One Month to Become a Mum

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‘Only if you pay for the dry cleaning.’

She pointed to the gloop patches. Noting with irritation that she was unwittingly drawing attention to her body. He obligingly scanned down her body. A hot tingling prickled from the top of her head to the soles of her feet.

No. She’d never tingled before. With Michael it had been homey and comfortable, not out of control. At least until he’d snatched all control away by sleeping with their employee. This was just a post-work chat between colleagues. Nothing more.

She shrugged, trying to control her ragged breathing. ‘Occupational hazard, I guess.’

‘That’s kids for you,’ he agreed, drawing her gaze back to his face, his sharp cheekbones, that perfect mouth of his. She had to concentrate on his words, not on the way his lips moved so sensually. Or the way her mouth suddenly felt so parched.

She ran a tongue over her bottom lip and saw a shot of awareness in his eyes as he spoke. ‘I bet I can identify each of those stains from fifty paces.’

‘That’s some strange kind of skill. But whatever works for you.’

‘I’m a man of many talents.’ His eyebrows peaked suggestively.

‘And I don’t doubt that, Dr McKenzie.’

A fist of desire wedged into her abdomen as she imagined the many talents of his mouth, his hands and what magic they could do to her.

She looked away and focused on dampening down the heat in her face. She knew all about men’s magic, their tricks and deceit. Luckily she also knew enough tricks to put up a barrier—like keeping the conversation along uncontroversial non-sexual lines until she could politely escape to the safety of her own home.

‘Er … you mentioned Lucy’s mum earlier? Maggie said …’

‘Maggie’s always saying something. Don’t pay any attention. She means well, I guess.’ His face became serious. He looked at his watch, then slammed the door on that topic of conversation. ‘Look, Zac asked me to show you around. I have five minutes. You want to take a look at the beach?’

Did she? ‘Don’t put yourself out on my account. I can do my own sightseeing.’

‘I’m sure your brother would have a heap of things to say about that. It’s pretty special down there. You’ll regret it if you don’t take a look. And I’ll get an ear bashing.’

‘I’m sure you’ll cope.’ Those broad shoulders looked like they’d cope with anything life threw at him.

His eyes glinted as he flashed a devil-may-care smile. He glanced at his watch again. ‘Take it or leave it. But hurry up and decide. Five minutes, Jessie. That’s all I’m offering.’

‘Then that’s all I’ll take.’ She could spare five minutes to share Zac’s favourite place. Five minutes. Then three short weeks. And after that normal life would be resumed. Away from North Beach and Luke irritatingly alluring McKenzie.

She tried to keep up with him down the path, past fenced-off sand dunes and through brown grasses that tickled her ankles. She slipped off her heels and relished the feeling of hot, gritty sand between her toes. A gentle offshore breeze licked her skin, delightfully refreshing in the sticky evening heat.

His citrus scent wafted towards her, forcing memories of their encounter over her sink. She hung back, creating a gulf of space between them, regretting agreeing to something so unwise.

While the shivers of desire were delicious and unfamiliar, they shoved out her common sense and ushered in danger. Five minutes of sightseeing, then she’d make her excuses and leave. Pronto.

Luke stopped by a cluster of volcanic silver-black rocks hewn into a ragged bench. Rays of sun glinted off them, making them sparkle like gems. ‘Sometimes I come here to shrug off work before I go home.’

‘Seriously, shouldn’t you be going back? What about Lucy?’

‘She’ll be fine. Her childminder picks her up from crèche.’

‘Sounds like you have a busy life.’

‘No different to any other single parent.’ He faced her, suddenly serious. ‘Lots of people have it worse than me.’

Although he hadn’t always thought that.

Jessie looked at him like she needed an explanation. He was shocked at his willingness to share details about his private life. But Zac or Maggie would no doubt fill her in anyway. She may as well get it from the horse’s mouth. No frills or gossip, no opinion or conjecture. ‘Lucy’s mum ran out on us.’

‘Oh.’ Jessie’s face fell. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting something so … unconventional. Men left. Women … mothers … stayed. Usually.

‘You don’t have to tell me, really.’

‘It’s no secret. It’s a big grapevine, you’ll hear eventually.’

He kicked his foot into the sand, watched the tiny grains slide off his shoe and tried to stem the rising bitterness, ease the pain in his chest. He’d tried to make his marriage work. Failing had been hard. Enough to put him off trying again. ‘I’m not proud to say Lucy is the product of a brief holiday romance.’

‘Maggie said you liked to party.’

‘Yeah, me and Zac had quite a reputation in the old days.’

He held in a smile as he remembered the scrapes they’d found themselves in. Only having a daughter had been the biggest and the most intense. And the final nail in the coffin of wild, wicked days.

‘Lucy’s mum, Chloe, was just passing through between festivals. I knew her less than a week and waved her on her way. Imagine my surprise when she turned up nine months later about to pop.’

‘Oops.’ Jess’s eyes widened and she gave him a sympathetic smile. But she didn’t have that judgmental look that most people wore when they discovered his playboy error. ‘That must have been hard for you.’

‘Yeah. Lucy was a big mistake. I tried to do the right thing, married Chloe quickly, but she just couldn’t handle this kind of life. One night she left me, literally, holding the baby.’

‘How old was Lucy when Chloe left?’

‘Eight months. She’d just got to the separation anxiety stage. Hell on earth, believe me.’

He smiled a little. ‘I can laugh about it now. But back then it was crazy. Juggling work and sleepless nights with a screaming baby. Utter chaos.’ And yet being a father was the most amazing, scary thing that had ever happened to him. ‘Poor kid, she didn’t understand. One day her mother was here, the next she was gone.’

Jess sat down next to him on a rock. Her hands twisted in her lap. Her knuckles were white and her cheeks an angry red. ‘Chloe must have had a strong reason to walk away from her child. I can’t imagine what drives a mother to do that.’

‘Beats me. She was young, not meant to be tied down, she said. Hated order and any kind of routine.’ He shrugged and rubbed his chin, quelling the acrimony he’d thought he’d overcome. He had overcome. It had taken a lot of work. Raising a baby had been an overwhelming distraction. ‘She hated everything I’d created for her—the suburban house, the regular lifestyle. She went off to find herself.’

‘Seems to me she lost everything,’ Jess murmured.

For some reason this story seemed to be affecting his new locum deeply. She looked up at him with soulful eyes and he had an inexplicable urge to wrap his arms around her.

No. He stopped himself. That kind of reaction would be reckless in the extreme. And he didn’t do reckless, not any more. Especially not in the middle of a conversation about his ex-wife. She was a cautionary tale in herself.

‘I’m so sorry, Luke,’ Jess said sincerely.

‘Hey, don’t be. I’m over it. I’m the lucky one, I have Lucy.’ And determination to keep away from drifters, women and relationships altogether.

‘Do you think Chloe will ever want this life back?’ she asked.

‘Who knows? She signed all care over to me and has only been in touch once to talk about a divorce and demand a payoff. She didn’t even ask about Lucy. But she has rights, and I would never stop her visiting her child.’

And he’d deal with that if and when it happened. ‘Right now I’m trying to be a father and mother. I still can’t get the hang of the technical stuff, like braids and tights, and I panic at the thought of puberty.’ Meanwhile, the stash of parenting books by the side of his bed grew exponentially.

‘I only saw you two together for a few minutes, but Lucy clearly adores you. You’re a good doctor, if that’s anything to go by. Zac likes you. And you seem to have your head screwed on okay, for a bloke. You’ll be fine.’

‘I hope so.’ Maybe she was right. But, then, she hardly knew him.

Jessie understood that talking about this was a big deal for Luke. However much he didn’t want to admit it, he’d been hurt. No wonder he micromanaged his life and his time, making order out of chaos.

He’d lost a lot. A spouse, trust. God knew, Jessie understood how that felt. But at least he’d managed to keep the one thing that would elude her for ever. A child. His child. In having that much, he was the luckiest person alive.

Her heart constricted at their kindred experiences but she clamped down on a sudden impulse to wind her hand into his tight fist. She’d do it with a patient, empathise. But giving in to temptation to touch Luke could only lead to disaster. Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. Inside and out.

She put on her happy face and remembered all the things she had to be grateful for. Health and independence counted for a lot these days.

After two years she’d managed to keep a lid on everything, and even though it felt like her core had been stirred up in the last two days, she was going to screw that lid back on tightly.

Picking up a pebble, Luke skimmed it across the sparkling water. One bounce. Two. Three …

‘Three? Is that all? Bet I can beat that.’ Jessie laughed, jumped up, found a flat, smooth stone and sent it gliding across the top of the waves. ‘Four, five, six!’

‘Wow!’ He turned to her, the heat in his eyes dazzling. His dark mood had passed. ‘Impressive.’

She grinned triumphantly. Where most kids grew up with technology to amuse them, she’d had books and rocks and dirt to occupy her time. Life out in the geological field was dull in the extreme. But at least it wasn’t wasted. ‘I like to think I’ve mastered most of the important life skills. You should see me with a catapult.’

‘Is there anything you can’t do?’

‘Lots and lots.’

Like have children. Happy families? She bent to choose another rock, all the better to hide her red face. Maybe one day she’d find the courage to tell him her story. But right now she’d had enough of pity parties.

He picked up a stone. ‘Okay. This time I’ll match you. Six?’

‘Yeah? Go on. I’d like to see you try.’ Jessie watched the stone skim above the translucent waves, bouncing and curving. The flex of his broad shoulders as he stretched made her want to run her fingers over them. Why was she finding everything about him so appealing?

‘Five. Six! Yes!’ He gave her a superhero pose, his biceps twitching impressively. ‘I am brilliant.’

‘Well,’ she said dryly, ‘everyone at work seems to think the sun shines out of your …’

She squinted closely at his taut backside, then over his shoulder at the sun melting into the horizon in a haze of red and orange. ‘Oh, no, it’s over there. Wow, what a gorgeous sunset. What an amazing place.’

Luke didn’t turn to look, didn’t follow her raised hand pointing out to the ocean, didn’t move his eyes away from her face. ‘Yes. It’s a great view all right.’

His intense expression burned into her, a yearning, a longing—for her? And her body responded as if on autopilot. Every fibre ached to touch him. No matter how hard she fought it, this attraction seemed to have a will of its own.

Not knowing what to do or where to look, she turned and walked along the water’s edge. The cool sea lapped at her ankles as she swished through the foamy shallows.

He caught her up. But stayed a few feet away. The tension simmered between them like static. Every part of her trembled in anticipation of his touch. She wanted to curl into him, press her body against his, feel the vibrancy of him.

She thought about brushing her arm against his, just to bring about some relief.

But that would be so stupid. Stupid with a capital S.

‘Jess? You okay?’ His voice was like melting dark chocolate. Thick and rich and inviting, pouring through her.

‘Just thinking about this place,’ she lied, grasping for a distraction from him.

Even from this distance she felt his body relax, heard his breathing slow.

‘So you never visited North Beach before?’

‘No. I wanted to, but things never seemed to work out.’

‘Zac said he hadn’t seen you for a while.’

Regret whipped through her. The shame of putting off a visit for so long. But it had seemed easier that way. Years of no contact with her family had left a hole she was now trying to fill. It was just typical that Zac wasn’t around to see her try. But, then, she’d probably hurt him most with her silence.

‘I can see why he settled here, it’s so peaceful,’ she said.

‘It took him a while. He said he was allergic to putting down roots. Guess that runs in the family? But North Beach got under his skin. He reckons it’s just far enough from the city to feel permanently on holiday, and soothingly beautiful for hangovers.’

He smiled ruefully. ‘Plus, after a spectacularly hedonistic night out he signed my contract and can’t afford to buy out of it.’

‘You got my brother drunk and made him sign his life away?’ She batted him on his shoulder.

He playfully jumped away onto the firm sand. ‘Zac managed to do that all by himself. And I think the decent salary and flexible hours to work with his beloved Auckland Panthers helps.’

She edged out of the water and flicked the drips off her feet. ‘I should have known it had more to do with rugby than with settling down.’

‘I think he’s finally enjoying a regular income and a regular job. You should try it.’

‘Not likely.’ She shook her head, surprised at the tinge of jealousy she felt over her brother’s apparent nesting instincts kicking in. It certainly wasn’t something they’d been nurtured with growing up. Not that they’d been nurtured with anything much. ‘I like to keep moving. Six weeks in Dunedin after this, then who knows?’

‘You seriously enjoy living like that? Drifting?’

No. Yes. No. She didn’t know any more. ‘I’ve spent the whole of my life on the road, can’t seem to stop.’