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At times, Jade would tell them they sounded like a bad midday movie but their love for each other had been undeniable and real.
With that in mind, Jade held herself together. She owed it to Ruby and David to be there for their daughter and surround her with the love they would have lavished on her.
And then there was the added burden of guilt that sat heavily on her shoulders. No matter which way Jade looked at the situation, she felt responsible for Amber’s early entry into this world. She had played the scene over and over in her mind since the accident. Why had she booked the holiday for them? If only she hadn’t given them the present of a few days away in Palm Springs, they wouldn’t have been a part of that terrible accident. And Amber would still be safely inside her mother with another ten weeks until her much-anticipated birth.
But instead, Jade was arranging the funeral of Amber’s parents and staying strong for the tiny daughter they would never be able to love. She knew they both had a battle ahead but they would face it together. All they had now in the world was each other.
CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_44b0a4d6-d54c-51e9-bc87-a3b15602661c)
‘WE ARE NOW commencing our descent into Adelaide. Please ensure your tray table is secured and your seat is in the upright position. We will be landing in fifteen minutes and you will be disembarking at gate twenty-three. Current time in Adelaide is eleven-thirty. Your luggage will be available for collection on Carousel Five. On behalf of the cabin crew, we hope you enjoyed your flight and will fly again with us in the future.’
Jade wound up the cord of her headset before she tucked it away after the flight attendant’s announcement, then, smiling, she looked over at her niece, still sleeping soundly. She looked like a tiny angel. Her little round face was resting in the pillow, her tight, strawberry-blonde curls a little messy, her arm tightly holding her rag doll and her bright blue eyes still hidden from the world. It was the second leg of their travel. The fifteen-hour-long haul from Los Angeles to Sydney had been followed by a shorter flight to Adelaide.
The trip to Australia was not a journey that Jade had wanted to make initially and one that she had been delaying, but she had known it was the right thing to do. David’s mother, Maureen, and stepfather, Arthur, had wanted so much for their granddaughter to spend some time in the town where their son, Amber’s father, had grown up. So here they both were, about to touch down in a city that she remembered from David’s conversations but a place she knew nothing about. Her stomach was churning nervously.
The last time she had seen Maureen and Arthur had been at the funeral almost three years before. It had been a time that Jade would never forget. Despite the overwhelming grief that no one had tried to mask, they’d shown great kindness in allowing David to be buried in Los Angeles with his wife. Jade knew that it would have been reasonable for them to want their son to be buried near them in his home town, but they had all known that David would want to be laid to rest with the woman he’d loved.
And so it was that they’d left their son for ever in a city eight thousand miles from them. It displayed a generosity of spirit, and Jade knew in her heart why David had been such a loving and considerate man. He had been his parents’ son.
They had not visited Los Angeles again after the funeral, but Jade had accepted it would have been too sad to return to the place where their son had died. They had kept in contact with calls and emails and gifts for Amber’s birthday and Christmas. Amber’s birthdays were a bitter-sweet time for everyone as she had been born on the day her parents had both died. An unspoken agreement made them all try to celebrate the beautiful gift they had been given on that fateful day.
Jade felt an empty ache inside for what everyone had lost. Some nights she lay awake with her memories and overwhelming sadness. A trigger such as Amber’s first step, first word, first anything reminded Jade of how Ruby and David should be there to witness their daughter’s milestones. And they weren’t.
Amber never cried; she was too young to know what she was missing, and Jade was determined to devote her life to filling any gaps. Amber would never want for anything in her life. She would never be alone in the world.
As they walked across the air bridge, Jade spied David’s mother and stepfather. Maureen was beaming with excitement, her smile so wide that Jade could see it before she entered the arrival lounge. Arthur’s expression was more stoic, almost stern, but she knew he was a good man and a generous one. Maureen was dressed in a pastel floral summer dress and wore flat gold sandals, her blonde hair cut in a short, modern style. Arthur wore long beige trousers with a navy and cream checked shirt, his hair silver grey. They were a stylishly conservative couple, sharing David’s dress sense, Jade thought.
Holding Amber’s tiny hand in hers, Jade walked up the carpeted incline to where the couple were waiting. Still a little drowsy, Amber was struggling to hold on to her ragdoll, and the soft legs dragged behind them into the terminal.
‘Hello, Maureen,’ Jade said, and kissed the woman’s cheek lightly. Then she greeted Arthur with a kiss to his sun-wrinkled cheek. Jade wondered if it was tennis or golf that had weathered his happy face. Now retired, he had spent his working life as a surgeon so she knew it wasn’t from toiling in the midday sun.
‘Amber, sweetheart, this is Grandma and Grandpa.’
‘Hello, Amber, I hope you both had a good trip,’ Maureen said, directing her comment to Jade as she wrapped her arms around Amber and kissed her ruddy, warm cheek.
‘Hello,’ came Amber’s shy, almost muttered reply. Jade noticed her niece flinch and wriggle before she leant back, wanting to be in her arms. Understanding the little girl’s reticence at being embraced by a woman she didn’t know, Jade gently reached for her.
‘She’s a bit tired,’ she said apologetically, and she lifted the child, who was now looking quite worried, almost teary, into her arms ‘It was a long flight, but I certainly couldn’t complain. It was very generous of you to fly us here first class.’
‘Nonsense, we wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Maureen announced, still stroking the little girl’s arm, and to Jade’s relief not offended by the child’s reaction. ‘Nothing is too good for either of you. You are family and our home is your home for as long as you can stay. I’m hoping you love Adelaide so much you won’t ever leave. We have such a big house all to ourselves.’
Smiling, Arthur rolled his eyes at the complete lack of subtlety in his wife’s announcement, took hold of Jade’s carry-on luggage, and together, the four of them made their way to collect the checked-in luggage.
Jade smiled at the warmth and genuine sentiment in Maureen’s words. But it would never happen. Their lives were in Los Angeles and they were in Adelaide for one month. It was all the leave she could take from Cedars Sinai, where she still worked but now part time. Jade had thought about leaving when Amber had been discharged to her care. She had wondered how she would pull into the car park of the hospital where her sister had passed away. But over time it gave her comfort to know she was where Ruby had spent her last moments of life. And where Amber had taken her first breath.
But now they were in Adelaide and, despite being a little weary, Jade was happy she had made the trip. Maureen and Arthur had lost their son and they deserved to spend time with their granddaughter. It would be Amber’s third birthday while they were together and the third anniversary of Ruby and David’s death. They could both console each other and celebrate together.
As they all headed down the escalators, Arthur insisted on collecting their bags from the luggage carousel so Jade and Amber could enjoy the sun outside.
‘Go on, head outside and stretch your legs,’ he told Jade.
‘Amber’s case is bright pink with yellow polka dots,’ Jade replied as she scooped up the rag doll, now a little grubby from being dragged through the airport, and put it in her oversized handbag. ‘Mine’s a little less embarrassing for you. It’s a silver hard-shell suitcase with a red luggage tag.’
Arthur smiled, handed Maureen Jade’s carry-on and headed over to wait with the other passengers and families for the luggage to arrive.
Slipping on her sunglasses, Jade stepped out under the brilliant blue sky with Amber stuck by her side like a magnet. The sun felt good on her face. Perhaps a break like this was just what they both needed.
‘We can’t tell you how excited we both are to have you and Amber here, Jade.’
Jade turned and smiled at Amber’s grandmother. The joy in Maureen’s face made the long flight worthwhile to Jade. ‘We’re very happy to be here.’
It wasn’t long before Arthur reappeared with the two large suitcases and they were on their way to the high-rise airport car park.
‘Uncle Mitchell might be there when we get home,’ Maureen said to Amber, who in turn showed little reaction to the words of the nice older lady she didn’t know.
Jade was momentarily confused. Uncle Mitchell? Then quickly the fog of the long flight lifted and she remembered David’s brother. Although last she’d heard he was still living in some remote part of the world. He was the older but immature brother who never settled down but instead travelled widely and lived his life as one great big adventure. Like a nomad who pitched a tent wherever the mood took him.
‘Isn’t Mitchell living overseas?’
Maureen ran her fingers gently through Amber’s mess of curls that Jade realised badly needed a brush. This time Amber didn’t flinch, and Jade surmised that her niece had worked out that Maureen posed no threat. Jade hoped the two would grow close quite quickly, as their time together would be limited and precious.
‘No, Mitchell’s here in Adelaide at the moment. He’s been in Africa for over four years but he came home a few months ago. Not long after he heard you were planning on visiting. Quite a coincidence really.’ She raised her gaze to meet Jade’s and with a knowing look added, ‘I think he knew we needed him. Although he’ll never admit it. He’s quite the independent type but I think he was worried about all of us. Not sure how long he’ll stay, though, as he’s not one to lay down any roots. But still, he’s here and he has the opportunity to meet you and celebrate his niece’s birthday and that is all that matters.’
Jade didn’t give it much thought. Her focus was to repay Arthur and Maureen for their kindness in the only way she could—by allowing them to spend time with Amber. Uncle Mitchell could waltz in and out as he pleased, which, from everything she had heard, was his style. No fixed address for any extended period appeared to be his way of life and it didn’t look as if it had changed.
Mitchell’s devil-may-care way of life was not her concern. She had met men like him before and had dated a few of them but that was in her past. And she had no intention of treading in that territory again. When it came to men Jade was numb. She didn’t hate men, but she certainly didn’t need a man in her life any more. Her priorities had changed the night of the accident. She didn’t have time to think about men or relationships. They no longer factored into her life.
Now her focus was Amber, her work at the hospital and building a happy, secure life for the two of them. Men were a distraction and she didn’t have room in her life for any distractions. She owed her sister and David her undivided attention to their daughter. She had promised them both that in her prayers the night Amber had been born.
‘So how is little Amber doing?’ Arthur asked matter-of-factly, as he inserted his validated parking ticket into the machine and waited for the arm to rise and release them. ‘I know she’s had a number of medical issues but she’s a far cry from the infant we saw in ICU. She looks the picture of health now.’ As he spoke, the automated arm lifted, and they left the car park and headed in the direction of the main road that would lead to their beachside residence.
Jade looked down at Amber, who was still drowsy and now sucking her thumb. The last time she’d seen Maureen and David had been at the funeral and when they’d visited Amber in hospital. She had been less than a week old and a little over two pounds by then. The little girl had been through so much over the years and there were still potential medical hurdles ahead, but Jade tried not to dwell on them. She was also aware that Arthur was a retired orthopaedic surgeon so he had the understanding and ability to process the medical details.
‘As I said in my emails, Amber was diagnosed with dysplasia in her right kidney.’
‘What’s kidney dysplasia and is it serious?’ Maureen interrupted.
‘It means, darling,’ Arthur began to explain as he watched the lights change at the intersection, ‘that one of little Amber’s kidneys didn’t develop properly before she was born and she has fluid-filled sacs instead of healthy tissue in one kidney, but the other one is perfectly fine and doing the work of both.’
‘Can that go on indefinitely or will the good kidney be overworked?’ Maureen’s question was directed at both Jade and Arthur.
Arthur looked over at his wife with a knowing expression. She had no medical knowledge but she was an intelligent and inquisitive woman and they were two of the many reasons he had married her. He knew she would have excelled in any field she had chosen so he did not need to over-simplify his medical terminology around her.
‘A baby or, in Amber’s case, a young child with one working kidney can grow normally without too many health problems. Babies with kidney dysplasia affecting both kidneys generally do not survive pregnancy, and those who do survive need dialysis and a kidney transplant very early in life.’
‘How dreadful for the child and the parents.’
Jade stroked Amber’s forehead gently and watched her precious niece holding on tightly to the favourite rag doll she had pulled from Jade’s bag.
‘We are fortunate, but Amber is still being closely monitored back in LA,’ Jade added.
‘How did it happen?’ Maureen asked as they left the highway.
‘Kidney dysplasia can have genetic causes,’ Jade replied, imparting the information as if she were back at the hospital, rather than talking about the little girl dozing by her side. It was easier that way. ‘It appears to be a dominant trait, which means one parent may pass the trait to a child. Normally, when this is discovered, the child’s parents undergo an ultrasound to confirm if either have the condition but this wasn’t possible for Amber so we will never know if it was Ruby or David. And really it’s a moot point,’ she said as the car headed over a small bridge. Jade could see the shimmering ocean ahead and she looked forward to spending a few weeks by the beach, not overthinking what might lie ahead. She knew what she might face in the future with Amber’s condition and, as always, it was upsetting just to think about it.
‘But the important thing is our granddaughter is healthy and that makes me happy.’
‘Amber is healthy now,’ Jade confirmed, then paused for a moment to gather her thoughts and not become emotional. She was tired from the flight and she tried not the think about the potentially life-threatening condition that Amber could face if her functioning kidney were to fail. ‘She’s monitored closely and I suppose that’s why it took so long for us to get here. I wanted to make sure she was well enough to fly and not compromise or exacerbate her condition.’
‘So she got the all-clear to be here from her paediatric nephrologist in LA?’ Arthur asked as he indicated and turned into their street.
‘Yes, Dr Mulligan said it would be fine but he gave me the details for the renal unit at the Eastern Memorial Hospital should there be any issues.’
‘That’s my old stomping ground. I only retired last year,’ Arthur responded with a touch of melancholy colouring his voice.
‘Yes, I remember that from one of your emails, so it’s comforting that you know the hospital well,’ she returned. ‘But let’s hope we won’t need to visit there as she had an examination with Dr Mulligan only two days before we left and he said that she is progressing well and may travel through life with no other issues. That’s the best-case scenario, but if we aren’t that fortunate, I hope treatment is many years away and she is old enough to understand it. Although she will need genetic counselling when, and if, she wants children of her own one day.’
‘Goodness, children of her own. That’s such a very long time away. Let’s not rush the poor child.’ Maureen turned around and once again looked proudly at her only grandchild. Her happiness was contagious and lifted Jade’s spirits again.
‘So there’s no need to think she’ll be anything other than fine and she can look forward to spending four lovely weeks with us,’ Arthur retorted, purposely lifting the tone of his voice.
‘And her Uncle Mitchell,’ Maureen added, happiness evident in her voice.
Uncle Mitchell. Jade was taken aback yet again at hearing his name. Although she was far from curious about the elusive Mitchell, apparently she was finally going to meet him and so was Amber. The seemingly irresponsible brother with wanderlust. Ruby and David had eloped so there had never been a wedding to allow the families to meet. Although it wouldn’t have been a huge gathering as there had not been much of a family on Ruby’s side. There had only been Jade and Ruby.
Jade suspected that was why David had suggested eloping. The idea of David’s family filling one side of the church and their side empty but for their friends would have made the day bitter-sweet and that was why she assumed he’d arranged an impromptu sunset wedding in Maui. He had been a considerate and devoted man. And from what she had heard completely at odds with his brother.
Mitchell hadn’t travelled over for the funeral but Jade had been dealing with her own insurmountable sadness so she hadn’t been too aware of anyone else and their presence or lack thereof then. It had been a sad time that she wanted to both forget and remember. Remember because it had been her last connection to the sister she’d loved completely, and forget because she hadn’t thought she would survive the sense of loss that had threatened her sanity during those weeks and months that had followed the accident.
But apart from his lack of interest in his brother’s funeral, Jade knew little about Mitchell. Over the years postcards and photographs from far-away places had arrived, somewhat battered, and the very occasional email when Mitchell had been somewhere with an internet connection. Jade had seen them pinned to the corkboard in her sister’s kitchen when she’d visited. It had been difficult to see what he looked like behind the wraparound sunglasses he’d worn in all the shots. But scruffy and rough around the edges was the lasting impression. His hair was long and wild, almost in dreadlocks, and so, too, was his beard. David, on the other hand, had been clean cut and well mannered. And Mitchell appeared to have a new girlfriend in each photo.
For some reason, David’s face would light up when he’d looked at the photographs and the reverence he’d felt for his brother had been clear. He would say proudly that Mitchell was the most selfless person in the world and the best brother, but neither Ruby nor Jade had been able to see any evidence of it.
The brothers had had a bond that had stretched across the continents and oceans that had separated them, and Ruby would often say that she never understood what was so admirable about his carefree, and from the content of the photographs, playboy lifestyle. The bungee jumping, abseiling and mountain climbing all pointed to an adrenalin-driven way of life. He was a nomad and spent a great deal of time in countries on the African continent. Nothing like the life that David had chosen. Ruby and David had been so perfectly suited and Jade had been happy for her sister.
Jade was not like her sister, though. She had never found the man perfectly suited to her. Although she wasn’t actively searching, either. Her mantra drove her to live a full life and not rush to settle down. She had dated a few men, including an up-and-coming musician who had left town to make it on the East Coast, then a pro-football player while she’d been at college and a bull rider during her first nursing placement. Jade had liked the idea that she’d been with a man involved in what was called the most dangerous eight seconds in sport but the fascination had quickly faded and Jade had lost interest, just like she had with the others. There had been something missing. They’d had fun times but there had been no real connection. She hadn’t been looking for the one but even if she had been she hadn’t found him.
Ruby had not liked any of Jade’s boyfriends. She’d thought her taste had been deteriorating, not improving, and hadn’t hidden her aversion to what had appeared to be Jade’s less-than-desirable type. She’d worried that the way her sister had dressed might have had something to do with the men she’d attracted and she oftentimes would suggest a more demure style, like her own, but Jade had loved her shorts and T-shirts. Ruby had complained that the men Jade had liked had been too wild and a man who couldn’t be tamed would never be for keeps. Jade hadn’t been looking for for ever, like her sister; she’d been happy to just enjoy a life without ties. She’d lived for the moment. A serious relationship had held little or no appeal.
She’d just been too busy enjoying life and having fun because life was short.
Looking back now, Jade reluctantly admitted to herself that Mitchell’s ongoing carefree life was not too far from her former life. Her life before she’d become Amber’s guardian. A life that she had almost forgotten. She had been skydiving more than once and had loved it. The rush that had engulfed her mind and her body as she’d been freefalling towards the ground just before the chute had opened had been thrilling. Her heart had raced, and she’d felt alive and exhilarated, but now her feet would be firmly placed on the ground. Now she wouldn’t even contemplate a roller-coaster ride at Six Flags, her once favourite theme park and the destination of her former regular weekend trek with friends.
Now there was nothing in the world more important than taking care of her niece and making sure they were both safe at all times. The old free spirited Jade Grant was now very tame and very conservative in every possible way. Her once long blonde hair was now a short pixie cut, her clothes were more in keeping with someone at least ten years older and her make-up nonexistent save for some tinted sunscreen and lip gloss. She was doing her best in every way to be exactly the person Amber needed and that Ruby and David would have wanted to be her daughter’s guardian. The old Jade had been packed away. She wanted Amber to feel safe and the best way she knew how to do that was to be more like Ruby. Sensible was now her middle name.
‘Here we are,’ Arthur announced as he pulled the SUV into the driveway of the luxurious three-storey home. The architecture was modern, with a large glass balcony on both upper floors overlooking the beach.
Jade lowered her glasses. The home was palatial and the view as she stepped out of the car and looked around was spectacular.
‘It’s beautiful. What part of Adelaide is this?’
‘Glenelg … North Glenelg, to be exact,’ Arthur said with pride as he lifted the cases from the back of the vehicle. ‘Just love it here, like an all-year-round holiday but still so close to the city. And you can go surfing if you’d like. Mitchell’s renting a condo just down the road, walking distance actually, but it has on-road parking, with no storage space so he leaves his surfboard in our garage. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you borrowed it. I remember David telling us you were quite a surfer girl.’
Jade froze. Surfer girl? That had been a lifetime ago. And it was a pastime that she would never contemplate again. Now that love of riding a wave was tainted by the reality that she could easily be knocked unconscious by her own board and drown at the bottom of the ocean. Surfing was right up there with the all the other activities from her past. Something she’d once done during summer break with her friends at Malibu but something that she would never consider now. With every day she found a greater understanding of how Ruby had seen life. And how that was needed, for Amber’s well-being.
‘I’m not a surfer any more, or even much of a swimmer, to be honest, but I’m sure Amber will love building sandcastles.’
‘I’m sure she will. And the shops are close by, too,’ Maureen added, hoping to bond with Jade over a shared love of shopping. Struggling to bring up two sons on her own, before she’d met Arthur much later in life, hadn’t allowed her to share too much but now with Jade and Amber she thought they could enjoy some time together and buy lots of pretty things for her granddaughter.
Jade walked around to open the door and reach in for Amber.
‘May I?’ Maureen asked as she moved towards the car.
Jade wasn’t sure how Amber would react but she politely stepped back and was pleasantly surprised when the little girl allowed her grandmother to lift her from the car. Jade stayed close at hand so Amber would stay relaxed. A smile overtook Maureen’s pretty face and she carried Amber, and the grubby rag doll, up the steps to the front door.
‘Perhaps you and your doll might like a nice bubble bath before lunch,’ Maureen said softly, and waited for Arthur to unlock the door to the home that they would all share for the next four weeks.
Jade smiled as she entered the second guest bathroom half an hour later. She knelt down next to Maureen and watched her fuss over Amber as she played in the large white porcelain tub of warm bubbles. Jade had enjoyed a relaxing shower in another marble-tiled bathroom before she’d towel-dried her short hair and changed into an ankle-length cotton sundress. Long showers were a rarity as she didn’t like to leave Amber alone for too long, but safe in the knowledge that Maureen had the little girl, and that she seemed content to spend time with her grandmother, Jade had taken her time and let the hot water and steam massage her tired body.
It had been almost three years of being the sole provider and now she knew that Amber was happy spending time with her grandparents Jade was looking forward to a few luxuries, like the occasional long, hot shower, over the next few weeks. But she still wouldn’t be too far away.
She had heard laughter as she had approached the bathroom. Amber had a bright pink-and-white floral bath cap perched on her head but more than a few curls had slipped out and were now decorated with bubbles. The bathtub was filled with colourful plastic bath toys that Jade suspected had been purchased just for Amber. There were no other grandchildren and the toys looked far too new to have once belonged to David or Mitchell.
The next four weeks no doubt would be a time for spoiling Amber, and Jade was not about to tell Arthur or Maureen otherwise. Amber had been through so much and she deserved every bit of happiness and love that could be given to her. And equally Arthur and Maureen had suffered a terrible loss and she was happy that they could finally spend time with their only link to their son, their gorgeous granddaughter.
‘What about we all head over to the beach to build a sandcastle after you’re all clean?’
‘Well, that makes no sense at all!’ came a deep male voice from behind them.
Jade jumped a little with surprise. It wasn’t Arthur’s voice and she had not heard any steps, but looking around she immediately knew why. She saw two very tanned bare feet that would have made no noise on the tile corridor leading to the bathroom. Slowly, her gaze rose to equally tanned legs and then low-slung board shorts. When her eyes met the perfectly sculpted abs and chest, she felt her heart race a little underneath her thin cotton dress. It was a feeling she had not experienced in a very long time.
It was a feeling she didn’t want or need. And it rattled her usual calm demeanour.
‘You wash a child and then take her to roll in the sand. She’ll look like a piece of crumbed chicken.’
‘Mitchell, don’t be awful,’ Maureen scolded him lightheartedly without turning around. Her attention didn’t waver from her granddaughter in the water. ‘Amber has flown for almost twenty hours so she needed to clean up. I’ll dry her before we head to the sand and she is much too beautiful to ever look like crumbed poultry.’
Jade started to climb to her feet as the banter continued. Her long dress was caught around her knees and ankles and made it difficult to get up quickly.
‘I thought I heard you up here,’ Arthur cut in, and patted Mitchell on the shoulder. ‘You’re in time to meet Jade, Amber’s aunt …’
‘Oh, I know who Jade is,’ Mitchell replied, and put out a hand to help Jade up. ‘Pleased to finally meet you.’
Jade felt obliged to accept his hand, but she was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t grubby and in keeping with his jungle appearance in the photos. It was clean and warm and strong. Immediately, she almost wished she had refused. Slowly, she stood to her feet and came face to face with the man she had heard so much about—the wanderer who never stayed anywhere long, the brother whom David had loved and admired, and the man who she now knew enjoyed teasing his mother.
And the man who immediately took her breath away.
He was not scruffy, not even close. His long blond hair, once wild and dirty, was very short and well groomed, his long beard replaced by a fine covering of dark stubble and his eyes, always hidden behind sunglasses in the photos, were the brightest shade of blue. As clear and brilliant as the sky she had seen when she’d arrived a few hours ago.
