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“I think I would know if I did, Logan.” She crossed her arms. “Please don’t tease me about it. I already feel terrible that in all my twenty years no man has ever seen me the way Angus looks at Nessia.”
“Cait, I didn’t mean to tease. The right man will show up someday.” Logan smiled at her. “But I am happy to hear that you’re unattached.”
“Logan, you are not the type of person to take pleasure in the unhappiness of others.” Cait still didn’t look at him.
“Nay. You know me well enough. But you do not know my plans.” Logan let out a whistle into the quiet night air.
“Please tell me.” Cait grabbed his arm, making Logan unable to keep her in suspense any longer.
“I want us all to go to the Americas together. Angus, Nessia, their wee ones, you and Sheena. I’ll pay your way, Cait, if you want to come with us.”
Logan watched Cait’s expression and she beamed. “If Nessia’s going, so will I.”
“Perfect.” Logan’s face shone, too. “Angus still has to consult with Nessia, but hopefully she’ll see it as we do. It will be a better life for all of us. And there are lots of unattached men in the Americas, so you’ll have your pick of eligible bachelors.”
Cait shot him a less-than-amused look, but perked up quickly enough. “This is like a dream. It just doesn’t seem real.” Logan thought she might actually break into a jig. Not that he would stop her.
“We’re leaving Scotland.” Cait giggled. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” Logan’s spirits lifted. “Not the sleeplessness—that’s not what I meant.” He laughed, but Cait didn’t even notice, as she seemed deep in thought about something else.
“I can’t believe Sheena never told me anything about these plans. It was only too kind of her to tell me that you came home, but she left this part out entirely.”
“That’s because she doesn’t know yet. I haven’t actually been able to talk to her about my idea.” Logan lowered his voice. “It seems a lot has changed with her since I’ve been gone.”
“Aye. You hurt her so much when you left. But you must not give up on her. Get her to forgive you. You have loved her your whole life. And I know she loved you, too. You must get her to love you again.”
“So you know she does not love me anymore?” The words tasted bitter coming out of his mouth.
“Nay, I think she still loves you. Even if she may argue differently.” Cait stopped and grabbed hold of Logan’s shoulder. “Logan, I must let her tell you herself what has become of her, because she swore me to secrecy. But I can tell you this, on Monday her aunt Jean came from Glasgow to visit for a week or so. Jean’s been doing this on and off for almost a year now. But this time Jean brought Sheena some news that changed the course of Sheena’s life.”
Cait let go of Logan’s shoulder, shaking her head. “If only you had come a month earlier, Logan. Then maybe none of this would have happened to her.”
Logan couldn’t bear waiting to find out what news Cait withheld. But he couldn’t ask her to break Sheena’s trust. He knew what keeping a secret entailed. He’d kept one all this time at Sheena’s father’s behest.
“Don’t look at me like that, Logan. I can’t tell you. But Sheena will. Just give her a chance, and remember—when you do find out, nothing has been done that can’t be undone.”
Logan nodded unenthusiastically. Winning Sheena’s love back seemed harder than he ever imagined. Was this change the one Sheena had alluded to at their waterfall? The event that had changed her whole life? He must find out.
“Don’t despair, Logan.” Cait squeezed his hand. “God will help you. I know He will.”
They fell silent as they neared the quiet two-story house. Creeping up behind a mound of rocks several feet from the white house, they sought to avoid peering eyes, if any existed.
“Cait? Is that you?” a whispered voice called out from the darkness.
Cait called back just as quietly, “Sheena?”
“Aye.” Logan heard Sheena’s footsteps making their way toward the sound of Cait’s voice. He kept silent. He didn’t want her running away again. He wanted so badly to get near her. To talk to her, see her smile, hear her laugh. He missed her so much. Why did the sight of him at their waterfall send her running away, crying?
As Sheena’s footsteps grew louder, Logan grew more tense. He desperately wanted things to work out between them. He needed to explain, to do whatever it took to win back her love.
He kept still and listened to her talk to Cait, waiting for the right time to make his presence known.
“I’ve been standing guard ever since you slipped out. I left the door open for you to get back in.” Logan smiled to himself. Finally, the Sheena he knew and loved.
“Sheena, you didn’t have to wait out here. You’ve put yourself in peril for me. But I won’t let my foolishness be the cause of you getting into any trouble,” Cait told her.
Sheena shrugged off Cait’s concern. “Not to worry. We could stay out until dawn and no one would be the wiser.”
“If that’s so …” Logan’s voice startled Sheena and she let out a squeal. In a fraction of a second, Logan grabbed her and put his hand over her mouth so that her sound wouldn’t carry to the windows above. His whispered words came out calmly, even though he hardly felt serene. “I suggest you and I take this opportunity to talk, lassie.”
“I’ll stand guard by the door.” Cait didn’t give Sheena a chance to refuse her offer.
“Harrumph.” Sheena’s exclamation sent heat into Logan’s hand and he released her mouth instantly.
“Sorry.” He remained close to her. It took all his willpower not to kiss her. He’d wanted to from the moment he saw her standing on the edge of their waterfall and now with her so close, he wanted her even closer.
“It’s all right.” Sheena tried to gather her auburn hair and Logan wished she wouldn’t. He liked it hanging loose. “I didn’t know you were here. You could have said something earlier.”
Logan could see the muscles on Sheena’s face tighten in the moonlight and it made him smile. “So far since I’ve been back, lassie, I’ve stopped your heart two or three times.”
“Aye.” Sheena pulled her dark blue woolen shawl taut. “You need to learn how to introduce yourself properly.”
“Apparently.” Logan laughed, even though he did so alone.
“Thank you for bringing Cait home safely.” Sheena stretched out her hand. But Logan didn’t take it. Even though an excuse to touch her held tremendous appeal.
“Cait thanked me herself. No need for you to, lassie.” He wouldn’t let this fortunate circumstance end so quickly. After five long years away from her, he never wanted to be away from her again. Not even for five minutes.
“You must stop calling me lassie. I am not your sweetheart.”
He leaned toward her. “Since when Sheena? You have always been my lassie.”
“Since you left. I’ve already told you—everything changed when you left. We can’t keep revisiting the past.” She gave him her back.
“We can, and we will, until I change your mind.” Frustrated at her rejection of him, he knew he sounded too harsh, but he couldn’t help himself. She’d never talked to him like this before. Never treated him with so much contempt. Had he lost his best friend—the soul mate he felt God had put in his life?
“You can’t just come back here and expect that nothing changed in five years. There have been battles and death, and so much else.” The wind picked up again and Sheena whirled around trying to tame her hair. It looked as fiery as her temper and just as unmanageable.
“You left, Mr. McAllister. No one made you. You just left.” Sheena pointed at him and then shook her head. “Nobody comes back from the Americas. Once you left, you were as good as dead to me.” Why didn’t she just stick a dagger in him? It would hurt less.
But he wouldn’t slink away and give up on her. He would fight for her. He just needed to figure out what exactly to fight. “Sheena, I told you I would come back. Did you not believe me?” Logan inched ever closer to her, fearing she would dart away at any moment.
“I didn’t receive anything from you. I didn’t know if you were even still alive.” So his absence had scared her, and that angered her. At least she felt something. He could use that, push further.
“There was no way of sending you information,” Logan pleaded. He couldn’t waste any money writing a letter her mother would probably rip up before it even reached Sheena. He had to stay in the Americas and work an extra two years past his three-year indenturement to be able to save enough money for seven sea voyages to the Americas.
“But you were only indentured for three years. After that, why didn’t you come home?” Sheena looked impatient with him.
“I couldn’t.” He knew how bad that sounded.
“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t?” Sheena crossed her arms, shifting her weight to rest on her left leg, waiting for his answer. If she tapped her right foot, he didn’t hear it.
Logan hesitated, knowing she wouldn’t like his answer. “Both.” He didn’t lie to her. He’d never do that.
Sheena’s arms dropped and she shouted, “You could have come home, but you didn’t.”
“Keep your voice down. Do you want to wake up the whole house?” Yelling in the face of possible detection from her family proved just how deep Sheena’s feelings ran. If she didn’t love him, his indenturement and extended stay in the Americas wouldn’t have bothered her this much.
But then why did she keep pushing him away?
“Logan, why are you doing this?” Sheena lowered her voice to a snarl.
“Why am I doing this? What do you mean? Why did I keep my promise to return? You know me, Sheena. You know I always keep my promises.” He reached out his hands and this time she didn’t step away.
Touching her gave him more confidence. She let him in. He moved another step closer, pulling her to him. “I’m sorry. It took longer than I thought before I could return. But I never forgot about you.” He brushed a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear, as he lowered his voice. “Don’t turn your back on me.”
Logan saw emotion flicker across her face. She fought with herself. He didn’t know what she fought, but he knew he somehow got through her barrier. She softened. “Logan, you left before all the fighting broke out. I expected you home in three years. But instead, the year you should have returned, I lost my brother. He died at the Battle of Culloden in 1746.”
“I’m sorry.” Logan rubbed her arm, but she shrugged it off, turning away.
“Nay, it’s not your fault my brother died. He supported Bonnie Prince Charlie’s claim to rule Britain and died trying to regain the monarchy for the House of Stuart. But whether he was right or wrong to give up his life for a cause that failed, he was my parents’ only son and his death killed a part of my father.” Logan saw Sheena’s hand reach up toward her face, wiping tears away. “My father never recovered.”
Logan stepped forward. He wanted to hug her. To hold her and make all her pain go away, but he knew he couldn’t. Too early. He needed to win her trust back. So he gently clasped her shoulders with a caressing gesture.
At first, he felt her shoulders rise and stiffen, but then they relaxed and he rubbed them both, trying to comfort her. “Is that why your aunt is here?” He spoke quietly, his face inches from the back of her head. He almost couldn’t stand the sweet smell of her hair. How many times did he dream about this closeness to her? He loved her so much that holding back hurt.
“Aye. Nay.” Sheena shook her head as if confused. “After my brother’s death not even our livelihood mattered to my father anymore. It’s progressed to the point now where we only have enough to run our household to the end of this month. We have no money left, Logan. My father just kept sinking deeper and deeper into his own world and we lost everything, along with him.”
Sheena turned back to Logan, hugging herself snug in her dark blue woolen shawl against the encroaching mist. Logan let his hands drop to his sides. “This past autumn he fell ill and we tried everything to make him better. We even bought him spa water to drink from Bath in England, but it didn’t help him. He died.”
Logan couldn’t believe that Arthur Montgomery had died. When Logan left five years ago, Arthur ran the Montgomery household as efficiently and astutely as any great man. By now his age would accumulate to fifty years—surely everyone had expected him to enjoy many more good years.
And yet, Arthur’s death had other repercussions, as well. Only he and Logan knew about what they’d discussed at that meeting when Logan had asked to marry Sheena. And only they knew about the Montgomery’s heirloom box that housed the secret letter Arthur had given Logan, promising that Logan could marry Sheena if he returned to Scotland after his indenturement in the Americas.
What would become of Arthur’s promise to Logan if he was no longer alive to enforce it?
Maybe it didn’t matter anymore. Logan loved Sheena and as soon as she forgave him, perhaps they could go back to the way things stood between them before he left. Maybe Logan could convince Sheena’s mother that he would take good care of her. Logan had by now amassed enough money to satisfy Tavia’s wishes for her daughter to live a good life. He just needed Sheena to love him again.
“I’m sorry, lassie. And I’m sorry you had to witness the McDougalls’ grief today. It must have brought back many of those painful memories. If I had known, I would have spared you that experience.”
Logan knew that pain. Having lost both of his parents at a young age, he was aware that nothing ever filled that void again. Try as they might, Angus and Nessia never could.
“Today did bring it all back, Logan, but I can’t hide from death. It’s a part of life and, besides, the McDougalls needed us to comfort them.”
“Your comforting words meant everything to me today, too.”
Sheena gave Logan a little smile. “I’m glad.”
Her opening up to him eased the pain in his chest, giving him some hope for their future. “I hope your father, brother and Gordon are at peace in God’s home.”
Again, Sheena wiped a tear from her cheek. “Thank you. I pray for that every day.”
Logan hated seeing her unhappy. “I’ll pray, too. Just as I pray you forgive me for coming back two years later than I planned.”
Sheena’s expression changed. “Logan …” She said his name with the sparkle he remembered seeing in her amber eyes before he’d left Scotland five years ago. In that moment, he knew he had a chance. She couldn’t hide that spark. He took hold of her shoulders and leaned in even closer to talk with her.
Tenderly, he whispered his words to her, “I wish I could have been here to comfort you through your brother’s death and your father’s illness. But I had to stay on in the Americas.”
Sheena interrupted him before he could tell her about his plans to take everyone to the Americas. “You wouldn’t have been able to change anything anyway.” Sheena tilted her head down toward the soggy ground. Her head almost touched his chest. It wouldn’t take any effort to deepen their embrace. And his muscles flexed as he fought the urge to do so.
“Maybe not, but I could have made it easier for you to live during the difficult times.” Logan reached out and gently pushed up her chin to level her eyes with his. “I’ve always been poor. I know how to make do. I could have shown you,” he said, smiling.
She opened her lips to say something, but then closed them. He felt her sweet breath against his face and fancied smelling her delicate scent. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her and be her protector.
“I could show you which weeds won’t kill you.” He made fun of himself, knowing just how many times his family did eat weeds at mealtime. But Sheena turned her head away from his hand.
“My mother is not about to admit that she’s poor, let alone live like the poor.” Sheena drew in a long breath as if she wanted to apologize for Tavia.
But her words didn’t shock Logan. They didn’t even hurt him. He knew very well what Tavia thought. Some things never changed and Tavia’s dislike of the poor would always be one of them. Indeed he knew Tavia’s hatred so well that five years ago, his only option in ever marrying Sheena included selling himself as an indentured servant.
The scariest and most humiliating thing Logan ever did, and hopefully would ever do in his life, involved letting someone buy him. But he did it. And he would do it again, because he now possessed the means to offer Sheena a decent life as his wife. He just needed her forgiveness.
“Logan, just after my father died, when we still looked like we were wealthy …” She looked up into Logan’s face, her amber eyes filled with worry. No sparks now. In their place Logan saw a look of pity. What had caused such a quick change in her demeanor? “… my mother spent the last of our money on my dowry and betrothed me.”
The news hit Logan with the force of a fist. And all too soon, rage ran through his blood. “You’re betrothed?” he shouted. “To whom?”
“Logan, your voice.” Sheena grabbed his hand and pulled him down toward the ground.
“You can’t be betrothed to someone else.” Logan took hold of her arms.
“It’s true,” Sheena whispered softly, and Logan just stared at her. He couldn’t understand what she’d just told him. Did she mean to hurt him, out of revenge or simply to break his heart for good?
Her insistence that he quiet down came too late. A light shone out from one of the rooms upstairs. Someone had woken up.
“You must go. Now. No one can find you here. Not out here at this hour.” Sheena pried his fingers from her arms, talking as if seized by anxiety. “Go, Logan. Please.” She sprang away from him, jogging toward Cait.
Logan tried to reach for her again, but didn’t catch her in time. Impulsively, he thought about chasing her and carrying her away. She couldn’t love another man. She couldn’t want this betrothal.
God, why did this happen? It couldn’t truly be Your plan to let me live through two sea voyages and five long, hard years of labor, just to lead me to the knowledge I gained tonight.
The light from many more candles began to shine through the windows on the main floor, interrupting Logan’s thoughts as he realized people from within the household were approaching. He ducked farther behind the rocks. He didn’t think he could remain still. His insides beat hard against his skin, trying to burst out. Life as he knew it had ended. And he couldn’t do anything about it.
Chapter Five
Sheena just reached Cait’s side when the door of her family’s home flew open. She grabbed Cait’s hand quickly to reassure her. But Cait’s hand shook and Sheena knew the chilly damp night air didn’t cause her trembling. Sheena felt her insides churn with guilt; she hated putting Cait in such a predicament.
She thought of pulling Cait to hide, but Tavia and Jean would send servants to look for the source of the noise. Someone would find them. And then, what if they discovered Logan, as well? That would make the situation even worse. Her family wouldn’t welcome Logan, even in daylight.
