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This was the first time Ellie had touched him in years, and now she was kneeling at his feet and looking so worried. He felt momentarily deprived of air, as if he was back in the river.
* * *
Ellie felt incredibly flustered about patching up Joe’s leg.
She’d been hoping for distance from her ex, and here she was instead, tending to his wounds. And the task felt impossibly, disturbingly intimate. She knew she had to get a grip. It was only a matter of swabbing Joe’s leg, for heaven’s sake. What was wrong with her?
Of course, she was still shaken from the shock of seeing him almost drown in front of her. She kept reliving that horrifying moment when his dark head had disappeared beneath the swirling flood water.
She’d believed it was the end—Joe was gone for ever—and she’d been swamped by an agonising sense of loss. A slug of the darkest possible despair.
Even now, after they were both safely home and showered and changed, she felt shaky as she gathered bottles of antiseptic, tubes of cream and cotton wool swabs and bandages and anything else she thought she might need.
Now she could see the contrariness of their situation. She and Joe had made every attempt to split, finally and for ever, and yet fate had a strange sense of humour and had deemed it necessary to push them together again.
Here was Joe in her kitchen, dressed in shorts, with his long brown leg propped on a chair.
It wasn’t fair, Ellie decided, that despite an angry red gash, a single limb could look so spectacularly masculine, so strongly muscled and large.
‘Blood,’ little Jacko announced solemnly, stepping closer to inspect the bright wound on Joe’s calf.
‘Jacko’s always seriously impressed by blood,’ she explained.
Jacko looked up at Joe with round worried eyes, blue gaze meeting blue. ‘Band-Aid,’ he pronounced solemnly.
‘Thanks, mate.’ Joe smiled at the boy. ‘Your mum’s looking after me, so I know I’m in good hands.’
To Ellie’s dismay, she felt a bright blush heat her face. ‘I’m afraid Joe will need more than a Band-Aid,’ she said tightly as she drew a chair close. ‘Jacko, why don’t you go and find Teddy? I’ll give him a Band-Aid, too.’ With luck, she would get most of this task done while the boy was away, looking for his favourite stuffed toy.
But, to her annoyance, she couldn’t quite meet Joe’s eyes as she bent forward to examine his torn flesh. ‘It looks like a very bad graze—and it’s right down your shin.’ She couldn’t help wincing in sympathy. ‘It must have hurt.’
‘It’s not too bad. I don’t think it’s too deep, do you?’
‘Perhaps not, but it’s had all that filthy river mud in it. I’d hate you to get infected.’ Gently, conscientiously, Ellie washed the wound with warm water and antiseptic, then dabbed at the ragged edges with a cotton wool swab and extra antiseptic. ‘I hope this doesn’t sting too much.’
‘Just slosh it on. I’ll be fine.’
Of course. He was a tough guy.
Ellie wished she was tougher. She most definitely wished that being around her ex-husband didn’t make her feel so breathless and trembling. And overheated.
She forced herself to be businesslike. ‘Are you up-to-date with your tetanus shots?’
‘No worries there. The Army made sure of it.’
‘Of course. OK. I think I should put sterile dressings on these deeper patches.’
‘I’m damn lucky you have such a well stocked first aid kit.’
‘The Flying Doctors provided it. There are antibiotics, too, if you need them.’
‘You’re an angel, Ellie.’
Joe said this with such apparent sincerity she was terrified to look him in the eye, too worried he’d read her emotions, that he’d guess how upset she’d been by his accident, that he’d sense how his proximity set her pulses hammering.
Carefully, she tore the protective packaging from a dressing patch and placed it on his leg, gently pressing the adhesive edges to seal it to his skin. Then, without looking up, she dressed another section, working as swiftly and efficiently, and as gently, as she could.
‘The Florence Nightingale touch suits you.’
Ellie’s head snapped up and suddenly she was looking straight into Joe’s eyes. His bright blue gorgeous eyes that had robbed her of common sense and stolen her heart at their very first meeting.
Joe responded with a slow shimmering smile, as if he liked looking at her, too. Her face flamed brightly. Dismayed, she clambered to her feet.
‘Teddy!’ hollered Jacko, suddenly running into the room with his fluffy golden bear.
Excessively grateful for the distraction, Ellie found a fluorescent green child-pleasing Band-Aid and ceremoniously applied it to the bear’s furry leg. Jacko was suitably delighted and he showed the bear to Joe, who inspected the toy’s injury with commendable attention for a man not used to children.
‘OK,’ Ellie told Joe brusquely as Jacko trotted off again, happily satisfied. ‘You can throw your things into Nina’s room. You should be comfortable enough sleeping in there.’
This time she was ready when a blush threatened at the mere mention of his sleeping arrangements. A deep breath and the sheer force of willpower kept it at bay, but she didn’t miss the flash of tension in Joe’s eyes.
Almost immediately, however, Joe recovered, and he gave her an easy shrug. ‘I’m fine with sleeping in the swag.’
‘Don’t be silly. You can’t sleep on the study floor with an injured leg.’
His shoulders lifted in a shrug. ‘OK. I’m not fussy. I’ll sleep wherever’s most convenient for you.’
Their gazes locked and Ellie’s pulses drummed. She knew Joe must have been thinking, as she was, of the big double bed where she slept. Alone. The bed they’d once shared so passionately.
Hastily she blocked out the dangerously stirring memories of their intimacy, but, as she put the first aid kit away, she wondered again how she was going to survive several days of Joe’s presence in her house. She felt quite sure she’d already stumbled at the first hurdle.
CHAPTER FIVE (#ue521b2b7-b24b-5976-ad8e-f2de34011e99)
JOE’S BROTHER, HEATH, answered when Joe rang home with the news that he couldn’t make it for Christmas,
‘Jeez, mate, that’s bad luck.’
‘I know. I’m sorry, but with all this rain it’s impossible to get through.’
‘Mum will be upset.’
‘Yeah.’ Joe grimaced. It was way too long since he’d been home. ‘So, how are Mum and Dad?’
‘Both fighting fit.’ Heath laughed. ‘Excuse the pun. Should remember I’m talking to a soldier.’
‘Former soldier.’
‘Yeah. Anyway, they were really excited about seeing you.’
Joe suppressed a sigh. ‘I suppose Dad’s busy?’
‘He and Dean are out in the paddock helping a heifer that’s having twins. But Mum’s around.’
‘I’d like to speak to her.’
‘Sure. She’s just in the kitchen, up to her elbows in her usual Christmas frenzy. Making shortbread today, I think. I’ll get her in a sec—but first, tell me, mate—if you’re stuck at Karinya, does that mean you’ll have to spend Christmas with Ellie?’
‘Looks that way.’ Joe tried hard to keep his voice neutral.
‘But you’re still going ahead with the divorce, aren’t you?’
‘Sure. Everything’s signed, but I can’t deliver the final paperwork till the rivers go down. As far as we’re both concerned, though, it’s a done deal. All over, red rover.’
‘Hell. And now you’re stuck there together. That’s tough.’
‘Well, at least I get to spend more time with Jacko.’
‘That’s true, I guess,’ Heath said slowly, making no attempt to hide his doubts. ‘Just the same, you have my sympathy, Joe.’
‘Thanks, but I don’t really need it. Ellie and I are OK. We’re being perfectly civil.’
‘Civil? Sounds like a load of laughs.’
‘You were going to get Mum?’ Joe reminded his brother.
‘Yeah, sure. Well, Happy Christmas.’
‘Thanks. Same to you, and give my love to Laura and the girls.’
‘Will do. And good luck with you know who!’
Joe didn’t have long to ponder his brother’s final remark. In no time he heard his mother’s voice.
‘Darling, how lovely to hear from you. But Heath’s just told me the terrible news. I can’t believe you’re stranded! What a dreadful shame, Joe. Are you sure there’s no way you can get across that darned river?’
‘I nearly drowned myself trying.’ Joe wouldn’t normally have shared this detail with his mother, but today it was important she understood there was no point in holding out hope.
‘Oh, good heavens,’ she said. ‘Well, I guess there’s no hope of seeing you for Christmas.’
‘Impossible, I’m afraid.’
‘That’s such a pity.’
In the awkward silence, Joe tried to think of something reassuring to tell her. He’d felt OK before talking to his family but, now that he’d heard their voices, he felt a tug of unanticipated emotion. And nostalgia. He was remembering the happy Christmases of his past.
‘So, how are you?’ his mother asked after she’d digested his news.
‘I’m fine, thanks. Copped a bit of a scrape on the leg, trying to cross the river, but nothing to worry about.’
‘And how’s Jacko?’ His mother’s voice softened, taking on a wistful quality.
His parents had never met Jacko, their grandson, and now the sadness in her voice was a stinging jolt, like a fish hook in Joe’s heart. He’d told himself that his parents probably didn’t mind—after all, they had six other grandkids—but there was no denying the regret in his mother’s voice.
‘Jacko’s a great little bloke,’ he told her. ‘I’ll email photos.’
‘That would be lovely. I’m sure he’s a dear little boy, just like you were.’
It was hard to know how to respond to this, especially as his throat had tightened painfully. ‘He’s a cute kid, all right. Gets up to mischief.’
‘Oh, the little sweetheart. I can just imagine. Joe, we’ll still get to meet Jacko, won’t we? Even though you’re divorced?’
‘Yes. I’ll make sure of it.’ Somehow. Some time. Joe added silently. He wasn’t sure when. But it hit him now that it was important for Jacko to meet his side of the family.
He imagined the boy meeting the raft of Madden uncles and cousins—meeting Joe’s parents. It hadn’t occurred to him till now, but he wanted the boy to know the whole picture. It was important in shaping his sense of identity.
Hell. He’d been so busy carving out a new life for himself that he hadn’t given his responsibilities as a father nearly enough thought.
Now, he thought about Christmas at Ridgelands. He could picture it clearly, with the long table on the homestead veranda groaning beneath the weight of food. There’d be balloons and bright Christmas decorations hanging from posts and railings. All his family around the table. His parents, his brothers and their wives and their kids...
They would have a cold seafood salad as a starter, followed by roast turkey and roast beef, all the vegetables and trimmings. Then his mother’s Christmas pudding, filled with the silver sixpences she’d saved from decades ago. Any lucky grandchild who scored a sixpence in their pudding could exchange it for a dollar.
There would be bonbons and silly hats and streamers. Corny jokes, family news and tall stories.
When Joe had first arrived back from Afghanistan, he’d been too distanced from his old life to feel homesick. Now, he was seized by an unexpected longing.
‘Oh, well,’ his mother was saying, ‘for the time being, you’ll have to give Jacko an extra hug from me.’
‘Will do.’ Joe swallowed. ‘And I’ll make sure I come to see you before I leave for the new job.’
‘Oh, yes, Joe. Please do come. It’s been so long. Too long.’
‘I know. I’ll be there. I promise. Give my love to Dad, and everyone.’
‘Yes, darling. We’ll speak again. Can we call you on this number?’
‘Sure.’
‘And you give my love to—’ His mother paused and ever so slightly sighed. ‘Perhaps I should say—give my regards to Ellie.’
‘You can send Ellie your love.’ Joe’s throat was extra-sore now, as if he’d swallowed gravel. ‘She’s always liked you, Mum. I’m her problem.’
‘Oh, darling,’ An unhappy silence lapsed. ‘I just hope you and Ellie manage to have a stress-free Christmas together.’
‘We’ll be fine. Don’t worry. We’re on our best behaviour.’
Joe felt a little shaken as he hung up. While he’d been a soldier on active duty, his focus had been on a foreign enemy. With the added problem of an impending divorce hanging over him, he’d found it all too easy to detach himself from home.
Now, for the first time, he began to suspect that avoiding his family had been a mistake. And yet, here he was, about to run away again.
