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Mrs. Black disappeared into a doorway next to the pantry. She firmly closed the door even though they all knew it would also shut out the heat.
“You’re welcome to take my bed,” Billy said.
Vivian shook her head hard. “Thanks, but I’ll just wait for the storm to end.” She again tried to count her blessings—safety, a chance to start over and the determination to work hard to achieve her goal.
Her head drooped again. She jerked upright. What if she dropped Joshua?
“Best move closer to the fire,” Billy said. “The kitchen stove is getting cold.”
Her feet grew icy and her arm ached from holding the baby. She studied the warm glow of the fire and considered what it meant to move closer.
Billy sighed, lumbered out of the big chair and pushed it several feet from the rocker. “That make you feel safer?”
Heat raced up her neck and settled in her cheeks as if she stood too close to the flames. She’d been rude. She normally didn’t shun anyone, but his size, his mother’s mental state…Well, who could blame her for her anxiety?
She crossed the room and settled in the chair, shifting Joshua to her chest to ease the strain on her arm, then faced Billy squarely. “I didn’t mean anything.”
His eyes were flashes of blue ice. His gaze looked through her, past her as if she wasn’t there. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, nor a welcome one. She was done with being invisible, though perhaps this was not a wise time to inform the world, especially when the world consisted solely of Big Billy Black and his mad mother.
Suddenly, his look connected with hers so intently surprise raced through her. Then he gave an unexpectedly gentle smile.
She floundered for a solid thought.
“Know you didn’t mean anything.”
Her eyes widened of their own accord. She seemed unable to break from his look that went past her fear and through her emptiness to a spot deep inside that warmed and quivered like flower petals opening to the sun. When was the last time someone looked at her so, as if she mattered solely because she was a person? Not, she knew, since her parents died. Oh, sure, there’d been exceptions—Marie and Joshua’s father—but they were few and far between and in the latter case, short-lived. But why it should be Billy resurrecting that feeling of being valued made no sense. Any more than his soft assurances that he knew she meant no harm by her statement. “How could you know that?”
His smile deepened. His gaze warmed even more. “Because I remember you in school.” He paused, and shifted his gaze to the fire and then back to her.
She saw something new in his eyes—was it longing? She couldn’t say for certain, but the look brought a flood of sadness to her heart.
He nodded slightly. “I remember your kindness.”
“My kindness?” She managed to stammer out the words. “I don’t remember doing anything.”
“I know.” His words were soft, like a whispered benediction. “Your kindness comes natural. It’s a part of you.”
“It is?” Her mouth rounded with disbelief. No one ever said anything so approving before and it made her feel—She struggled to identify this sensation of…of being really seen. Valued. And from a source she least expected. “What did I do?”
“You offered me a cookie.”
“I did?” She had no memory of the event. “Did you take it?”
He chuckled, a deep-throated rumble resounding in his chest and bringing a smile to her lips. “I have never been one to refuse food.”
She laughed. “Maybe I knew it even back then.”
“You were the only one who was nice to me. You didn’t seem afraid of my size.”
They studied each other. She didn’t know what his watchful gaze wanted. What she saw was a big, kind man trying his best to hide his hurt at being treated poorly. He wore a faded blue shirt that brought out the color in his eyes. His fawn-colored trousers were sprinkled with cat hair in variegated colors. He wore heavy socks knit in raw wool and lounged in the chair as if life held nothing but joy for him.
She knew otherwise. And she knew more. This man would never harm her. In fact, she would trust him to protect her if the need arose. The thought comforted. “I’m not afraid of you.”
Hope raced across his expression and disappeared so quickly she almost missed it.
Satisfaction smoothed away her tension. She’d brought a bit of well-deserved well-being to this man.
He stared into the flames, the reflection of the fire’s glow softening his face.
She remembered how she’d sheltered against his shoulder as he carried her from the storm. It reinforced her feeling he was the sort of man one could count on. If not for his ma, this would be a safe and sheltering place. She stopped her thoughts right there and stared into the flames. She was letting the warmth of the fire and the isolating roar of the wind divert her thoughts from her goal. She must find Joshua’s father. Together, they would build a happy home even though she didn’t know if she felt anything toward the man except regret at what they’d done, and gratitude for her son.
She stole a glance out of the corner of her eye, saw that Billy watched the baby as he stroked a lap full of cats. Other cats curled around his feet. The noise of so many purrs made her laugh.
He smiled crookedly. “I spoil them.”
“They’re your friends.” There was something oddly appealing about such a big man enjoying pets.
His eyes narrowed. “Better than friends. They don’t judge or condemn.”
She understood his reluctance to trust people. She shared the lesson. But through it all, she had Marie, a special friend whose support sustained her. “Not everyone is the same. I had a friend in the orphanage who always helped me.” Even if Marie got herself into all sorts of awkward situations, she never failed to help Vivian when she needed it.
Joshua stiffened in her arms and wailed.
Billy bolted to his feet with surprising agility. “I’ll get the bottle.”
Joshua took the bottle readily and Vivian settled back, rocking gently. A person could get used to this so long as they knew what to do.
Billy snored softly.
Vivian smiled. So much for not going to sleep. She rested her head on the back of the rocker and closed her eyes. The storm still raged outside as questions raced around inside her head.
Who was she? Vivian Halliday. But who was that? She didn’t know. She’d lost all sense of who she was when her life had been stolen from her. Or had she let people take it from her degree by degree?
It no longer mattered because from now on, her every thought and decision would be on Joshua’s behalf and for his good.
She smiled, her eyes still closed.
True, taking the baby from the orphanage wasn’t entirely an unselfish act. Yes, she wanted her baby to have more than a foundling home could offer, or even an adoption. But it had been to quench the hunger of her own heart that had spurred her to go against everything she’d been told to do.
Yes, Joshua’s birth had given her a strength that had before been foreign to her.
Chapter Four
A sharp sound pierced Billy’s sleep and he jerked awake. When he realized he slept in the big chair, he moaned. He’d promised Ma to stay awake and guard her. Not that he figured Vivian or the baby meant to harm them.
He scrubbed the sleep from his eyes. The rocking chair was empty. He bolted to his feet. Where had they gone?
The high-pitched sound echoed inside his brain. He shook his head to clear away the sleep fog. Vivian stood near the window now blackened by darkness and streaked with bits of snow. She jostled the baby—the source of such shattering noise. Her eyes were wide with distress.
“I’m sorry he woke you but I can’t get him to stop crying.”
“Maybe he’s hungry.”
“I tried feeding him.”
“Wet pants?”
“No.”
“Tummy ache?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Now how would I know?”
He chuckled. “I guess he’s telling you the best way he can. He often have tummy aches?”
She turned her attention back to the baby but not before he caught what he guessed was a hint of surprise and confusion.
There was something odd about Vivian and this baby. Her affection and protective attitude were real enough, yet her inexperience seemed out of place.
She sighed.
He gave her a hard look now that the cobwebs had cleared from his mind. She looked as if she’d been wrung out and hung in a stiff wind to dry. “The little one been fussing long?”
“I’ve tried to keep him quiet so he wouldn’t wake you or—” She tipped her head toward Ma’s door. “But he simply won’t settle down.”
As if to prove her words correct, the baby arched his back and screamed louder.
Ma snorted.
Billy held his breath waiting to see if Ma would set up her own protesting racket. When he heard soft snores, he eased air out of his lungs. “Give him to me.”
Vivian didn’t argue. Didn’t even protest. In fact, she seemed as eager as a Dakota spring was reluctant to rid herself of the squalling infant.
He cradled the baby to his chest and hummed as he walked the floor. The baby cried at first and then slowly quieted. Billy continued to walk because every time he stopped, the baby stiffened and whimpered.
Vivian curled up in the stuffed chair before the warm fire and in minutes fell asleep.
Billy walked until he was sure a pathway across the floor marked his journey. He hummed until he grew both hoarse and amazed a little critter could outlast the reserves of a huge adult. When the infant finally seemed relaxed, Billy dropped wearily to the rocker, sighing relief when the baby didn’t fuss.
He closed his eyes, let his head fall back and listened. The wind had moderated. He figured the storm would end with first light and unless the drifts were impassable, he’d have Vivian and the baby in town by noon.
Then he and Ma could return to normal—the quiet calm of Ma working about the house, milking her cow, tending the chickens; his satisfaction in caring for all his animals and walking alone across the prairie. That was his life.
He closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and denied a desire for more. No point in wishing for stars when he lived in plain old farm dirt. His world was what it was.
He was unreasonably glad when Joshua started to fuss again and he could turn his thoughts to something else.
Vivian barely stirred so Billy fed the baby, smiling as the tiny fist curled around Billy’s little finger. He rubbed Joshua’s cheek, amazed at the smoothness of his skin, like a polished rock warm in the sun.
Vivian had washed out the nappies and hung them to dry. Billy wondered how to fold one to fit the baby. Had no idea. Best he wait and let Vivian do it.
He and the baby sat warm and content in front of the fire. He watched the flames twist and turn, and wondered about Vivian. Why had God seen fit to dump her on his doorstep? If she needed help, he would willingly provide it. He rested his face against Joshua’s warm head. It pleased him to see Vivian and the baby together. God knew a child needed and deserved the love of his mother.
Billy snorted in surprise at the direction of his thoughts. This wasn’t about what happened to him. It was about protecting Vivian and the baby until the storm ended. Then they’d be gone. Some unfamiliar portion of his brain wondered what it would be like if he could keep them.
The room lightened. The frost-covered window turned gray.
The baby stretched. Billy turned the little bundle into his palms and stared into wide eyes as blue as the deep pond of water where the best fish hid. Joshua puckered his lips in an expression as wise and knowing as an ancient sage. It was so serious and comical at the same time, Billy chuckled. “Never seen anyone like me before, have you?”
As the baby blinked solemnly, Vivian woke with a gasp. “I didn’t mean to sleep.”
“That’s what most people do at night.”
She snorted. “If they’re safe in their own bed.”
“You’re just as safe.” He understood people’s fears of Ma’s crazy behavior and his size. He’d grown used to it. Put it down to ignorance, phobia or just plain scared. But after sheltering Vivian and helping with little Joshua here, he figured it was about time she realized both he and Ma were harmless.
Of course, Ma had to pick that moment to scurry into the room, her hair as tangled as a crow’s nest, her eyes wide. She paused to wave frantically at Vivian as if hoping her actions could chase her away. She mumbled something totally unintelligible before she darted past them and out to the lean-to to relieve herself.
He waited for her to return. He gave her a few minutes before he called, “Ma, get back in here.”
Joshua, startled at Billy’s loud voice, screamed as if he’d been stabbed. “Sorry, little fellow. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He rocked the baby.
Joshua stopped crying but his bottom lip stuck out, trembling, and his eyes remained wide.
Vivian jumped up. “I’ll get a bottle ready.”
Billy followed her to the table and waited while she prepared breakfast for the baby. As soon as Vivian took Joshua, Billy headed for the cold woodshed attached to the house. He yanked open the door and caught Ma’s hands, pulling her gently inside. “You’ll freeze out there.”
Ma whimpered and clung to his grasp. “I don’t like this,” she whispered. “It scares me.”
“Ma, she’s just a young woman with a little baby.”
Ma shuddered and pressed one hand to her chest.
“Look, the storm has ended.” He should be glad but it was not relief he felt. It was regret, which he expertly ignored as he led Ma to a kitchen chair. “You sit here while I get the fire going and make breakfast.”
Only by talking softly of the animals and the weather did Billy manage to get Ma to sit long enough to eat. He took a bowl of hot mush to Vivian in front of the fireplace without suggesting she move to the table. He didn’t want to risk sending Ma running from the room.
As soon as Ma finished, she started to pull on heavy outerwear. “I have to milk Betsy.”
Billy pulled on his winter coat, too. “I’ll look after the other animals.” He lifted the bar off the door.
“Leave the dishes. I’ll do them.” Vivian spoke quietly.
Billy gladly did so and followed Ma to the barn where he hurried through his chores. He would normally take time to brush the colt, stroke all the cats and play with Limpy, his three-legged dog. Billy had nursed the pup from birth. He was the only dog left from many batches. Limpy was getting old. Billy would soon enough have to find a new dog, though the idea branded a protest on the inside of his heart.
Poor Limpy used to love this weather but he was getting old and refused to leave the barn unless it was warm out. Today, the cold had a nasty bite.
