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“Yeah,” Cecile said. “Hotter than the summer day. Blond. Tall. Body to die for and more magnetism than the north pole.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Tori asked.
“I imbibed,” Cecile admitted. “I said I wasn’t going to and I did anyway. So much for turning over a new leaf.”
Tori winced. “Will you see him again?”
Cecile sighed. “I don’t know. He’s my brother-in-law’s best friend. I’m sure our paths will cross. I didn’t leave a number and I’m still debating if that was the right thing to do.”
“You got me,” Tori said. “That’s sort of what happened with me and Jeff. We got together one night and I regretted it afterward. Maybe I should have trusted my judgment.”
“Debatable,” Cecile said. “You cared for him. It was an easy mistake—you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.”
“I guess. Things are a little weird right now, especially since I still work for him. This job’s so good, though, I wasn’t going to give it up for something less.”
“And you shouldn’t have to,” Cecile said. “Wright Solutions is a great company to work for.”
“Exactly. Still, it’s hard. I keep believing that if I don’t think about him it’ll get better. I mean, I’m not afraid of being alone.”
She wasn’t because she had plenty of friends and work to keep her busy. But moving on was still difficult, she was letting a part of her life go. Jeff had been her present and—she’d hoped—her future, and now he was her past. Sort of.
She’d always have a little piece of him now that she was having his baby. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad, but it didn’t matter. It simply was.
“Cecile, what would you do if you found out your one-night stand left you with a baby? Would you tell him?” Tori asked, moving into her kitchen and grabbing a plastic cup.
“Why are you asking me this? Did you have a one-night stand you didn’t tell me about?”
“No,” Tori said, holding the cup under the ice dispenser. She wanted Cecile’s honest answer before she told her about the baby. “Hypothetical. I just wondered if you’d tell him.”
“In my opinion, children should grow up having two parents if that’s possible,” Cecile said. “But I guess it’s hard to say when it’s not happening to you.”
“I suppose there’s no easy choice,” Tori said, sipping her water. For some reason she felt slightly dehydrated.
“Why all this interest in this topic? You’re not pregnant, are you?”
Yes.
Tori opened her mouth to say the word but at that moment Cecile’s phone beeped, indicating she had another call. “Hey, that’s my mom. She and Dad are letting me take one of their old armchairs for my apartment. Do you mind if I answer them and get back to you later?”
“No, that’s fine. We’ll talk soon. Call me anytime.” Tori hung up and glanced around her apartment. She’d splurged, getting a one-bedroom loft unit with upgraded appliances. On the first floor she had a living room with a fireplace, a kitchen, a washer/dryer and a half bath. Upstairs she had a full bathroom and a bedroom that overlooked the living room. Her apartment, which had seemed so spacious when she’d first moved in, wasn’t going to be adequate once she had the baby.
She walked over to the refrigerator and pulled off the magnetic to-do notepad she’d hung there. She grabbed a stray pen she found on the breakfast bar and, standing, she wrote at the top: Go to doctor’s appointment. Underneath she wrote: Decide what to do about Jeff.
Disgruntled, she sighed, set the paper down and finished drinking her water. She debated about what Cecile had said. What type of a father would Jeff be? He was never in town. He hired a pet sitter to care for his cat. How could he be a dad if he was always traveling? The man had no focus unless it was technology related. Babies were about as basic as things came. They couldn’t talk, walk, feed themselves or communicate. They needed nonstop care. She worried that Jeff wouldn’t be able to handle the work involved, even if he did babysit Hailey now and then.
Long ago, when she’d first gotten into the relationship, she’d dreamed of what it might be like to be married to Jeff Wright. She’d quickly realized that it wouldn’t be the stuff of romance novels. While they were compatible in tons of ways, in reality she and Jeff had stayed together because they didn’t worry about things such as who was doing laundry, who was paying for what and who was doing his or her fair share. They’d neutralized the issues married couples dealt with. She’d wasted two years trying to make something work; she and Jeff didn’t have staying power—that deep commitment and determination to get through things beyond just pleasure and convenience.
Tori put her glass in the dishwasher. When she’d been eleven her parents had divorced. Her dad had moved to California. She’d seen him only on rare occasions and heard from him when he’d remembered her on major holidays. She wouldn’t allow her child to have that type of life.
People might argue that a child deserved two parents, but Tori thought a child deserved two parents who made the child a top priority. If that weren’t possible, then no parent was better than one who constantly made you wonder whether you were worth it or whether you were valued at all.
If Tori wondered about her place in Jeff’s life, what would her baby think growing up, asking where Daddy was and why Daddy “forgot”?
Tori tapped her fingers on the countertop, the background noise a comforting staccato. Her own mother hadn’t gotten remarried right away, waiting instead until the perfect man had come along when Tori was a sophomore in high school. Richard Kennedy was the perfect stepfather. Tori’s mother had never been happier. And Richard had always made Tori feel valued and welcome, even when she’d become a big sister. Although Tori was almost sixteen years older than her younger brother, Kenny, the two were close. The whole family was close. That was all to Richard’s credit.
Tori reached for her phone and pressed a speed-dial button. Within seconds, her mother picked up. “Hey Mom,” Tori said. “When’s the next family dinner?”
“You trolling for a free meal?” her mother, Kathleen, teased. “Tomorrow’s Friday and Kenny’s got a baseball tournament this weekend so we’ll be over in Raytown. Of course you’re welcome to join us if you’re not heading to St. Louis.”
“I might be,” Tori lied.
Her mom was used to Tori’s travels. “How about Monday, then? After work? Say six o’clock? We’re all off for Independence Day, so we can relax.”
Tori wrote the information on the sheet of paper she’d been using. “I’ll see you then. Love you.”
“Me, too. If you change your mind, call me. I know Kenny would love to see his big sister at some of his games.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Maybe next weekend. E-mail me the schedule and I’ll work something out.”
“I’ll do that. Talk to you soon. Love ya.”
“Me, too.” Tori ended the call and strolled into the living room. Her apartment backed up on to woods, and her living room windows overlooked nothing but old oak trees. When out on her balcony, she could pretend she lived in a tree house. She’d signed a year’s lease, but would have to find somewhere else to live when it expired. Something one-story with few steps that would need to be gated off. Maybe she’d buy a condo.
Why had she told her mother she was heading to St. Louis for the weekend? Tori had never considered herself a chicken, but, once she’d called her mom, she hadn’t found the nerve to tell her about the baby. At least the story gave her a bit more time to figure out how to tell them.
So maybe she was a bit of a chicken. She’d never been afraid of anything before, accepting any challenge put before her. In college a boyfriend had dared her to go bungee jumping, knowing Tori had a fear of heights. Refusing to back out, she did it and never showed how scared she really had been. Tori wasn’t afraid to get down and dirty when necessary.
At least, she used to be fearless. Her life was changing so fast that suddenly she felt timid. Unsettled. Not quite herself. She wasn’t invincible any longer. She couldn’t just jump in feet first and worry about the consequences later. Tori placed her hand on her stomach, something she’d been doing constantly, as if touching herself somehow made the fact she was going to be a mother real. She knew she couldn’t hide from what was happening. She’d see the doctor, make sure everything was okay and there were no complications and then tell Jeff. That would be the best, most prudent course of action. She’d then tell her family and friends. After all, there was still a point-one chance the test could be wrong.
“YOU’RE DEFINITELY PREGNANT,” Dr. Sarah Hillyer said as she moved the ultrasound wand over Tori’s stomach, pressing slightly. “If you look right there on the monitor, that’s your baby. While it’s not much yet, this is the outline of the head and this is the body.”
Tori’s breath caught in her throat. The black-and-white image wasn’t the sharpest, but she could make out what the doctor was showing her. There was life growing inside her.
“We’ll schedule you for another ultrasound before you leave today,” the doctor continued. “You’ll see a whole lot more then as it will be a more in-depth examination. This one just tells us that you aren’t going to be having multiples. You said the father was an identical twin and twins do run in families. From what I can tell, you’re just having one.”
“Wow,” Tori said simply, taking a final peek at the screen before the doctor removed the wand from her stomach.
“Quite incredible, isn’t it?” Dr. Hillyer said. “I see so many of these and I’m moved every time. Go ahead and get dressed, then meet me in my office.”
With that, she left the room and gave Tori her privacy.
Tori sat up and used the paper towels provided to wipe the gel off her stomach. Despite the positive pregnancy tests, Tori had still wondered if they hadn’t been wrong. The ultrasound, though, sealed it for her. She was going to be a mother. Although the image hadn’t looked like much, she was having a baby and it was depending on her for nourishment. She’d never been so happy or so humbled.
She dressed and went to the doctor’s personal office. Dr. Hillyer was already seated behind her huge mahogany desk. “Based on when you were taking the antibiotics for you infection and on the results of the ultrasound, I’m estimating your due date to be December 30. You just might have a New Year’s or a Christmas baby. All the doctors in our practice deliver their own babies, and I will be in town that week.” She grinned. “Try not to have it on a holiday, though, okay?”
“I’ll try,” Tori said, sensing the doctor was joking. Babies showed up when they chose and Tori had every intention of delivering naturally.
“Good. Here’s a prescription for prenatal vitamins. This next sheet I’m giving you is a list of the hospitals I deliver at. Most of them schedule tours of their maternity wards, so you’ll want to go visit them and decide which one you like best. Then let me know and we’ll get you pre-registered. That’s done about two months in advance.”
Dr. Hillyer handed over another sheet. “This one is a timetable of your office visits. I’ll see you once a month, then, as the date gets closer, we’ll schedule the appointments every two weeks, then weekly until the little one arrives. This last sheet is simply a list of symptoms to watch for. If you experience any of these, call my office immediately. Got that?”
“Got it,” Tori said. The doctor handed her a folder to put everything in.
Dr. Hillyer smiled. “Then, unless you have any other questions, you’re free to go. My nurse is Eileen Swikle. Ask for her whenever you call, and she’ll answer any questions you might have over the next six months. She’ll become your best friend through all this.”
“Thanks,” Tori said. She stood. “For now I’m good. Slightly overwhelmed, but good.”
“Understandable,” the doctor said with a nod. “First pregnancies are a learning experience. After that, the next one is a piece of cake. And you should know that you have no restrictions—sex, travel, working out. You’re free to indulge. Just remember no alcohol or smoking.”
“I don’t smoke and gave up drinking,” Tori said.
“Good girl,” Dr. Hillyer said, and with that, Tori was on her way to the scheduling desk, where she made her appointments through October. There was a moment when she turned a little queasy; the receptionist had a sliced turkey sandwich on her desk and for some reason the smell set Tori off. The woman quickly put it aside when she saw Tori go a little green.
Armed with her vitamin prescription and her folder, Tori left the office. As she stepped out into the afternoon sunshine, she sighed as the enormity of her pregnancy hit her. She’d seen her baby. This was actually happening.
Even though there had been definite lines on the pregnancy test, maybe the logical part of her hadn’t quite believed the results. The heat enveloped Tori as she hit the remote and unlocked her two-seater sports car. She loved the little convertible but she was going to have to trade it in for something more practical.
She slid onto the warm leather and ran her fingers across the steering wheel. She’d have to buy something with a back seat. She cringed as a minivan drove by the parking lot. No. She just couldn’t drive a minivan. Not yet. Surely there had to be something less “suburban mom.” She made a mental note to start researching what was out there.
Although it was hot enough to want to turn on the air conditioner and hide from the sun, Tori lowered the convertible top. She figured she might as well enjoy her toy a little longer. Her cell phone rang, and despite Jeff’s statistical lecture on why not to use it while driving, she popped in the earpiece and hit the connect button.
“Hey, I finished all my shopping, so I’m running early—I’m already here. Are you on your way?” Lauren asked.
“I just finished my last appointment, so I can head in that direction now,” Tori told her. Lauren had called last night and announced she was coming into town a day early for her aunt’s sixtieth birthday party. “Did you find a gift?”
“I did,” Lauren said. “It took me about five stores, but I finally found the right thing. This is the first real shopping I’ve done since having Hailey. A trip to the supermarket just doesn’t count.”
“I’m getting on the highway now. I’ll be there in thirty minutes, tops.” Tori accelerated, letting her hair blow as she made her way toward Country Club Plaza, Kansas City’s premier shopping area. Lauren was staying with her aunt, who lived nearby. Tori navigated the route easily and soon sat across from Lauren in one of the Plaza’s restaurants. The two ordered and were soon munching on appetizers as they discussed how Hailey was doing.
“Jeff says hi,” Lauren suddenly said, sliding in her words at a break in the conversation.
“Tell him I say hi, too,” Tori said, working to make her voice casual. She wasn’t sure how much Lauren knew. “Except for work, I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“He said you two were just friends now,” Lauren admitted. She watched Tori’s face carefully, looking for revealing expressions, but Tori remained matter-of-fact. “I wanted you to know that I hope you and I can always remain friends.”
“Of course we can,” Tori insisted. She took another bite of her salad and waved her fork in the air. “It’s better this way. Relationships just don’t work out when you’re in two different cities. Besides, it was probably time for both of us to move on.”
“It’s good you two can be friends,” Lauren noted.
“We were always friends first,” Tori said. At least that much was true. She took a drink of her water. Lauren was having a glass of wine and she took a sip, rolling the merlot she’d ordered over her tongue.
“Enjoying that?” Tori said, realizing that it would be at least another nine months before anything alcoholic touched her lips.
“Oh yes, I am,” Lauren said as she took another sip. “I never drink anything but water when I’m out with Hailey, so being out with another adult female means I can indulge a little.” She stabbed a piece of the thinly cut beef that topped her blue-cheese-and-steak salad. “This is good,” she said. “And the company is great, too.”
“Thanks,” Tori said. “You gave me an excuse to get away from the office.” With Lauren’s visit and the doctor’s appointment, Tori had taken the afternoon off.
“So how’s work?” Lauren asked.
“We won a major contract to redo Fredrikberg Finance’s network. They’re a loan brokerage with ten offices all over the city. We haven’t had a glitch during the procedure, but their president calls me every day anyway for reassurance.”
“Well, you look healthy,” Lauren said. “You’ve got a glow about you I haven’t seen before, so Kansas City must be agreeing with you.”
“It is,” Tori said. At least her job was.
After having dinner last night, Tori had decided to bite the bullet and tell her mother and stepfather about the baby.
Surprisingly the conversation had gone quite well. They’d quickly hidden any disappointment that there wasn’t a husband to go along with the baby and offered whatever help she required. When she thought about it, Tori realized her parents were quite excited they were going to have a grandchild.
So far she’d told no one else, although she now decided to call her friends. She still hadn’t decided what to say to Jeff. Tori took another bite of her salad. She’d given up all fattening foods the day of the pregnancy test, opting for only the healthiest things available. When she felt hungry, she munched on saltines or rice cakes. She missed chocolate-chip cookies terribly, but she was determined not to swell up to the size of a hot-air balloon.
“Earth to Tori,” Lauren said.
“Sorry,” Tori said. “My mind has been processing so much lately that sometimes it just shuts down.”
“I was like that when I was pregnant,” Lauren said. “It was as if, in utero, Hailey was absorbing all my brain cells. Justin called me a flake.”
“He didn’t,” Tori said, laughing.
“He did,” Lauren admitted with an expression of mock horror. “I only let him get away with it because he indulged all my strange cravings. I would want fried pickles, for instance, and he’d drive to O’Leary’s and get them. He’d even get me Ted Drewes or Fritz’s concretes at all odd hours. I also craved mashed potatoes and fajitas. The poor guy didn’t have a home-cooked meal for months.”
“I don’t cook very much, and I can’t stand sliced turkey anymore,” Tori said. “I just look at it now and want to puke.” Although the ice cream treats Lauren had just mentioned sounded heavenly.
Lauren’s expression turned quizzical. “I was that way with scrambled eggs. I couldn’t even be in the same room and smell them.”
“I’m fine with eggs,” Tori said, before she caught herself. What was she doing discussing cravings with Lauren, who didn’t even know she was pregnant? Now she had to use the ladies’ room. While she’d heard trips to the bathroom became more frequent as the baby grew, maybe it was also psychological. Or perhaps it was due to the eight glasses of water she consumed every day. “Excuse me a second,” she said, rising and heading to the restroom.
When she returned, Lauren was staring at her strangely. “So why haven’t you told Jeff you’re expecting?” she asked.
“What?” Tori slid into the seat and paused. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Then what would you call it?” Lauren asked. She pushed her blond hair behind her ears. “You forget that both my aunt and my mother work for obstetricians. I can spot a pregnant woman a mile away.”
Tori winced. She should have kept her mouth shut about her cravings.
“So, which doctor are you seeing?” Lauren asked.
“Dr. Hillyer,” Tori admitted, willing herself to keep her eyes open. At this moment she wanted nothing more than to close them and hide from the impending cloud of doom. Dropping through the floor was another option, if the tiles would be gracious enough to open up.
“When are you due?” Lauren asked.
“December thirtieth.”
“And Jeff’s the father and he’s in the dark,” Lauren continued.
“I just had my first visit with the doctor today,” Tori said. She fiddled with the cloth napkin. “I wanted to be sure I was pregnant before causing any undue excitement. You know how many things can go wrong in the first trimester.”
“You have to tell him,” Lauren said. She twirled her wineglass between her fingers, the red liquid swirling. She frowned before adding, “He has a right to know.”
