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Sara was taken aback. Tom hadn’t said a word that night. With a title like that, and the extraordinary workload and dedication to achieve such a position, he had certainly earned some bragging rights. But he had said nothing about it. She wanted to say how proud she was of him, but of course pride carried ownership or at the very least attachment, and she couldn’t afford either.
‘Congratulations, Tom,’ she finally decided, keeping it simple. ‘That must have been a lot of work. You must be the youngest associate professor on staff.’
‘So they say. But I’d completed my PhD, and had a year post-doctoral experience so I met the selection criteria. The board approved my appointment for three years and I’m only six months into it,’ he responded. The PhD had kept his mind from missing Sara after she left. It had provided him with a focus and purpose in getting up each day.
‘I still operate on private patients but I’m more involved with the teaching and rotation programme in the undergraduate, graduate and professional curricula and the development of post-qualifying modules. But enough about me. I’m still in shock that you are Stu’s mysterious replacement.’
‘What do you mean, mysterious?’ Sara replied, giving him a puzzled look.
‘I mean he hadn’t told me who was filling in at the practice. Stu told me that he had it covered but not that you were his replacement.’
Sara was even more confused. Stu’s private practice was not his concern. ‘Why do you discuss his practice? Don’t you still have your own?’
Tom gave her a wry look. ‘Because we’re partners, Stu’s a partner now in my old practice—he bought in a few months ago. I only consult there one day a week now. The hospital consumes most of my time, but I still wanted to maintain some patient contact.’
Sara was completely flustered for a moment. Not only was Tom consulting at the hospital where she would be operating but he was also a partner at the practice where she would be consulting for the next month. She would be working at Tom’s old practice. This was quickly spiralling into a disaster.
‘Oh, well, at least this will be uncomfortable for both of us,’ she said honestly.
Tom stood watching her carefully, looking for clues as to what she was thinking and, more importantly, feeling. He wanted some signs that would let him into her head. There was nothing. She really had shut him out. That night had been nothing but a moment of passion between two lonely people in a big city. Nothing more.
He knew then and there what he had to do. He had to keep his ex-wife away from his heart. Or he’d go mad. It was crazy and he knew it but he still loved the woman sitting there, so close but emotionally so distant. The woman who had captured his heart all those years ago still held it quite firmly in her hands. He had to push her away. Or, more to the point, he had to push her out of his reach.
He didn’t need a reminder of why she’d left. Or why she’d had to leave. They had shared that discussion too many times to recall.
Any feelings she’d once had for him were clearly gone. He had to accept it. And so he adopted the same detached demeanour. A demeanour very far from his true feelings.
‘There really shouldn’t be any problems. That night...’ He paused. ‘Let’s just say old habits, reminiscing, we crossed the line, both of us. It won’t happen again. But, hey, we got it out of our systems. Like an itch that needed a good scratch, and now it’s done we can both move on.’
Sara was thrown by his response. It was cold. He really was over them. An itch? That sounded so unlike the Tom she had known. Still, three years had passed and he had obviously changed. Or, just like her, was he putting on a façade to make the arrangement they found themselves in a little less awkward? It didn’t matter. They both knew and understood the rules.
Without answering, Tom crossed back to her and reached for her leg. Sara jumped as his hand gently lifted her leg down from the stool and placed her foot back on the floor.
‘We’re good, Sara...we’re good.’
* * *
Sara wasn’t so sure. She was going to be operating at the hospital for a month. That meant bumping into each other, on ward rounds, near the OR. There were too many opportunities where they would see each other.
The way her body had reacted to Tom made her realise only too quickly that the chemistry she shared with him wasn’t just a memory. She suddenly worried if her love for him would ever truly be over. But they had no future. She would not give up on the idea of bringing children into the world. Being a mother was a dream she wanted to hold onto but Tom never wanted to be a father. That was written in stone.
She had spent too long getting him out of her head and her heart.
Sara looked at him, and even through her tired eyes she could see the man who won her love was still as handsome and charismatic as ever. It’s four short weeks. It can’t be that difficult.
‘I’m a little tired—can we discuss the work schedule later? We can sort out the personal arrangements too over the next few days. I’m happy with the financial separation the way it is. It won’t change after we divorce. You won’t need to support me, so it should be done very quickly.’
There was an uncomfortable silence between them. She had no idea what was going on in Tom’s mind but he clearly wasn’t about to share anything. She had said her piece and cleared the air.
‘Quick and painless, like an extraction of an upper molar,’ he said matter-of-factly.
Sara knew when Tom became uncomfortable he always used dark humour. It was how he masked his emotions.
‘Not quite,’ she replied, then chose to change the subject. ‘After the four weeks here, I’m off. I don’t know a lot about Texas but the position sounded exciting and I jumped at it,’ she told him as she crossed to one of the floor-to-ceiling bookcases that lined the room. Part of her didn’t want to go to the US. Part of her still wanted Tom. But she also wanted more.
Sara lightly ran her fingers over a row of leather-bound medical books standing next to one another on the shelf and thought back to all of the nights she had spent poring over books just like them as a postgraduate student at the university library, hoping to come close to Tom’s knowledge and skill. But it wasn’t just his ability and compassion as a doctor that had her in awe, it was his commanding presence as a man that had drawn her to him. He had been her lecturer and her mentor but more than that, she had wished he was her lover.
She had felt on some level there was chemistry that ran between them. She would watch him standing at the lectern, speaking to all the medical students, and she had hoped, as his eyes had scanned the lecture hall, that he had seen her as more than just his student. She had wanted him to see her as a woman. A woman who respected his knowledge, admired his skills but wanted to know more about him as a man.
Sara would daydream in the tram on the way home, a bag full of handwritten notes at her feet and a laptop in her backpack, about the two of them driving home together. She had pictured them talking about their days, comparing notes on cases and discussing surgical procedures. Sara remembered back to the long nights when she would lie in twisted sheets staring at the ceiling in the darkness of her university bedroom. She would picture the curves of his handsome face, the skin wrinkling softly around his grey eyes when he laughed, and the warm, masculine scent of his body.
Not being able to say how she felt during those many months of study was at times almost impossible. But she knew better than to say anything to her incredibly handsome tutor. It was more than likely that her romantic musings were one-sided. She didn’t want her imagination to steer her into attracting more of his attention. He was almost seven years older, infinitely wiser and often intimidating. And she was his student. Capable and willing to learn, passing with distinctions, but still his student.
She thought he would be more interested in dating one of his peers, yet there were moments when she felt there was something more. She would ask a question, or answer one that he had posed, and he would appear genuinely impressed.
There were times when his eyes seemed to linger on her a little longer. His mouth would curve ever so slightly and his eyes seemed to be smiling. Her heart would skip a beat, and she hoped she didn’t blush. Sometimes he would ask her to stay late with a small number of postgraduates to discuss a topic or alternate prognosis in greater depths. On more than one occasion he bumped into her in the university cafeteria and they shared a table and talked of things other than work.
She wanted more than anything for his interest to be more than just academic, and these chats led her to believe it was, but he was a complicated man. She decided that until her training was over and he made his feelings clear she would keep her own locked safely inside her heart.
Sara never regretted that decision. Soon after she graduated and found a role in a private practice based in Brighton, Tom invited her to a celebratory dinner. She was so surprised and happy. It was a dinner for two. Standing at the door of the restaurant as they waited for their table, his soft hands cupped her face and gently turned her towards him. Tenderly, he reached down and kissed her.
It took Sara’s breath away. Her intuition about his feelings had been right all along. The man of her dreams, of all her late-night fantasies, was kissing her. And not caring who saw them.
She remembered every wonderful warm feeling that rushed through her body when, with love in his eyes and a wicked grin, he whispered huskily that given the chance he would never let her out of his sight again. He told her he wanted to keep her in his arms for ever.
It was a whirlwind romance. Every second weekend they spent away at different cosy bed and breakfasts all over Victoria and then, three months after their first date, Tom surprised Sara with a trip to Paris. Winter had set in and they had planned on heading to the ski slopes of Mount Hotham. The night before they were due to leave for the snow, sitting by the heater in Sara’s apartment eating raisin toast and sipping on hot chocolate, Tom told Sara there was a slight change in plans but one he hoped she would like. He suggested that she should pack some summer clothes and her passport instead of thermal underwear. As Sara frantically emptied her suitcase of her sweaters, ski pants and thick socks, hurriedly replacing them with cotton dresses, shorts and T-shirts, she told him that he was crazy.
And he told her that he loved her.
Tom managed to keep the new holiday destination a secret until the cab arrived at Tullamarine airport and he carried their luggage to the Air France check-in. Sara was so excited that she felt her eyes brimming with tears as she took her boarding pass, destination Paris.
Together, they spent a blissful week at Hotel Mansart on Paris’s Right Bank. They strolled hand in hand around the Tuileries Garden and along the pathways lined with tulips. Tom was the most romantic, wonderful lover and Sara knew without doubt that she was totally and completely in love. She couldn’t help but smile with happiness as they sat together by the sparkling pools in the warmth of a perfect summer day. A perfect day with her perfect man and Sara thought life couldn’t be any more wonderful.
But it could. And a short time later it did. As they stood admiring the Maillol sculptures in the soft light of sunset, Tom fell to one knee and slipped a diamond solitaire ring on Sara’s finger. She gasped and nodded before she kissed the man of her dreams and fell into his arms. She knew with all of her heart it was where she belonged.
After years of study to qualify as an oral and maxillofacial surgeon, Sara was twenty-eight years of age and Tom was about to turn thirty-five so they decided to have a very short engagement and that night as they lay in each other’s arms they set a wedding date only three months away.
Sara was going to spend her life with a man she completely and utterly adored and she had never been so happy in her life...
‘Sara. Yoo-hoo, I asked you when exactly you’re leaving for cattle country?’
CHAPTER THREE
SARA RAISED HER chin and turned around to face Tom. She looked across the room to see him sitting back down in his high-backed leather chair. She thanked the heavens that, no matter how extraordinarily talented her estranged husband was, at least he wasn’t a mind-reader.
She was angry with herself for the way she was reacting to him again. She was so distracted. Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep, calming breath. She had to get her emotions under control. Tom was bringing back feelings that she couldn’t afford to entertain. She had other plans.
But now, seeing Tom again, her heart began questioning her head.
Would she ever find a man she loved as much as Tom?
She had dated a few men over the past three years but not one of them had ever matched up. She always compared her dates to Tom. She hated that she did it. And she hated that they never came close.
She cursed silently as she studied him. He wasn’t going to ruin her life. She could be happy one day and have the big messy family that she’d always wanted. She deserved a man in her life who was willing to give her that family.
‘Listen, Tom, I think that it’s best I head to the hotel and put my feet up for a while.’
There was a knock on the door, forcing Sara to step back. A tall, well-dressed woman entered, a clipboard in hand. She was very attractive and Sara guessed her to be in her late twenties. Her hair was short and dark in a Cleopatra cut, which suited her almond shaped eyes and Mediterranean features.
‘Tom, I’m sorry to interrupt but I thought you should know that tomorrow afternoon’s list has an alteration. The mandibular advancement, Troy Reeves, has cancelled. Influenza. I’ve rescheduled him for the twentieth of the month. With any luck you’ll finish surgery by six tomorrow night.’
‘Christina, this is Sara,’ Tom said, as he reached for the amended list. ‘Sara, this is Christina, my secretary.’
Both women smiled courteously.
‘Christina, if you’ve done your bit, go on home,’ Tom told her. ‘I really appreciate you coming in on a weekend. I’ll make it up to you.’
‘Don’t be silly, Tom. I’m happy to help out under the circumstances and I’ll see you around seven.’ With that she headed back to the open door. ‘Nice to meet you, Sara.’
Sara smiled and with equal grace said goodbye before the door closed.
‘Don’t know what I’d do without her,’ Tom remarked casually. ‘She’s a remarkable woman.’
Sara felt an unexpected ache in her heart when she heard him talk that way about another woman. And they had plans at seven. They had a date. It was ridiculous to be feeling anything other than elation. But she didn’t. She felt jealous. It was insane. Why should she care what he thought of or, for that matter, did with other women? Tom could date other women. And now he’d signed the divorce papers he could marry another woman. As long as she didn’t want children. It wasn’t her concern what he did.
You wanted a divorce and now you have it within your reach. And don’t forget it, she reminded herself as she tried to pull her thoughts back to the situation at hand.
Before Sara had a chance to open her mouth, the door burst open again. She spun around and found herself being hauled into the arms of a tall, rather robust man with a bushy beard. She felt dwarfed by his stature. He hugged her ferociously and then stepped back.
Sara had to steady herself. It took a moment for her to register just who was on the giving end of the exuberant embrace.
‘Sara,’ he said. ‘You’re looking great. How long has it been?’
‘Stuart!’ she managed to return, realising it was her old friend hiding beneath the thick facial hair. His trademark mop of russet curls hadn’t changed at all, now she took stock of him, neither had his twinkling brown eyes in rimless glasses. ‘Gosh, it must be three years or more. Last time I saw you would’ve been...at...um...your...’ She stumbled over her words.
A cough echoed from across the room. ‘I think Sara’s trying to say it was at your anniversary party just before we went our different ways,’ Tom interjected. ‘And by the way, Stu, it would’ve been nice of you to let me in on the fact Sara was filling in for you. I had no idea.’
Stuart just shrugged his shoulders. ‘Should’ve read the memo I left on your desk in the office.’
‘Maybe you should have just told me.’
‘I’m not your secretary, Dr Fielding. We’re partners!’
Sara smiled at the banter. They were like bickering children.
‘It’s lovely to see you again, Stu,’ she cut in, to change the subject before it escalated further.
‘Just wonderful to see you, gorgeous. You haven’t changed a bit. Stunning as always,’ he said, stepping back. ‘I’m sorry I was delayed in ICU. I wanted to be here when you arrived and talk through everything but since Tom is here I’m sure he can run you through my caseload and his as well. He’s going to take over my day at the hospital and you will cover his day there. It’s easier than trying to have you cover at the hospital for me. Way too much paperwork in this place,’ he said, rolling his eyes.
‘Okay, I’m happy to fit in where I can,’ Sara said after hearing the update. She’d had no idea she would be covering for anyone else, let alone Tom, but it did make sense.
‘I’m glad I got to thank you in person before I leave. You’re a trouper. Dana and I can’t tell you how much it means to us.’
‘It’s my pleasure. Are you looking forward to your time off?’
‘It’s not exactly time off for the sake of it. I’m taking time out to be with Bonny. She was hurt in an accident up on the farm. The tractor lost its grip on an embankment. It rolled into a ditch where Bonny was playing.’
‘Oh, my...’ Sara’s hand instinctively covered her mouth. ‘When did that happen?’
‘A few weeks back. She’s okay. She’s out of hospital now. I mean, all things considered, she’s doing really well. It was a dirty great tractor and she’s so tiny and it could have been much worse. Thankfully there were huge great boulders that took the full weight of the tractor. It fell sideways and Bonny got injured when the metal toolbox lost its moorings and landed on her. She was knocked unconscious and her leg was pinned underneath the exhaust pipe.’ The pain in his eyes couldn’t mask the distress he was feeling at retelling the story.
Sara was horrified at the thought of Bonny pinned beneath the tractor. She felt her own spine rush with cold and then tears begin to build. She blinked them away.
‘I didn’t want to guilt you into coming so I didn’t mention Bonny when you offered to fill in. It would’ve been unfair to put that sort of pressure on you.’
‘It wouldn’t have been pressure. You know I would do anything for you and Dana. I’m just so incredibly sorry to hear about all of this,’ Sara told him truthfully. ‘I’m glad I’m here, and I hope you can just focus on Bonny and get her better even sooner.’
‘She’s up and walking but still in a frame,’ Stuart told her. ‘But she’s determined to get back on those little feet of hers. I know she can do it and I think she’s going to get better that much sooner with me home full time to help her through the physio. I’m usually home three days a week then here in Melbourne, consulting, the other four.’
Sara watched as Stuart looked pensively down toward his hands and nervously twisted his wedding band back and forth. She felt helpless to ease the almost tangible pain he was suffering.
‘She hasn’t regained her speech yet,’ he began, in little more than a dying whisper.
Sara reached for his hands and encircled them in her own.
‘If she’s anything like you, little Bonny will be back on her feet and telling you off before you know it.’
He coughed to clear his throat and slowly pulled his hands free of hers and stepped away from her. Sara suspected it was some sort of male strategy he was using to keep his emotions in check.
‘I know she will. It’s Dana that needs convincing. The specialists have told us with family around her full time she’ll be racing ahead. I originally organised a nurse to help out with the twins so Dana could spend time with Bonny, but now, thanks to you taking over for the next month, we can keep it just the family and I know it will make all the difference to her recovery.’
Stuart wrapped one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close again in a bear hug. ‘Dana sends her love and hopes you can visit us at the farm soon. We’ve had it for two years now. Dana really wants you to meet the twins. They’re nearly one and, of course, Bonny’s almost seven now.’
Sara felt a twinge of guilt for not returning to Melbourne to visit Stuart and Dana. The four of them had shared some wonderful times together, but after the separation Sara had felt the need to stay away from risk of seeing Tom. She’d emailed often and called occasionally. She’d sent them a basket filled with toys and baby gifts when the twins were born. But for the last few months she had been too focused on planning the trip and hadn’t spoken to them. Obviously because of the accident and their priority being Bonny, they hadn’t reached out to her either.
‘It has been far too long since I saw you,’ she began. ‘I really would love to visit you and Dana on the farm when Bonny is up to it.’
‘Of course, Dana would love it,’ he responded. ‘Sars, some things never change, you know, like you and Tom. Good friends you can always rely on in times of need.’
Sara was having trouble concentrating. Her mind was spinning with images of helpless little Bonny lying in the ditch beneath the tractor. She could only imagine how devastating it had been for the family.
She was deep in terrible, vivid thoughts she didn’t want to have filling her head, when Stuart’s prickly beard brushed against her neck as he kissed her cheek to thank her yet again.
‘I won’t forget this, kiddo,’ Stuart told her. ‘If there’s ever anything I can ever do for you, just ask.’
‘Don’t you think twice about it,’ she returned. ‘Just get Bonny well—that’s enough for me.’
‘Well, I expect to see you up on the farm the first break you get.’ He smiled and was gone, leaving her alone in the office with Tom.
