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‘He was in a bad way. Do you know how he is?’ Carlos asked, oblivious to the silent exchange going on between Kitty and Anna. He appeared to be more concerned about the boy than himself.
‘He’s here,’ Kitty told him. ‘He was brought in just before you. He’s being looked after.’
‘So he’s alive?’
‘As far as I know,’ she said. She didn’t know what else she could tell Carlos. She didn’t have any more information and she wouldn’t be able to disclose anything she did know. She was sure that if the boy survived he’d want to thank Carlos personally. She hoped so.
Anna and Kitty worked slowly and meticulously. They washed the burnt skin on Carlos’s arms and hands and debrided the blisters, applying antibiotic cream before carefully separating his fingers and wrapping them individually.
‘Will your wife be able to manage at home with you?’ Kitty asked as she finished wrapping the last finger. ‘We will need to keep you here for a few hours, just to keep an eye on you, but then if your readings are all within normal limits you’ll be able to go home. You’ll need to have some follow-up appointments for your lungs, though, and we will also make you an appointment with the burns unit in a few days. It’s here in the hospital. Will someone be able to drive you here?’
‘My wife doesn’t drive.’
‘That’s OK,’ Kitty replied. ‘I’ll speak to your employer. They will have to arrange transport for you seeing as this was a workplace accident. Is that OK with you?’
Carlos nodded.
‘All right, let’s get you comfortable and then I’ll pop out and see if your wife is here yet.’
Kitty ducked into the staff kitchen for a break while Carlos had a few minutes with his wife. As all the other accident victims were being taken care of she decided she’d take the chance to top up her caffeine level. As she’d expected, the waiting room was now crowded with reporters all wanting to get an interview with Carlos, but she’d leave that decision to him. She skirted the waiting room and was just adding sugar to her coffee when Mike walked in.
He looked tired and Kitty was worried that things hadn’t gone smoothly. He had been treating the boy from the bus, the one Carlos had saved. Kitty hoped it hadn’t been in vain. She forgot that she’d barely spoken to him since their argument. At work things were different. She could put her personal issues aside. She’d learnt to compartmentalise her life and, in fact, the hospital often provided an escape. For the most part, no matter how bad things were in her own life, work was a constant reminder that she wasn’t the only one suffering. On a couple of occasions she had felt that her life sucked more than her patients’, but she always found work to be a good distraction. Right now, her disagreement with Mike was minor compared to their day so far. Things weren’t so bad that she couldn’t reach out to him.
‘How did it go?’
‘He’s alive but he has burns to about thirty per cent of his body and to his airway. He’s been transferred to the burns unit.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘All because he left his laptop behind.’ He shook his head. It sounded ridiculous but Kitty guessed the boy hadn’t stopped to think about the consequences. Hadn’t thought about the risks. And now it was too late. What’s done was done. She knew better than most that there was no going back. The past couldn’t be changed no matter how much you might wish it.
Mike filled a glass from the water cooler. ‘When are you coming home?’ he asked over his shoulder.
‘That depends,’ she said, knowing she wasn’t telling the truth. She didn’t think she would be going back. ‘Have you changed your mind about my plans?’
‘No.’
Which meant he assumed she’d changed her mind.
‘Well, I haven’t either,’ she said.
His voice was quiet, his tone not malicious, but he sounded very definite as he said, ‘I’m not going to be a cuckold in my own house.’
That was part of the problem. Even though she’d moved in with him after six months and had now been living with him for five, it was still his house. Not theirs. He still held all the cards, still had all the control.
‘It’s hardly the same thing,’ she argued.
‘It is to me,’ he said as he drained his glass. ‘You will be pregnant with another man’s baby.’
‘But surely you can understand my reasons?’
He was shaking his head. ‘I can’t imagine what could possibly make you want to do this. Jess has other options.’
‘But she’s my sister!’ That was another part of the problem. He really didn’t get her need for family. He didn’t get her desperate desire to hold onto what was left of it.
‘IVF isn’t an option,’ Kitty said, even though Mike knew that. Jess had been diagnosed with uterine cancer three years ago and after harvesting and storing her eggs she’d had a total hysterectomy, meaning that the simplest option was not an option. ‘That leaves adoption or surrogacy. They’re not likely to be approved for adoption given Jess’s medical history, and finding someone else to offer to be a surrogate could take months—years even.’
Surrogacy in Australia was heavily legislated. Each state had its own laws and although New South Wales was a bit more lenient than other parts of the country, surrogate mothers couldn’t be paid. They could be reimbursed for their medical costs but couldn’t benefit financially, which meant that would-be parents needed to find someone who would do it out of the kindness of their hearts. It wasn’t like asking someone to mind your pets while you went on a holiday—you were asking someone to lend you their body for forty weeks or more. Asking someone to subject themselves to tests and procedures to fulfil your own dreams. It wasn’t easy.
Kitty closed her eyes and pictured Jess holding a baby. Her baby.
She opened her eyes and looked at Mike.
Those was her choices. Mike or her sister’s baby.
‘You can’t be their only solution,’ he said.
‘Maybe not,’ she replied. ‘But I am their best one.’
Mike’s pager beeped and he pulled it from his waistband to read the message. He glanced up and Kitty knew he was about to leave, but she also knew he’d want the last word. True to form he said, ‘If you want to do this you’ll have to do it without any help from me.’
He didn’t wait for a reply before he turned and left the room.
Kitty stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. She thought about what she was doing. What she was giving up. Why was her sister’s happiness more important than her own?
Jess’s happiness would be shared by Kitty. If she could give her sister an opportunity to have a family then, by association, she would benefit too—she’d be giving herself more family. She did want a family of her own one day but she knew Mike wasn’t the man she would do that with. She had to believe her time would come, and meanwhile she’d do what she could. So she would grant Jess’s wish. That would bring her happiness too. Being a surrogate meant giving up Mike but it was a sacrifice Kitty was willing to make.
She was still standing in the centre of the room when Joe walked in.
‘Is everything OK?’ he asked. He’d changed into a clean uniform and washed his face. He looked good in his uniform. The blue suited him, brought out the colour of his eyes, but it was more than that. It was the air of responsibility it gave him. He wore it well. He looked strong, capable and dependable. All the things she knew him to be were accentuated by the uniform. ‘Rough day?’
She shook her head. ‘No worse than usual. I was just thinking...’
Joe grinned. ‘Should I be worried?’
She laughed. She hadn’t realised she’d felt like laughing but Joe could always lift her spirits. ‘Maybe,’ she replied.
‘What’s going on?’
‘You just missed Mike.’
‘And?’ He hesitated before asking, ‘You’re not thinking of moving back in?’
Kitty shook her head. ‘No. But we had another discussion about the surrogacy. I wasn’t prepared for it and I know I didn’t handle it all that well, but he’s still making it all about him.’ Like always, she nearly added but she stopped herself, realising that was unfair. At work Mike was single-minded, putting his patients’ needs first. He was focussed and dedicated—maybe all that effort at work made him think he deserved to be at the top of his own list of priorities away from work too, but sometimes she wished she felt as important to him as he felt to himself. ‘This isn’t about him,’ she continued. ‘It’s not even about me. It’s about Jess and Cam. Why can’t he see that?’
Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to hear my answer to that question?’
‘No, I guess not.’ Kitty managed a half-smile. ‘But I’m tired of feeling like my opinions don’t matter.’
‘So what next?’
‘I need to talk to Jess and Cam.’
‘You’re doing this?’
‘I am.’ She smiled. She’d made a decision and it felt good. She knew it was the right one. She hated being alone but she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Mike in order to give her sister a baby. Family was more important to her than anything. She’d lost so many members of her family already. First her baby sister had died when Kitty had been just five years old and then, fourteen years later, both her parents had gone too. To offer Jess and Cam the baby they longed for would help to compensate for everything and everyone they’d already lost. ‘Provided Jess and Cam agree.’
‘I can’t imagine they won’t.’
‘No.’ Her smile widened. ‘It’s perfect. My family needs something good to look forward to, something positive, after everything that has happened.’ She needed it too. ‘I’ll go and see them after work today and then I need to find a new place to live.’
‘You know you’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need to.’
‘Thanks, but I can’t put you out of your bed.’ Joe had already spent the past couple of nights on his couch, giving up his bed for Kitty, but that wasn’t a long-term solution. ‘You said yourself I needed a more permanent plan. I’ll figure something out.’
CHAPTER THREE (#ud0fc4077-b622-5798-99d0-7c1eb8864ca0)
KITTY STACKED THE empty dinner plates and took them into the kitchen. She had invited herself to Jess and Cam’s for dinner and had promised to do the dishes in return, but she wanted to have the discussion she had planned first. Her ultimate agenda was to raise her surrogacy suggestion.
‘A little while ago you mentioned that you were thinking about investigating the option of surrogacy using your frozen embryos,’ she said to them both as she returned to the table. ‘Have you done anything about that?’
‘Not officially,’ Cam replied. ‘We’ve done some research but it’s not a straightforward exercise. We think we’d like to find someone privately who’s willing to act as a surrogate but we’re not sure how to go about that. If we can’t find someone privately we’ll have to advertise and that’s tricky here, but we can’t afford to go overseas to do it. It’s not going to be easy.’
‘But we have to try,’ Jess added.
‘I know it’s not easy,’ Kitty said, looking into her sister’s dark eyes. A mirror of her own face looked back at her. There was no mistaking they were sisters. They had the same dark eyes and dark hair, although Jess’s was shorter and had grown back with a slight wave in it after the chemotherapy. Jess’s face was more oval than Kitty’s, whose own face could only be described as round. It made Kitty look young for her years but she was old enough to know what she was doing. She took a deep breath and held Jess’s gaze. ‘I would like to do it for you.’
‘What?’
‘I want to be your surrogate.’
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘You’re serious?’
Kitty nodded and Jess broke into a wide smile. She really was pretty when she smiled, Kitty thought as her sister bounced out of her chair and threw her arms around her. ‘I can’t believe this! Thank you!’
‘Why?’ Cam asked.
Cam’s reaction took Kitty by surprise. To be honest, she’d thought they’d both be ecstatic but while Jess was obviously delighted and grateful, Cameron was far more reserved.
‘That doesn’t matter, Cam,’ Jess remonstrated. ‘All that matters is that Kitty is offering.’ Jess was crying now as she continued to hug Kitty. Tears were running down her cheeks and soaking into Kitty’s shirt. Kitty was pretty sure they were happy tears.
‘I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your offer,’ Cam said as Jess finally let go of her little sister. ‘It’s very generous, but it’s not as simple as you might think. I expect we’ll all have questions, and one of mine is: why?’
In contrast, Jess didn’t appear to have any questions. Kitty knew she was far too emotional and too caught up in the idea that she could become a mum to worry about the intricacies and details, but Cam deserved answers.
‘You and Jess are my only family,’ Kitty explained. ‘You’re all I’ve got. If I can give you the baby that Jess desperately wants I get to expand my family. It’s a win-win situation.’
‘But you can have your own children,’ Cam argued. ‘You’re twenty-seven, this might take up the next two years of your life. Even if this works straight away it’s not like you can be pregnant tomorrow. There are meetings, counselling, legalities to sort through. Trust me, we know what’s involved, we’ve looked at everything. It’s not straightforward and it will take time. What if you want to have your own baby in the meantime?’
‘I’m not at the stage where I want to have a baby.’
‘But that might change at any point in the next year or two. And what about Mike? He’s older than you, what if he wants children sooner?’
Kitty shook her head. ‘I don’t think he wants that.’ It didn’t matter what he wanted, she wasn’t going to have babies with Mike anyway. She knew now more than ever that she didn’t want him to be the father of her children. He was too intense. Too controlling. She wanted someone fun. She needed someone fun. She needed someone to inject that into her life as well as her children’s. She knew she had a tendency to get a bit low and she needed laughter and light in her life. That’s why she loved being around Joe.
She didn’t mention that she’d broken up with Mike. If Jess thought it was because of her decision to offer to be their surrogate Kitty knew she might decline her offer, and she was desperate to do this. Desperate to give Jess the baby she wanted. That bit of news could wait for another day.
‘I want to do this.’ Kitty would put her life on hold indefinitely in order to give Jess the baby she wanted—the baby Kitty thought they all needed. ‘Can’t we at least investigate the idea?’
‘Yes.’ Jess was quick to agree and Kitty knew then that her offer had been accepted. She knew Cam didn’t have the heart to refuse his wife. Kitty knew he would give Jess anything she asked for if it were possible, and this just might be possible. At least they would get to try.
* * *
Kitty picked up the pen and signed on the dotted line next to Cam and Jess’s signatures. The lawyer witnessed their scrawls and stamped the pages. Signing the surrogacy agreement that had been drawn up was almost the final step in the process. Next their application would be reviewed by the IVF ethics committee and, if approved, she would become a surrogate. Not if, she told herself—when. She had to think positively. There was no reason not to think this wouldn’t go ahead.
Over the past two months she had been poked and prodded, examined and tested, but she didn’t mind. The tests hadn’t raised any red flags and she was told she was a good candidate. She knew the clinic would have preferred it if she had borne children already as it left less room for surprises or problems with the pregnancy and delivery, but it wasn’t a requirement in New South Wales, as it was in some other parts of the country, and for that Kitty was grateful. And the tests had given no indication that she wouldn’t have a normal pregnancy. She was a healthy twenty-seven-year-old. She was convinced there wouldn’t be any problems and fortunately that seemed to be the conclusion after all the tests were completed.
As a single woman in Sydney Kitty could access the medical care she needed as a surrogate. Jess and Cam had agreed to pay any out-of-pocket expenses, which could be quite costly, but they had no complaints. All three of them had attended a medical review at Jess and Cam’s fertility clinic and they had all undergone the mandatory counselling sessions, though fortunately they hadn’t been sent for independent psychiatric reviews. The lawyer had briefed them on their rights and obligations and had drawn up the agreement, and now they had one last hurdle. Kitty crossed her fingers that the ethics committee would approve their request.
* * *
‘Kitty Nelson?’
She looked up as the fertility nurse called her name. This was it.
She was going to be a surrogate. The ethics committee had approved their application and now, if everything went according to plan, in nine months’ time she would deliver a healthy baby for Jess and Cam, and her, to love.
Jess’s eggs had been fertilised and the embryos created. All that was left was the implantation.
Kitty stood up and Jess followed suit. Kitty was surprised to find her legs were shaky. There was a lot of expectation riding on today but she hadn’t realised she had felt the pressure. There wasn’t much about it she could control, but now that the moment had come she desperately hoped she would turn out to be the perfect host. The perfect surrogate for a perfect baby.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?’ Jess asked.
Kitty could hear the pleading note in her voice but she’d made up her mind and she was going to stand firm on this point.
She reached over and held Jess’s hand.
‘I don’t watch you and Cam making babies, I’m not going to let you watch me getting impregnated.’
Cam was by the window, looking out at the city streets several floors below, pacing up and down, already looking like an expectant father. Fortunately he hadn’t asked to watch.
‘Cam and I didn’t make this baby the traditional way.’
‘I know, but it would still be weird to have you in the room.’
‘But you’re happy for us to be there when the baby is born?’
Kitty nodded. ‘Of course!’ Although she’d have some ground rules then too—for instance, Cam would have to stay away from the business end, but she would discuss that later. Her first priority was to get pregnant.
