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‘I know about my mother’s affair … that he didn’t want anything to do with me when he found out, that you forbade contact.’ The words cut even as she said them, the wounds deeper than she’d thought.
‘Well, I should have known she wouldn’t leave that out.’ There was anger in Rachel’s tone, but she checked it. ‘I don’t suppose she told you that I wanted to adopt you, bring you up as our own.’
‘What?’
Rachel nodded. ‘Vince and I had been trying for a child for a number of years – then he had the affair with your mother and … well, she refused to give you up, of course. Why wouldn’t she? I hated her. She had Vince’s child and I didn’t. How fair was that? So yes, I told him if he had any part in your life, our marriage was over. I suppose you think that was selfish … maybe it was, but it would never have worked. I wasn’t about to be part of any triad. I was his wife.’
Patrick, having stood by listening, spoke suddenly. ‘So you see it wasn’t that easy … for anyone, not for my brother either.’
Joanna felt light-headed. She wished her mother had told her everything and not left her open like this. She turned on Patrick Arnold. ‘Oh, it seems it was easy enough. He cut himself off – never bothered to find out anything about me – his only child. Just as well he didn’t have any others, isn’t it? If that’s the kind of father he was.’
This was aimed at Rachel, who looked taken aback by her sudden anger.
‘I’m sorry, Joanna. And I don’t blame you for being angry. I’m not going to pretend that it isn’t my fault – all our faults – it must seem everybody conspired against you. We did think about you … I wondered if he’d one day want to find you. I knew where you lived; your mother was in the phone book, so he knew it too. And it seems he did wonder because I found this among his things.’
Rachel crossed the room and took a book from the shelf. As she did so, Joanna saw a silver-framed photo of her father on a cabinet; it was the same photo she’d seen when she’d typed his name into a search engine the night that Rachel had come to the house. Vince Arnold smiling into the camera at what looked like a racetrack. He wore a white shirt open at the neck and a sports jacket, his hair was thinning, eyes creased with laughter lines as he squinted into the sun. Most of the national newspapers had printed the picture next to the article reporting his death. A tragic accident, they had said – Arnold was the latest victim of the biggest freeze to have gripped the country in almost forty years.
Rachel returned and Joanna found herself looking at another picture, which Rachel held out to her.
‘This is the reason I went to your mother’s house that night. I thought that maybe she knew something; that she’d had some contact with him before his disappearance, but she denied ever having seen it.’
It was a picture of Joanna on her confirmation day, posing outside the church in a little skirt suit that her mother had bought her for the occasion. There were many like it in the family album at home.
‘Where did he get this?’ she asked.
Rachel shook her head. ‘I’ve no idea. I thought maybe you could help me to find out?’
Joanna looked at her. ‘Well, it couldn’t have been my mother; she said she hadn’t seen him in years.’ Even as she said the words, she knew that it was the only possible way such a picture had come into her father’s possession. She looked at Patrick and again wondered how much he knew.
‘Did you know my mother then?’ she asked him.
‘No, I was just a kid. Vince didn’t exactly want me hanging around back then.’
‘But you knew … about me?’
‘Yes, he told me one night … he was upset.’ He glanced at Rachel Arnold, giving Joanna the impression that he didn’t want to say too much in front of her.
Joanna looked at Rachel, unable to decide whether she should hate this woman for making her father disown her, or feel some allegiance to her as another victim of her parents’ deceit. If she were to find out anything about her father, she decided, she had better keep her resentment in check. These people were her only link to him. Family by blood if nothing else; at least, Patrick was. She looked at him, curious, wondering if he bore any resemblance to Vince. She looked again at the picture Rachel had given her. ‘I’ll ask her about it,’ she told her, putting the photo in her bag.
NINE (#ulink_c6f6c3b2-166f-50c2-bcab-0cf45c7fabd6)
‘Business must be good, Ollie.’ Patrick Arnold strolled around Oliver’s office, and then paused, where Oliver had stood only a moment before, to look down onto the quays.
‘No shortage of divorces right enough,’ Oliver said. ‘But I assume that’s not what’s brought you here?’
Patrick gave a short laugh. ‘No, but I might be putting a bit of business your way.’
‘Oh?’ Oliver sat on the edge of the desk and scrutinized Patrick Arnold. Time had been good to him. It must have been, what, fifteen years since he’d seen him?
Patrick crossed the room and put his hands on the back of the swivel chair in front of Oliver’s desk. ‘My brother owed a lot of money. In fact, he was deeply in debt. Gambling – dogs, horses, anything that moved he put money on it. Six months ago he took out a life assurance policy. I expect there’ll be questions asked: you know what these insurance companies are like; they’ll use anything they can find to get out of paying.’
‘Are you saying your brother’s death might have been suicide?’
Patrick shook his head. ‘No, but they might start poking around, trying to make it seem like that. There’s no way Vince killed himself. We just got the result of the autopsy and it says he died of heart failure from hypothermia, not drowning. Ever heard of someone freezing themselves to death?’
‘Still and all, seems a bit strange, doesn’t it? That he’d take out an insurance policy, and six months later he winds up in the canal.’
‘That’s what I’m saying, Ollie. There’s no way they’ll let something like that get past them.’
‘And why do you reckon he decided to take out the policy?’
‘Loan sharks. He’d borrowed money from a lot of sources, and not all of them legit. I’m guessing he was afraid of what they might do if he didn’t pay up, and that brings me to the next question – there are several parties who might come looking for what they’re owed and Rachel’s worried that she’ll have to pay them. She’s already been getting calls from some bookie that Vince ran up a debt with.’
‘Back up a second and let me get my head around this. You’re saying that your brother took out life assurance because he was concerned about some dodgy characters he owed money to. And you’re also telling me that the autopsy said that Vincent died of hypothermia – that there was no water in the lungs?’
‘Not enough, it seems, to make drowning the primary cause of death.’
‘So do you suspect any foul play here? Hypothermia could have happened anywhere. Who’s to say your brother wasn’t dead before his body even hit the water? I assume there’s to be an inquest?’
‘Yeah, but really we don’t suspect anything like that. I reckon Vince fell through the ice and couldn’t get out. He couldn’t swim and, remember, the canal was frozen over; it wouldn’t take much for you to lose your bearings down there and lose sight of the place you’d gone down, particularly if you panicked.’
‘In which case, you would drown,’ Oliver said.
‘I’m not a pathologist, Ollie, I don’t know. Maybe he died on the ice, and ended up in the water when it cracked. A lot of people were fool enough to go walking on it. We’ll have to wait for the result of the inquest to know for sure. In the meantime, we’re hoping you might look after the insurance end of things – and the loan sharks. I’m assuming that since some of these loans weren’t legit Rachel won’t have to shell out for them.’
Oliver shook his head. ‘It sounds like there wouldn’t be anything legally binding, but it might be safer if she just paid them. These are not the kind of people you want to rub up the wrong way, Patrick. Your brother knew that. As for the insurance – I’d need to see the policy before I could give you any advice on it. The inquest will hold things up, but then probate tends to put everything on hold for months anyway. I take it Rachel is the beneficiary of this policy?’
Patrick shrugged. ‘I presume so. I don’t know the details.’
‘And what’s the value, roughly speaking?’
‘Again, I have no idea. Vince and I never discussed it. I didn’t even know there was a policy until Rachel mentioned it.’
‘Okay. Well, firstly, if your sister-in-law has the money, I’d pay off that bookie. Everything else can be paid from your brother’s estate, provided he had one.’ Oliver paused. ‘If you don’t mind my asking, why aren’t you looking after the legal end yourself?’
Patrick smiled. ‘Ah now … don’t tell me you didn’t hear about that, Ollie. God knows, lawyers love to talk.’
‘I heard something all right. But, like you say, people talk; you can never be too sure what to believe.’
Patrick spread his hands. ‘Well, I wish I could say it wasn’t true, but I got myself debarred shortly after I’d set up a practice. It’s not something I’m proud of. I made a stupid mistake – got caught up in something I shouldn’t have. But look, sure I’d have made a lousy lawyer anyway. Best to leave all that to pros like you. So I’ll bring you that policy to have a look over. Make sure the insurance crowd can’t find anything amiss. Rachel will be relieved to have a solicitor involved. It’s her I’m doing it for. Things are hard enough for her without having to deal with Vince’s financial mess.’
Oliver nodded and picked up his briefcase. ‘I’m happy to help.’
He showed Patrick Arnold out of the office and down the narrow stairs. Arnold thanked him and said he’d be in touch to go over the policy.
‘We must have a pint while I’m home, Ollie,’ he said.
‘Sure,’ Oliver told him. ‘Give me a shout.’
He locked the outer door and watched as Patrick Arnold hailed a cab. There was something about the whole thing that didn’t sit right.
TEN (#ulink_1f0ed99c-d874-561a-92ba-a0eb2591e5c3)
The lights were on when Joanna returned home. She expected to find her mother in front of the television, but she wasn’t. When she climbed the stairs, she saw that her mother’s bedroom door was ajar and the light was on. She was talking in a low voice. Joanna peered through the opening from the landing, curious.
Angela was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to the door, talking on her mobile. ‘It’s not how … obviously, I didn’t expect that … no. But … she’s angry, what would you expect? Me?’ She laughed. ‘… well, you weren’t exactly … no, I know that. Okay, it’ll be around three. I’ll text you when I’m leaving. Don’t worry, I won’t, I have them here. Okay, I’ll see you then. Bye … bye.’
Her mother ended the call, stood up and went to the window.
‘Who was that?’ Joanna asked.
Angela spun round, hand to her chest. ‘Joanna, Jesus, you put the heart crossways in me. I didn’t hear you come in.’
Joanna went in and sat on the edge of the bed. ‘So who was on the phone?’
Her mother waved her hand distractedly. She’d left her mobile on the bedside table. ‘Oh, it was just Pauline,’ she said.
‘How is she?’
‘Grand, she’s grand. Are you in long?’
‘No, just a few minutes.’ Joanna picked up the phone. ‘Did you get a new mobile?’
‘What?’
Joanna held up the phone. ‘What happened to your other phone?’
‘Didn’t I tell you? It drowned. I left it on the cistern and forgot about it. Then, when I was cleaning, I knocked it into the loo. Dead as a dodo when I took it out.’
‘You should have put it in a bag of rice.’
Angela took the phone from Joanna and put it in her pocket. ‘Rice?’
‘Yeah, it absorbs the water. If you give it to me, we can try it,’ she said, following her mother from the room.
‘Ah, I’d say it’s too late now. Anyway, it had its day. It kept switching itself off.’
Joanna detected something edgy about her mother, probably because she’d overheard her on the phone. No doubt she’d been telling Pauline what had happened. She wondered how much her mother’s old friend knew. They’d been friends since they were teenagers, so she would have known about Vince Arnold. Girls didn’t keep those kinds of things from each other.
In the kitchen, Joanna watched her mother spoon cocoa powder into two mugs. It was a nightly ritual when they were both home. She was trying to decide how best to broach the subject of Rachel and the photo, and then, figuring that no time would be a good one, she simply said it. ‘I was talking to Rachel Arnold.’
Her mother turned sharply. ‘What, did she come here again?’ she said.
Joanna shook her head. ‘No, I went over there. I know what you’re thinking, but I wanted to find out about him. The thing is, when I was there she showed me this.’ She took the photo from her bag and held it out.
Her mother shrugged. ‘What about it?’ she said.
‘Vince Arnold had it. She said you denied ever having seen it, but I know you must have given it to him, Mum. There’re half a dozen just like it in the album downstairs.’
Angela poured hot water on the cocoa and slammed the kettle down in frustration. ‘Jesus, would that woman ever keep out of our business!’
‘But it is her business, Mum. And it’s mine, too. You said you had no contact with him after he discovered you were pregnant, but that’s not true, is it? You gave him that picture.’
‘I told you, Joanna, I haven’t seen Vince in years.’
‘So where did he get it then?’
‘I sent it to him after you’d made your confirmation. I don’t know why. I suppose I wanted him to see what he was missing – what he’d have had if he’d chosen differently, if he’d chosen us. I knew there was more between us than there’d ever been between him and her. It takes some people longer than others to see their mistakes.’
Joanna’s mother stirred the cocoa; she wouldn’t meet her eye. It was almost as though she were talking to herself. Joanna took her mug and, cradling it in both hands, took the next step.
‘She said they’d wanted to adopt me.’
Angela snorted derisively ‘She didn’t hold much back, did she?’ She raised her mug to her lips and took a sip of cocoa, then continued. ‘Rachel couldn’t have children, so she decided she’d try to take mine. I think she blamed that on Vince’s affair, the fact that she couldn’t get pregnant, but that had nothing to do with it.’
‘So what happened?’
‘He called me and said he wanted to meet. I thought when I received that call that maybe he’d changed his mind; “it’s about the baby,” he said. Would I meet him in a café to talk? When I arrived and saw her there I nearly turned and walked back out. They were curt, both of them. She couldn’t take her eyes off me. It made me glad that I’d made the effort, even if by then I knew that a reconciliation was the last thing on the cards.
‘“What do you intend to do?” he said. He couldn’t look at me, not with her there, but she was doing enough of that for both of them. “What about?” I said, pretending I didn’t know what he was asking. “The child … you don’t want to raise it surely?”
‘“And why wouldn’t I?” I said. I got mad then, told him if they expected me to get rid of it, they had another think coming, that he could run from his responsibilities if he liked, but I wasn’t going to. That’s when she started talking. “That’s not why we’re here,” she told me. “We want to help. It’s not easy bringing up a child on your own. People talk, and then there’s the bills, it’s not cheap.” She went on, listing things out as though I hadn’t thought of them. I watched her, wondering what it was this woman wanted, baffled by the fact that she said she wanted to help me – and then she said it. Six thousand pounds – she took a cheque book from her purse and showed it to me. She’d taken the trouble to write it out. I looked at my name in the swirly black ink – I’d get it as soon as I’d handed the baby over – nobody would ever have to know, she said. I could get on with my life; forget the whole thing had ever happened.
‘Vince sat there all the while she was talking, silent – eyes lowered to the carpet. I ignored Rachel: willed him to look at me so that I might see in his eyes what he made of this preposterous suggestion, but he continued to sit there, eyes downcast – not daring to meet mine. “What’s wrong,” I asked him, “can’t you even look at me?” “You should think about it,” he said, looking past me – “what she said is right – he’d have a good life.” He – he said. He was convinced you’d be a boy.
‘I stood up then, told them both that they could keep their money – I had no intention of giving up my child. If Vince wasn’t willing to leave Rachel, then he was giving up any right he had to you. Not that I had to state that – Rachel wasn’t about to let him have anything to do with a child that wasn’t hers too.’
Angela stopped talking – she seemed exhausted by having to go over it all. Joanna tried to absorb all that her mother had told her.
‘And you didn’t see them again?’ she asked.
Her mother shrugged. ‘I saw her on the bus once. I had you in the pushchair. She kept staring at you. I pretended I didn’t know her – got off the bus two stops early and walked the rest of the way home.’
‘Did you not feel … sorry for her?’
‘I suppose I did sometimes. He should have left her – it wasn’t fair – she’d have met someone else – we’d have been happy. But people don’t always do the right thing.’
Angela stood up from her stool, rinsed her mug and left it on the draining board. She spoke with her back to the room. ‘I know I can’t tell you what to do, Joanna, but I’d rather you didn’t see Rachel Arnold again. And it’s not for what she might tell you – you needn’t think that, I just don’t want her latching onto you now that Vince is gone.’
Joanna said nothing. Enough lies had been told, and she wasn’t prepared to commit to not seeing Rachel again. There were things she wanted to know about her father.
Awkwardly, her mother kissed her goodnight. It was the first time since Rachel Arnold had come into their lives. She looked tired, Joanna thought. When she reached the door, she turned.
‘I almost forgot, Pauline asked me to go shopping with her tomorrow afternoon – she wants to get a dress. She’s going to a wedding or something. So I won’t be here when you get in.’
‘Okay, Mum, I’ll see you tomorrow night then.’
Joanna sat for a while in the kitchen, looking out into the dark, listening to her mother moving about upstairs. She thought of the solicitor she’d met at the funeral and went out to the hall to check her coat pocket to see if she still had his card. She took it out and looked at it. She had a sudden urge to see the place where the man, Oliver, had found her father’s body. She decided that she would call him the following day when her mother was not around.
