Chipped blockheads

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The road to the farm wasn’t short. Ivan Alekseevich kept apologizing to Maria now and then for the discomfort of going on foot.

IVAN (without noticing it, he became less formal): You see, Maria, my driver, Vitalka, is the best of guys! (The chairman stretched a thumb up on his right hand). But he has a problem: when a drop gets into his mouth, that’s the end, welcome to the rodeo. God knows what I did to fight his addiction, but he still periodically reaches for the glass. What can I do? Can I sew his mouth shut? You and I are going on foot now, Masha, because Vitalka is on drink.

MARIA (calmingly): That’s all right, Ivan Alekseevich. Hiking benefits the whole body, by the way. As for your driver, such things happen even to the best of us. He will sleep, get up sober and return to work. He knows that your patience is limited. After all, you can fire him.

IVAN (shakes his head): You’re a bit wrong here, Maria. Well, I’ll fire Vitalka, and what comes next? Do you think there is a queue of drivers on my farm? Far from it! There is only one problem in rural areas these days: personnel. Earlier, there were two problems: money and people. It’s different with money now – take as much as you can take away, just don’t forget to report. But as for the staff, things didn’t change much. The young and promising fled to the city. Well, let’s take you, for example. Only alcoholics and addicts are left here. Your brother, for example… uh…

The chairman blushed terribly. He felt awkward calling Maria’s brother an alcoholic.

IVAN (returning to a more formal manner): Sorry, Maria.

MARIA (sighing sadly): Don’t apologize, Ivan Alekseevich. Unfortunately, you are telling the truth. It’s painful for me to watch that such a gifted child became this third-rate wnen adult.

IVAN (can’t decide whether he should use formal or informal style and begins to alternate them): I’ll tell you the following, Masha. He is far from a mediocre person. Nikolai has enormous potential! It’s all the fault of vodka, it interferes with everything. If you succeed in helping him fight this evil habit, you will get a completely different brother. He is communicative, the makings of a leader are also present, and I don’t have to tell you about his brainpower. It’s a pity, of course, it’s a great pity! Do you know how many such guys we have in the village? Everyone has his talent. If something happened that could make everyone stop drinking one day, that would be just wonderful! We would arrange an extraordinary collective farm here! Not a collective farm but no less than a corporation!

Meanwhile, the chairman and Maria had already reached the farm. Here the girl saw something she didn’t expect at all: new buildings, renovations, all clean and tidy, and modern equipment.

MARIA (returns to the conversation): You know, Ivan Alekseevich, it’s possible in theory. Modern science knows many methods that can affect some of humans’ weaknesses by total elimination of them from their consciousness. In the laboratory where I worked, we dealt with similar issues.

IVAN: Wow! Probably you would like to see our laboratory? Of course, we deal with more down-to-earth issues there. But perhaps they will be interesting to you too.

The chairman led Maria to a detached building. Entering it, the girl saw a quite decent laboratory and no personnel.

IVAN: Meet the pride of our collective farm, Masha, the secret laboratory named after Ivan Alekseevich. Here, we had a plan to advance science. But for now, we had to pause: the person who promoted this science had left for the capital, where they pay much more for science.

MARIA (looking around with admiration): It’s wonderful! Ivan Alekseevich, I would never have thought that in such a… village…

IVAN (with a grin): In such a hole, you mean? It’s okay, you can call a spade a spade.

MARIA: Yes, you are right. I didn’t think I’d see something like that here. Where did you get all this equipment from? It’s very expensive!

IVAN: Maria, dear, we are collective farmers, but we are not just out of the trees. A large portion of the profit from agriculture is invested in technology. In this lab, for instance, experiments such as plant genome editing have been conducted. We have results already, and they are of real use. For some crops, we have increased the yield many times, made them more weather resistant, and also adapted them to pest control. I can speak about it for hours! And here is also the thing we are proud of: a bioreactor for growing meat from one animal cell. But this is still a secret project, so I can’t tell you much. Well? Do you like it? Will you join us?

MARIA (embarrassed): I don’t even know, Ivan Alekseevich. This is a very different direction. I’m a neuroscientist. That’s quite another kettle of fish. Besides…

Ivan (interrupted his interlocutor, putting his hand on her shoulder and looking into her eyes): Masha, frankly speaking, we desperately need people like you! No matter we are a village. Times have changed. Money, resources, equipment – we have everything, they give us everything. But I have to find people myself. Where can I find them? The locals don’t want to get smart, and the smart ones don’t want to come here. That’s why I set sights on you. Why do you think so many smart foreigners lived in Rus centures ago? Yes, because our Proshka never needs anything! In the forest, there is honey and berries; in the ground turnips grow on their own: rivers are full of all kinds of fish. Take as much as you can take away, and you don’t need to invent anything. This is how our fellow countrymen live. But you and I understand that it’s not the way to live life!

The chairman glared at Masha. She understood that saying a simple “no” would not work.

MARIA: May I think it over?

IVAN (removes his hand from the girl’s shoulder and looks away): Of course, my dear girl! By the way, I don’t care what you are going to do in this laboratory. You can start with the research you did before at your previous work. I’m sure we can apply any your idea. The main thing for me is that you stay with us!

The girl’s eyes lit up. The idea of continuing her experiments was very tempting.

MARIA: What if my experiments require additional equipment?

IVAN: No problem! We will order everything you need and as much as you need!

MARIA: Even if this equipment is from German?

IVAN (laughing): Yes, even if it’s from the Czech Republic!

Scene 4

The porch at the village store’s staff entrance was among the favorite meeting places for those who enjoyed stiff drinks. There, you could meet anyone: there was only one store in the village, and all roads led there. Nikolai, a regular customer at the events, as usual, was telling his friends interesting stories.

NIKOLAI: Well, I said to him: “You, Makar, exchanged boxers with Big-Bellied yesterday.” And he said he didn’t remember. It’s okay, I thought his wife would remind him: she keeps records of his underwear. And here…not ours! Well, she said, come up to me, dear Makarushka. She wrapped her hand in those boxers and gave him a hack in the face. That’s where he got the black eye, and you say he fought Wad. If he gonna fight Wad, he must first defeat his wife. Or survive at least one round with her. But that is not the whole story. The next day Makar…

At that moment, Kolya saw Alina a short distance away. The girl walked quickly towards the store.

MITYAY (looking forward to hearing the whole Kolya’s story): So?

KOLYA (shifts his gaze from Alina to Mitya): What?

MITAYA: What happened to Makar the next day?

KOLYA (clearly forgot what he was talking about): Makar has left for the neighboring region to work on side.

MITYAY (irritated): Kolya, damn it. To hell with his work on side! You were talking about his boxers!

KOLYA (waves off): Go to hell with your boxers, Mityai! Wait a little, I have things to do.

Kolya rushed after Alina and caught up with her at the store entrance. Shocked Mityai saw him disappear in surprise.

Kolya made Alina stop, touching her shoulder. The girl shrugged off at first, but, recognizing Kolya, she relaxed and even smiled slightly.

ALINA (jokingly): Kolya, is that you? I wouldn’t recommend repeating this. The reflex might work. Elbowing. Do you know this? KOLYA: I know. The man standing in front of you is not an amateur, by the way. I want to ask you: how is your grandfather? Did they call him? I mean those who want the spring.

ALINA (sighing): Grandfather is on edge. Of course, he won’t be scared that easily. But they will get on his nerves. We will see. When he reaches for the double shotgun, there will be a foul-up!

KOLYA (laughs): Yes, Fyodorovich – he’s a fighter.

Alina smiled. Kolya, noticing that the girl had become more friendly, decided to flirt.

KOLYA: Why are you walking here alone? Now there are so many strange guys wandering around here.

ALINA (with squinty eyes): What kind of strange guys do you mean?

KOLYA (scratching the back of his head): Well, all sorts of drunk or inadequate ones.

ALINA (smiling and looking at Kolya): Drunk, you say? Well-well.

Alina waved her palm in front of her nose, showing her dislike for the smell of alcohol emanating from her interlocutor.

KOLYA (blushed): Oh, I see. Yes, I did it, I drank a little bit. It’s a friend’s B-day… his daughter’s…

ALINA: Sorry, but I can’t stand the smell of alcohol on men.

KOLYA (shunting on another topic): So… this… what was I talking about? I’m serious, you shouldn’t walk alone through the forest belt. What if some maniac is hiding there? It’s better to spend the extra ten minutes and go around on the road.

ALINA (laughs): Who? Maniac? Kolya, don’t be ridiculous. Do you think my grandfather did not teach his beloved granddaughter close-in combat techniques? He’s a candidate master!

KOLYA: Wow! I am also a CMS.

ALINA (laughs): You? CMS?

KOLYA (offended): Don’t believe me? I’m serious!

ALINA: Really?

KOLYA: I swear!

ALINA (with disbelief): And in what sport?

KOLYA: In chess!

Alina laughed even louder.

ALINA: You’re funny, Kolya.

Kolya became even more offended. He thought: “Funny? Doesn’t look like a compliment!”

Alina looked at her watch. The girl’s face turned concerned.

ALINA: Sorry Kolya, I’m having fun with you, but it’s time to leave. I promised my grandfather I would be home for lunch.

KOLYA (through clenched teeth, barely audible): You won, granddad, thank you for that!

ALINA: Did you say something?

KOLYA: No, nothing! Say hello to your grandfather!

ALINA: Sure.

KOLYA (timidly taking the girl’s hand in his palm): And, Alina, I have already told your grandfather: if anything happens, call me! I’m always ready to help.

Letting Alina’s hand go, Kolya turned his back on her and walked towards his friends with his inimitable gait.

The girl sadly watched Nikolai return to the company, them handing him a glass filled with alcohol that he drank to the bottom with a deft practicized move. Shaking her head sadly, Alina turned to the store door and disappeared inside the dark cool room. Nikolai continued to play the role of a man involved in the conversation with his drinking buddies, but in reality he thought about one thing only: he had to prove to Alina at all costs that he was good not only at chess.

Scene 5

On giving a tour of the farm, the chairman decided to walk Maria back home, but she refused, explaining that she wanted to go to the church on the way and light a candle for the repose of her mother’s soul.

When Masha entered the church, it looked empty of people. Maria approached the altar and was about to perform the ceremony when she heard footsteps behind her. The girl turned around and saw priest Kyrill.

KYRILL: Good afternoon to you, Maria. I do apologize. Go on, I won’t interfere.

MARIA: You don’t bother me at all, Kyrill. On the contrary, I wanted to talk to you, and here you are.

KYRILL: I am always ready to listen to you, Maria. Speak.

MARIA: You know, Kyrill, when I returned home, I promised myself never to conduct experiments on people and animals anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely believe in God, and I always did. What happened to my last patient is a sin I will never atone for. It will haunt me until my death.

Kyrill listened attentively to Masha. His face showed no emotion.

MARIA (continues): Everything was different before. When I started working at the research institute, I was sure I would benefit people. I will make discoveries that will change the world and help humans say goodbye to many diseases considered incurable. But when faced failures, I had doubts. As a result, I was completely disappointed.

Maria’s eyes were filled with tears. Kyrill listened to her silently.

MARIA (tries to restrain herself from sobbing): Nothing worked… Nothing! So I came here. Hell knows why… Sorry. For some reason I came to this farm. I almost promised the chairman to start working in his laboratory. But the worst thing, Kyrill, is that I want to do it again: to carry out what I was doing before! I am completely at a loss. I’m like a drug addict lured by a dose again and ready to run after it as fast as I can.

KYRILL (after a pause): Maria, all you are doing now is escaping from yourself. I see that it’s difficult for you to give up the goals you had set in your youth. And even failures couldn’t force you to change your guidelines. Higher powers are telling you that you are moving in the right direction. You try to turn away from the path, but Providence brings you back. You are used to explaining everything from a scientific point of view, but science is powerless here. That’s why they say: “divine power”. It is the thing that guides you. Just think about how many discoveries on our planet would not have happened if people gave up everything halfway through. Do you think their ways were easy? Do you think the burden of responsibility weighs only on you? We see only the results: Darwin discovered this, Einstein discovered that! But we don’t know what these people had to go through on the way to their discoveries. It looks like you are following this path, Maria.

MARIA (with admiration): Wow! I don’t even know what to say. You know how to motivate people!

KYRILL: Sometimes it’s enough for people to hear their thoughts said by someone else. This gives an incredible effect.

MARIA (thoughtfully): You’re right. You said exactly what I’ve always thought. But how could I know that these thoughts were true? At least, I’m not the only one who thinks so, this changes everything. So this is not schizophrenia!

KYRILL (smiling): Well, that’s fine! Let us consider that today you are one step closer to pacation. And now, with your permission, I will leave you alone. Repair, as they say, won’t do it itself.

Kyrill retreated to one of the inside premises of the church. Mary began the ceremony for which she had come. Having lit a candle and said a prayer, the girl headed for the exit. Hearing a noise from the room where Kyrill had disappeared, Maria looked inside, wanting to thank the priest for the recent conversation. She found Kyrill working without church vestments. The priest was mixing mortar for plastering the walls. He was wearing a tight T-shirt, showing his shredded and slender figure. Noticing that Maria was looking at him, Kyrill was embarrassed. Without thinking, he reached for the cassock hanging on a hanger, but then he relaxed, put the shovel aside and came close to Maria.

At that moment, Maria felt the priest inspire strange feelings in her: it seemed to her that he had the very features she found attractive in men: wisdom, religiosity, male beauty and strength. For a moment, Masha thought a spark had run between them.