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Montegue Blister’s Strange Games: and other odd things to do with your time
Alan Down
Montegue Blister
A hilarious compendium of weird, wonderful, warped classic and new games.Taken from the brilliant website http://strange-games.blogspot.com/, Montegue Blister's Strange Games is a pocket-sized compendium of the most hilarious, noisy, messy, and often vomit-inducing games ever written.Finally, the official rules for all the games you played at school as a kid, such as Finger Jousting, Peanuts, Slapsies and Thumb Wrestling. But that's not all! Montegue Blister's Strange Games includes dangerous variations on old classics such as Extreme Rock Paper Scissors, Bloody Knuckles, Shin Kicking and Toe Wrestling, plus a whole host of new, weird and wonderful games like Face Ball, Crazy Stair Climbing, Watermelon Skiing and Mosquito Squashing.Some games are violent, some are downright savage - and most involve a tiny bit of blood. But one thing's for sure - they're great fun! Montegue Blister's Strange Games is the perfect gift for Christmas and beyond.Chapters in Strange Games in include:Hand and feet games; Urban Games; Festivals; Party Games; Trick Games; Playground Games; Throwing & Propulsion; Sports; Stand off Games; Animal Games.
Montegue Blister’s
Strange Games
and other odd things to do with your time
Montegue Blister
Disclaimer: This book has been written as a source of reference for traditional and modern games. The majority of games contained in this book are generally considered safe and of low hazard, but please exercise common sense and take all necessary care if playing. Adult supervision of children under the age of 16 is highly recommended. The author and the publishers do not accept any responsibility for any harm that may occur from your decision to play the games contained in this book.
To Siân & Issy
Table of Contents
Cover Page (#u43db25d2-a7a7-5cfd-9106-656ce0d69543)
Title Page (#ue2536ac5-8152-5ec8-9e6b-deca2ee4565d)
Dedication (#uc47e3d54-ca62-5ddd-aa33-f28b519ce8f4)
Intro (#uef3bdcc6-0b46-56b3-b21f-7dfe8ad58e22)
Hand and Feet Games (#uaa202a92-9a75-5b0a-b5cf-39bac0eb7f6a)
Indoor Games (#ufb4a54d3-8b9c-5450-9bb4-ea15e27d6a2e)
Outdoor Games (#udb6c2534-8b92-5117-8f29-3bfbbacc5743)
Urban Games (#u0256adbd-4598-5773-8eb1-05d9a1c97efa)
Festivals (#u536f2ec7-f2d1-545e-9442-99d41df2020e)
Party Games (#ubf1840b1-bb5b-5e8f-9729-e842f11700ff)
Playground Games (#u6fa6acd8-39d2-577a-9855-bf28a727b89b)
Throwing and Propulsion Games (#u369fd373-8505-58fe-b5d7-b724a07a38fc)
Sports (#ud5006f44-c6d8-52ec-985a-e32ecf6305a0)
Stand-off Games (#ud9fbbd78-2a26-5ba6-8015-f8c68b9cfd65)
Animal Games (#u955b9f67-a85d-5df8-b071-a3ee90ffc67e)
Calendar of Strange Events (#u7b885167-111e-5037-a8c4-7db7960ec6ff)
Internet Resources (#ua54cde6a-4fea-5d70-bd36-51e70ee590e4)
Index (#u353bf577-f377-51f0-90a3-c1601b720760)
Copyright (#u55cdff0d-70d3-5f10-8210-04678b68b683)
About the Publisher (#u0d11ea34-6c4c-5a88-99f3-686249cf3a06)
INTRO (#ulink_605594a0-01f2-5b4a-9e15-e6df62be9239)
In 1972, whilst walking towards my brother in our unassuming suburban living room, he flicked out his foot cleverly, catching me on my ankle bone. This caused me to momentarily lose my balance, stumble, then come crashing down onto the Axminster carpet—my head narrowly missing the doily-covered arm of our brown Dralon sofa. Walking Trippy, the game, was born. Then, after just a few hours of experimentation, the rules and strategies for this English Gentleman’s martial art were in place.
Thirty years later, after a night of reminiscing, I decided it was time that the whole world was made aware of Walking Trippy—and the blog Strange Games was born. As the blog grew I received many emails that mentioned other great, almost forgotten games, such as Split the Kipper and Spectacular Deaths, as well as queries such as what is the best game for keeping a party of hyperactive seven-year-olds under control (that would be Underpants Jumping—see page 39, if you are wondering). And now, three years on, I give you Strange Games, the book.
The aim of this book is to detail strange games, unusual sports and bizarre festivals; to reclaim the nation’s MTVd-, MP3d-, Bluetoothed-enabled youth. Its mission: to crowbar a generation of sofa-sitting lazy bastards off their backsides and send them, eager and smiling, off to the shin-kicking fields of the Cotswolds. If it results in even one headrest-embedded DVD player being ripped out so that the kids in the back of the car can concentrate on Finger Jousting or slamming their knuckles down on each other, its job will be done.
This book also includes party games, but there is no mention of pass the parcel and there are no games where you dress like Britney Spears and freeze when the music stops. Instead, there are games like Bucketheads, Body Surfing, and politically incorrect gems like Slave Market. And in this time where children’s parties get ever more expensive (as parents spend small fortunes employing professional entertainers for their little Joshuas and Jemimas and mobile phones become standard fare for party bags), Strange Games makes the revolutionary suggestion that maybe all you need to entertain the little terrors is a roll of gaffer tape and a modicum of imagination.
The world of unusual festivals and sports is well covered here, with entries on events from the well-known Cheese Rolling to the obscure, but soon to be Olympic, sport of Watermelon Ski-ing. Fruit and vegetables seem to play a large part in this world: if you are not strapping them to your feet you are throwing them, spitting their seeds, or head-butting them. Of note in this area of oddness are two locales: Finland and Gloucestershire. Both these places can make claim to being capitals of strange games, with Finland being represented by Swamp Soccer, Mobile Phone Throwing, and Wife Carrying (to name but three), and Gloucestershire by Shin Kicking, Cheese Rolling and Woolsack Carrying.
At the back of this book is a calendar detailing various strange events to go and see. Many of these are open to both spectators and new competitors. The chance to become a world champion in life is rare, but the odds greatly increase if you enter the World Worm Charming Festival or the Frozen Pea Throwing Championships.
And as the nation slips unconsiously into a homogeneous mass of couch-dwelling, fast-food guzzling idiots who watch documentaries about obese people that only eat cheese having their lives changed by Scottish poo inspectors, it is time to grab these aforementioned lazy bastards by their melon balls and force them to Toe Wrestle or play Mob Football, or, at the very least, find their nearest field so they can pick up a cow pat and fling it.
If just one person reads this book and decides to start a Dwile Flunking team, I can rest happy and look forward to meeting my maker with the knowledge that I have played my part in making the world a better place. When I close my eyes I have a vision of St Peter opening those pearly gates, smiling as I walk towards him, his hands extended towards me, palms pressed together. I can see his peaceful face now, as I quickly raise one of my hands and slap the back of one of his as hard as I can.
Note: Some of these games are not suitable for children; indeed, some are not even suitable for adults but are included here because they are intriguing, or were played in the past and therefore of historical interest. Any game or sport that involves cruelty to animals is not in any way endorsed.
Montegue Blister, 2009
HAND AND FEET GAMES (#ulink_780b30b6-87b9-5c21-8af4-e2fe11285a98)
The great thing about playing hand and feet games is that you rarely need any other equipment to be able to play them; just roll up your sleeves or remove a sock and you’re ready. As the entries below show, these games often appear to be quite violent. Also (with the exception of Toe Wrestling), the majority of these have a long, and sometimes murky, history. Rock, Paper, Scissors (the oldest) was possibly played by cave dwellers but never took off—perhaps due to the ‘Rock’ throw being so dominant amongst players of the day.
Bloody Knuckles
Bloody Knuckles gives its name to not one, but two, strange and savage games.
Bloody Knuckles 1: The more usual version of Bloody Knuckles is the knuckular (a technical medical term) version of Slapsies. Here, both players each form one hand into a fist and stand opposite each other, arms outstretched and fists touching. It is the aim of one player to lift their fist (no higher than shoulder height) and bring their knuckles down onto the top of their opponent’s fist. Obviously, it is the opponent’s job to pull their fist away and avoid a painful blow, but they must not make a move until their opponent starts their attempt. Players can either take turns and gain points for each hit or maintain the strike if contact is made. In the old-fashioned version of this game you are not allowed to move your hand to escape, you just leave it there to get hit and then have your turn. Obviously, that was just barbaric.
Bloody Knuckles 2: Here, players sit at a table across from each other. One player then makes their hand into a fist and places it on the table. The other player takes a heavy coin (a £2 coin, for example), puts it flat on the table, then flicks it with as much force as possible at their opponent’s knuckles. Play then reverses and it becomes the first player’s turn to form a fist. The game continues until blood is drawn or one player submits, or until both realise they are wasting their lives and decide to go and do something more productive instead.
Bloody Knuckles even has its own governing body—the World Bloody Knuckles Association—which promotes the game and organises regular events.
Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors and variations
Extreme games and sports are played by fit, highly trained participants and usually involve some degree of danger.
Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors is just a violent variation on the standard game—basically it’s an excuse for a physical attack on your opponent.
As in the normal version, each player decides and forms the hand position to represent rock, paper or scissors; however, if paper wins it is translated as a slap and the player who wins with this throw may slap his opponent’s hands. If you win with ‘Rock’ this becomes a punch; while scissors are turned into a poke. This changes the dynamics of the game somewhat, in that players will favour one type of assault over another and hence try and win with that throw, so a player wary of being slapped again may try to overplay their opponent with scissors.
There are many variants of Extreme Rock, Paper, Scissors (ERPS) and each is referred to by different names in different countries. One of the most interesting is Dancing RPS, which can be played whilst dancing to music. Here, the three throws are Drum and Bass, Techno and, finally, Waltz. Techno (thrown by waving your arms in the air) beats Drum and Bass (hands make drumming motions), which in turn beats Waltz (arms are formed as if holding an imaginary partner for a waltz). To make the game fair, Waltz then beats Techno.
The French call RPS Rochambeaux. Presumably this inspired the television programme South Park to feature the game Roshambo, which involves male players taking it in turns to kick each other in the groin until one player falls down or gives up.
The well-known game of Rock, Paper, Scissors is hardly strange—although, strangely, it does have a World Championship (Bob ‘the Rock’ Cooper from the UK was the 2006 champion). However, if you consider yourself better than RPS, as its aficionados call it, you need to learn to play Rock, Paper, Scissors 101—the degree-level version.
This version of the game is played exactly like the game you know, except there are a phenomenal 101 possible hand positions. To make the game as random and fair as the standard game, each of the selected shapes beats fifty others, and can, in turn, be beaten by fifty itself. (Simple mathematics reveals that this will cause there to be a less than one percent chance of a tie and a total of 5 050 outcomes.)
The hand positions represent objects ranging from ‘Alien’ to ‘UFO’, ‘Medusa’ to ‘Satan’. These are fully illustrated on the RPS 101 website (see Internet Resources) and range from the obvious hand movements to ones requiring some skill. (The shape for ‘Vampire’ is particularly brilliant.)
As an example of how the game plays, if you choose to go with ‘Gun’ this will shoot ‘Princess’, blast apart ‘Turnip’, but will be resisted by ‘Dragon’. If you choose ‘Baby’, this will spill ‘Beer’, ruin ‘Guitar’ and be unaware of ‘Satan’, but is obviously carried off by ‘Robot’.
Once you have mastered the 101 hand positions and memorised which other positions they beat, then comes the even harder part—finding someone to play against.
Finger Jousting
Finger Jousting, or Finger Fencing as it is sometimes known, is a possibly ancient game that combines jousting and sword fighting yet requires neither horse nor blade.
In its simplest form, two players stand facing each other and clasp their right hands together as if about to arm wrestle. Then, on a given command, each player extends his index finger (their ‘lance’) and battle commences. The objective is to jab your opponent before they jab you. At no point may the players’ hands lose contact with each other. This means that jabbing the other player is often a lot less straightforward than you might initially think; with feints, sideways moves and full body twists all yielding results.
For a basic game, the first to score wins, or you can apportion different points for striking different body areas: legs and other arm gets one point, chest and back gets two points, the head gets three points. The jousting arm itself must never be hit, and the unused arm may play no part in the bout.
The game’s governing body, the World Finger Jousting Federation (which is run by the self-styled Lord of the Joust, Julian Gluck) has built up a glossary of finger fighting terms and rules (see Internet Resources for website) which includes such gems as:
Bobbo Lance: A straight jousting move wherein a player cocks their right elbow back towards their chest, pulling their opponent closer.
Gesture of Good Disposition: A physical motion executed before and after every match as a sign of gratitude towards the opponent. Approved tournament gestures are handshakes, bows, head nods and man hugs.
Taking care of your fingernails is a sign of respect for your opponent and shows an interest in maintaining a healthy body.
The length of a competitor’s finger shall not be longer than 15cm.
Illegal fingernail length is an automatic disqualification unless an approved glove is worn or the fingernail is trimmed immediately.
American-Indian Leg Wrestling
American-Indian Wrestling is based on pitting different parts of the body against your opponent’s, one part at a time. There are many different forms, such as Back Wrestling: standing back to back and trying to push each other a set distance; One-legged Wrestling: standing on one leg and trying to push your opponent over; Thumb Wrestling, and, of course, Leg Wrestling.
In Leg Wrestling two players lie flat on their backs, side by side. They should be next to each other and touching, but pointing in different directions so that the feet of one player are next to the head of the other and the players’ hips are touching. They then simultaneously raise their adjacent legs straight up three times. On the third raise players should hook ankles and try to pull their opponent over. No other part of the body is used, and the non-playing leg should remain flat on the floor and not be used for leverage. Games usually last a much shorter time than in Arm Wrestling, and successful play depends not just on muscular strength but also on stealth and speed.
Mora
Mora is an ancient guessing game that involves using your hands.
If there are two players, each faces the other and on a count of three must show a number of fingers on one hand. The number chosen can be anything from zero (keep your fist closed) to five (extend your thumb and all of your fingers). At the same time as both players show their hand they also shout out what they think the total number of fingers will be. If a player guesses correctly they gain two points; whoever is nearest to the correct answer gets one point.
A successful strategy involves noticing whether your opponent has a tendency to favour small or large numbers, then using this information appropriately.
Peanuts
A silly playground game, the finger-wrestling game of Peanuts at least has the advantage of developing your finger and wrist muscles.
Two players face each other, raise both their hands and interlink their fingers. With their hands clasped in this fashion, battle now commences as each attempts to bend back the other’s hands and, obviously, avoid having their own bent. To make the game fair, hands need to be kept at shoulder height throughout. The game finishes when one player’s hands are successfully bent back or one gives up with an anguished shout of ‘peanuts’.
Pen Spinning
If you ever sit in your office or schoolroom bored out of your mind and twirling your pen around your fingers, perhaps now is the time to take this practice more seriously. Learn a new trick or two, because the serious finger-bending sport of Pen Spinning is a growing one.
Having originated in Japan, competitive pen spinning then spread to Korea and the US, and has now developed set moves such as rapid end to end passes, twirls, the thumbaround (the pen travels 360 degrees around the thumb), and nail spins (the pen spins on a fingernail), and even jumps. Keen pen spinners use specially modified and weighted pens, and to see a quality spinner in action is to see the hand working at the upper limits of its capabilities—fingers and pen both blur. The US-based Universal Pen Spinning Board (see Internet Resources) hold regular, videoed competitions where spinners are judged by their peers on style, tricks and overall routine.
Unfortunately, there is yet to be a serious take up of table-top finger drumming.
Shin Kicking
The Japanese have Judo; the Chinese have Kung Fu; in Gloucestershire they kick shins.
The British Shin Kicking Championships take place annually in Chipping Campden on the first Friday after the second May Bank Holiday as part of the Cotswold Olimpick Games. Dress rules are very simple and elegant: competitors wear long trousers with straw protective padding attached to their shins underneath (otherwise it would be plain crazy). White shepherds’ smocks complete the fighting costume. Each player then holds onto his opponent’s shoulders and the kicking begins.
Rules dictate that no kicks are allowed above knee level, and, whilst kicking, each player must try to wrestle his opponent to the ground. This has to be achieved during the process of kicking, otherwise it is not a valid wrestle down.
The long-since forgotten, but analogous, sport of Clog Shin Kicking was popular in the mining towns around Manchester in the mid-nineteenth century. Then, men were men and kicked shins whilst they were totally naked except for the heavy wooden clogs on their feet. Contests were hard fought and bloody. Some competitors bent the rules by soaping themselves up first, thus making themselves more difficult to grab hold of.
If Shin Kicking appeals but is a little too violent for your liking, you could always try the gentler, modern-day equivalent of Toe Fencing. In this sport players, once again, clasp each other by the shoulders but attempt to stamp on the other’s toes before their own are squashed.
Slapsies
If Rock, Paper, Scissors is the king of playground hand games, Slapsies, or Slaps, is its boorish, dysfunctional half-brother who’s heading for Borstal. There are records of it being played in the 1940s, but its popularity fluctuates and presently it is making something of a comeback.
For two people playing, both hold their hands as if praying but with arms stretched out in front of them and fingertips touching. Each then takes it in turn to try to slap the back of one of their opponent’s hands before they can be with-drawn. If they succeed, they get another go. If they miss, their opponent has their turn, and so on.
If a player withdraws their hands three times when a slap has not been attempted, their opponent has a free slap (usually it is delivered with the utmost venom and is therefore very painful).
The term ‘tipsies’ is shouted if the striking player catches the fingertips of the slappee. This still counts as a hit and he gets another go.
Play continues until a player’s will to go on disappears as his hands glow an ever deeper red.
Slapsies is in the unusual position of being a hand game with no official governing body and no organised championships as yet.
An interesting Slapsies variation is My Mother Says.
For two players: each places their hands alternately on top of one another’s on a firm surface, such as a table, as if they were playing My Mother Says That You Are This High (where players all place their hands together in a pile then pull them out and on top whilst chanting the phrase, until the moment when one player’s hand movement corresponds with ‘High’ and so becomes ‘It’). Now, with their hands in position, the player whose hand is at the bottom must withdraw it as swiftly as possible and attempt a hard slap on the topmost hand. Obviously the player whose hand is exposed must try to withdraw it, avoiding the slap and hopefully causing the player in motion to slap his own hand with force. Play now alternates with the hand at the bottom of the pile having the next go. The faster the game is played, the more confusing, and often painful, it becomes.
There is a superb online computer simulation of Slapsies called Operation Slaps, which allows you to play slapsies virtually against a friend or against a computer opponent. In this online game you can decide to be one of five different characters, ranging from Lieutenant Lindequest (a cold and cruel female, Russian, Ground Force operative) to Sergeant Shaw (a well-hard marine from Guantánamo Bay). The action is accompanied by realistic slapping sounds, brooding atmospheric music and, of course, a pain meter.
Slapheads
