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Mr Good Enough: The case for choosing a Real Man over holding out for Mr Perfect
Lori Gottlieb
Lori Gottlieb suggests the unthinkable: what if she, and single women everywhere, need to stop chasing the elusive Mr Perfect and instead opt for Mr Good Enough?Embarking on her own journey to find the ideal partner, Lori explores a prevalent issue facing women today - how do you reconcile a strong desire for a husband and family without wanting to settle for anything less than the perfect package…?After interviewing a range of people from behavioural therapists to marriage counsellors, neuropsychologists to divorce lawyers, as well as single and married men and women from their twenties right up to their sixties, Lori is well placed to offer an answerMr Good Enough is this year's intelligent, eye-opening insight into modern relationships - a fast, funny read which 'might just be a formula for marital bliss' The TimesNote that it has not been possible to include the same picture content that appeared in the original print version.
Mr
Good Enough
LORI GOTTLIEB
The Case for
Choosing a Real Man Over Holding Out for Mr Perfect
For my husband, whoever you are.
Contents
Cover (#uf916c282-2c8a-5642-af90-e196f7e4e564)
Title Page (#u49cf1762-fba0-59a5-b62e-94592b955adf)
Prologue: The Husband Store (#ulink_9864639b-7966-52a1-96ba-50ad92fd2f71)
PART ONE: How Did We Get Here?
1: The Dating Trenches (#ulink_4728dd1a-c336-574d-ab73-7c7b49f0a2ec)
2: The Romantic Comedy That Predicted My Future (#ulink_4909abd1-ce80-5385-b713-1e3f920504c5)
3: How Feminism Fucked Up My Love Life (#ulink_8bf94fbe-597b-54cc-bbb4-a271b6434d3e)
4: Speed Dating Disaster (#ulink_128bd92c-d937-5789-b6bb-f58cc38676c9)
PART TWO: From Fantasy to Reality (#ulink_86f27b02-6626-5213-b7d2-26f56e7dea05)
5: Older, and Wanting to Be Wiser (#ulink_8d6194fc-0cb9-59b3-82ce-350356f4ac7f)
6: $3,500 for Love (#ulink_438717e3-535a-5bf3-9299-2361c0d481d0)
7: The What Versus the Why (#ulink_6f5520a3-0f06-574e-9930-509139f1d673)
8: Mondays with Evan: Session One: The Percentages (#ulink_e131ba94-8d56-5c62-9596-e149aa48c14d)
9: It’s Not Him, It’s You (#ulink_ea476a44-f2fb-5771-99cb-e6a056ee5588)
PART THREE: Making Smarter Choices (#ulink_0457c390-5c2b-5db8-a993-acf13062ffd9)
10: Don’t Be Picky, Be Happy (#ulink_f3dedfdd-9d4e-5f28-abce-5009bdb824e8)
11: Mondays with Evan: Session Two: The Wrong Assumptions (#ulink_9648ed2b-192e-5f5e-bca1-a2e9ed7942b4)
12: The Men Who Got Away (#ulink_9b9b53bf-f719-574a-80f8-e65ec283b0b5)
13: Pulling Another Sheldon (#ulink_55909f3e-c359-5f1d-a55e-e653d067d563)
14: Mondays with Evan: Session Three: The Lowdown (#ulink_a09496be-196a-5529-9580-03ac4376f47b)
15: What First Dates Really Tell Us (#ulink_3de71608-1e02-52e5-b4d0-01b6d27f72a3)
16: Are Wo men Pickier Than Men? (#ulink_056c2c6e-87d9-5e4c-baba-0803c537afb3)
PART FOUR: What Really Matters (#ulink_5ebd7e12-eeb8-5397-a246-a7be389a3813)
17: Mondays with Evan Session Four: Wants Versus Needs (#ulink_61e270f6-69e9-513c-be64-98be3585d3f6)
18: The Business of Love (#ulink_80e4492e-a3ca-597b-a307-96b98f1f10de)
19: Love at Twenty-seventh Sight (#ulink_c56b2647-1c78-55d6-96bd-977737c69931)
20: Mondays with Evan: Session Five: The Chemistry-to-Compatibility Ratio (#ulink_0d18220a-d1be-524e-af6a-d81655c45aee)
21: Dump the List, Not the Guy (#ulink_989cec1d-f20c-53ab-80a5-a71211bcffaa)
PART FIVE: Putting It All Together (#ulink_318b07f1-845d-54e2-a764-e11aa6820bc8)
22: The Good Enough Marriage (#ulink_004fc4b3-99f5-5e8e-a018-668d44638280)
23: A Visit with the Rabb (#ulink_0bc1c970-b7b2-5f67-88ee-0acc07e4060e)
24: Claire’s Story—Getting Over Myself (#ulink_fd282626-8f0e-50e1-a34a-6e8ae2499608)
25: Alexandra’s Story—Mr. Right in Front of Me (#ulink_d87e5894-589b-594c-9ffe-aeaef09d10f2)
26: Hilary’s Story—Finding What I Needed (#ulink_25c6a571-6555-5b47-b45b-870c8c20695f)
27: My Story—A Dating Public Service Announcement (#ulink_075c7df5-028a-50f4-8597-e86a83ae1504)
Epilogue: Where They Are Now (#ulink_2161aa6e-3c6c-540b-858a-7c140c0fc73c)
Acknowledgments (#ulink_f64be693-e914-553a-8542-eb31f6ad463c)
ALSO BY LORI GOTTLIEB (#ulink_bc746d71-beb7-5ae1-93f6-d31df06325ae)
Copyright (#ulink_69533686-eb36-53ae-ab90-34e2fb10f189)
About the Publisher (#ulink_f55d888f-afa3-59a4-bbfd-9468426c6b75)
The events and facts presented in this book are true and based upon my reallife experiences and research. Names and personal details of some of my friends and others who appear in the book have been changed or, in a few instances, composites created either at the individual’s request or out of my concern for their privacy.
You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.
—Widely attributed to Dr. Seuss
Prologue The Husband Store (#ulink_aef85c8c-91cc-5d4c-88bf-052fe448e410)
A NEW STORE HAS OPENED. A HUSBAND STORE! THERE‘S A SIGN AT THE ENTRANCE:
YOU MAY VISIT THE HUSBAND STORE ONLY ONCE. THERE ARE SIX FLOORS, AND THE VALUE OF THE PRODUCTS INCREASE ON EACH SUCCESSIVE FLOOR. THE SHOPPER CAN CHOOSE ANY ITEM FROM A PARTICULAR FLOOR, OR GO UP TO SHOP ON THE NEXT FLOOR, BUT SHE CANNOT GO BACK DOWN EXCEPT TO EXIT THE BUILDING.
So, a woman goes into the store. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
FLOOR I— MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS.
“That’s nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.” So she continues upward, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 2—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS AND LOVE KIDS.
She’s intrigued, but continues to the third floor, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 3—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, AND ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
FLOOR 4—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME, AND HELP EQUALLY WITH THE HOUSEWORK.
“It can’t get better than this!” she exclaims. But then a voice inside her asks, “Or can it?” She goes up and reads the sign.
Floor 5—MEN WHO HAVE GOOD JOBS, LOVE KIDS, ARE EXTREMELY HANDSOME, HELP EQUALLY WITH THE HOUSEWORK, AND HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR.
Having found what she’s looking for, she’s tempted to stay, but something propels her to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
FLOOR 6—YOU ARE VISITOR 42,215,602 TO THIS FLOOR. THERE ARE NO MEN ON THIS FLOOR. THIS FLOOR ONLY EXISTS TO PROVE THAT WOMEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT THE HUSBAND STORE.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a Wife Store right across the street.
The first floor has wives who Love Sex.
The second floor has wives who Love Sex and Are Kind.
The third floor has wives who Love Sex, Are Kind, and Like Sports.
The fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.
—My version of an old joke about choosing a husband
Okay, here they are. The qualities, off the top my head and in no particular order, that would be on my shopping list if I visited a Husband Store.
• Intelligent
• Kind
• Extremely funny
• Curious
• Loves kids
• Financially stable
• Emotionally stable
• Sexy
• Romantic
• Passionate
• Compassionate
• Irreverent
• Intuitive
• Generous
• Same religion but not too religious
• Optimistic but not naive
• Ambitious but not a workaholic
• Talented but humble
• Warm but not clingy
• Grounded but not boring
• Soulful but not new-agey
• Vulnerable but not weak
• Quirky but not weird
• Free-spirited but responsible
