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Reese held himself still and silent.
“I’d gotten used to feeling...” She didn’t want to sound dramatic, but only one word would do. “Ugly.” Inside and out.
With stark conviction, he stated, “You’re not.”
He was the type of nice guy that would do his best to reassure her, only she didn’t need that from him. “Then I decided I was just plain.”
Folding his brawny arms on the tabletop, he leaned closer again. “Far from it.”
Her breath came faster, deeper. “The way you look at me, I know you must not think so.”
“Tell me why you think it.”
No, she couldn’t go there. For many, many reasons, not all of them her own, elaborating was impossible. “I can’t.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“Both, I guess.” Shoring up her courage, she met his piercing green eyes and saw the sympathy there. But she knew she didn’t deserve sympathy. She didn’t really deserve anything.
Not after what she’d done, what she’d let happen.
How cowardly she’d been. But not anymore.
She’d been given a second chance, and by God, she would grab it with both hands.
Reese had mentioned love. Love him, love his dog.
Easy enough, since she’d lost her heart to Cash the second she’d met him. That Reese came with the dog, or vice versa...well, that could be a wonderful bonus.
Her throat tightened. She’d come to accept that love was well out of reach. She hadn’t been worthy of love.
Then.
But now?
She desperately wanted to explore the expanding emotions he inspired. Did she dare?
She would never again be a coward.
Clearing the constricting uncertainty from her throat, she forced herself to meet his gaze. He watched her so closely that she felt it right down to her heart. “When can you move back to your apartment?”
The seconds ticked by. “In a hurry to get rid of me?”
“Not at all.” Alice admitted the truth. “I’m hoping you still need a place to stay. That is, I hope you’ll want to stay here again.” And just in case he wasn’t getting it, she added, “With me.”
He dropped back in his seat, his eyes closed, his expression frustrated. “You don’t pull your punches, do you?”
When she’d so generously been offered a new lease on life, she’d vowed to be clear and concise in all things. She wanted Reese. For how much, she didn’t yet know, but she wanted to find out. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”
He half laughed and opened his eyes to watch her again.
“You shouldn’t feel obligated to...do anything.” That sounded terrible. “I mean, you’re welcome to sleep here. On the couch.” Worse and worse, Alice. She screwed up her flagging courage and put on a serious face. “I wasn’t hitting on you, as Pam and Nikki do.”
“I can tell the difference.”
Of course he could. She felt like a fool.
Reese smiled at her. “I would have asked, you know.”
Tension eased from her shoulders. “You want to stay?”
“For several reasons. First and foremost, after the excitement last night, you shouldn’t be alone. Yes, you’re coping well. And now that I know a hint of your past, I suppose being well-armed makes...sense.”
Was he trying not to insult her? “You think I’m overdoing it.”
“I think you’re doing what you need to in order to feel safer.”
Safer, but not safe. Reese understood the difference. Now that she knew how easy it was to become the victim, never again would she feel entirely safe. “Yes.”
He toyed with his empty glass, turning it on the table. “I can only imagine how you were affected by the shooting and the death—”
She lifted her chin. “I would have helped.”
“You did help. You sent Logan in with full knowledge of what was happening. Without you, he might have ended up in the same boat as the lieutenant and me.”
She still didn’t know everything that had happened, how or why. “Handcuffed to a bed?”
“Or dead.” Reese pushed back from his chair and carried his empty plate to the sink.
Were all men so comfortable in a kitchen? So tidy?
Not that she could remember. Her dad was wonderful, but he’d left household chores to her mother.
The few relationships she’d had never went beyond casual dating, so she had no idea how those men had been in a kitchen.
As if merely curious, Reese asked, “You would have used that gun yesterday?”
“If necessary.” That was one thing she’d proven to herself. She could pull the trigger. “I gave my other gun to your friend, since he’d left his with his brother—”
“Other gun?” He turned to face her again. “You have more?”
“Another revolver. Logan didn’t tell you it was mine?”
“He got shot, and he was bleeding all over....” Reese looked at her face and cursed low. “So damn much confusion, and too many people involved.” He cleared his plate and put it in the dishwasher. “The CST has your gun, so I hope you’re right about that permit.”
“I am.” Curiosity got the better of her. “CST? Is that Crime Scene Tech?”
“Yes. They’re responsible for taking photos of the scene and collecting evidence.”
She scowled. “When will I get it back?” The idea of being short a gun didn’t sit right. She’d gotten used to knowing exactly where to find each weapon.
“If everything checks out, it won’t be long.” He took her plate to the dishwasher, too, then came to stand right in front of her. He touched her chin, lifted her face. “Whenever an officer is involved in a shooting, he gets mandatory paid time off, usually three days.”
Hope bloomed in her breast. “So you’ll be off for the next three days?”
“Not if I can help it, but maybe.”
Oh. Unlike her, he wasn’t rattled by the violence. He was ready to get back to work, and she only worried about being alone with her thoughts.
And her memories.
It felt far too uncomfortable to be sitting while he towered over her. She eased out of her chair and stood behind it. “You don’t want the time off?”
“I want to follow up some leads. One bastard died but not before telling us...”
When he trailed off, Alice filled in for him. “About his human trafficking venture.” Her hands tightened on the back of the chair. “That’s what you were going to say.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “It burned my ass to have divided loyalties yesterday.”
How she would love to put her hands around his bulging biceps; the skin there looked so smooth and taut. She could maybe trail her fingers over the solid muscles in his shoulders, too, and down through his crisp chest hair....
“Alice,” he warned.
“Divided how?”
He took a step closer but didn’t touch her. “Logan was shot, Rowdy was in a fury and Pepper was all emotional.”
Sorting out the people involved would take some doing. “You said Pepper and Rowdy are siblings.”
“The reason Rowdy was so furious. The guy that died? He’d planned to give Pepper to the traffickers.”
Sickness churned in her stomach, burned in her throat. “That’s why you and Detective Riske were after him?”
“Not entirely, no. Morton Andrews was guilty of many things, all of them worthy of death.”
So many awful people in the world. Too many. She swallowed back the distaste of evil. “I’m glad he’s dead.”
Reese gave her a long look. “Pepper wasn’t emotional over that, though, and it wasn’t just fear for her brother.”
“No?”
“Mostly it was Logan getting shot. She went all girly over it, which was a shocker because before that, she’d been stoic to the point of being stony. Especially around me.”
“She didn’t trust you?”
“Apparently not. But seeing her at the hospital...I think she softened some once she realized I wasn’t in cahoots with the bad guys.”
That ludicrous idea struck her funny. “She must not be very perceptive if she ever thought that.”
“Actually, she’s sharp as a tack, and since I’d been keeping secrets, she had her reasons for doubting me.” He shook his head, averting her many questions. “No, don’t ask. When you share, so will I.”
Unfair. “I have valid reasons for keeping some things to myself.”
“Yeah? Me, too.” He went around her toward the living room. “Anyway, while I was at the hospital to check on Logan and keep an eye on Pepper, other detectives followed up our lead.”
“You wanted to be there when that happened?”
“Damn straight. But policy is that any cop involved in a shooting has that mandatory time off I mentioned.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. They had it covered, and that meant I could stay at the hospital with Logan.”
“You’re a good friend.” Cash walked away to lounge in the sunshine pouring through the patio doors.
“While I was otherwise involved, Lieutenant Peterson finagled a group bust, and last I heard officers were en route to intercept a transfer...of women.”
Panic closed in on her, trying to suffocate her, compressing her lungs and stinging her eyes.
That sickness roiled again, but Alice swallowed several times and willed away the awfulness by focusing on Reese, watching him lift his clothes, dig out his keys...
His keys. New panic exploded. “You’re leaving?”
He took one look at her and dropped the clothes again. In three long strides he reached her. “I’ll only be gone long enough to shower and get clean clothes.” He held her shoulders, hesitated then drew her in to his chest.
Warmth and Reese’s unique scent enveloped her. He didn’t wrap those thick arms around her, didn’t crush her close. He merely held her.
Fascinated, curious in a way she hadn’t experienced in far too long, Alice lifted her hands to his bare chest. That soft cushion of chest hair, a few shades darker than that on his head, teased her palms. She rested her cheek against him and inhaled deeply, wanting to eat him up.
The top of her head didn’t reach his chin. She felt his heartbeat against her cheek. He smelled of man, sex and excitement, but at the same time, he filled her with peace and contentment, emotions so long absent from her life. “I’m sorry. I keep imposing when I don’t mean to.”
“I want you to.”
That made no sense. “You want me to impose?”
He put one hand to the back of her head, tangled his fingers in her hair. “I want you to tell me what you think and feel. I want you to confide in me.”
“Oh. Okay.” She turned her face a little so that it was her nose touching his furry chest. “I wish I was as strong as you.”
He made a gruff sound. “Honey, this wouldn’t be happening right now if you looked like me.”
Another smile. That was a special gift in itself, the humor he brought her. Humor was one more thing she’d never again take for granted. “I meant your courage. Not your physique.”
“You were plenty brave yesterday.”
“No.” She owed him the truth about that, since she couldn’t be truthful about everything else—much as she wished it otherwise. “I have tunnel vision in dangerous situations. Knowing armed men had come to hurt you and probably anyone else who got in the way...” Taking a step back, she put a hand to her stomach. “I trembled so badly inside, I felt queasy and weak all over.”
He shocked her by covering her hand with his own, but since his was so much bigger, his fingertips pressed into her sensitive flesh. Even through her shirt, his touch felt far too intimate.
And stirring.
Gaze compelling, he spoke in a deep, hushed voice. “Come on, Alice. That’s just a healthy respect for danger. You’d have to be an idiot to be indifferent to thugs with loaded weapons.”
