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Lord, no. She’d never do that. She’d been told often enough by Matron to push herself out there and be a little more demanding but it just wasn’t in her make-up. If the family hadn’t seen how badly she’d wanted their life, she hadn’t been about to tell them and get knocked back for her pains.
She guessed Simon was that all over again. ‘He’ll get over it.’ And her. Already had, it seemed. It was probably all in her imagination anyway and he had just been amusing himself.
Well, problem was there was so much to admire about him, and he seemed to enjoy her company, plus he was a darned good kisser, and she’d practically thrown herself at him last night and he’d knocked her offer back, and that had left them in an awkward place, now that she thought about it. Thanks very much, Simon.
Time to change the subject. And the focus of her life. ‘So how are you going, Maeve?’
Simon’s sister shrugged. ‘I’m fine. Feeling less nauseous and much heavier around the middle.’ She sent Tara one of the most relaxed smiles Tara had seen from her. ‘But I’d rather talk about you two.’
Darn! Lulled into a false sense of security. ‘There’s no “us two”.’
Maeve raised her brows disbelievingly and Tara wanted to bury her head in her hands. Seriously. How many other people thought she’d fallen for Simon? Or he for her? Just because they’d hung out together a bit, and kissed a few times, that smug voice inside insisted.
Maeve wasn’t having any of that apparently. ‘Well, if there’s not a “you two” he’s been pretty hopeless at getting the message across. What with parachuting photo packages, and pestering you for a bike ride, and Louisa for a picnic hamper—and the rug! ‘
Lots of eyebrow waggling coming her way here and Tara could feel the heat creep up her cheeks. So this was what it was like to have a sister.
Obviously Maeve had no scruples in laying stuff out in front of her and teasing. Maybe she hadn’t been so unlucky as an orphan to avoid this stuff. Apart from Mick’s sister, she’d never really been one for girly relationships. Again the idea of becoming fond of someone when you never knew when they’d go away for a weekend and never come back. She’d decided a long time ago it was better to keep her distance.
But Maeve wasn’t keeping her distance, neither had she finished. ‘Seems a lot of effort for someone he doesn’t care about.’
Tara had no idea how to deal with this. With her acquaintances she’d just tell them to shut up but you couldn’t do that to Maeve—or she didn’t think it would work anyway. ‘Can we change the subject?’
‘Not until I give you some advice.’
Oh, no. ‘Do you have to? Please. I hate advice. Comes with having to sort yourself out all your life.’ She said it but now she knew Maeve better she doubted anything would stop her when she was on a roll. She almost wished for the washed-out, droopy dandelion Maeve had been before she’d recovered her spirits.
She looked again at the new, brighter Maeve and she knew she was happy her friend had found her equilibrium. Lyrebird Lake was doing its magic. So, no, she didn’t wish for droopy Maeve back.
Over the last few weeks, gradually they had become friends, good friends, if she dared to say it. She and Maeve had found lots to smile about. Lots to agree and not agree about and quirky, girly conversations that had often little to do with Simon. And, at Maeve’s request, nothing at all to do with Rayne, the father of Maeve’s baby.
‘Me? Not give advice?’ Maeve laughed at her.
Tara sighed. ‘But you’re not having this all your own way. I’ll listen to you if you tell me what you’re thinking about Rayne.’
Maeve blinked in shock and Tara grinned. ‘And if I have advice then you have to listen to me.’
Ha. Miss Bossy didn’t like it so much in return. But to give Maeve her due, she sat back with a grimace. ‘I was being pushy, wasn’t I?’ She shook her head and smiled wryly. ‘You haven’t seen this side of me yet but I’m not normally the pathetic wimp I’ve been since I came here.’
She looked around and then back at Tara. ‘You know what? You’re right. I do feel better since I came here. This place really is as amazing as Simon says it is.’
Tara looked around with fresh eyes. Made herself feel the moment. Smell the furniture polish. Taste the freshly brewed tea from the pot that Louisa had made before she’d gone out. Saw the little touches that spelt people cared. A Christmas nativity scene tucked in behind the bread basket. The growing pile of gifts under the tree. The photo frames of family that Louisa polished with her silver cloth every morning. ‘I think it’s the people.’
And Tara didn’t ever want to leave but she wasn’t expecting the world to be that perfect. ‘Yep. It’s amazing. And it is good to see you firing on all cylinders—even if you are a bit scary sometimes.’
‘Scary? Me? You should meet my oldest sister, Kate.’ Then Maeve showed she at least was focussed. ‘Seeing that you hate advice, I’ll keep it simple—and let you in on a secret.’
She sat forward, ready to impart her wisdom, and Tara pulled a face as she waited. ‘My sisters and I have decided Simon’s been hiding from a real romantic relationship all his life—he’s terrified the fairy-tale isn’t real.’
‘Um. I hate to tell you this, but it isn’t,’ Tara said, but Maeve ignored her.
‘Whether that came from our mother and his dad not staying together or the fact that he never knew his dad, we don’t know.’
She lowered her voice. ‘What we do know is that the right woman can help him come out from the place he’s been hiding all these years—but she has to get past the barriers.’
‘Barriers?’ Tara was lost. She had no idea what Maeve was talking about. She hadn’t noticed any barriers.
‘Not when-you-meet-him barriers. He’s too good a people person for that. It’s later. Whenever a woman is getting close, he’d discover some other place that needed him more than he needed her and bolt. She’d try and hold him, he’d spend less time with her, and then she’d give up and drop him. I’ve seen it time and again. But you’re different.’
Her? Tara? Different? She couldn’t help the tiny glow of warmth the words left in her chest. Then she thought it through and decided there was another reason she was different. Maybe because she didn’t expect people to want to look long term with her?
‘He’s scared of long term, Tara.’
Well, there you go. Maybe she was the right girl for him after all. She forced a smile. ‘I’m not presuming long-term.’ Had lost that expectation years ago.
‘Might be the way to getting it.’ Maeve looked at her.
That didn’t make sense. ‘You mean, actually say, Hi, Simon, I don’t expect long term?’ The fantasy was tragically attractive—but it was fantasy. But that didn’t mean one day it mightn’t happen. Did it?
Maeve waggled her brows. ‘And that just might be the way to break through the barriers.’
Nope. Tara didn’t understand and she backed away from reading anything ridiculously ambitious into Maeve’s comments. ‘Okay. I’ve listened.’ And you are scaring the socks off me at the thought of having any such conversation with Simon. Although if Simon was scared she would try to trap him, he did need to know that wasn’t in her plans.
But he had changed after the lyrebird, true, and he’d practically said he remembered what seeing the bird dance meant. True love and all that stuff. For a guy who wasn’t thinking long term she guessed that could be scary. She wasn’t scared, just didn’t believe the hogwash. All too confusing for a conversation.
‘Your turn.’ She sat forward. ‘Tell me about the father of your child.’ She really did want to know. She couldn’t imagine anyone leaving Maeve. She was gorgeous and funny, and she was classy.
Maeve’s shoulders drooped. Her confident persona disappeared into the dejected woman Tara had first met. There was an extended silence and Tara thought for a moment Maeve was going to renege. Then she sighed. ‘I fell for Rayne like a ton of bricks.’ She lifted her head, her eyes unexpectedly dreamy, and remembered. ‘He’s a head taller than me, shoulders like a front-row forward, and those eyes. Black pools of serious lust when he looked at me. Which he did from across the room.’
Tara had to grin. Descriptive. ‘Crikey. I’m squirming on my seat over here. So what happened?’
She shrugged. ‘We spent the night together—then he went to jail.’
Tara remembered Maeve saying he’d omitted to tell her he was going to jail. ‘Was he wrongly convicted?’
Tears filled Maeve’s eyes. She chewed her lip and gathered her control. Then looked at Tara with a wry and watery smile. ‘Thank you.’
Tara wasn’t sure what was going on but she seriously wanted to get to the bottom of it. ‘Did he tell you about it?’
Shook her head. ‘Didn’t have a chance. And since then he’s refused to see or talk to me on the phone.’
That didn’t make sense. ‘So when did this happen?
Maeve patted her stomach. ‘Eight months ago.’
O-o-o-kay. Tara suspected Simon might have reason to worry. ‘And how long were you together before you fell pregnant?’
She sighed. ‘One night. But I’ve always loved Rayne. He was the bad boy all the girls lusted after. I always thought the problem was more his mum than Rayne—she was a single mum and couldn’t kick her drug addiction—but despite our mum’s misgivings he and Simon were always friends.’
And now he’d got Simon’s sister pregnant on the way to jail. Probably why Simon wanted to wring his neck.
Maeve was still talking. ‘Simon and he were mates through med school and then Rayne went to California to do paediatrics. And he was supposed to come and work with Simon at his hospital this year.’
She shrugged. ‘Something happened when he was over there, and apparently as soon as he hit Australia alarm bells went off. Simon picked him up from the airport, and neither of us knew that the police would come for him as soon as he was back in the country. It seems he suspected it was a possibility and didn’t tell us.’
‘Wow. Seems a strange way to act.’
‘I’m pretty sure he planned to tell but Simon got called out to a patient before he could, I think.’ Maeve shrugged.
‘Problem was, I’ve fancied this guy since I carried a lunchbox to school, hadn’t seen him for eight years, and that night Simon left.’ She shrugged. ‘I was feeling low after a break-up, here was this guy coming I’d had a crush on since puberty and it all just happened. Except Simon has never forgiven him—when, in fact, the guy had little choice because I practically seduced him.’
Her face went pink and Tara could see a heck of a lot had happened. Wow again.
‘Obviously I’ve thought about that night and I think Rayne’s natural resistance was lowered by the fact he might be in prison for the next ten years and I was throwing myself at him.’
‘Imagine?’ Tara looked at Maeve. Gorgeous, sexy, and, she was beginning to suspect, wilful and a little spoilt, but in a nice way. A way Tara could quite easily be envious of except she’d shaken that out of herself years ago as a destructive waste of wishful thinking.
‘And then the next morning the police came and took him away. It was a shock because we’d slept together and he just walked away without looking back.’
Absently she stroked her belly. ‘Simon was livid when he found out that Rayne had suspected they might come. But I think he’d come to explain and get advice from Simon, except it hadn’t worked out. And then I complicated matters.’
Wow. Maeve had certainly complicated matters. It was like an end-of-season episode of a soap opera. Tara had major sympathy for Simon. But Maeve had problems too. And then there was the mysterious Rayne.
‘Do you love him?’
She spread her hands. ‘I’ve had all pregnancy to think about it. About the fact that he might not be the guy I think he is. Or if he was he might change a lot in prison. So when I see him again he might not be the hero that I always imagined him to be and I fell for the pretty face I’d always fancied and created the energy between us by wishful thinking.’
Tara agreed with her there. It all sounded explosively spontaneous. ‘It’s a possibility.’
‘I know. I know. It was a whirlwind event that will affect the rest of my life. But really I don’t know. He doesn’t care enough to answer my calls. Or answer my letters. Or comment on the fact that I’m pregnant and soon to have his child. That hurts.’
Yep. That would hurt. ‘That is hard.’
Maeve went on. ‘When I found out I was pregnant I thought Simon was going to have a stroke. We had a huge fight. I said I was old enough to make my own mistakes and he said he could see that was true but not under his roof. Then he absolutely tore Rayne’s actions to shreds when I knew it was mostly me. So we really haven’t made up since then. But I still live under his roof so we’ve had sort of a cold truce for most of this year.’
She sighed again. ‘I know I let him and my parents down. Crashed off my pedestal and that hurt too. But I swear, one look at Rayne, at his need for comfort, and I was a goner, and seeing how it turned out I can understand his reluctance to let me into his life now. I can regret the timing but if I’m ever going to have a child the fact that it’s Rayne’s is no real hardship.’
A can of worms getting wormier actually. ‘I’m not sure I have advice for you. Except to say that guys in jail, even innocent ones, do change from the experience. I’ve known people who have. I’m not saying it won’t work out between you, but he might be a harder, tougher man than the one who went in. If you do meet him again, which I guess you will if you’re having his baby, make sure he is the man you love before you commit to anything. You have your baby to think of as well as yourself.’
Maeve looked back soberly. ‘I guess it has been all about the baby and me. I do need reminding that Rayne is in a different world right now and that he’s having it tough too. Thanks, Tara.’
Tara wasn’t sure that was what she’d been trying to say. ‘And thanks for your advice, though I can’t see myself starting a conversation like that with Simon.’ She smiled and stood up. ‘As for your story, you make my life seem pretty boring.’
‘Simon doesn’t think you’re boring.’
And here we begin the conversation again. Enough. ‘The good news is I have to go and do some home visits so I’m going to leave you.’ She carried her cup and saucer and cereal plate to the sink and rinsed them. ‘Catch you later.’
As she walked towards her room she mulled over the conversation. No wonder Maeve had been low in spirits when she’d arrived. And it explained the tension between Simon and his sister.
It was understandable Simon felt betrayed by his friend and to a lesser degree by his sister. She’d actually love to hear Simon’s side of the story but couldn’t see how she could ask without betraying the confidence that Maeve had spoken to her about it all.
And that it all happened under his own roof wouldn’t have helped his overactive protective bone.
Maeve had been very generous with her sharing and her advice and it had been nice to talk like that. Exchange banter with her friend. She was getting better at relationships with other people. Letting herself be more open and looking a little more below the surface to try to connect to other people instead of being too wary.
She’d never had a friend like Maeve before and hoped she’d helped her. Maeve had certainly given her something to think about with Simon. Maybe she could have real friendship relationships with women apart from being their midwife. Though she guessed she was Maeve’s midwife as well.
She pulled on her jeans to ride the bike and slipped into her boots. Organised her workbag on autopilot and mulled over Maeve’s words. Shook her head. He wasn’t scared. Simon didn’t care enough.
When they’d been together at the lookout he’d been a gentleman and not raised her expectations. She supposed it was a good thing but she really would have liked to lose herself all the way in those gorgeous arms. And he’d been such a good kisser. She shook her head. Come on. He was way out of her league. Get with the programme.
CHAPTER ELEVEN (#u4458ba54-093b-5c04-b4a4-5700fe238f16)
SIMON STOOD IN the shower and could feel the edges of panic clawing at him. And he couldn’t ease away by running back to Sydney Central work like he usually did because Maeve was getting close to having her baby. He had to be around in case anything happened.
This was certainly the time he usually left a relationship—way past it, in fact, as far as rapport between him and the woman went—except for the fact he would have been sleeping with her well and truly by now and that hadn’t happened with Tara. How on earth had the emotional stuff happened when they hadn’t even slept together? Everything was upside down. Back to front. And confusing.
Maybe it was proximity. Of course it was incredibly hard not to get closer than normal when you were living in the same house and working in the same place and associating with the same people.
Um, except he had lived with other women and not got too emotionally involved. And he had the horrible suspicion he’d miss Tara if he created the distance he needed—either mentally or geographically.
That was the scariest thing of all. It hadn’t happened before. He’d always felt the relationship was well and truly over by the time he began to see the signs of long-term planning on the side of his lady friend. Which was a good thing because that way he wasn’t responsible for hurting anyone.
But this was different. The unease fluttered again as he turned off the shower tap. Silly thoughts of birthday cakes in the future still made him smile but that was not the sort of thing to do if he was deep in a relationship with his next woman.
Listen to himself. He doubted he’d ever been deep into a relationship ever—more floating along the surface with good sex, and with women who were still his friends.
But right at this moment he was abstinent and sinking. No utopia after what had been a truly delightful afternoon yesterday with loads of potential—until that bloody lyrebird had said she was his true love and he’d panicked. Well, at least he had seen the danger before they’d completely consummated their relationship.
He combed his hair with his fingers and opened the steamy bathroom door. Oops. He’d been in here a while. But at least he’d come to some conclusion. All he needed to do was pull away. Create some distance and see how it felt.
His stomach rumbled and he headed for the kitchen as he continued to mull over his dilemmas.
He just needed to let Tara know subtly that he wasn’t a long-term prospect and then maybe they could just be friends. As in platonic. Hmm.
That brought up a whole new set of unpleasant dilemmas. If he and Tara were just friends that meant she could have other friends who were men. Maybe a lover. Someone else to take on her adventures. Someone else to do what he had knocked back. Strangely, not funny, idea at all.
He needed to think about that one.
‘Hi, Simon.’ He looked up from his preoccupation and saw a jeans-clad goddess.
‘Hi, Tara.’ He felt a smile spread across his face and then fall away as his previous conversations with himself came back.
‘You okay?’
‘Sure.’ Hitched his smile back up. ‘Of course. You?’
‘Fine.’ He could feel her concern. Saw her shrug.
