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Matt chuckled. “Like I said, the best places aren’t running at full capacity yet, and the rest of the smaller places—I’m not sure you’d like them. Especially since I know, for a fact, you prefer satin sheets.”
Satin sheets. Yes, she’d loved the feel of them, and the feel of him next to her as she’d enjoyed the soft caress of both the sheets and Matt. “I’m not really concerned about sheets, Matt. I just need some food, then bed...” For her pregnancy first, but also for her because she was tired. She needed to put her feet up, close her eyes and give both her and the baby at least ten hours of down time. Maybe more, if she could.
“If you go down the road, about five miles in the opposite direction, there’s a place called Red Canyon Resort. It has nice rooms, decent amenities. Since it’s early in the season, you shouldn’t have trouble getting a room. But if you do stay...”
He stopped, paused for a moment, and that hesitation of a frown she’d seen on his face when he’d first seen her a little while ago returned. Only this time it didn’t transform into a smile. She hoped he was glad to see her. In fact, she’d thought he was. Now she wasn’t so sure.
“If you do stay, there’s not much to do unless you like hiking or rock climbing,” he finally continued.
“I’ll manage,” she said, scooting to the edge of the exam table, feeling a little more discouraged than she had before. Of course, she’d never been totally optimistic about asking him. That would have been foolish, given the circumstances. But she’d hoped. Right now, though, some of the hope was disappearing—because of Lucas, because of Matt’s military commitments, because he was more rigid than she remembered him being.
“Before you go, I’d really like to get a better look at you. Something caused you to faint, and I don’t know what it was.”
“I was tired from the drive. Hungry. Probably a little dehydrated. Once I get a room, I’ll eat, drink plenty of fluids, get some rest, and I’ll be fine.” Ellie scooted a little more until she was at the edge, then stretched until her feet were on the floor. As soon as she stood, though, she wobbled, and Matt was right there to catch her. Again.
“I think before you go checking into anywhere, I’m going to take you someplace to get something to eat. And drink. Your skin doesn’t pass the pinch test, so I think your biggest problem right now is dehydration. Are you diabetic, by any chance?”
“Nope. Just had a physical yesterday, as it turns out. Blood tests were good.”
“No kidney disease?”
“I’m fine, Matt. My doctor told me I needed to get some rest, which is why I’m here.”
“You live in Reno. You could have driven an hour over to Tahoe and checked into a world-class resort to rest there, instead of driving six hundred miles through the desert to rest here. If rest is what you’re really after.”
“Right now, it is. I don’t suppose there’d be a cab out here I could call. I don’t think I’m going to be able to drive.”
He doubted she’d even make it to her car. “Look, Lucas and I were headed home when you came in. How about you go with us, I’ll make sure you get plenty of liquids, and I’ll fix us a good dinner? Then later we’ll see if you’re in any condition to check into a hotel.”
Matt took Ellie by the arm and steadied her to the floor again, but instead of letting her attempt to walk to his truck he swooped her into his arms and carried her like he had that first morning, when she had been looking out the window and he had been looking at her—with a longing that hadn’t been quenched. He’d swooped her into his arms then, and had watched the satin sheet slither to the floor as he’d laid her naked body down on the bed, and laid his naked body over hers. Thinking about that, even now, caused her to shiver.
“This is very chivalrous of you,” she said, without protest. Ellie still liked being in his arms, still liked the feel of him pressed to her. Matt had the power to knock her completely off track, and she couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t let the thoughts of how good they had been together seep in. Couldn’t let the thoughts of how nice it was to be in his arms, yet again, seep in either.
“I aim to give the best medical care I can, under the circumstances.” Matt looked over at Lucas, who was occupied with a toddler version of a video game. “You ready to go home?” he asked.
Lucas picked up his video toy and his blanket, and went directly to Matt’s side, the way he always did. Then fell into exact step with Matt, the way he’d only just started doing. “He doesn’t talk yet,” he explained to Ellie as they walked through the parking lot. “He’s lived in some pretty rough circumstances for a while and he’s a little delayed, but he’s bright. Understands everything. Very observant of everything around him. Just not talkative.
“He will, when he has something to say. Guess he just hasn’t had anything to say yet.” She wiggled into the passenger’s seat, while Matt strapped Lucas into the toddler safety seat in the crew cab, and within a minute they were on their way to what Matt had dubbed Matt Casa. She still wasn’t sure what to make of any of this, but one thing was certain—she did like the way he took care of Lucas. Liked it very much. And the way he took care of her went far, far beyond like.
What had she been thinking, taking that ten-hour drive in one long stretch, stopping only a few times for breaks? Well, a little rest, a little water, a good bed under her back for the night, and she’d be fine. But this sure wasn’t the way she’d wanted her first meeting with Matt to go. Seriously, fainting into his arms? Ellie doubted she could have made a more dramatic entrance if she’d tried.
Anyway, telling him about the baby would keep until tomorrow, when she was rested. Yep, back to the plan, but only a modified version of it since she already knew Matt’s intentions. No Lucas, no family commitments. But would that include his own child as well? Maybe something about bringing his own child into the world would mellow him, or cause him to change his mind. Ellie wasn’t counting on it, though. But she wasn’t ruling it out either.
Right now, though, she was going home with Matt. Not part of the plan but so far nothing else had been either. “Since you’re obviously not working as a surgeon out here, what kind of practice do you run?”
“Well, I suppose you could call it a family practice or a general practice. The doc who had it before me called it a cowboy practice, and I think that works. Bottom line, I’ll get to treat everything as long as I’m here.”
As long as he was here. Suddenly, Ellie felt discouraged and disappointed. She’d wanted him to want their baby—it would have been the perfect solution. But there was no solution now. At least, not one she could think of. The thought of that brought tears to her eyes—tears Matt would never see as she turned her head to the window and pretended to be caught up in night-time stars.
“You have two choices. There’s a casita adjoining the house and it has everything you’ll need if you want to sleep there tonight. Or you can stay in one of the guest bedrooms. Your choice.”
“How about the casita, since I don’t feel like climbing stairs? My legs are a little stiff from the drive. Back’s a little achy, too.”
“Does your doctor know what you did?” Matt asked, leading Ellie through the hall to the entry to the casita—a nice little one-bedroom house with a small kitchen and a reasonably large living area. Traditionally, a casita was used by a family member or long-term guest. Or tonight, his two-night fling in Reno.
That was an odd question—out of the blue asking her doctor’s opinion. Did Matt suspect she was pregnant? Quickly, she looked to make sure her belly hadn’t puffed out a few inches and she hadn’t noticed. But that wasn’t the case. Underneath her baggy cotton shirt, it showed. But not with the shirt on. Whatever the case, she approached her answers cautiously because she was too tired and discouraged to address anything other than sleep tonight.
“No. I really don’t have to account to anybody for anything in my life, and that includes my doctor. And before you ask, he would have advised against the drive until I was on vitamins with iron for a few days. Low-grade anemia. Nothing serious. But, like I said, I make my own decisions, and I decided to come to Forgeburn for a holiday.”
“As you’ve said,” Matt stated. He opened the door to the casita then stepped aside. “Well, whatever the case, it should take me about an hour to fix something to eat, so in the meantime I’d suggest you rest. There’s a nice patio outside, and there’s the bedroom...your choice.”
“You really don’t have to do this, Matt. I’m used to taking care of myself. The Red Canyon Resort would be fine.”
“You look run-down. I wouldn’t call that taking care of yourself.”
“I work hard. Travel a lot. My business is growing, and I’ve got some amazing opportunities coming up. Also, like I said, it’s low-grade anemia. All that earns me the right to look run-down. But a good night’s sleep will work wonders.”
He knew better, though, because he was beginning to suspect. “Well, then, dinner’s in an hour. And I don’t remember. Are you a vegetarian? I seem to recall you might be.”
“I am,” she said. “Hope that doesn’t put you to any trouble.”
“Nope. Because all I have here are chicken nuggets and hot dogs, neither of which are very good.”
“Not healthy for Lucas either. Or you, for that matter.” With that, she entered the casita and shut the door behind her, leaving Matt to stand in the hall staring at—nothing. He was staring at nothing. Until a tug on his shirt tail reminded him that Lucas needed to be fed, bathed and put to bed before anything else happened.
* * *
Matt sighed as he sat on the veranda, looking up at the stars. It was a beautiful night. Clear. And the view from this house was stunning. Growing up here, he’d never thought anything about the area was stunning. Not the scenery, the people, the wildlife. Especially not the cramped, rundown house trailers he’d grown up in, where his dad had got the bed, his sister the sofa, and he had been welcome to any spot he could find on the floor that wasn’t cluttered with some sort of rubbish. Trailers in a rubbish lot, parked and ready to go for scrap.
He’d escaped that when he’d been sixteen. Had run away to Las Vegas, promising Janice he’d send for her as soon as he could. Well, that had never happened and now all he had left were bad memories of bad times, and a little boy who served to remind him of how he’d broken his promise to Janice. It wasn’t a very good legacy, but he’d been able to put some of it aside in the army. Or, at least, justify it to himself. Too young. Too inexperienced in the world. Yeah, whatever.
And his promise to himself about never coming back to Forgeburn for any reason—fat lot of good that had done him because here he was. Maybe he deserved to be here, if only to remind him of what he could have become. Or what Janice could have become if he’d kept his promise. “Care for a margarita?” he asked Ellie, who sat down at a patio table across from him.
“I don’t drink,” she said. “Water’s good, though.”
“I seem to recall a couple of mojitos in Reno. But if you don’t drink now...” He shrugged. “Water, vegetarian—that sounds like a mighty healthy lifestyle.”
“We all make our choices, I suppose. My mom’s diabetic and my dad, well, I never knew him because he was a number in a sperm catalogue. Someone with the right qualities to produce a good baby.”
“That’s what your mother told you?”
“We Landers women are very—forthcoming.”
“And it doesn’t bother you, knowing you were...”
“You can say it. I was the product of my mother’s egg and her donor of choice. Now, about that water...”
He was stunned by how casually she took her parentage. It was simply a matter of fact, move on. He didn’t know whether to admire it or pity it. “Well, I did find a few healthy things in the fridge and put a couple of salads together. Lots of pico de gallo, avocado, cilantro, corn, tomatoes—that sort of thing. I didn’t add the jalapeños because I wasn’t sure you could do spicy.”
“I do spicy just fine, as long as it’s not too spicy.”
Matt stood. “Well, let me go get dinner, then.”
“Lucas is in bed?” she asked.
“Asleep before his head hit the pillow.” He took a few steps toward the veranda door then stopped but didn’t turn to face her. “Is it mine?” he asked, quite simply.
“Is what yours?”
“The baby. I’m assuming it’s mine, or otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” Matt blew out a long, anxious breath. “You did come to tell me I’m going to be a father, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
He nodded, his composure perfectly intact, then went into the house, leaving Ellie sitting alone outside. Once he got in, however, his passive demeanor gave way and his knees nearly buckled under him. In fact, it was all he could do to make it from the dining area just inside the door to the kitchen, which wasn’t more than about twenty steps. And with every step he took he fought to push it out of his mind. Willed himself to not think. Forced himself to pick up the salads, pour Ellie a glass of water and make that long trip back outside to her. Not that he’d be able to eat now. Just the thought of food almost caused him to gag.
“I made some tortillas to go along with the salad,” he said, sitting back down, deliberately not looking at her, even though he knew she was staring at him.
“Are you always this cool under pressure?” she asked.
“When you work in a battlefield, you have to be cool.”
“But this isn’t a battlefield, Matt, and you’re not working.”
“No, I’m not. But what I am doing is trying to figure out where this conversation goes from here. It’s a first for me.”
“How about something where you’re very excited about becoming a dad. Or you’re very angry. Either one would be a start.”
“But I’m not excited. Not angry either. I’m just...stunned. That’s big news and I need some time to let it sink in.”
“I’m not here to pressure you,” Ellie said. “But I didn’t think this kind of news should be dealt with over the phone, which is the real reason I’m here. I came to tell you in person. So, any initial thoughts...reactions?”
He poured himself a glass of margarita, took a long drink, then finally looked at her. “Numb. I’m numb. And shocked. And confused.” He took another drink. “So, now it’s your turn. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Ellie actually laughed. “At first, pretty much the same way you are. I didn’t plan this, Matt. We used protection. I know you mentioned that the condom had slipped but I wasn’t fertile—at least, I shouldn’t have been. I mean, having a little fling in a hotel with a stranger isn’t me. I’ve never done that before. Then to have this happen as a result...” She shook her head. “It certainly changes things, doesn’t it?”
It did, and he wasn’t anywhere close to being ready to think about them. First things first. He had to come to terms with a baby—his baby—coming into this world in what he estimated to be about another twenty-three weeks, give or take. “So, should I ask the obvious? Are you sure it’s mine?”
“You were the first man I’d been involved with in over four years, and there’s been nobody since. But, if you need proof, we could have tests...”
This discussion was too rigid. It was as if they were talking about something impersonal, like what kind of tongue depressors to order. But damn. Matt didn’t know the etiquette or protocol for this kind of situation, if there was such a thing. “No. I don’t need proof.” He trusted her. Even though he didn’t know Ellie that well, something about her made Matt trust her. Maybe because she was—different. Very honest, very open. He’d found that an attractive quality when he’d met her in Reno.
This is what it is, Matt. No strings. Only a diversion for a night. Can you handle that?
It was especially attractive as no one in his life had ever been open or honest with him. Going for a walk, his old man would say. Be right back. Except right back often turned into two or three weeks. There’ll be food on the table tonight, son. I just got paid. Except the only thing on the table was an empty booze bottle.
So, yes, he appreciated her honesty. Now more than before. “I believe you. So, what’s the bottom line here, Ellie?” It occurred to him he didn’t even know her real name. Was Ellie short for Eleanor or Elizabeth or Elena? And did she have a middle name?
“The bottom line is I came to Forgeburn to see if you want to be involved in this. It’s your child, too, and you have every right to be a father in any way you want.”
“You don’t mince words, do you?”
“Like I said about the Landers women... Anyway, I knew after I passed out you’d probably suspect something like this. Especially since we were just a fling. So why bother pretending it’s anything other than what it is? We took the first step together in creating this child, I took the second step in coming here to tell you, so now the next step is yours.”
“As in financial obligation? Because I don’t have a lot. I’m military, not private sector. But I’ll certainly do my part.”
“I was thinking something a little more substantial than that.”
Matt swallowed hard. Something was coming, and it wasn’t going to be good. “Define more substantial.”
“Well, I’m not going to raise this baby. I don’t want to be a single mom the way my mother and grandmother both were. The women in my family lack maternal instinct, and this baby wasn’t in my plan. But I want to make sure he, or she, gets the best possible start in life. After that, I’m going to step aside because my life won’t accommodate a child, and I don’t want to raise a child the way my mother raised me—with tutors and nannies. Which is what would happen, given my involvements. Children need more than that, more than I had, and I don’t have what they need. I’m smart enough to realize that. So, for starters, no abortion. We created this child, and it deserves a chance at life. Even though I’m only eighteen weeks along, I feel...an attachment.”
Ellie paused for a moment, and her eyes went distant. Maybe to a place where she was holding the baby or singing it a lullaby. That’s where Matt’s mind was for that instant. The two of them, huddled together with their baby, looking so happy. But the image disappeared, to be replaced by an image of a battlefield surgery, and the blood, the distant gunshots. “So, if you’ve ruled out abortion...”
“The reason I’m here is to ask you if you want to raise the baby. Take full custody, let me pay you child support, and allow me to step away from it. At least, that was my intention before I knew you were still in the army, so now...”
Matt swallowed hard, again. He knew what was on the other end of that sentence. Because if he didn’t, she’d give the child—his child—up for adoption. How was it that just a few simple weeks ago his life was set? He knew where he wanted to be, and what he wanted to be doing. And now he had not one but two children who were both on the verge of being given up. Damn, what was he going to do about that?
CHAPTER THREE (#u8dea871d-e6dd-575e-b9e2-cb78bce5bc28)
“IT COULD HAVE been worse.” Ellie dropped down on her bed and eased out a sigh. She was tired, and she was a little worried that she’d fainted. But Matt was a good doctor, which made her feel better. At least for now. But in the morning?
Sleep didn’t come as easily as she’d hoped it would, though. For the first half-hour she tossed and turned, and willed every thought out of her mind. Which didn’t work. So she punched the pillow for the fifth or sixth time, and thought about what a nice place this would be to raise a baby. Nice house. Beautiful landscape all around it. And she didn’t mind the isolation. In a way it soothed her, held back the pressures.
Another time, another life, this might have been the kind of place she would have chosen for herself. Just the three of them, or actually four. Taking hikes in the desert together. Going for adventures near some of the old Anasazi pueblo ruins she’d seen on the road coming in. Maybe buying a couple of horses and learning to ride. Such an idyllic life, but that wasn’t her life. Giving Matt the opportunity to raise the baby then going back to her business was. And it was on that note, the one that was always familiar, Ellie finally went to sleep.
* * *
Who to talk to when there was nobody to talk to? That’s what his life boiled down to. Nobody. No old friends here anymore. Anybody Matt would have considered a casual friend was still in the army and somewhere overseas. It was disconcerting, realizing exactly how alone he was, but make no mistake. He was alone here. But, damn, if ever there was a time he needed to talk, it was now.
He thought about Carter Holmes, his old partner back in Kandahar. Top-notch surgeon, maybe even better than Matt, and Matt considered himself pretty damned good. They’d walked the walk for several months, had partnered as well as any two docs could, and had become close—the kind of closeness that could only happen on the battlefield. They’d seen things together, done things together than no person should ever have to see or do. And had come through it.
Except Carter’s coming through hadn’t been all that great. He’d taken some shrapnel, it had been touch and go with life for a while, and had come out with some PTSD working against him.
Lucky for Carter, he’d had a good woman waiting for him back home. That lucky son of a—And that’s where Matt assumed he was now. In her arms, pulling his life back together. Which meant Carter didn’t need to hear about Matt’s problems. Not now. In a way, he envied Carter what he had, though. It was something he couldn’t foresee for himself, but it was...nice. A settled life. Stability. Someone to love who loved him back. Nice dream, but not his dream.
So, once again, nobody to talk to. Normally, it didn’t matter. Right now, in the wee hours, it did.
Blowing out a frustrated breath, Matt took a quick look in at Lucas to make sure he was OK, then went outside to the veranda. Sat down, stared up at the moon. Listened to the far-off howl of a wolf. No one howled back at him either.
* * *
“Pregnancy requires proper nutrition,” Matt said, chopping sweet cubanelle peppers into the skillet.
He looked good. Nice jeans, nice T-shirt. Rugged. But not rested. Her fault, she was sure. Ellie felt bad for that as she hadn’t wanted any of this to be disruptive. Of course, what had she expected? Hi, remember me from a few months back? Well, I’m your baby mama now.
“And my nutrition is good. Nothing to worry about there,” Ellie said, sitting down at the kitchen table, pleased that he was taking care of her. No one ever had unless they had been paid to. This was strange—but nice.
“What does your doctor have to say about that?” Matt asked, turning away from the counter to face her. He wiped his hands on a cloth towel and slung it over his shoulder.
