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His mouth tightened. He didn’t reply, not at first, taking a moment to observe the woman who had been his oldest friend—and his first love.
‘You didn’t know I founded Hawk?’
He didn’t hide his polite disbelief. Maybe she’d walked away and never so much as typed his name into a search engine or on a social media site, but his business was a global brand, and as founder and CEO he had been extensively profiled.
Alex was a PR professional. It didn’t seem possible that she had no idea of who he had become and what he’d achieved.
But her smile was apologetic. ‘Sorry. Outdoor pursuits aren’t my speciality and nor is clothing. I’m aware of Hawk, of course, but you’ve never been a rival of any of my clients, so I haven’t ever needed to investigate further. That was why I was so surprised when Amber said you had requested me specifically. I have to say I am even more surprised now I’m here. Finn, obviously it’s flattering that you would like me to cover your PR. But, given everything, I don’t think that our working together is in any way a good idea.’
‘Everything?’ He kept his voice icily smooth, but she still didn’t react, her expression unruffled.
‘Our shared history.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘Shared history? That’s one way of putting it, I suppose.’
He stopped himself from saying anything else, from letting the bitter words he’d been holding back for ten years come spilling out. He was no longer a young man with no idea how to handle his emotions, how to cope with accusations and betrayal and heartbreak.
‘However, that’s exactly why you’re perfect for this job. After all, you know the castle better than anyone else.’
Again, just a blink as her reaction. Finn folded his arms and waited for her to respond, refusing to allow her calmness to throw him. After all, whether she called herself Alexandra Davenport or Lola Beaumont, there was one thing he knew for sure: she didn’t just know Blakeley Castle, she loved it with every fibre of her fiery being.
But, he conceded as he studied her, this woman wasn’t fiery. Gone was the platinum blonde hair and dramatic eyeliner, the cutting-edge fashion and almost fey wildness. Instead Alexandra’s hair was her natural light brown, neatly pinned up, her make-up discreet, her clothes professional. There was nothing wild in the way she stood, nor in her eyes. Instead Finn noted her absolute air of control. Was there any trace of Lola trapped inside this stranger?
‘The castle, yes. Your brand, no.’
‘But you specialise in short-term jobs, in getting up to speed quickly,’ he pointed out silkily. ‘I have a whole team who can manage Hawk’s PR work. What I need is someone to help me launch Blakeley Castle as a destination. Your expertise and knowledge make you the logical choice. Your colleague, Amber, didn’t think there would be any problem.’
‘Amber doesn’t know that I have any personal connection to Blakeley—or to you,’ she added in a low voice. ‘So of course she wouldn’t foresee any conflict of interest. But there are conflicts, and it’s my professional opinion that you would be better off with one of our excellent consultants instead of me. I can think of at least three who would be perfect. I propose I go back to London now and send you their profiles. I can make sure your preferred candidate is with you by the end of the day. I’m sorry you have wasted your time. It’s unfortunate that I was out of contact when you called.’
She picked up her bag and took a decisive step back.
‘I’m glad to see you’ve done so well, Finn. I look forward to our companies working together. I’m sure it will be a successful partnership.’
Not so fast. He hadn’t got her back just to watch her drive off into the sunset with nothing resolved.
‘You’ve signed a contract.’
Her eyes flickered. ‘And we’ll honour that contract...’
‘The contract specifies you, Alex. That you will work here at Blakeley Castle until Christmas Eve. Not one of your consultants, however excellent they may be.’
‘Yes, but—’
‘It’s you I have employed, your expertise I want, and your exorbitant rates I have agreed to.’
‘We can, of course, offer a discount to offset any inconvenience.’
‘I don’t need a discount. Either you fulfil the terms of your contract or I sue you for breaking them. Your choice. I’m sure you’ll be happy to stand up in court and tell everyone why you didn’t feel able to work for me.’
Her silence and stillness were absolute. ‘I see. I’m sorry that you hate me this much, Finn...’
‘I don’t hate you, Lola. I have absolutely no feelings at all towards you. This isn’t personal. This is business. So what will it be?’
He held her gaze, conscious of the lie. Of course it was personal, but his business reasons were more than valid. And he didn’t hate her. He never had.
She sighed. ‘If you’re absolutely adamant that I stay then of course I will, but I’d like to make it clear that I think you would be better letting me assign someone else to this job. Are you sure this is what you want?’
‘I’m sure. Come along and I’ll show you to your desk. Not that you need me to show you anywhere. I’m sure you remember your way around.’
Her eyes dipped briefly and she laid a hand on his arm, her touch light. Even her touch had lost its fire. Or maybe he was immune, their past having inoculated him against any spells she might cast.
‘Finn, I need to get one thing straight. If you really want me to work for you then please forget you ever knew me. Forget I ever lived here. Lola Beaumont is gone. I left her behind a long time ago.’
‘Shame. There was a lot of good in Lola behind it all.’
‘That’s neither here nor there. Do I have your word that you will respect my anonymity? The reputation I have built up? I don’t know how you tracked me down, Finn, but if you really have brought me here to do my best for your business and not to create a whole other kind of publicity then you’ll forget about Lola.’
She fixed her disconcerting gaze on him. Still no trace of visible emotion in their grey depths. No longer could a lovestruck boy compare them to stormy seas or windswept skies. Instead they were more like a glossy pebble, smooth and unreadable.
‘Unless, of course, it’s other publicity that you are after? Not my expertise but my past?’
Finn stared at her, incredulous as her meaning took shape. ‘You think I brought you here to expose you?’
She shrugged. ‘It would be excellent PR. The last Beaumont back at Blakeley... The papers would love it. They’ll rake up the old scandal anyway, you know that—you must be counting on it. Everyone loves the idea of an old, proud family brought down, and now they can stand on the spot where it happened. I am quite happy to facilitate that, Finn, but I am no longer personally part of that story.’
His hands curled once more into fists as he fought to match her calmness. ‘I don’t expect you to be the story. Blakeley is mine now. I prefer to concentrate on the future and on building prosperity for everyone who works here.’
‘Thank you. I’m glad we understand each other.’
Even with the toned-down make-up and hair, the professional clothes, he could still see traces of the vibrant girl he had known in the tilt of Alexandra’s pointed chin, the curve of her cheekbones, her elegant posture. But any resemblance was purely skin-deep.
Lola was gone, and with her all that fire and passion. It might have got her—and all who knew her—into trouble sometimes, but she had at least known how to live. He got the impression that the woman in front of him didn’t really live a single day of her ordered life. Rather she sleepwalked through it, merely existing. Of all the tragedies that had hit the Beaumonts, this seemed like the biggest tragedy of all.
But whether she called herself Alexandra or Lola one thing was clear—she still thought he would use her, expose her for his own personal gain, just as she had believed ten years ago. No matter what he had achieved, to the woman opposite he was still the boy she thought had betrayed her. Well, his word might not have been good enough then, but she would have to believe in it now.
His future awaited him, and once Christmas was over Lola/Alexandra would be out of his life and his memories for good.
Control had been at the centre of Alex’s life for many years now, but she had never had to fight so hard for it as she did right now. Standing beside her old home, with its turrets reaching up into the skies, standing opposite the man she had once given her whole heart and trust to, only for him to rip them—and her—to pieces, had whipped up feelings and emotions she had long thought buried and gone. Nausea swirled through her and her hands shook, but she fought to keep her voice even and her expression bland.
Finn could never know the effect he had on her. She would never give him—or anyone—that kind of power again.
‘I think I’d better get started. Where shall I set up? I would usually arrive fully prepared, but I was told I’d be briefed when I got here.’
She allowed the merest hint of accusation to hang in the air. Finn had deliberately allowed her to turn up unprepared and wrong-footed. Although, she allowed, if she hadn’t been too absorbed in her work to do the background check she’d promised herself, then she wouldn’t have been quite so unprepared. She couldn’t blame Finn for everything. Not this time.
‘I’ll take you to meet your team and brief you on the way. Leave your bags. One of the staff will take them to your rooms. The Hawk offices are in the stables. This way.’
Finn indicated the freshly laid woodchip path which wound away from the car park into the small copse which separated the newly refurbished offices from the castle. Alexandra hefted her leather laptop bag onto her shoulder and followed him—as if she didn’t know the way to the stables just as well as he did.
‘Amber said you’re planning to open the castle up to the public and the launch is this week—is that right?’ She barely waited for his nod before continuing. ‘So, will you open all year round or just for Christmas? Seasonally? Weekends? What about the gardens? Will they have different opening hours and prices? Obviously I should have researched this before I started, but I only got off my flight a couple of hours ago.’
Every question was direct and to the point. Information-gathering for her job, no more. She had to treat this like any other job, Finn like any other client. It was the only way she was going to get through this.
‘My apartments are in the top two floors of the west wing, and private, but the rest of the castle, including the grounds, will be open every day. Houses like this should be for everyone, not just for the privileged few.’
Alex swallowed, tightening her hold on her bag. Finn was living in her home, her beloved castle. Once she had daydreamed of such a situation, only in her dreams she had been living there alongside him. Was there a woman living with him? He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring but that didn’t mean anything. Not that she cared. She just hoped he’d learnt loyalty in the last decade. How to love, not how to use.
Although, judging by the way he was using her right now, she wouldn’t bet on it.
‘I assume all the paintings and furniture are still here? I know the castle was bought complete.’
She fought to suppress a dangerously revealing wobble in her voice. This was a job, not personal. Blakeley and all its treasures meant nothing to her. She couldn’t think about the old oak furniture that dated back to Tudor times, or the famous collection of Pre-Raphaelite paintings. She couldn’t remember the old dolls’ house or Strawberry, her beloved pony.
Finn nodded. ‘Luckily for me the castle was bought by an oligarch who never actually visited the place. Rumour in the village is that he wanted a hunting lodge and didn’t realise the estate wasn’t suitable for the kind of stag-hunting he’d planned. I don’t think he even set foot in the place. Blakeley hadn’t been touched since the day you left.’
Alex allowed herself one dangerous moment of memory. One flashback to the desperate girl with tears streaming down her face, the police tape still flickering around the lake, the hardness on Finn’s face, the paparazzi pressed up against the gates. And the last look back before she had slipped out of the secret door in the wall and out of her life, leaving Lola in the headlines and her heart in Blakeley’s keeping.
And then she pushed that memory firmly back down and picked up the pace. ‘So, Finn,’ she said as brightly as she could. ‘Tell me more about your plans and what you need me to do.’
Work was the answer. Work had always been the answer. And for the next few weeks she suspected it was going to be her salvation.
CHAPTER THREE (#u0b269f7f-1ef2-51a0-8d90-03c00bbc9588)
ALEXANDRA DREW IN a deep breath and stared fixedly at her laptop screen, refusing to let the letters in front of her blur or her mind wander. She was focussed and busy, just the way she liked it, with all messy emotions kept at bay.
All around was a low hum of activity: the sound of a contented, productive office. Sitting here, it was hard to imagine that this building had once been ramshackle stables. There wasn’t a whiff of straw or old leather to be found. When she’d first walked in she’d passed the place where her old mare, Strawberry, had been stabled, and for one terrifying moment had been catapulted back in time. Luckily, the receptionist had spoken to her and pulled her back to the present.
She didn’t want to go back. She couldn’t...
No, better to focus on the present. And if she concentrated hard she could do exactly that.
It helped that the once familiar room was now so unfamiliar. The architect had done an amazing job of transforming the dark old buildings into a light, airy and modern space. On the ground floor was a spacious reception area, meeting rooms, and what Finn had described as ‘creative space’, filled with sofas, board games and a kitchen area.
The executive offices were also housed on the bottom floor, but she hadn’t been shown them. Instead Finn had taken her upstairs to the general offices, making it very clear what her position was.
Upstairs was one big office area, with pale wood desks blending in with old oiled beams, the walls matt white, the floor gleaming parquet, and wide windows showcasing breathtaking views of the parkland and estate gardens.
Alexandra had barely given them a glance. There was a reason she’d moved to London. Not only did she prefer the anonymity of the city, she also liked the way the noise and hubbub gave her so little space to think. London was overwhelming, and that was exactly how she liked it. There was no space to be an individual. The city assimilated you and you just had to be swept away.
Finn had introduced her to the team and his marketing director before leaving her with a curt nod. For a moment, watching him stride away, she had almost felt lost. She’d swiftly shaken that absurdity from her mind, but now, as she read through her handover notes and began to get to grips with her workload, it began to dawn on Alex just what Finn had achieved. Her childhood playmate, her first crush, the boy she had naively thought she might love, had achieved his dream.
She tapped a pencil absentmindedly on the desk as she looked around at the comfortable space filled with people hard at work. He had always proclaimed that one day he would travel around the world, that he’d own his own company and make a fortune, and live in a place like Blakeley, not just work there. And she’d believed him, that fierce determined, skinny boy with his messy dark brown hair and chocolate eyes. Even though he’d never even travelled as far as Oxford, and his father and grandfather and every generation before them had been born, had worked and died within the castle grounds.
But for a while it had looked as if his dreams had stagnated—a pregnant sister, an alcoholic father demanding all his time and attention. The boy who had dreamt of the world had found himself bound to one place, and meanwhile her burgeoning modelling career had taken her around the globe. How he must have resented it. Resented her.
The pencil stilled and the old questions once more flooded her mind. Was that why he had done it? Betrayed her when she had already been as down as a girl could be? The money from those photos must have freed him. And look what he had achieved with that freedom. Did he ever consider that he’d purchased it with her innocence and happiness? Or did he think that it was a fair trade for the generations of Hawkins who had been trampled on by generations of Beaumonts?
Another inhale. Another exhale. Push it all away. All those inconvenient feelings. Concentrate on the job in front of you.
She’d been Alex for so long there were times when she forgot that Lola had even existed. She needed that blissful ignorance now. She had to treat this as any other job, forget she knew Finn, not allow herself to speculate on how he’d found her and why he had gone to such trouble to bring her here. Forget everything but the task at hand.
She put the pencil down firmly, pulling her laptop closer, and as she did so a pretty dark-haired girl approached her desk.
‘Hi, is it Alex or Alexandra?’
‘I answer to both.’ She smiled in welcome as she desperately searched her mind for the girl’s name. Katy? Kitty?
‘I’m Kaitlin.’ The girl smiled shyly back. ‘I doubt you’ll remember anyone after that quick introduction. I’ve never known Finn to be in such a hurry. I thought you might want to get settled in today, but I’ll make sure you get properly introduced to everyone tomorrow, so you know what they actually do. I’m the PR Assistant, so technically I report to you. I suggest you ask me anything you need to know and I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.’
Kaitlin’s friendliness was disarming—and a relief after the frosty civility Finn had shown. ‘That’s good to know. Nice to meet you properly, Kaitlin.’
‘Penelope asked me to talk you through her strategy and plans so you can go to her with any questions before things get too manic. Is now good?’
‘Now’s great, thanks.’
Alex looked at her neat notes, perfectly aligned, finding the long to-do list its usual balm. At first she had been at a loss as to why she was so urgently required. Penelope, Hawk’s laid-up Head of PR was organised and had clearly taught her junior staff well. Looking through her notes, strategies and task lists, Alex saw that it appeared that there was little left for Alex to actually do, apart from follow instructions. A job anyone with half a brain could manage. It didn’t seem worth her substantial fee, and her lurking suspicion that Finn had tracked her down and employed her simply to gloat about their reversal of fortune had deepened.
But as she read on it became clear that the plan Penelope had put together would need careful tweaks and adjustments as the castle was finally opened to the public, and the potential press interest needed to be handled by someone with experience. It was a job she was confident any of the temps on her books could handle, but she could see that Finn genuinely needed outside help, and as it was unlikely he’d manufactured Penelope’s accident her presence here was in some way coincidental, even if her concern as to how he had tracked her down remained.
After all, if he could then so could any of those journalists who still ran occasional stories on the fall of the Beaumonts.
Kaitlin pulled a chair up to the desk. ‘So, the first thing is the media launch party. May I...?’
Alex nodded permission and the younger woman manipulated the mouse on the PC Alex had been allocated and brought up the appropriate file.
‘Here are the notes and the event plan. It’s on Thursday night, and the party is for journalists, local dignitaries and VIPs. The castle will then have a soft opening for two weeks and will officially celebrate with a second, bigger party on the twenty-fourth of December. That party will include locals, colleagues, suppliers, partners...everyone, really.’
Alex inhaled as she read the timeline.
The official opening of the castle and grounds will be marked with a traditional Christmas Eve party.
‘Christmas Eve?’ Somehow she kept her voice calm.
‘Apparently it’s a real tradition at Blakeley. I hear the parties here used to be wild. Full of every kind of celebrity from pop stars to princes.’
‘Right. Then we need to make sure we publicise that angle.’
Her heart began to thump; her hands felt damp. Christmas Eve. Her birthday. More than that, the day Blakeley had always celebrated Christmas.
For generations, friends and lovers, enemies and rivals had descended on Blakeley on Christmas Eve to feast and dance, intrigue and plot.
As a child Alex would spend the afternoon hosting a sumptuously over-the-top party for her friends—and then spend the evening darting through the dancing, flirting adults, sipping champagne from discarded glasses and sneaking canapés. No one had ever told her to go to bed. Instead she had been the spoilt princess of the house, petted and indulged, falling asleep on a chair or a sofa, where she would wake on Christmas morning to find herself covered with some discarded jacket.
In her mid-teens the two parties had been combined, with lithe, knowing teenagers far too at home amidst the glamour and heady atmosphere of the adult affair. At least they’d pretended they were at home. Alex had been very good at pretending. Until the night of her eighteenth birthday, that was, when her world had become real for the first time—for a few blissful hours, until the moment when it had stilled and stopped for ever.
She tried to inhale again, to take those sweet, calming breaths that kept her pulse even, her heart still, her head clear. But her breath caught in her throat.
I can’t do this, she thought, panic threatening to flood through the walls she had built so carefully, so painstakingly, solid walls, covered in ivy and thorns, ready to repel all invaders. I can’t.
