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He lives in a flat at the promenade end of Silenshore.
He’s older than Isobel, but that doesn’t matter for now.
It’s just as there’s a lull in conversation, as she sits in the swivelling leather chair with only her own gigantic reflection to look at, that Isobel feels a colossal wave of nausea rising through her body.
‘Fringe?’ the hairdresser asks, her scissors poised at Isobel’s pale forehead.
Isobel nods, not because she wants a fringe, but because the sickness is so all-consuming that she can’t speak and she can’t think.
This is the third time this has happened in the past week.
Isobel brings her hand up to her mouth, the black cape that the hairdresser put on her spreading like a raven’s wing and spilling her hair ends out onto the floor. She closes her eyes, tries to forget how potent the toxic smells of bleach and shampoo are. She takes a breath, and then another, and wonders for a moment if it’s passed. But then, like a momentarily still wave, the nausea roars up again, spilling from Isobel in a humiliating fountain of vomit. It spills out from her hands, through her fingers, splashing out onto the tiled floor.
The hairdresser steps back and Isobel wipes her mouth with her sleeve, then immediately regrets it.
‘I am so, so sorry,’ she says quietly, her mouth vile with acid.
‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll grab the mop,’ the hairdresser says, clattering the scissors down next to a pile of glossy magazines.
After the hairdresser has mopped the floor and Isobel has given her the revolting cape in a crumpled, ruined ball, and she has taken off her favourite polka-dot top, sitting in her denim jacket over her bra in silent horror while the hairdresser quickly finishes the cut and talks about sickness bugs, Isobel pays and leaves the salon. She climbs the ascending cobbles shakily, looking up to where Silenshore Castle High School sprawls. It’s a grey afternoon and the golden stone of the castle is blackened by the dark sky. Isobel can see her classroom in the left turret, shrouded in half-term stillness. She’s taught English at the castle for four years now. She can’t imagine doing anything else.
Tearing her gaze away from the school, Isobel focuses on the line of shops at her side. A flash of panic sears through her as she marches into Boots, picks up what she needs and pays. When she reaches her flat, she hears her flatmate Iris calling hello, and asking what her haircut’s like. Without answering, Isobel stumbles to the bathroom, pulling the box from the Boots carrier and tearing into the packaging. Iris calls her again, but Isobel can’t shout anything back. Hot fear melts her insides as she stares at the two lines slowly appearing on the white stick in her hands.
She hears a wail and it’s only when the bathroom door opens and sees Iris’s eyes wide with panic that Isobel realises it was her own wail, and that she’s still wailing now.
‘Isobel! What’s happened?’ Iris asks. Then her eyes drop from Isobel’s face to the test she’s holding. ‘Oh God.’ She comes closer, peels the test from Isobel’s fingers and stares at it.
‘I’m going to go to Tom’s. I’ll tell him he doesn’t have to be involved. He won’t want to keep it. It’s too soon. It won’t work.’ Isobel says, her voice high and shaking.
‘You’re in shock,’ Iris says. She gives the test back to Isobel and squeezes her shoulder. ‘Come out when you’re ready. I’ll get the kettle on.’
When Isobel comes out of the bathroom, Iris is standing in their tiny kitchen, stirring two steaming mugs. She hands one to Isobel.
‘Sit down, breathe, and have this before you do anything or go anywhere.’
Isobel stays standing and takes a gulp. It’s way too hot. Scalding pain sears through her. She spits it out into the cluttered kitchen sink, but it’s too late: the inside of her mouth feels burnt and raw. She slams the cup down on the worktop, the boiling liquid sloshing over the rim onto her hand, making an ugly red patch on her skin.
‘I’m going to see Tom,’ she says. She pulls off her denim jacket and grabs a t-shirt from where it’s been drying on the radiator near the front door. It’s one of Iris’s, one that she sleeps in. But her own polka dot top is still stuffed in her bag, covered in vomit. She should take it out of her bag, get changed into something that at least belongs to her and wait for her tea to cool down. She should phone Tom to check that he’s in and she should sit down and think about how to deal with this logically. But she can’t.
She swings open the door, yells goodbye to Iris and is gone.
It starts to rain almost as soon as Isobel steps out onto the street. The rain in Silenshore always tastes of salt: bitter and sharp. It runs down her face, into her mouth as she rushes forwards.
‘This can’t be happening’, she says to herself. A passerby looks at her cautiously from the other side of the road, because it obviously isn’t normal to talk to yourself and Isobel usually knows this and manages to stop herself doing it. But not today.
‘No, no, no.’ Her words are lost as she walks closer to the crashing sea. She looks out to the beach and sees sand and rocks darkened by the black skies. Her head throbs. It’s too cold to just be wearing a t-shirt and the wind bites at her skin. How can it be almost winter already? When Isobel first met Tom just over a month ago, it was a cloudless September day, bright with the heat of late summer. Silenshore Castle High School was hosting the first-ever summer fair in its own grounds. Isobel was in charge of a second-hand bookstall, her shoulders burning fluorescent pink in the sun. The day smelt of dry, hot paperbacks and coins dampened by moist hands; of barbecued beef burgers and sausages that were being served to the meandering crowds by the school chef. It was as Isobel was rearranging the curling books on her stall that she felt a shadow descend on her. A customer, she thought idly, or a colleague. But then she lifted her eyes and saw Tom.
‘Any recommendations?’ he asked, gesturing towards the pile of titles that was spread across the foldout table.
His cool green eyes were almost translucent in the sun and his smile was wide and white. His face was exquisite. Isobel suddenly felt dizzy. She clutched the edge of the table, hoping he wouldn’t notice the effect he was having on her.
‘What kind of thing are you looking for?’
The man put his hand up to mask his face from the sun as he spoke. ‘Something a bit different, I think.’
‘Well, there’s a good pile of mysteries here. A book of fairy tales, though that’s probably not your style. Or there’s this one, a crime thriller? That might be the most manly of the bunch.’
‘I’m gratified that you think that’s what would suit me,’ the man said, his arm still poised crookedly over his head. His hair was dark, flecked at the sides with the kind of grey that made a man more distinguished and attractive. He was older than Isobel, but not too old. Definitely not too old.
‘I’ll tell you what,’ Isobel said, bending and taking out a paper bag from the pile under the table. ‘If you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll give it to you for free.’
She felt a thrill run through her at the flirtation she heard in her voice. Freebies because the customer was a gorgeous older man had not been something they’d talked about in the endless staff meetings about the fair. She imagined telling Iris, both of them hooting with laughter.
‘Okay,’ the man said after a minute. ‘How about this? I’ll take it as a review copy. And then once I’ve read it, I’ll take you out for dinner and tell you what I thought.’
Isobel scribbled her number down on the inside cover, her hands trembling slightly, and then handed him the book in a blue paper bag.
‘I’m Tom,’ he said, holding out his hand for her to shake. His was cool, in spite of the roaring heat. As she gazed at his face, she wondered for a frightening moment if he might be the father of one of her pupils. She did some quick calculations. Could be possible.
‘I’m Isobel Blythe. I teach English. Do you know one of the pupils here, or…’ her words drifted off as Tom shook his head.
‘No. I don’t know the school at all. I just find the castle fascinating. I’ve always wanted to visit and have a look around, but never had the opportunity. I saw a poster advertising the fair today and thought I’d wander up.’
‘I’m glad you did,’ Isobel smiled, relieved.
‘Me too,’ said Tom. And as Isobel watched him wrap the bag tightly around the book and place it in his back pocket, her world shifted. The day was simple and incredible, bright with heat and possibility.
And now, it is almost winter and everything is different.
She stands on Tom’s doorstep, blinking back rain and tears and takes a deep, shaking breath. Perhaps he’s not in. Perhaps she’ll need to go to Ashwood and see if he’s working, because she can’t remember if he said he was. She turns away from the door to his flat, but then he’s there with her, taking her hands in his and asking what’s wrong, asking her why she’s crying.
She says the words but she can’t tell if he’s taken them in, because he stands still and stares at her and doesn’t seem to respond.
‘I’m pregnant, Tom,’ she says again. Panic shoots through her, erupting like a firework in the pit of her stomach.
He pales, swallows. ‘Come in.’
Chapter 2 (#ulink_ce8e6f53-b1a6-5aa2-83da-911395630d82)
Evelyn: 1939 (#ulink_ce8e6f53-b1a6-5aa2-83da-911395630d82)
The day of the evacuees it was as though Evelyn was in a snow globe and somebody had picked it up and shaken it roughly, so that she and everything that was familiar to her came loose and floated about.
There were fifteen evacuees in total, and they were sent to Castle du Rêve because their homes and schools in London weren’t safe any more. Evelyn didn’t know much about the war, because whenever her parents talked about it, they spoke in whispers that hung in the air like cobwebs, too high for Evelyn to reach and untangle. But she had gathered that the southeast coast, places dotted around Hastings, like Silenshore, were much safer than London, and that this was the reason for other children coming, rather suddenly, to live with them.
On the day that they were due to arrive, Evelyn waited impatiently at her bedroom window. She was frenzied with excitement, her fingers tapping on the sill restlessly. She had told herself she shouldn’t move from this spot, because she didn’t want to miss the first glimpse of the other children. She didn’t want to miss anything. Evelyn’s bedroom was in one of the turrets of the Castle du Rêve, with rounded walls and an arched window that rose so high it almost touched the ceiling. Through her window, beyond the shining leaves of the trees outside, Evelyn could see the silver sea and a boat bobbing in the distance. She wondered how the evacuees would arrive.
A year ago, Richard the chauffeur would perhaps have brought some of the children back in his long black car. But he’d gone to war now, his face red with excitement about what Evelyn thought might be a more thrilling life. She wondered if Richard might be back soon, when the war was all done with. She’d heard whispers of their daily, Elizabeth, leaving them too, her father hissing that she’d simply have to stay, that they couldn’t do without her, and her mother sighing, and then her father saying they’d just have to see what happened. If Elizabeth was going, nobody had told Evelyn, but then again, nobody ever really told Evelyn anything, even though she was almost eleven.
When Evelyn had been sitting at her window for what seemed like a whole year, an ugly red bus swung into the drive. She watched, her stomach flipping with excitement as children jumped down from the doors of the bus, each holding a suitcase. How on earth would Evelyn pack if she were to leave the castle suddenly? She’d want to take all sorts of things: the hairbrush that her mother had given to her on her birthday, her books, her paints, her special cup that she drank her milk from. Had these children left behind all of their favourite things? She wanted to ask them, to know everything about them this minute. She jumped to her feet and ran along the corridor outside her bedroom, past golden-framed paintings of her grand ancestors, down the wide staircase that swept down the centre of the castle. She reached the front door as it was being pulled open by Elizabeth. The smell hit Evelyn moments later: a strange, potent mix of unbathed flesh, urine and what she could only imagine was the city and its rats and smoky grey houses.
The children looked younger than Evelyn, except for one girl with long legs who was much taller than all the others. They were louder than she’d expected them to be, some chatting, some coughing, others simply making noise by shuffling their feet and banging their brown cases down. They all wore labels around their necks and Evelyn squinted to see what was written on them, but couldn’t make out anything except for blurs of numbers and letters.
As she crept closer towards them, some of them noticed her. A boy smiled, revealing crooked teeth with a gap in the very middle. When the tall girl smiled and said hello to Evelyn, she revealed the very same teeth. Brother and sister, Evelyn realised as she stared and stared. Some of the children didn’t smile at all. Some held onto one another’s hands and looked away from her, up at the wooden-panelled ceiling. Others looked down at the polished floor. One boy ran his dirty shoe along it, as though he was testing out ice for skating on.
Evelyn’s mother and father appeared at the door behind the children within a few moments. Her father nodded at the group, and her mother touched a few on the shoulder gently as she passed them to enter the castle. Evelyn thought about the children’s own mothers and how they might feel about all this. What would it be like to say goodbye to your family? Quite exciting, she supposed.
‘Welcome to Castle du Rêve,’ Evelyn’s mother said, her voice tinkling in the big hallway. ‘I’m Catherine du Rêve and this is my husband Robert. We hope you’ll all be comfortable here.’
Some of the children laughed and Evelyn felt herself turn red as she wondered what was funny. But her mother didn’t seem to notice.
‘Elizabeth, our daily, has made up plenty of beds in our spare rooms. If you’d like to get settled, then perhaps have a look round before teatime at five that would be fine. There are some rooms we’d rather you left alone, if you’d be so kind. Elizabeth will show you around and tell you which places must be avoided. I’m very sure we will all live quite peacefully together.’
Evelyn joined in with the line of children as they stormed up the stairs of the castle, their cases banging, their voices high and loud. She felt like one of them, like she belonged with them.
This, she thought happily, will change everything.
The tall girl was called Mary and she was thirteen. The little boy with the matching gapped front teeth was her brother, Sid, and was ten, the same age as Evelyn. Sid was rather loud and ran everywhere instead of walking. Evelyn liked them the most. The other boys seemed to have less energy than Sid. There was a little fat boy with a coat that was too small for him and he was called Derek. He said very little and stared up at everything as though he had no idea where he was. When eggs were served for breakfast the day after they all arrived, he poked at the slimy yolk, his freckled nose wrinkled.
‘What is it?’ Evelyn saw him whisper to Rita, who was eleven, and had long ginger hair in a tatty plait down her back. Rita shrugged and sliced hers, then popped a piece into her mouth. ‘Don’t know,’ she said as she chewed. ‘But it tastes strange.’
Most of the children talked non-stop. It was as though they had all been best friends forever, but, as Mary told Evelyn, most of them had never met before coming to the castle.
‘I’m lucky because I’ve got Sid here with me,’ Mary said, before taking an enormous bite of toast. She chewed for a while before carrying on. ‘Your parents didn’t want to take him at first. They’d got enough of us, I reckon. But I said I wouldn’t get on that bus unless he did too. So here he is. But we didn’t know any of the others before yesterday, and I don’t think any of them knew each other.’ Mary swallowed and smiled, and Evelyn saw that the crooked teeth were a pale shade of mustard. Mary didn’t seem to care and smiled broadly as she talked, which made her look pretty all the same. ‘Perhaps,’ she continued, ‘we’ll see more of our friends who we know from home when we go to school. We’re going to the school on the High Street. Do you go there too?’
Evelyn shook her head. She’d seen the school before when she’d walked with Miss Silver to the promenade: a tall building that was surrounded by what looked like marshy fields. She’d never been inside, but imagined it to be loud and full of strong smells like ink and cabbage and boys. ‘No,’ she replied quietly. ‘I have a governess, so I do my lessons here in the castle.’
‘At home? That must be a bit lonely. I can’t say I fancy staying at home all day every day.’
‘It’s boring,’ Evelyn said. ‘That’s why it’s good that you’re here.’ She wished that she could have breakfast with Mary every morning. It was only because Evelyn’s father had gone out early that day that Evelyn had been allowed to sit in the kitchen with them, instead of in the dining room.
‘I’m not sure it should be a regular habit,’ Mrs du Rêve had said that morning. ‘Your father won’t like it. But perhaps, as they’ve just arrived, one day won’t hurt.’ She’d stroked Evelyn’s hair and smiled her beautiful smile.
‘Your castle is wonderful. But I don’t know if I’d much like not having any school friends. You’re missing out a bit,’ Mary said now, as she cut into her egg decisively.
‘Yes,’ Evelyn said, pushing her own breakfast around her plate. Food tasted different in the kitchen, as though it had been soured by all the smells of cooking and boiling of copper pans and people. ‘I am.’
‘Was London frightening?’ Evelyn asked Mary one day after the children had been at the castle for about a week. They had been running around the castle grounds with the other children, playing hide and seek, but the game had come to an end now and Evelyn and Mary were in the bedroom that the evacuees were sharing. It was the first time Evelyn had ever been in this room: she’d never had a need to before. The unpleasant smell that she had noticed when the evacuees first arrived lingered in here, attached to the socks and teddy bears and slippers and handkerchiefs that the children had brought with them.
Mary shrugged. ‘No, it wasn’t that frightening. There was nothing really happening. The war will all be over soon anyway. I can’t wait until it is.’
‘Is that yours?’ Evelyn asked, as she noticed a doll lying on the floor.
‘Yes,’ Mary said. ‘I know I’m a bit old for dolls, really. But she reminds me of home, and so I couldn’t help bring her. I didn’t know where on earth I would end up, so I wanted something of mine with me other than a flannel and a coat.’
‘She’s so beautiful,’ Evelyn said. She’d had doll after doll, and still received the occasional one at Christmas or on birthdays. But this one was nicer, somehow, than all of Evelyn’s. Although she’d obviously been played with over and over again, and her paint was chipping, her black hair was threaded with strands of sparkle, and her dress was embroidered with glimmering thread.
‘Here,’ Mary said, handing Evelyn the doll. ‘Have a proper look.’
‘I like things that sparkle,’ Evelyn said, stroking the doll’s hair. ‘There’s something special about such beautiful things, don’t you think?’
Mary laughed. ‘I suppose there is. You’re lucky. There’s enough sparkle in this castle to last you a lifetime,’
Evelyn shrugged. ‘I don’t feel as though there is. I’m dying to explore other places. It’s been more fun in the castle with you here, though. I’ll be lonely when you all go back home.’
‘I won’t have chance to be lonely,’ Mary said with a huff. ‘I’ll be going straight to work after I’ve finished school. And then I’ll just have to hope someone marries me. You’re lucky, Evelyn. You’re beautiful. I’ll be lucky to even get an offer.’
‘That’s not true,’ said Evelyn. ‘You’re beautiful too. And strong and brave, and kind.’
Mary gave a snort of laughter. ‘Boys don’t want strength and bravery from a girl, Evelyn. They want golden hair and big blue eyes, like yours. You know,’ Mary said, staring down at the doll on the bed, ‘your beauty could get you to all sorts of places.’
‘I hope so. I want to be in films. I want to live in Hollywood and be famous,’ Evelyn said, her heart fluttering at just the thought.
‘You could be. You could do anything. Especially now. The war’s going to change everything, Evelyn. And when it does, you should be ready.’
That night, Evelyn’s parents threw one of their parties at the castle. Evelyn and the children weren’t allowed downstairs, of course. But after the most elaborate furniture in the castle had been dragged around from room to room, and Elizabeth had scurried up and down the staircase a hundred times, and the kitchen seemed to glow with the preparation of all the food that would be given to the guests; when the first chords of music began to echo through the castle, Evelyn beckoned for the children to follow her upstairs to her bedroom. They threw themselves up the staircase breathlessly, falling into Evelyn’s room all at once.
‘We can have our own party in here,’ Evelyn said, her eyes shining. ‘I always pretend I’m having a party of my own, and tonight it will be the best ever, because you’re all here too!’
She took Mary’s hand, which was cool in hers, and they danced together, giggling as Mary’s feet tangled around Evelyn’s. The other children danced too, laughing as they bumped into one another. When they couldn’t dance any more for laughing, they collapsed on the floor of Evelyn’s bedroom, out of breath.
‘Are you all hungry?’ Evelyn asked, and as the children nodded, she pulled out from under her bed a tray of rich buttery food that she had sneaked out of the kitchen earlier on. They sat and ate cakes and biscuits, the smells of the party from downstairs floating up around them: a mixture of sweet perfumes and sugar and wine.
‘This is the best party I’ve ever been to,’ said Derek, a smear of cream on his lip.
‘Me too,’ said Mary.
Sid shrugged. ‘It’s okay. But we could make it even more exciting. Let’s play a game of dares.’
Derek sat up straighter. ‘Dares in a castle!’ he said, his eyes wide. ‘Yes, let’s!’
And so they played. Sid dared Derek to run downstairs and take a sip of somebody’s champagne. He was gone for a while, and when he came back, he hiccupped loudly. ‘Champagne’s horrible,’ he said.
Mary stood up. ‘I’ll do the same dare. I want to taste champagne.’ She darted from the room, but a few minutes later she was back, clutching her sides and laughing. ‘They saw me before I could get a sip! I told them I’d got lost and they showed me back up here.’
‘Well that’s the end of that,’ said Sid. ‘They’ll be looking out for us now. We need some new dares. Evelyn, it’s your turn. What shall we make her do?’ he asked the group.
‘Well, going downstairs is no good for Evelyn. She lives here, so there’s not much that’s daring about that,’ Sid said, frowning with the effort needed to think of a good dare.
‘What about if you go somewhere in the castle you’re not allowed to go?’ Derek said. ‘That would be a proper dare.’
‘I could go in my parents’ room. I’m not really allowed in there.’
‘Yes!’ Sid shouted, his eyes wide with the excitement of the game. ‘Do that and bring something for us to see from their room. Something we won’t have seen before.’
Evelyn stumbled to her feet and thought for a minute. Then she grinned.
‘Wait here.’
