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‘Because I hope you don’t mind,’ added Max, looking sheepish, ‘but there’s a footy match on that I really want to watch this afternoon and I told Ted he could come round and watch it here. He still doesn’t have Sky Sports at his.’
‘Oh…right,’ she said feeling crestfallen and bored already.
‘You don’t mind do you?’
‘No,’ she lied.
Later that afternoon, despite having been run out in the park all morning, like dogs, Polly and Eadie were still full of energy. They usually got on pretty well but today were directing it all towards fighting with one another, forcing Jennifer to act as both bouncer and mediator. When she wasn’t stopping them from killing each other over, of all things, a broken Barbie, she was putting on washing, taking it out or shoving it in the mountainous ironing pile. All in all not the most riveting of afternoons and, as she took out load after load, she thought wistfully of pre-children days when Sundays meant lying in bed with a hangover, which would eventually be cured by a Bloody Mary and a roast dinner at the pub, followed perhaps by a movie and some lovely sex. God, she was becoming obsessed. This must be how people felt when they came out of prison, or the army.
‘Come on, you two,’ she said now, or rather yelled, because by this point both her daughters’ whining had developed into full-blown wailing. ‘Eadie, bash your sister again and I’ll bash you.’
Of course she would never bash her kids in a million years so the threat was rather empty which Eadie could tell.
Eadie eyeballed her mum through the wonky brown fringe Jennifer had gifted her with only the week before, as if weighing up how much trouble she’d be in if she ignored her. Then, obviously having concluded she could handle whatever was flung at her, proceeded to whack Polly again.
‘Right,’ growled Jennifer, who had now officially had enough. ‘That’s it, up to your room.’
As Eadie burst into noisy sobs, Jennifer sighed heavily, sick to the back teeth of all the squabbling but partly blaming herself for it. No doubt her children had picked up on her generally unenthusiastic mood? Perhaps if she’d been perkier today and more inventive in finding ways to entertain them, they’d be behaving fine but frankly she just wanted to be able to leave them to their own devices for more than five minutes. She was tired and would like nothing more than to get into her pyjamas and zone out to a bit of crappy afternoon telly.
Max scampered into the kitchen.
‘All all right in here?’ he said, charging to the fridge to get a couple more beers. ‘Did I hear wailing?’
‘Yes you did,’ snapped Jennifer. ‘They’re behaving like a couple of deranged chimps. I’ve sent Eadie to her room for bashing Polly.’
‘Yeah Daddy, she hit me really hard,’ said Polly, rubbing her arm to demonstrate how much it hurt.
‘Er, it was the other arm, Pol,’ said Jennifer wryly.
‘How could you miss that, you bloody idiot?’ Ted yelled from the front room at which point Max literally ran back out of the kitchen, bottles of lager in both hands and one under his arm, skidding on the wooden floor of the hall in his socks. As he disappeared he yelled over his shoulder, ‘Be good for your mother.’
‘Come on you, let’s get some colouring stuff out,’ said Jennifer to her youngest, ‘but hurry up because I need to go and make sure Eadie’s OK. And don’t think I’m massively happy with you either, Madame,’ she added, noting Polly’s smug expression as she gloated over how much trouble her sister was in.
Later, after thirty minutes spent with Eadie in her bedroom, who by now had worked herself up into such a state she’d needed soothing and stroking, despite the fact it had been her who had been in the wrong, Jennifer decided to join the boys in the lounge. That way if the children wanted anything their father might be forced to do something.
‘Hello,’ Max said, looking distracted and surprised to see her standing in her own front room.
Max was on one sofa and Ted was on the other. Both were sitting wide-legged on the edge, beers in hand.
‘You all right? Second half’s just started. Why don’t you see if there’s a nice movie on upstairs? There might be a rom com or something.’
‘Because Eadie’s watching Tangled on our bed and as much as I actually quite enjoyed it the first time round I can probably live without seeing it again,’ she replied, flopping onto the sofa that Ted was sitting on. He shuffled up, slightly reluctantly, to make a bit of room, his eyes never leaving the TV.
‘All right, Ted?’ she asked.
‘Yeah, great thanks,’ he said, reminding her of when Eadie’s friends came round to play and answered her questions about school politely, with enough clues in their tone to suggest they’d rather not be talking to her at all.
‘How’s Annabelle? Is she well?’ she continued, not really caring if Ted didn’t want to talk. She did. She was bored.
‘Not bad thanks. Bit stressed. Callum’s been off school with tonsillitis but other than that OK.’
‘Good,’ she said, flicking through Style magazine.
‘Hey, have you seen your ex’s latest chart position in this year’s Rich List?’ said Max, throwing the supplement in her direction.
‘Oh god.’ Jennifer rolled her eyes. ‘Go on then, let’s feel sick for a second.’
‘reUNIon floated this year,’ Max informed Ted, almost proudly. ‘He’s worth a billion now.’
‘You are having a laugh,’ said Jennifer, though soon she knew it to be true for there it was in black and white, accompanied by a picture of him. Tim Purcell. The ex-boyfriend she’d put up with for two and a half years, now worth a billion quid. She scrutinised the picture of him. His blond hair was slightly silvery around the edges, but only slightly. He was a little more jowly but on the whole looked remarkably similar to how he had done fifteen years ago. He was good looking in a Nordic sort of way and had always had incredibly good skin, though his blue eyes were flinty and rather too deep set and his nose was a little too sharp. His face couldn’t have been more different to the one she’d eventually married. Max’s mop of brown hair and friendly face may not have been anywhere near as chiselled but it was one that overall she far preferred staring at.
She wondered what it would be like to see Tim now, after all these years. Would they get on? They’d had a strange relationship really. She’d always felt as if more than anything she’d amused him. She’d known he’d found her funny and sweet but she’d never got the impression that he massively fancied her. Then again, for her, it hadn’t necessarily been a relationship based on physical attraction either. She’d just been so terribly impressed by him, by his flair, and had liked being associated with someone who everyone on campus was aware of. If she did ever meet up with him again she’d love to ask him what he’d seen in her. She doubted they ever would though. They were hardly likely to bump into one another. They mixed in totally different circles. Plus they’d never kept in touch due to the fact that they’d broken up on such desperately bad terms, which ironically was the one time he’d demonstrated that actually she had got under his skin. Or had it just been his ego making him so angry and upset when she’d told him she wanted to split up?
‘What I’d do with a billion quid,’ mused Ted.
Buy yourself a Sky Sports subscription hopefully, Jennifer thought to herself, smiling blankly at him.
‘Perhaps I should get in contact with Tim and ask him if I can have a thousand pounds that I could use to get the tumble dryer fixed, pay some bills and have a splurge in Whistles eh? It would be pocket money to him,’ she joked.
‘Bet you wish you’d stuck with him, eh Jen? Instead of hooking up with this here loser,’ said Ted.
Jennifer smiled and shook her head. ‘Not at all, Ted. He may be rich but he was a bit of a cold shit really.’
‘Bloody clever though,’ said Max, ‘I mean, who hasn’t been on reUNIon at some point or another? Apart from my parents, who are literally the only people I can think of.’
It always struck Jennifer as slightly strange when Max went on about how clever Tim was. It was almost as if he was proud of the fact she’d gone out with him yet she’d have preferred it if he was a little bit jealous. As it was she suspected he’d probably love to meet him, have dinner with him, be able to discuss his career with him. In fact, given the choice, these days it wouldn’t surprise her if he were to choose going to dinner with him over dinner with her.
Jennifer’s phone beeped. It was a text from Esther, saying she was round the corner at the park with Sophie and could she pop in for a cuppa.
Jennifer phoned straight away. ‘Please come round. Max and Ted are here watching footy and I would love to see you. Also, Sophie can sort my two out and give them something more interesting to do than killing each other.’
Bored rigid of the swings, Esther was round in minutes.
‘I am so glad to see you,’ said Jennifer flinging her arms round her friend as soon as she’d opened the door. ‘Hi Sophie, how are you sweetie?’ she asked her goddaughter.
‘Good,’ said Sophie.
‘Go on then, Eadie’s upstairs and ah…here’s Pol. Have you finished colouring?’
‘Yes,’ said Polly, looking delighted to have a playmate that wasn’t Eadie.
As the girls scampered upstairs Jennifer ushered Esther into the kitchen.
‘Am I glad to see you? What a dull weekend I’ve had, bloody hell.’
Esther giggled. ‘Why? What have you been up to?’
‘Ugh,’ groaned Jennifer. ‘Well, we didn’t have the kids Friday night but we managed to totally waste that window of opportunity to have some fun by doing jack shit. Then on Saturday we had Judith and boring Henry round for lunch.’
‘Oh god,’ said Esther, who had heard enough about them to imagine what that would have entailed.
‘Quite, although I did nearly give them food poisoning which added a very small frisson of excitement. Then today I thought we were going to have a nice family day but it’s ended up being a day of sport watching and beer drinking with good old Ted.’ This last bit she said in a hushed tone.
‘All sounds joyous,’ laughed Esther, slipping off her jacket. She looked great as ever, but today she also looked tired. Under all those freckles she was pale, though as ever her naturally strawberry blonde hair was shiny and brushed and no matter how tired she’d always look attractive. She’d aged really well and always dressed in a way which made other women want to know where her clothes were from. She always bothered to add accessories and put outfits together in a way that told you she hadn’t just picked up whatever was on the floor and thrown it on. Today her printed scarf and Alex Monroe gold bumblebee necklace were the items Jennifer was coveting.
‘Sounds like you need a good night out with the girls.’
‘I do,’ agreed Jennifer. ‘You know we’re going out on Tuesday don’t you? Only to the Hare and Hounds but perhaps then we can get our diaries out and arrange something proper. Something which involves cocktails and dancing. Love that scarf by the way.’
‘Thanks, it’s River Island and yeah, I do know about Tuesday, although I’m not a hundred percent sure I can come yet,’ said Esther. ‘I still need to get a sitter sorted out.’
Jennifer suspected at that point she definitely wouldn’t be coming then. Such a shame and it grated ever so slightly that she wasn’t making it a priority.
‘Tea?’
‘Yeah please.’
‘Anyway, enough of my boring weekend, how’s yours been?’
‘Not bad actually,’ said Esther, a sly grin lighting up her face.
‘Go on,’ said Jennifer getting mugs out of the cupboard, happy that her friend was round. Her proper friend. It had restored her equilibrium.
‘Well, Jason and I are pretty skint at the moment and we’ve been in loads, but on Friday my mum babysat so we went out and got hammered. I’m talking properly pissed and when we got home and Mum had gone, we ended up…’ Esther grinned and started shaking her head ‘…doing it in the hall. And then we actually did it…’ again she had to stop while she snorted with laughter at the memory ‘…in the downstairs loo.’
‘You are kidding me,’ said Jennifer, full of mixed emotions. She was deeply impressed, terribly envious and strangely proud to hear that people were still having wild sex with their husbands, even if she wasn’t.
‘I’m not,’ said Esther, giggling. ‘It was hilarious. You know the type of sex you have where afterwards you’re almost a bit embarrassed.’
‘Wish I could remember,’ said Jennifer drily, grabbing the milk out the fridge. ‘By the way, they are brilliantly quiet up there aren’t they? Thank you so much for coming round and saving our day.’
‘Pleasure,’ said Esther. ‘Thanks for saving me from hours more of pushing Sophie on the swings.’
‘No worries,’ said Jennifer dolefully, her mind still on Esther’s exploits. ‘Do you know the last time I can remember feeling faintly embarrassed after sex was probably with Tim.’
‘Really? Why? What did you do?’
Jennifer grimaced. ‘You don’t want to know.’
‘Er, well that’s where you’re completely wrong.’
Jennifer wrinkled up her nose, embarrassed ‘Let’s just say he was quite kinky and leave it there shall we?’
‘No way!’ protested Esther. ‘I’m sorry but you have to spill the beans now, Missy. If you don’t I’ll end up imagining all sorts of things that are probably far worse than the reality.’
Jennifer sighed, knowing she was beaten. ‘OK, but tell anyone this and you’re a dead woman.’
Esther pretended to pull a zip across her mouth.
‘OK, so basically, towards the end of our relationship Tim was only really up for it if I was…um, pretending to be someone else.’
Esther’s eyes widened. ‘You mean he liked role play?’
Jennifer nodded, went red and chewed on a fingernail. Liked was an understatement.
Esther laughed heartily. ‘Oh god. I think I can vaguely remember you saying something about that at the time.’
‘Hmm,’ Jennifer said, wrinkling up her nose ‘Anyway, maybe I should have just put up with his weird ways. Let me show you something.’ She hurried into the front room and returned with the Rich List.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Esther, wide-eyed once she’d been shown the relevant bit. ‘That is a sick amount of money. God, I can’t tell you how much we could do with just a little bit of that. Things are really tight at the moment to the point where we’re struggling some months to make the mortgage payments. I certainly shouldn’t have treated myself to this scarf I can tell you. I feel guilty every time I put it on. Can’t you phone Tim and ask if we can have some?’
‘I wish,’ said Jennifer.
‘That could have been you,’ said Esther.
‘Well, I don’t know about that.’
‘It could. Don’t you remember how gutted he was when you broke it off? You could be that rich.’
‘Ooh listen to you, last of the feminists. I’d prefer not to be sponging off Tim Purcell thank you very much. Though, having said that, I’m not totally sure what the difference would be to how my life is now. I hate being so bloody dependent on Max these days. In fact I’ve been thinking recently about retraining in something in an attempt to improve my pathetic earning potential.’
‘Like what?’
‘Dunno, haven’t got that far yet,’ admitted Jennifer flatly. ‘Any ideas are very welcome.’
Esther giggled suddenly. ‘So, hypothetically, if you had stayed with Tim, do you think you’d still be friends with us lot now?’
‘Course I would,’ said Jennifer, insulted. ‘What do you take me for? Although I’m not sure Karen would have been popping round the mansion that often. She hated him didn’t she?’
‘She did,’ confirmed Esther. ‘I always thought he was OK though. He was so clever wasn’t he? Had an answer for everything. Oh and I’ll never forget that party he threw in your house that time. The one where Karen shagged Pete for the first time. It was awesome. Maybe even the best party I’ve ever been to.’
‘God that party was fun wasn’t it?’ agreed Jennifer. ‘Or are we looking back through rose-tinted glasses?’
As her mind returned to Tim, for once she allowed herself to be transported back to how life had been then, all those years ago. She always pretended she couldn’t care less, but in truth, being permanently reminded by the business section of the papers that one of your exes was doing amazingly well in life was a little galling.
And deep down she knew it probably could have been her enjoying the fruits of his labours, if she’d stuck with him. If she hadn’t let her concerns that he didn’t love her as maybe he should overwhelm her. Or, more to the point, if she hadn’t decided that despite his protestations, he cared more about work than any living human being, and that that in itself was a problem she’d never be able to overcome.
Still, that was all firmly in the past and besides, she suspected that no amount of riches would ever have made up for the fact she’d spent much of their time together dressed as a police woman.
THE PAST—TIM (#ulink_a42262f3-2e06-5f71-838e-0671b4b1f303)
April 1997
Jennifer was just about to pour her powdered Cup–a-Soup into a mug when she made the mistake (or not as the case may be) of glancing inside the empty vessel, at which point she retched violently.
‘Oh my god that is so disgusting,’ she exclaimed, stomach heaving.
‘What?’ said Karen, coming to join her in the small kitchen, opening the fridge and peering hopefully into it.
