скачать книгу бесплатно
Joanna tried not to push the internal panic button yet she couldn’t help but worry that maybe people already knew about her recent living arrangements. Ludicrous. Allison had no way of knowing since she worked across town for a prominent law firm. Unless Rio had told her. Surely not. “What about Dr. Madrid?”
“I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to use the center, as long as you’ll attend my birth. I’m just not sure how I’m going to tell him. He’s been so good to me, and he’s such a great doctor, but I really don’t want to have my baby in the hospital.”
Joanna crossed the room and leaned back against the exam table, facing Allison. “Are you absolutely sure? You’ve told me that you were considering an epidural, and you know we don’t provide that here.”
“I’m sure. And I’m no longer worried about the pain aspect because I know you’ll be with me through the whole thing. To be honest, there are other reasons why I don’t want to have this baby at Memorial.”
Joanna frowned. “You’re not obligated to tell me, but does this have something to do with the baby’s father?”
Allison’s gaze faltered. “You could say that, but I’d rather not say anything more.”
“I understand.” Obviously the father worked at the hospital. Joanna briefly wondered if maybe he was married. Such a shame if that were true, but she had a hard time believing Allison would fall into that trap. However, Joanna knew all too well how persuasive men could be, as well as deceptive. “Would you like me to tell Dr. Madrid about your decision?”
Allison frowned. “In all fairness, I need to tell him myself, but if you could just sort of pave the way so he won’t be quite as shocked.”
“No problem,” she said, although she didn’t exactly relish the idea. “I’ll mention it to him tonight.”
“Tonight?”
Oh, heavens, how was she going to get out of this one? “Uh, well, yes. If I see him tonight. For some reason. That’s possible, if there’s some reason for seeing him.” Wow, Joanna. That sounded really coherent.
Allison sent her a knowing smile. “I think the midwife doth protest too much.” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “Is he as good as he looks?”
Right on cue, heat rushed from Joanna’s neck to her scalp. “I wouldn’t know.” Not that she didn’t want to know. Actually she did know on a limited basis.
“Are you sure?”
She was sure about one thing—she needed to end this conversation now. After a quick glance at the clock, Joanna said, “Oh, look. It’s time for my next patient.”
Allison rose from the chair with a grace Joanna had always longed for and started toward the door. “Okay, Nurse Blake, I’m not going to bug you since we’re all entitled to our little secrets.” She circled her slender fingers around the doorknob and turned to Joanna with a wily grin. “But as soon as you find out how good the doctor really is, be sure to let me in on it.”
With that she breezed out the door, and Joanna resisted the urge to throw water on her face to cool the sudden heat.
Water. Soothing warm water, bubbles twirling over her body, gentle fingers dancing over tender flesh…
Joanna slapped her palms to her cheeks as if she could jar the memories from her mind.
Darn Rio Madrid. When she did see him again, she would make it a point to mention Allison Cartwright. And she’d make it quite clear that the game was up, she didn’t want to play, so he’d best keep his distance.
Now if she only remembered to keep hers.
Six
After two lengthy deliveries, Rio arrived home early Friday morning slightly before dawn. He built a fire in the den, stripped off his shirt and collapsed onto the sofa with Gabby.
Since Joanna had moved in with him two weeks ago, he’d barely seen her due to their conflicting schedules, at least not as much as he’d wanted. They had shared dinner a few nights, and he did have to admit that he’d greatly enjoyed the meals she’d prepared, their casual conversations, and definitely the way she always made him smile with some amusing story about her son. He appreciated the fact that she really listened to him when he’d had a particularly tough day, appreciated their shared concern for their patients. Yet he’d sensed the discomfort those times when—unable to resist—he’d done nothing more than reach out and touch her face or her hand.
She should consider herself lucky, Rio decided. He’d wanted to touch her elsewhere, kiss her everywhere. He’d fought to keep his hands to himself, battled to keep from coming up behind her while she’d stood at the stove cooking, wanting badly to turn up the heat by slipping his hand inside the baggy sweatpants she tended to wear after business hours, to make her react the way she had in the hot tub. But he’d decided to stick to his guns and wait for her to make the next move, even if it was killing him to do so.
Thoughts of making love to her—really making love to her—made him brick hard, made him want to groan with frustration. He lowered his fly an inch to provide some relief, but it didn’t help all that much. Only one thing would alleviate the problem, and she was upstairs, fast asleep.
After yanking the band from his hair, Rio tipped his head back against the leather sofa and propped his feet on the coffee table. With Gabby curled up next to him, he flipped on the TV with the remote and settled for some infomercial hawking a miracle cleaner. Normally he would try to find something more entertaining, or at least something that might put him to sleep, at least for an hour or so before he had to return to the hospital to make his morning rounds.
Right now his thoughts centered on Joanna, on the fact that she was upstairs in bed, alone, and he was on the couch, hurting like hell from wanting her. From wanting to touch her again, only this time with his mouth as well as his hands. From needing to be inside her with an urgency as unfamiliar as having a woman living with him. A woman he wanted way too much.
But he’d been dead serious when he’d told her that he wasn’t going to make love to her until she came to him. It needed to be a conscious decision, not duress, that brought her to his bed. She had to make up her mind that she was willing to enter into a relationship that might never be more than two people enjoying intimacy.
He wished he could offer her more, but he wasn’t sure he could. An integral part of him feared the loss of freedom since he’d given up so many liberties in his life-time. But more important, he wasn’t certain he was cut out for marriage or fatherhood; his own example had been anything but satisfactory.
At times he had considered settling into that role, yet he’d never found a woman who’d encouraged the kind of feelings that led to a serious commitment.
Except for the woman upstairs. Maybe that’s why having Joanna Blake in his life was beginning to scare the hell out of him. And as bad as he hated to admit it, his burgeoning feelings for her did alarm him on a very distinct level. He’d mistakenly thought he could handle it. Handle having her here yet not having her completely. He didn’t like his weakness, nor did he want to act on his desire unless he knew for certain she was willing to accept the terms. But he wasn’t sure how long he could remain strong in her presence—emotionally and physically.
Gabby whined, cocked her head to one side and stared at the doorway from the entry. Rio looked over his shoulder to see Joanna’s form cast in a mix of gold and silver light coming from the TV and the fire. She trudged into the room wearing a thigh-length flannel nightshirt and a pair of baggy socks, her hair a tangle of curls. She was a mess, and Rio couldn’t remember ever wanting someone as much as he wanted her at that moment.
His body had begun to calm a few moments before only to be brought back to life by her sudden appearance. If he were any kind of gentleman, he’d grab a throw pillow and shove it on his lap to hide his current predicament. But from the looks of Joanna’s sleepy expression, he doubted she’d notice.
After Joanna settled into the oversize club chair cattycorner from the couch, he asked, “What are you doing up so early?”
When he unconsciously rubbed a hand over his bare chest, her gaze followed the movement, continuing to his abdomen and lower, where his jeans were partially undone, serving to make him even more uncomfortable.
“What are you doing…up?” She jerked her gaze back to the television.
Rio almost laughed—a pain-filled, joyless laugh. Instead, he laced his hands behind his head and released a slow, even breath in an effort to conceal his uneasiness. “I haven’t been to bed yet. In fact, I just got home. Busy night so I’m still high on adrenaline.” High on her. High on the prospect of peeling her faded flannel nightshirt slowly off her body and making long, hard love to her in front of the fire. The flame had dwindled due to his halfhearted attempts, but the blaze burning below Rio’s belt generated enough heat to fuel the entire city.
Joanna stretched and yawned. “I couldn’t sleep any longer. Too much on my mind, I guess.”
She sounded slightly distressed, and Rio’s concern for Joanna helped to pacify his cravings somewhat. “Is work not going well?”
She shook her head. “Work is fine. I got a letter from my mom and Joseph yesterday.”
His concern increased. “Something wrong?”
“Not really. Joseph is doing well in school, making A’s although he’s had a little trouble with talking in class.” She smiled. “He gets that from his father.”
Rio dropped his feet from the table and leaned forward, arms draped on his thighs. “You’re missing your son,” he said in a simple statement of fact.
“I miss him every night, every day, especially when it’s cold. It reminds me of when he was born, in November. The day I took him home, it was around thirty degrees, crisp and clear outside. I spent that first day holding him. He was so tiny and I was so scared. Just the thought of molding someone’s life is overwhelming. But I like to think about that particular day when it was just us, getting to know each other.”
“What about your husband?”
Joanna hugged her knees to her chest, her feet balanced on the edge of the chair as she turned her attention to the smoldering logs. “Oh, he was out celebrating the fact that he had a son. He started celebrating the day I went into labor and didn’t quit for about a week.”
“But he was with you during the birth.”
“Well, no. Adam wasn’t very good at that sort of thing. But I was lucky, only four hours of labor.”
“You were lucky where the labor was concerned. I can’t say the same for your choice in husbands.”
Joanna nailed him with blue eyes that looked almost translucent in the muted light. “He was very charming, a big talker.” She nodded toward the TV and the hyperactive host extolling the virtues of the cleaner in a booming voice. “Just like that guy. The pitch sounds great and then you soon discover you’ve purchased a faulty product. I’ve learned that when it sounds too good to be true, most likely it is.”
God, Rio despised her ex more and more with each revelation and he didn’t even know the guy. But he did know that Joanna had told the truth, and that was enough justification for his hatred. “Did the bastard ever give you what you needed?”
Her gaze snapped to his. “He gave me Joseph.”
“He should be supporting you financially.”
“With what? His looks?” Her tone bore the anger of a woman scorned, and rightfully so. “He couldn’t keep a job while I was in school. I doubt he has one now.”
“You were in school when the baby was born?”
“Medical school. Second year. That’s how we ended up in San Antonio.”
The disclosure threw Rio mentally off-kilter. “Medical school?”
She tucked her legs beneath her and folded her arms across her breasts. “Yeah. I didn’t exactly plan to have a baby then. I wanted to wait until I finished but…” Her gaze faltered. “I foolishly thought that having a child might settle Adam down. Obviously I was mistaken.”
“Obviously. But you don’t regret having Joseph.”
“No. He’s my whole life.”
Rio saw undeniable love reflecting from her beautiful blue eyes. A mother’s love. And he realized now, more than ever, she did merit a man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved.
“I had no idea you planned to be a doctor,” he said, ill at ease over his sudden feelings of inadequacy where Joanna was concerned, with how little emotionally he had to offer.
“There are quite a few things you don’t know about me.”
He knew that he respected her, that he admired her selfless love for her child. That he hated what her husband had done to her. That he wished he had more to give. “I’d like to know more about you, Joanna,” he found himself saying with sincerity. He did want to know her, and he was only beginning to scratch the surface.
A reluctant grin curled the corners of her full lips. “I think we’ve skipped a few important steps, considering you now know what I look like naked.”
She could have gone all day without saying that. His uncooperative body could have gone all year without hearing it.
Shifting from the building tension in his groin, he opted to revisit something they’d discussed the day she’d moved into his house in an attempt to quell the urge to carry her to his bed. “The offer still stands about having Joseph come to live here. Then he could be with you every day.”
She sighed. “I really appreciate it, but as I’ve said before, he needs to stay in school throughout the remainder of the year now that he’s settled.”
“Okay, but if you change your mind, you know he’s welcome.”
To his surprise, she scooted out of the chair, walked to the sofa and hovered above him. “Are you planning to go to bed any time soon?”
He wanted to go to bed with her, but not unless she extended the invitation. “In a while.”
She looked at him expectantly before her gaze traveled to his mouth. “Guess you’re really tired, huh?”
Not so tired that if she asked, he’d make love to her until the sun rose in a couple of hours. But only if she asked. “Is there something you need from me?”
A long silence ensued as she stood there opening and closing her fists and biting her lower lip. It took a major effort on Rio’s part not to take her hands, pull her into his lap—straddling his lap—so he could feel her against him, let her know that he needed to be inside her more than he needed sleep. For a brief moment he thought she might actually come to him and soothe the ache building to an unbearable intensity below his tattered jeans.
The moment ended when her gaze shifted away. “Actually, there’s something I need to tell you. In fact, I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now.”
Her serious tone indicated seduction was the last thing on her mind. Or maybe he’d only imagined the longing reflecting in her blue eyes. He patted the cushion next to him in hopes that she might reconsider. “Have a seat.”
She stared at the sofa as if it were covered in spikes, not leather. “It can wait. You need your rest.”
Aside from needing her in a very fundamental way, he needed to know what was bugging her. “A few more minutes aren’t going to matter.”
Finally, she claimed a seat on the far end of the couch as if he were contagious. “It’s about Allison Cartwright. I believe she’s decided to use the center for the birth.”
Rio wasn’t exactly surprised, nor was he exactly thrilled. Yet he had to accept Allison’s decision, even if he didn’t like it. “I understand why she feels she has to do it.”
“But you’re angry about it.”
“Not angry. Concerned.”
Joanna moved closer, once again jump-starting his awareness of her—the way she smelled, the way he knew she would feel beneath him. “Rio, I promise she’ll be fine. The pregnancy is going very well, right?”
“Right.” He couldn’t disregard his apprehension any more than he could disregard his desire for Joanna Blake. He centered his gaze back on the TV, away from her assessment. “But anything could happen.”
“Or nothing could happen aside from the birth of a healthy baby. You and I both know that.”
He could feel her staring at him, dissecting him. Right now he was just too damn tired to discuss this. Wound too tight to think about anything other than escaping before he released all his frustration by taking Joanna into his arms to try a little sensual persuasion. “Just promise me that if something does come up, you’ll bring her to the hospital.”
“I’ll call you if something happens, but I seriously doubt it will.”
“Fine.” He came to his feet only then realizing the extent of his exhaustion. He might as well be wearing concrete shoes, he decided as he headed toward the kitchen. At least his body had calmed somewhat.
“Rio.”
Joanna’s smooth, soothing voice turned him around, teased his libido awake again. “Yeah.”
“You know, you could still be present for the birth if you’d like.”
“No, thanks.”
She frowned. “I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to tell me what happened that made you so opposed to nonhospital births.”
“Nothing happened.” Except he’d watched a young woman die when he was barely old enough to watch that same woman give birth. “Just consider me overly cautious.”
“Are you going to your room?”
Not such an appealing thought without her accompanying him. “I’m going to grab the paper and have some coffee first.”
“Then I need to ask a favor.”
He could think of several favors he’d like to provide for her, even dead tired. “Shoot.”
“Do you mind if I use your shower? I won’t take long.”
