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‘You should do it for you,’ I muttered, but this was all taking me a long way past my ability to be tough and uncompromising. It was a stretch trying to find any response that wasn’t a dreamy sigh of ‘Oh, Joss’.
‘Doing it for you is doing it for me.’ He pursued the point with bright eyes, a puppy dog jumping up at me for some positive attention. ‘You have something I want. I’ll climb mountains and cross rivers to get it. It’s pretty simple, really.’
‘You’ll … let me think about what you’re saying. You want something from me – the means to get this unwanted lodger off your back.’
‘More than that,’ he said, but I shushed him.
‘And you’re prepared to do whatever it takes to keep me.’
‘Yes.’ His nod was impatient, as if he had spent hours explaining a simple maths concept to me.
‘But then it’ll all be over. Once I get my story, I walk away. So this seems a bit over the top for such a temporary arrangement. Do you see why I’m a little … confused?’
He chewed on his lip and looked out of the window for a while.
‘Perhaps I’m hoping,’ he said with a cough, ‘for too much.’
I tried to be gentle. ‘It sounds like it.’ Inside, I screamed, No, you aren’t. You can have it.
‘But look,’ he said, driven and persuasive once more, making my every resolve bend into a dangerous shape by sheer power of eye contact. ‘Let’s take things a step at a time. I need to be convincing as your dom. Therefore I need you to commit to a bit more than a chastity belt. We can take it as slowly as you like, but we have to make progress.’
‘The trust issue,’ I faltered.
‘Yes, yes.’ He took this up enthusiastically. He had an answer for me. He wasn’t going to let me get away. I felt like a target, marked out. My defeat at his hands was inevitable. ‘That’s what all this is about. You give me tasks, I complete them, your confidence in me is raised. Little by little, perhaps, but ultimately …’
‘You think you can make me trust you?’
‘I think I can try. I think I have to try. Please, Lulu. Will you let me try?’
Chapter Six (#ulink_25055d49-8a2e-534c-b126-a24d8b3c352e)
‘What’s all this about, though, Luce?’
I checked my watch and peered across the Feathers’ garden to the lane beyond. Would he drive or walk? Either way, it was still five minutes until eight o’clock.
‘Can’t a daughter take her mum out for a nice evening drink in the countryside?’
I took a sip of my shandy while mum chugged on her pint of scrumpy and black.
‘I just don’t know why you were so anti bringing Animal along. He’s at a loose end tonight. No gigs, no rehearsals. We were going to have a night in and watch The Lost Boys on DVD.’
‘Gawd, how many times have you watched that film? I bet you could quote the script word for word.’
She grinned. ‘Probably could.’ She sighed. ‘Oh, Jason Patric. Wish he’d come to Tylney.’
‘Perhaps he will one day. Anyway, I just wanted to have a bit of time with you, just us. You worked so hard when I was a kid to get food on the table and I want to say thanks for all you did for me.’
‘Aw, babe. I wasn’t exactly the perfect parent.’
‘Who is?’
She ruffled my hair.
‘It’s good to have you back,’ she said.
That was the moment he sauntered out of the French doors, carrying a tall glass of what I hoped was lemonade.
‘Is that …?’ Mum squinted, leaning forwards.
‘Joss, yeah.’
‘Shit, he’s coming over. Babe, are you all right with this?’
‘Fine, fine,’ I said tersely.
‘’Cos I know there’s history –’
‘Shh!’
He was within hearing range now, making a beeline for us.
He stopped at the table, directed his most charming smile at mum and said, ‘Ms Miles. Would you mind awfully if I joined you?’
Mum looked so thunderstruck I wanted to laugh.
‘What’s all this “Ms Miles”?’ she said, after a moment of stunned silence. ‘You know my name’s Karen. That’s what you always called me.’
‘Yes, but I feel I ought to pay my respects to you, if that doesn’t sound too pompous. May I?’
He waved his hand at the empty seat.
‘Oh. Of course.’ Mum was still thoroughly discombobulated and she kept giving me anxious little glances.
He sat down and took a mouthful of his drink.
‘When life gives you lemons,’ he said, with a covert little half-wink at me.
Yes. Lemonade. I restrained myself from giving him the thumbs-up.
‘Sorry to hear about your dad last year,’ said Mum.
‘Thank you. But I’m the one who ought to be saying sorry.’
‘What, to Lucy?’
‘No, or rather, yes, to Lucy, but also to you.’
He launched into a very sincere-sounding apology for the way he had treated her when she had been his parents’ cleaner. He had spoken to her dismissively, often left messes for her to clear up, made the extent of his privilege and her lowliness abundantly clear in every exchange they had had. I listened, impressed at how fully he detailed his every transgression. I had feared he might try to elude responsibility by invoking his youth or his parents’ influence, but he didn’t. He accepted blame for his own behaviour and begged her forgiveness for it in the most touching terms.
He had to mean it? Didn’t he?
My mother certainly thought so.
‘Oh, look, it was years ago,’ she said warmly. ‘You were just a kid and you didn’t know any better. I thought nothing of it.’
‘Thank you,’ said Joss. ‘But I know it’s always bothered Lucy, and it was important to me that I make my peace with you, and her.’
Mum laughed. ‘Make your peace? I think you’ve got a few years in you yet.’
‘I hope so.’ He laughed back. ‘But you know what I mean, I think.’
‘Yes, I do. You’ve really changed. You’re a really decent bloke now. I hope your dad’d be proud of you.’
His smile wavered then returned to full beam.
‘Thanks.’ He finished the last of the lemonade and stood. ‘And now, if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I’m afraid I must be going.’
‘Oh, dear, all ready?’ Mum was in two-pints-down flirtation mode and she batted her eyelashes quite shamelessly.
‘I’m afraid so. Thank you again, Ms Miles, for being so understanding. It means a great deal to me.’
With that, he left. Or rather, with a parting glance at me, the meaning of which was absolutely clear.
I’ve done what you asked. Now it’s your turn.
‘Well,’ said Mum, staring after him. ‘What a turn-up.’
‘Yes. Have you finished that? I’m ready to go.’
‘What? But the night is young.’
‘I know, but I have things I have to do.’
Back in the car on the way to drop mum in Tylney, the expected interrogation began.
‘So, tell me, Luce, you’re not getting involved with him again, are you?’
‘Not in that way.’
‘I bloody well hope not. It’s his fault you buggered off to Hungary for seven years and I only got to see you once in a blue moon.’
‘No, it isn’t. I wanted to work in Hungary.’
‘You wanted to run away from him.’
‘How could I run away from somebody who wasn’t chasing me?’
‘There was more to that than met the eye. I’d put good money on it. I don’t think he wanted to treat you the way he did.’
‘Mum, just because he’s smooth-talked you tonight doesn’t mean you can rewrite history. He treated me like a doll. No two ways about it.’
I needed to calm down a bit. I was well over the speed limit. I relaxed my foot on the pedal and tried to breathe.
‘I bet he was under pressure. Boys from his background can’t just see who they like, you know.’
‘Mum, this is the twenty-first century. Everybody can see exactly who they like. And if they can’t, then they can do the other person the favour of steering well fucking clear.’
Mum sighed and fidgeted with her friendship bands as we passed the ‘Welcome to Tylney: Historic Heart of the Vale’ signpost.
‘I wish you’d told me at the time what was going on,’ she said.
‘He made me keep it a secret. What an idiot I was. As if that didn’t tell me everything I needed to know about our future.’
‘You live, you learn,’ said Mum, but I was in no mood for philosophical insights. I stopped the car in the alleyway behind Tylney Pet Supplies.
‘Aren’t you coming in?’ she asked, halfway out of the door, having noticed that I hadn’t turned off the engine.
‘No. I’ve got to see a man about a dog.’
She gave me a long look.
‘That man wouldn’t happen to be a lord, would he?’
‘Mum, it’s OK. It’s business. He wants to work on a story with me, that’s all.’
That’s all.
I knew, and I think she knew, that there was a lot more to it than that.
But she contented herself with a ‘Be careful’ before shutting the car door and skipping up the fire escape to the flat.
When I parked the car at Willingham Hall, I could see a dark figure sitting on the front steps. He was waiting for me.
He hurried across the gravel and intercepted me before I could change my mind.
‘Was that what you wanted?’ he asked breathlessly. His shirt collar and two top buttons were undone, taunting my efforts to keep a level head.
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Yes, it was exactly right. Thank you. I just hope you meant it.’
‘I did. I do,’ he said, leading me to the door. ‘Every word. I know I used to be a dick, Lulu. It’s not pleasant to have to confess to it in public, but it’s no more than I deserve.’
‘I’m glad you see it that way.’
We were inside the house now, standing a little awkwardly in the splendid but dusty reception hall. It needed mum’s touch. Perhaps he could re-hire her.
‘So,’ he said, after a heavy pause. ‘I think we should stay out of the bedroom to begin with. My office?’
‘Where you work? Where Fran works?’
