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* * *
The Red Grill turned out to have a Southwest flair, with bright colors and lively music in the dining room. The hostess seated them on the patio, which was quieter. She quickly brought them glasses of iced tea and tortilla chips with guacamole.
The pain in TJ’s hip was getting worse, but he didn’t want to muddle his thinking with any more painkillers. He pushed the tortilla chips toward Sage, but she shook her head.
“Doctor’s orders,” he said.
She gave him a glare but took a chip and bit down on it.
TJ had so many things to ask her, he barely knew where to start. “Do you have any pictures of Eli?”
She set the chip on her side plate. “I do.” She dug into her small bag and retrieved her phone, opening the photo app.
When she handed it over, TJ got the first look at his infant son. The pain in his hip faded as he took in the smiling, cherubic baby.
“How old is he here?” TJ asked.
“Six months in that first one.”
He stared at the picture for a long time.
“Are you ready to order?” the waitress interrupted.
“We’ll need a few minutes,” Sage answered for them.
TJ flipped to the next picture. Toddler Eli was standing in a yard, petting a black Lab that was taller than him.
“You have a dog?” TJ asked.
“No. They’re not allowed in our basement suite. Beaumont belonged to a friend. Eli loves animals. He talked me into a gerbil once.”
“What happened?”
“He played with it every day, but it was kind of sad. It just wasn’t the same as having a dog to walk and play fetch with. Eventually, the gerbil died and, well, we weren’t really supposed to have it in the first place. And I didn’t want to get evicted, so we never got another.”
“A boy deserves a dog.” TJ could remember how badly he’d wanted a dog when he was a boy.
“A boy deserves a roof over his head,” Sage retorted.
TJ looked up from the screen to see her annoyed expression. “I didn’t mean that as a criticism.”
“I tried, TJ.”
“I know you did. I’m sure you did. I don’t understand why you didn’t contact me.”
“Well, I’m not going to explain it all over again.”
The waitress arrived once more.
“I’ll take a beef burrito,” TJ said, not wanting to bother reading the menu and not caring what he ate.
“The same,” Sage said, and the waitress departed.
“You didn’t look at the menu,” he noted.
“Just so long as it’s not lasagna.”
He couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. He flipped to the next picture.
Eli was in front of a birthday cake covered in blue icing and decorated with mini balloons. There were three candles on the cake, and he was grinning ear to ear.
“His birthday?” TJ asked, although it was pretty obvious.
Sage nodded.
Eli had dark, slightly wavy hair, just like TJ’s. There was a familiarity in his eyes and in his slightly crooked smile. TJ’s chest was tight. His heart was expanding to fill every crack and crevice behind his rib cage.
He had a son—his own son. He’d missed so much of Eli’s life.
He moved to the next picture, but it blurred in front of his eyes. “I deserve a chance to catch up.”
She looked like she wanted to argue. But then she looked like she didn’t have it in her.
“I know,” she said. “You can see him as much as you want. I won’t try to stop you.”
“I want him at Highside Hospital.”
This time, she shook her head, and he could see the steel determination in her eyes. “That’s not possible. He needs me. He needs me there every day.”
“You can stay in Whiskey Bay.” The problem was hardly insurmountable.
“I have a job, TJ. I can appreciate this is a huge adjustment for you, but—”
“Adjustment? You call what I’m going through an adjustment?” He shifted in his chair, and pain shot through his hip. He struggled to keep his expression neutral.
“You’re in pain,” she said. “Should we go back to the hospital?”
“No!” He lowered his voice. “We should eat. Starving yourself isn’t going to help Eli.”
Her jaw clenched tight. “Are you going to give me parenting advice?”
“I’m not.” He leaned forward to make his point. “Because I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent, thanks to you.”
“I just apologized.”
“You think that cuts it?” He realized his tone was growing louder, and he forced himself to take a beat. They were both raw and tired, and sniping at each other wasn’t going to help anything.
Their burritos arrived, along with condiments and utensils.
He slid her phone back across the table. “Thank you for showing me the pictures.”
She looked like she wanted to say something more, but she stayed silent.
“You should eat,” he told her.
She gave a jerky nod.
He flagged down the waitress. “Can I get a shot of tequila?”
“Painkillers would work better,” Sage said.
“It’s not for the pain.”
They ate in silence for a while.
Despite everything, TJ couldn’t help but think it was good she was eating something. He might not agree with her decision to keep him in the dark, but she’d obviously been through a lot taking care of a sick child all on her own.
Then it occurred to him that she might not be on her own. She didn’t wear a wedding ring, and her last name remained the same, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t in a relationship, or even married for that matter.
“Are you single?” he asked bluntly.
Her eyes widened in obvious surprise.
“Is there a man, somebody in your and Eli’s lives?” he elaborated. It would certainly give her a good reason for keeping TJ out of the picture.
“No. There’s nobody. It’s just me and Eli.” There was an echo of loneliness in the statement.
“Your family?”
He didn’t know if she had siblings. He didn’t recall any from high school. But it was a pretty big place, and he certainly hadn’t known the entire student body.
“My parents died a few years ago. Not that they were in the picture anyway.”
“Did they live out of state?”
“No. They cut me out of their lives. They didn’t want me to keep Eli.”
TJ’s horror was instant.
“They wanted me to give him up for adoption.”
“Why?”
“They weren’t willing to help me with him and they didn’t think I could do it on my own. But they were wrong.” Her gaze was firm on him. “I walked out of the house at six months pregnant and never saw them again.”
She should have contacted him. Why on earth hadn’t she contacted him?
“It was the right choice,” she continued. “For all our struggles, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
He couldn’t seem to stop himself. “I wish you’d done some things different.”
Her knuckles appeared white as she gripped her knife and fork. “I can’t go back in time, TJ.”
“I know.” He’d lost his appetite, but he forced himself to keep eating.
They could only go forward. And for that, he needed to be at his strongest. If there was anything on earth he could do to help Eli, he was going to do it.
* * *
Sage fought the urge to take TJ’s hand. It was an irrational urge, since their relationship for the past twenty-four hours could best be described as an armed truce. But her nerves were strung tight as they waited for Dr. Stannis to bring them Eli’s test results.
The guest chairs in Dr. Stannis’s office were jade-green leather. They were cushioned and comfortable. The room was decorated in muted earth tones, a painting here, some pottery there. It didn’t look sterile, not like a waiting room. She couldn’t help but imagine it was designed to keep people calm, people like her who were waiting for life-and-death results, or who were hearing the worst kind of news.
“Hey.” TJ’s tone was soft, and he was the one who took her hand.
She turned to look at him.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” he said.
He gave her hand a squeeze, which inexplicably made her feel better.
“It’s going to be all good,” he said.
“You don’t know that.” Her voice was dry, high-pitched. She tried to swallow, but she couldn’t.
He came out of the chair, on one knee in front of her, taking both her hands in his. “Positive thoughts,” he said, his voice as gentle as she’d ever heard.
She managed a nod, but she was terrified to be optimistic, as if karma would reach out and smack her if she dared to hope.
The door opened, and Dr. Stannis entered the room. “I won’t keep you in suspense,” she said briskly, breezing toward her desk. “The results are what we were hoping for. There are no signs of rejection or infection at this point.”
Sage thought she might faint with relief.
Before she could move, TJ’s arms were around her. He drew her to her feet and hugged her tight.
“Yes,” his deep voice hissed next to her ear. “Yes.”
His body was strong and solid against hers, warm and welcoming. She was suddenly transported back ten years, to their dance, their kiss, the acute and unexplainable feeling she’d had of coming home, like she belonged in TJ’s arms, like she’d been waiting her whole life to be held by him.
She hadn’t been able to let go then, and she didn’t want to let go now. It was a frightening feeling, and she tried to pull back.
TJ didn’t seem to want to let her go either. He held on tight for long seconds before breaking his grip.
“He did it,” he said.
“You did it,” Sage said.
At the moment, she didn’t care who TJ was, what he’d done in the past or what he might do in the future. He’d saved her son, and she owed him everything.
