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She raised her glass to his. ‘Cheers. You were right. A job like this is just what I need.’
Alex paused. He knew it wasn’t easy for her, younger sister to such high-achieving siblings, daughter of well-known experts in their fields. He knew her mother’s well-intentioned comments on everything from Flora’s hair to her clothes cut her to the quick. He knew how self-conscious she was, how she hated her conspicuous height, her even more conspicuous figure, her dramatically wide mouth and showy Snow White colouring. She really truly didn’t know how stunning she was—when she wasn’t hunching herself inside one of the sacklike dresses or tunics she habitually wore.
But she was twenty-nine now. It was time she believed in herself.
‘You could have had work before,’ he pointed out. ‘How many times have I asked you to freelance for me? You were just too proud to accept—or too afraid.’
Her mouth shut again, her lips compressed into a tight, hurt line. ‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting to stand on my own two feet.’
‘No, there isn’t.’ He fought the urge to backtrack; he’d always hated upsetting her in any way. ‘But there’s nothing wrong with accepting a helping hand either. Sometimes I think you’re so determined to prove yourself you actually hold yourself back.’
Her eyes blazed. ‘I can’t win, can I? Once you accused me of not knowing my own mind, now you’re telling me I’m too stubborn.’
‘If you mean I told you not to apply to vet school then I stand by that. Just like I stand by telling you not to take that job at Village Inns. I still don’t know why you did.’
Flora set her wine down on the table and glared at him. ‘Why were you so set against it? No one lands the perfect job straight from college. It made sense to get some experience.’
‘No, but your heart was never in that job, just like it wasn’t in veterinary medicine. You applied for that to please your mum.’
Flora jumped to her feet and walked over to the window, staring out at the dark before turning to face him. ‘So you were right that I wasn’t vet material. Right that I couldn’t hack it. So it took me a while to work things out. Excuse me for not being driven, focused on the goal like you, Mr Super Architect of the Year.’
He ignored the dig. So he was driven. Wasn’t that the point? It was why they were here after all. ‘Art school was far more you—but then you took the first safe job you could find even though designing those trendy pubs and twee restaurants drove you crazy. And when that didn’t work out you went into lockdown mode. Took it personally, as if you had failed.’
‘No, I didn’t!’ She paused, looked down at the floor. ‘Well, maybe a little.’
‘Look, Flora. You know the last thing I want to do is hurt you. In any way.’ It was truer than she knew. Alex didn’t know where he would have ended up, what he would have been without Flora’s friendship. It was why he had never been able to confide in her, not fully. He had never wanted to see the warmth in her eyes darken and chill. To be judged by her and found wanting.
God knew he judged himself enough for both of them.
‘Thank goodness.’ She looked at him directly then, her blue eyes shadowed. ‘I’d hate to hear what you would say if you wanted to hurt me.’
‘I just want you to follow your dreams. Yours, not your mother’s or mine or trying to beat your sister at her own game. I want you to go for what you want. Do what makes you happy. Not hang back for fear it doesn’t work out or in case you get knocked down again. Take each rejection as a challenge, get back up and try again. Harder each time. Here is your chance. Seize it.’
‘I was trying to before my temporary boss and arrogant best friend decided to have a go at me.’ But the anger had drained out of her voice. ‘I’m not so good at the seizing, Alex. We didn’t all get the Masters of the Universe education, you know.’
Alex had hated every single day at his elite boarding school. The only thing in its favour was that every day he had spent there was a day not at home. ‘I dropped out of sixth form to slum it at college with you so I missed the Advanced World Domination course. But I tell you what I do know, Flora. We’re all mostly faking it. Tell yourself you can do it, tell yourself you deserve it and make yourself go for it. That’s the secret. Now, I don’t know about you but those cakes seem like hours ago and I know the kitchen is hoping to do a last trial run on us before the guests arrive tomorrow. Let’s go eat.’
* * *
‘That was amazing. Although I don’t feel I can ever eat again.’ Flora patted her stomach happily and curled up on the velvet sofa.
‘Not that cosy though, just the two of us in a room set for sixty.’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ It had felt a bit incongruous at first, the two of them waited on alone in a vast room, but a couple of glasses of the delicious wine had soon set her at her ease and when Alex suggested they went back into the lounge for one last look at the plans and a digestif her original plans for a bath and an early night were forgotten.
She had only drunk schnapps once before and it hadn’t been pretty. But it was the national drink, after all; it would be rude not to sample it.
Alex was leaning back in his chair, his glass held loosely in his hand. Flora was usually so very careful about how she looked at him. If he ever caught her staring. If he ever guessed how she felt...
Alex was her oldest and best friend. His was the shoulder she cried on after break-ups and heartbreaks. He was her go-to person for advice. He knew all her vices and nearly all her secrets. But there were two things that lay between them. Two secrets; a chasm that could never be bridged.
He had never confided in her why he had left home, and why he was so against any kind of reconciliation with his father.
And she had never told him that she loved him.
Not as a friend, as a confidant, but in every way it was possible for a woman to love a man. Sometimes Flora thought she had fallen for him that very first day, that skinny red-headed boy with a look of determination on his face—and desolation in the stormy eyes. The hair had long since darkened to a deep auburn, his body had filled out in all the right places, but he was still determined.
And he hid it well, but at heart he was still as alone as he had been then. Not one of his girlfriends had ever got through to him. Was that why she had never told him how she felt? He was right, she was afraid.
Afraid of not being good enough for him. Afraid he would turn away in disgust and horror, just as he had all those years ago. Afraid that this time she would lose him for ever.
Flora downed the schnapps in one satisfying gulp, choking a little as the pungent, sharp liquor hit the back of her throat. Hmm, not as bad as she’d thought. In fact, that warm feeling at the pit of her stomach was really quite pleasant. She refilled her glass.
She gazed into the amber depths as his words rolled round and round her mind. ‘Get back up and try again. Tell yourself you deserve it.’ He was right. She never had. She took every rejection as a final blow whether it was work or her heart. It was easier not to put herself out there. Easier to lock herself away and hope.
Hope that somebody would see her Internet site and say, ‘Hey, you amazing talent, come work for me!’
Hope that Alex would turn round, look into her eyes and realise, just like that, she was the only girl for him.
Hope that her parents would tell her that she made them proud.
She just sat back and let life pass her by. Hoping.
Flora raised her glass and downed the schnapps. It wasn’t quite as fierce this time. Not as hot. More...mellow. She had definitely underrated schnapps.
She reached out and closed her hand around the bottle, wondering why it took a few goes to clasp it properly, and pulled it towards her.
‘Another one?’ Alex’s eyebrows rose. ‘We had quite a lot of wine at dinner. Are you sure?’
‘Yes, Dad.’ She grinned at him. ‘I like your hair like that.’
Alex touched his head, staring at her in confusion. ‘My hair?’
Flora put her head to one side. ‘It’s all glowy with the Christmas lights behind you. Like a halo. Angel Alex.’
She didn’t see him move but the next thing she knew he was by her side, one firm hand on hers, removing the bottle from her grasp.
‘If you’re talking about angels then you have definitely had enough. Come along.’ He slid the bottle out of her reach and pulled at her hand, helping her rise to her feet. Flora swayed and caught his shoulder and he grimaced. ‘Bed time for you. I forgot you and schnapps don’t mix.’
‘We mix just fine.’ Flora regained her footing and stopped still, her hand still on his shoulder. She loved that Alex was taller than her. She looked up at him, his dearly familiar face so close to hers. The greeny-grey of his changeable eyes, the long lashes, the faded freckles on his nose, the curve of his cheekbones. The curve of his mouth. So close. Kissing distance. Her stomach clenched, the old exquisite pain. And yet all she had to do was stand on her tiptoes, just a little, and move in.
His words ran through her mind. Try again. Harder each time.
Maybe that was all she had to do. Try again. Maybe Alex was waiting for her to step forward, to make the move. Maybe it had always been within her power to change things but she had just never dared.
Maybe...
Before she knew it the words were tumbling out, words she had spent the last thirteen years keeping locked up deep, deep inside, more plaintive than demanding. ‘Why didn’t you kiss me back?’
‘What?’ His eyes widened in alarm and he took a step back. She moved with him, still holding on as if he were all that kept her anchored. He was lean, almost rangy, but there was a solidity when she touched him, the feel of a man who was fighting fit. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘All those years ago. Why did you push me away? Have you never wondered what would have happened if you hadn’t?’
‘It’s never crossed my mind.’ But his eyes shifted to her mouth as he spoke.
He’s lying. Her throat dried as she realised what that meant.
He had thought about it. And that changed everything. Almost unconsciously she licked her lips; his throat tightened as he watched the tip of her tongue dip onto her top lip and, at the gesture, her heart began to beat faster.
Emboldened, Flora carried on, her voice low and persuasive. ‘All those nights we stayed up talking till dawn. When we visited each other at uni we slept in the same bed, for goodness’ sake. The tents we’ve shared... Have you never wondered, not even once? What it would be like? What we’d be like?’
‘I...’ His eyes were on hers, intent, a heat she had never seen before beginning to burn bright, melting her. ‘Maybe once or twice.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘But we’re not like that, Flora. We’re more than that.’
Flora was dimly aware that there was something important in his words, something fundamental that she should understand, but she didn’t want to stop, not now as the heat in his eyes intensified, his gaze locking on hers. If she pushed it now, he would follow. She knew it; she knew it as she knew him.
She also knew that whatever happened the consequences would be immense. There would be repercussions. Last time they had pretended it had never happened. It was unlikely that would happen again; their friendship would be altered for ever. Could she live with that?
Could she live without trying? Laugh it off as lack of sleep and too much schnapps? Now she had come so far...
No, not when he was looking at her like that. Heat and questions and desire mingling in his eyes, just as she had always dreamed. I want you to go for what you want. That was what he’d told her.
She wanted him.
‘Kiss me, Alex,’ she said softly. And before he could reply or pull away Flora stepped in, put her other hand on his shoulder and, raising herself on her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth to his.
CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_f3481617-d8ec-52cb-8062-9fbae2514696)
HE SHOULD HAVE walked away. No, he should walk away, there was still time. Only there wasn’t. Time was slowing, stopping, converging right here, right now on this exact spot, somewhere above Innsbruck. All that was left was this moment. The feel of her mouth against his, her hands, tentative on his shoulders. He shouldn’t, he couldn’t—and yet he was...
Because it was all he had dreamed it might be, those shameful, secret dreams. The crossing of boundaries, the touching the untouchable. Her touch was light, her kiss sweetly questioning and despite everything Alex desperately wanted to give her the answers she was seeking.
He stood stock-still for one long moment, trying to summon up the resolve to walk away, but the blood hummed through his veins, the noise drowning out the voice of caution; her sweet, vanilla scent was enfolding him and he was lost. Lost in her. Lost in the inevitable.
With that knowledge all thought of backing off, backing out disappeared. One hand slipped, as if of its volition, around the curve of her waist, pulling her in tightly against him, the other burying itself in the hair at the nape of her neck; a heavy, sweet smelling cloud. And Alex took control. He kissed her back, deepening, intensifying the kiss as the blood roared in his ears and all he could feel was the sweetness of her mouth, the softness of her body, pliant against his.
Her touch was no longer tentative, one arm tight around his neck. Holding his head as if she didn’t dare let him go. The other was on the small of his back, working at the fabric of his shirt, branding him with the fevered heat of her touch.
If she touched his flesh he would be utterly undone.
Like the animal he was he could take her here and now. Not caring about the consequences, not caring that they weren’t in a private space. That the staff could walk in any minute. That once again there would be no going back.
That once again he could take things too far. And once again he could lose everything.
He had learned nothing.
Alex wrenched his mouth away; the taste of her lingered, intoxicatingly tempting on his tongue. But he had to sober up. ‘Flora.’ His breath was ragged as he stared into her confused dark eyes. ‘I...’
‘Am I interrupting something?’ Both Alex and Flora jumped slightly as the rich, Italian tones, tinged with a hint of mockery, floated across the hotel lounge. Alex didn’t need to look around to know who he would see—the owner of this hotel and the woman who had employed him to design three more, Camilla Lusso.
‘Buongiorno, Camilla.’ He took a deep, shuddering breath, willing his overheated body to cool, his spinning brain to slow. ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow.’ He turned, fixing a cool, professional smile on his face as he greeted his biggest and most influential client.
‘That’s rather clear.’ Still that hint of mockery in her voice, her eyes assessing and cool as she looked at Flora, clearly not missing a single detail as she took in the mussed hair, the swollen lips, the wrinkles in the baggy dress.
Camilla Lusso could have been any age between thirty-five and fifty-five although Alex suspected she was at the top end of the age range, but her expensively styled hair, subtle make-up and chic wardrobe made her seem timeless. A glossy, confident and successful woman. A professional woman who demanded top-class professionalism from everyone who worked with and for her.
Flora was supposed to be impressing her, not being found drunkenly making out with the architect.
Why now? Why tonight after all these years? He could blame the schnapps, he could blame the mountains framed through the windows, the warmth of the fire burning in the stove. It was a scene out of Seduction 101. But the only person he could really blame was himself. He should have backed off, backed away, laughed off the conversation—not been struck dumb with the thought of an alternate world. A world in which he might have been worthy of the adoration and desire shining out of Flora’s dark eyes.
He had to fix this. Camilla’s eyes had narrowed as she assessed Flora. If she found her wanting in any way then Alex knew she’d turn her away, no matter how good her work.
‘I owe you an apology, Camilla. When I recommended Flora to you I wanted you to appreciate her for her own talent and so...’ He paused, searching for the right words, the right way to make this all right. There was only one way. To make the whole embarrassing scene seem perfectly normal.
‘I didn’t tell you that we’re dating. I’m sorry, I should have mentioned it but we agreed to be discreet this week, to put our relationship on the back burner.’ He allowed himself a wry smile. ‘Starting from tomorrow.’ He took Flora’s hand in his, pinching her in warning, hoping the shock of the last five minutes had sobered her up. Play along.
To his relief she picked up his cue. ‘Pleased to meet you. I am very excited to be working with you and to help breathe life and colour into Alex’s designs. I didn’t realise I would have the honour of meeting you this evening otherwise...’ Flora gestured at her wrinkled dress, at her mussed-up hair ‘... I would have made more of an effort.’
‘But no.’ Camilla’s face had relaxed—as much as her tightened skin would allow—into a smile. ‘The apology is all mine. I should have warned you that I had changed my plans. I have interrupted your last evening of privacy.’
‘Oh, no.’ Flora’s cheeks were pink and her hand hot in Alex’s. ‘Not at all, we have mostly been working...’ Her voice trailed off at the knowing look on Camilla’s face as she said the last word.
‘It all looks absolutely fantastic, just as I envisioned.’ Alex took over the conversation, taking pity on Flora. ‘And the staff seem to know their roles perfectly—not that I would expect anything else from a Lusso Hotel. What time can we expect the guests tomorrow?’
Camilla accepted a glass of wine from a discreetly hovering waiter and sat down on one of the chairs by the stove. ‘We’re expecting the first to arrive after lunch tomorrow. I am so pleased you agreed to spend this opening week with us, Alex. The majority of the guests are influential travel journalists and bloggers and I am sure they are going to have lots of questions about your inspiration for this beautiful building. But please, not all work, eh? You must take full advantage of the facilities while you are here.’
Again she swept a knowing look up and down the pair of them. Alex gritted his teeth. ‘It’s my absolute pleasure. It’s not often I get to spend so much time in a building I designed after completion. It will be really interesting to watch it fulfil its purpose.’ Alex stole a glance at Flora. She was no longer flushed, rather she had turned pale, as if all the life had been leached out of her apart from the dark circles shadowing her eyes. ‘However, if I’m to ensure the Bali designs are perfect for our meeting at the end of the week and socialise appropriately I think we’d better turn in. We were on the road at five a.m.’
‘Of course. I look forward to seeing your designs, Miss Buckingham. Alex has been singing your praises. I can’t wait to be impressed.’
* * *
Flora had thought she knew all about humiliation. She was the high priestess of it, dedicated to short sharp bursts at regular intervals. There was the awful day her university boyfriend announced he was in love with her sister; the even more awful day her subsequent boyfriend admitted he was in love with Alex; the time she thought her last boyfriend had been proposing when he had, in fact, been breaking up with her.
She had been going to refuse him, of course. But that so wasn’t the point.
Her redundancy and the nasty smile on Finn’s face as he had watched her gather up her pitifully small box of belongings and get escorted from the building like a thief.
Yep. High priestess of humiliation. Case in point: the week of catastrophes she had just experienced.
But, nope. None of them equalled the scene just now. She would rather sit on a hundred strange men’s laps on any sort of public transport than relive the scene she had just left.
Flora squeezed her eyes shut as if she could block out the memory by will alone. Kiss me, Alex.
Oh, but he had. And it had been...it had been...
Flora flopped onto the bed and searched for the word. It had been wonderful. Right until the moment he had pushed her away with horror in his eyes and disgust on his face. That bit had sucked.
No. That had been the worst moment of her life. Bar none. Much, much worse than last time. At least she hadn’t asked him, begged him to kiss her then. She’d just misjudged a moment. She should have learned her lesson. She wasn’t what he wanted. Not in that way. Not then, not now.
