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While Shelley stayed with the children I quickly went round the house gathering together Darrel’s belongings and packing them into his bags, which I put in the hall. Fifteen minutes later the cab arrived and the driver helped Shelley with the bags while I took Darrel and Paula to the car. Shelley and Darrel climbed into the rear of the cab and Shelley fastened their seatbelts. ‘Thank you so much,’ she said again.
‘You’re welcome, love. Take care.’
‘Say goodbye and thank you to Cathy,’ she told Darrel.
‘Bye, and thank you,’ he said adorably.
‘We’ve all enjoyed having you to stay,’ I said.
‘Thanks for everything, and thank Adrian for playing with Darrel,’ Shelley said.
‘I will.’
I closed the cab door and Paula and I waved until the cab was out of sight. Although Darrel was obviously pleased to be going home, Paula looked sad. But goodbyes are part of fostering, and it was important that Paula was included in this, for a good farewell is as important as welcoming a child when they first arrive. Yet I’ll admit I felt sad too. Even if a child is only with you a short while, as Darrel had been, they touch your life and you don’t forget them. I would remember Darrel and Shelley in the years to come and wonder how they were doing. If I saw them again then that would be a huge bonus, but it couldn’t be guaranteed, and as a foster carer I had to accept that.
I returned indoors with Paula and then it was time to collect Adrian from school. I persuaded her into the stroller with the promise that she could walk some of the way back. As we waited in the playground I saw Geraldine arrive in good time and then as usual stand alone, separate from the other parents, as she waited for school to end. The Klaxon sounded and Adrian ran out amid the hubbub and excitement of Friday afternoon and the start of the weekend. But as he neared I could see him looking for Darrel.
‘He’s just gone home with his mother,’ I said. ‘They said to say goodbye and thank you for looking after Darrel.’
‘Oh, OK,’ he said. ‘Pity I couldn’t have said goodbye.’
‘I know.’ Then I distracted him by talking about the busy weekend we had coming up. We were going to visit my parents on Saturday and then Adrian had been invited to a friend’s football birthday party on Sunday. I reminded him that the present needed wrapping and the card had to be written and suggested we did it that evening.
Once we’d crossed the road and entered our street I let Paula out of the stroller. There was no sign of Geraldine and Kim ahead of or behind us. Perhaps they’d stopped off at the shop. However, as we passed number 53 I saw that their front door was wide open. I glanced in but couldn’t see anyone in the hall. We continued our slow, faltering walk past and then a few steps further up I heard a loud bang as a door slammed shut behind me. I instinctively turned. A middle-aged man in a suit and tie was storming down the front garden path of Laura’s house. He was clearly annoyed – his face was set and his body tense as he thrust a fob at the car parked in the kerb outside their house. He jumped in, immediately started the engine and the car tyres screeched as it pulled away and sped past us.
‘That car’s going far too fast,’ Adrian remarked.
‘Yes, it is,’ I agreed.
I had no idea what Laura’s husband looked like – I barely knew her – and if it was her husband and they’d had an argument then it was none of my business. Or was it? How many neighbours when interviewed after a tragic domestic incident exonerate themselves by saying that the family seemed pleasant but kept themselves to themselves. I already had some concerns about Laura, and perhaps as a result of fostering and having to piece together snippets of information from children who were trying to tell me what they had been through (they rarely tell the full story all in one go), I’d become more adept at looking at the wider picture. But on the other hand you can’t jump to conclusions and phone the social services just because you have a suspicion that all is not well in a family. You need some evidence.
Half an hour later, after we’d arrived home, the telephone rang. I wasn’t thinking about Laura at that moment and I didn’t make the connection when I heard a female voice say rather loudly, ‘Is that Cathy?’
‘Yes?’ I said tentatively.
‘You don’t recognize me, do you? It’s Laura from number 53.’
‘Oh, hello. How are you?’ I was completely thrown. It didn’t sound like her at all.
‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘Really good. I thought I’d give you a ring. Do you remember you left your phone number with my mother-in-law and said to phone for a chat?’
‘Yes, of course.’ But it was an odd time to phone for a chat. Most parents with a young family were occupied at this time making dinner or seeing to their children. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Yes, fine, good. How are you? I haven’t been going to school. Geraldine’s been taking and collecting Kim. She says I have to rest. My husband Andy says so too. They agree about most things. So I’m doing what I’m told. Like a good girl. That’s why you haven’t seen me. But I’m fine. We’re all fine …’ And her words continued, fast and furious, fired at me in short, staccato sentences and not ‘chatty’ at all. She sounded hyper, agitated. ‘So Geraldine, my mother-in-law, is looking after us all,’ she continued. ‘Me, Kim, Andy and little Liam. She’s doing a great job.’
‘How is Liam?’ I asked, forcing a gap.
‘He’s fine. Well, like a baby. Eating, sleeping, crying. But Geraldine takes care of that. Many thanks to Geraldine, I say. She’s a natural with children. I think some people are, don’t you?’
‘Is Geraldine with you now?’ I interjected.
‘Who?’
‘Geraldine. Your mother-in-law. Is she with you now?’
‘Yes, of course. Why do you ask? She’s here most days while Andy is at work. Andy is my husband. Sometimes she stays after he comes home to make sure he has his dinner. But that’s mothers for you. They never stop fussing over their little boys. Although what would I know? Kim is a girl. But Geraldine is great. In fact, it was she who suggested I phone you. She thought I should.’
‘Why?’
‘Oh, you know. For a chat. To tell you I’m OK. In fact, we’re all OK. Me, Andy, Liam and Kim. We’re doing fine. I believe you saw Kim at the shop? She’s a good girl, helps me out sometimes. But we won’t mention that, will we?’ And she gave a small, high-pitched laugh.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ I asked.
‘No, nothing you can do.’
‘I was thinking of popping in to see you next week.’
‘Oh, I see. Well, you can if you like, but really there’s no need. I’m fine. We all are. Couldn’t be better.’
‘What day suits you?’ I began.
‘Not sure. Have to go now. Bye.’ The line went dead.
I stood for a moment, completely bemused, then slowly returned the handset to its cradle. It was one of the strangest telephone calls I’d ever received. Whatever was all that about? Why had she phoned? I had no idea. The Laura I’d spoken to while walking back from school had been quiet, shy and a little withdrawn, whereas this Laura was gushy and completely over the top. It didn’t sound like the same person. I didn’t think she was drunk, although she had sounded confused and had repeated herself. But Geraldine was with her, presumably helping her, so I put Laura out of my thoughts for the time being and concentrated on my family.
After dinner I played some games with the children and then began Paula’s bath and bedtime routine. Later, when she was asleep, I lay propped on Adrian’s bed and we had our little chat before he settled for the night. He suddenly asked, ‘I wonder what Darrel is doing now.’
‘I expect he’s asleep,’ I said.
‘Do you think his mummy sings to him every night?’
‘Yes, although maybe not tonight, as her mouth is sore.’
‘What’s that tune called?’ Adrian asked. ‘The one that goes like this.’ He began humming one of the lullabies Shelley had sung.
‘Brahms’s “Lullaby”,’ I said. ‘It is beautiful, isn’t it?’
‘Yes. I wish you could sing it like Shelley,’ Adrian said.
‘So do I.’ I smiled. ‘She’s got a lovely voice. Perhaps we could hum it together? Let’s try.’
I put my arm around him and in the light of the lamp we began humming the haunting melody of the lullaby, which has become a classic for children everywhere. It didn’t sound too bad at all. And I hoped that the sentiment in our tune carried through the night air and touched Shelley and Darrel, so that they knew we were thinking about them.
‘Night, Shelley and Darrel,’ Adrian said as we finished. ‘Night, Mum.’
‘Night, love. Sleep tight.’
‘Love you.’
‘Love you more.’
Chapter Six
Useless (#ua795b969-a622-5dea-b063-7dfce1291e87)
On Monday morning I was going to ask Geraldine if it would be convenient for me to pop in and see Laura on the way back from school, but she left the playground before I had a chance to speak to her. Laura’s phone call on Friday had played on my mind over the weekend and I wanted to just say hi to her and make sure she was all right. I decided I’d stop by anyway, and if it wasn’t convenient I could arrange to go back another time. I bought a bunch of flowers for Laura from the local supermarket and once we’d crossed the road I let Paula out of her stroller to walk. It was 9.40 by the time we arrived outside number 53.
‘Baby,’ Paula said as I opened their gate.
‘Yes, that’s right. We are going in to see if we can visit baby Liam and Laura,’ I said. Paula grinned.
I parked the stroller to one side of the porch and, holding Paula’s hand, pressed the doorbell. It was answered almost immediately by Geraldine, who didn’t seem unduly surprised to see me.
‘Laura’s up, but not dressed,’ she said rather brusquely.
‘Would you give these flowers to her, please?’ I said, assuming from her comment that it wasn’t convenient for me to go in.
‘You can give them to her yourself,’ she said equally bluntly.
‘Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.’ But Geraldine was already holding the door wider for us to go in.
‘She’s in the living room,’ Geraldine said in the same terse manner and nodding down the hall. ‘Sorry about the telephone call on Friday. Laura wasn’t herself.’
‘Oh. That’s OK,’ I said, surprised that she’d mentioned it. ‘How is she now?’
‘Fine,’ she said, and led the way down the hall and into the living room. Laura was sitting on the sofa in her dressing gown breastfeeding Liam, and she did appear fine.
‘Lovely to see you,’ she said, looking up and smiling.
‘Baby,’ Paula said.
‘He’s gorgeous,’ I said. ‘Absolutely beautiful.’
‘Thank you. Hi,’ Laura said to Paula. Paula hid her face shyly against my leg.
‘A few flowers for you,’ I said, offering the colourful bouquet.
‘That is kind of you. Thank you,’ Laura replied easily.
‘I’ll put them in a vase,’ Geraldine said, stepping forward. I passed her the flowers. ‘Would you like a coffee?’ she asked.
‘Only if you are making one.’
‘I don’t drink coffee,’ she replied curtly.
‘I’d like one,’ Laura said.
Geraldine gave a stiff nod and went out of the room.
‘Are you sure you don’t mind me dropping by like this?’ I asked Laura.
‘No, of course not. I’m pleased to see you. I wasn’t going anywhere. Sit down, and thanks for the flowers.’
‘You’re welcome.’
I slipped off my jacket, took Paula’s jacket off and draped them over the back of a chair. As I sat down Paula scrambled onto my lap.
‘He is a beautiful baby,’ I said.
‘He looks like his dad,’ Laura said.
‘I can see you in him too. He’s got your nose and chin.’
She smiled. ‘Mum said that as well.’ Laura seemed more like her old self – the person I’d walked back from school with – quietly spoken, pleasant, unassuming and a little on the shy side. Liam stopped feeding and she began to wind him, gently rubbing his back until he burped. Paula giggled.
‘So how are you doing?’ I asked Laura.
‘OK. Sorry about last Friday. I nearly phoned back to apologize. I’d had a blazing argument with Andy, and Geraldine said you’d seen it all. I was in a right state when I phoned you, but I’m fine now.’
‘No worries. We all have family upsets.’
‘I suppose so. Although I’m rather sensitive at present and tend to take things personally and get upset. But I’m fine now. How are you? How’s the fostering? Geraldine said she saw you in the playground with a little boy.’
‘Yes, he’s gone home now. He was just with me for a day and a night to help out his mother.’
Laura nodded. As we talked we could hear Geraldine moving around in the kitchen and then go down the hall. Presently she came in with two cups of coffee and a plate of digestive biscuits on a tray, which she placed on the coffee table.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
She gave a stiff nod. ‘I’ve put the flowers in the front room,’ she said to Laura. ‘If he’s finished, I’ll put him in his cot.’
Laura wrapped the shawl around Liam and carefully passed him up to Geraldine, who carried him out of the room.
‘He sleeps now,’ Laura said. ‘Help yourself to coffee and biscuits.’
I moved Paula from my lap and onto the seat beside me so I could drink my coffee. She was still shy and kept close but pointed to the biscuits. I passed her one. There weren’t any toys in the room; I guessed Kim probably kept hers in her bedroom and Liam wasn’t really old enough for toys yet.
Laura took a sip of her coffee and then leant back on the sofa with a small sigh. ‘I guess it’s normal to feel exhausted when you’ve had a baby.’
‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘I was. Up every three hours at night for feeding, and all the hormones rushing around.’
‘Yes, those hormones,’ she said with another sigh. ‘Andy says it’s the hormones.’
‘But Geraldine is a big help?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’ She glanced at the door as though checking Geraldine couldn’t hear, and then lowered her voice. ‘I know this sounds really ungrateful, but sometimes I resent her being here. I mean, I need her help, but I wish she wasn’t so bloody right the whole time. I guess that’s mother-in-laws for you.’
I smiled understandingly.
