but Gray’s arrival at last brought it all back—memories of the horrible phone call, the heartbreak in the following weeks of anxiety, of hoping against all hope for another call. It was all a mistake, Holly. I really do love you.
But on top of that pain … she felt so tense, so conflicted about this reunion.
Oh, she was very happy for Anna and Josh. She knew how much they needed their father, and it was wonderful to see how thrilled they were. But she wasn’t sure she could bear to let them go all the way back to Australia.
Of course, Gray had every right to take his children home, and there was no denying that he loved them.
Just now, when he’d hunkered down in the corridor to hug them, Holly had seen the way he closed his eyes and held them close against his heart. She’d watched the concentrated emotion in his face, and she’d been so moved she’d almost spoiled the moment by weeping.
Until then, she hadn’t realised how fragile she was after the emotional pressure cooker of the last three months.
She and the children had been through so much together, and they’d grown incredibly close. When Chelsea had died so suddenly, the very foundations of their world had been shaken and Holly had needed to dig deep, discovering a sensitivity and wisdom she hadn’t known she possessed.
Even though Chelsea’s parents lived close by in a luxury Westside apartment, they’d been too shocked and grieving to be of much help. They’d gladly handed over their grandchildren into Holly’s full-time care until Gray Kidman arrived to claim them.
Looking back, Holly wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed. In a cruelly short space of time she’d lost Chelsea, her cousin and her best friend, and then Brandon. Filled with despair, she’d wanted to crawl away and hide for a decade or two, and she might have done exactly that if Anna and Josh’s needs hadn’t been even greater than hers.
To give them the love and attention they’d needed, she’d been forced to put her own heartbreak aside.
So … in a way the children had saved her. But right now, she was finding it hard to accept that her role as an integral player in this little team was almost over. She couldn’t imagine living without them.
‘Look, Daddy.’ Anna lifted her top lip.
‘Wow. You’ve lost a tooth.’
The little girl grinned proudly, revealing the gap. ‘I left it under my pillow and the Tooth Fairy came.’
‘Lucky you.’
‘Josh hasn’t lost any teeth yet.’
His son’s lips were tightly pressed together, and Gray caught a flicker of embarrassment in the boy’s eyes. Clearly, sibling rivalry was alive and well, and no doubt Josh felt left behind in the race to shed baby teeth.
‘Josh must have extra tough teeth,’ Gray suggested.
The boy sent him a grateful smile.
To change the subject, Gray unzipped a pocket on the outside of his duffel bag and drew out a small packet.
‘Is that a present?’ asked Anna, eager-eyed.
‘It’s a game to share with your brother. A card game. Snap. With pictures of the Outback on the back.’
‘Your Outback?’
He smiled uncertainly. ‘Yes. My Outback.’
The twins had been three when they’d left his home—he doubted they’d remember it.
They knelt at the coffee table as Gray fanned the cards onto its smooth glass surface, showing bright photos of kangaroos, pink-flowering gum trees and wide red plains shimmering beneath sunburned skies.
‘Is that where you’re going to take us?’ asked Josh.
Gray nodded.
‘Is your house like this one?’ Anna picked up a card that showed a faded, shabby homestead with a broad iron roof standing alone in the middle of a sparse red desert.
‘More or less,’ Gray admitted with some reluctance.
The little girl stared with large worried eyes at the rather ugly house and stark forbidding landscape.
‘We have more trees than that and quite a decent garden,’ Gray amended, feeling rather like a real estate agent trying to sell inadequate property. ‘My homestead is painted white, and there are lots of extra buildings.’
‘What kind of buildings?’
He realised now that he should have brought proper photos of Jabiru Creek Station, instead of these generic tourist images. ‘We have machinery sheds and storage sheds and houses for the ringers.’
‘What are ringers?’
‘They’re stockmen.’
‘Cowboys,’ added Holly cheerfully as she came into the room with a coffee pot and two black and white mugs.
‘Except that in Australia we don’t call them cowboys,’ Gray amended with a smile.
‘Can we ride horses?’
The animated excitement in Josh’s face was a stark contrast to the sudden fear in Anna’s dark brown eyes. Gray’s chest tightened. His daughter looked so much like her mother. So beautiful, like a delicate flower, and right now, so worried and sad.
‘I have a nice little horse that you can learn to ride,’ he told Josh. For Anna’s sake he added, ‘But you don’t have to ride if you don’t want to.’
He tried to cheer Anna with a smiling wink. She wouldn’t remember how she used to love to ride in the saddle in front of him, while he kept one arm around her and one hand holding the reins. To his dismay, her lower lip trembled. Damn. He had so little experience in handling kids. The simplest thing could suddenly become a huge problem.
Holly, who’d made herself comfortable in an armchair, leaned forward and picked up another card—a picture of blue sky reflected in a large pool of water at the bottom of a steep red-walled gorge.
‘Look, Anna,’ Holly said. ‘Isn’t this beautiful?’
Over the children’s heads, her expressive dark eyes sent Gray a silent message. They needed to change the subject.
‘Do you have beautiful places like this on your ranch?’ she asked him.
‘Sure. We have a fabulous deep gorge and a sizeable river.’
‘Can you swim there?’ Holly asked with an encouraging smile.
Not unless you’re willing to risk being eaten by a crocodile.
Sidestepping that question, Gray said instead, ‘There’s a dam near the homestead where you can swim.’ When it’s not too hot or muddy.
He tentatively touched his daughter’s arm. Her skin was soft and smooth and perfect and his heart lurched. He hated to think of her being muddy or sunburned or in any kind of danger from the harsh environment that was his home.
Would he be able to take proper care of her? He hunted for something positive to tell her.
‘Do you like puppies, Anna?’
She nodded solemnly.
‘I have a nice kelpie and she’s going to have babies very soon. By the time we get home there might be puppies.’
‘How many puppies?’
‘Maybe three or four.’
Anna’s eyes widened. ‘Are they all in their mommy’s tummy?’
‘Yes. They’re growing fat and wriggly and they’re almost ready to be born.’
‘Like Josh and me? We were together in our mommy’s tummy.’
Gray tensed, expecting his daughter to burst into tears now that she’d inadvertently mentioned her mother. His skin grew clammy. His heart picked up pace. Hell. What should he do and say now?
Holly spoke for him. ‘That’s right, Anna. The puppies are just like you and Josh, all together in their mommy’s tummy.’ She said this smoothly and calmly, as if nothing awkward or dangerous had happened. ‘If there are three puppies, they’ll be triplets. If there are four they’ll be quads.’
To Gray’s surprise, Anna grinned, clearly pleased with Holly’s answer.
‘Why don’t you two have a game of Snap while your dad drinks his coffee?’ Holly suggested next. ‘Take the cards through to your room. I’ll call you as soon as lunch is ready.’
‘Is Dad having lunch with us?’ Josh asked.
‘Of course. He’ll be staying here with us for a few days.’
Satisfied, the boy began to gather up the cards and the two trotted happily off to their room.
As they left, Gray sent Holly a surprised smile, shaking his head. ‘They did exactly what you asked. Are they always so obedient?’
She laughed. ‘Heavens, no. Although they’re getting better all the time.’ She poured coffee into two mugs. ‘Here’s your coffee. Drink it while it’s hot.’
‘Thanks.’ He relaxed into the sofa and took a deep sip. The coffee was indeed hot and strong and of very good quality.
Over the rim of his mug he stole a closer look at Holly O’Mara. Although he’d only met her a few times, he was sure there was something different about her. He tried to decide what it was. Was her face thinner? Was that why her dark eyes now looked larger, her mouth more curving and lush, her cheekbones more defined?
Or was there something different about her expression?
The change was hard to pin down, but he sensed a depth in Chelsea’s young cousin that he’d never been aware of before. He knew these past three months must have been very hard on her. No doubt she’d had to grow up fast.
Whatever it was about Holly that was different, the change seemed to suit her. And she’d clearly done a very good job of looking after his children.
