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“Okay.” She stood there, hand still outstretched, waiting for him to drop her license.
“My name is Trenton Knight.”
She didn’t so much as blink in recognition. The name meant nothing to her.
“Anna Knight was my wife.”
Still no response. There was no change at all in Carmen Shields’s expression. He might as well have been speaking Greek. Had she completely forgotten the identity of the woman killed in the accident? Did the loss of life matter so little to her that she couldn’t be bothered to remember Anna’s name?
“She was killed seven years ago when an SUV driven by an intoxicated teenager ran a stop sign and plowed into her car. You were a passenger in that car.”
Carmen gasped, and he watched with grim satisfaction as the blood drained from her face. She staggered and placed a hand against her vehicle. “The woman in the other car died?”
“Yes. And our two daughters lost their mother.”
“I—I didn’t know.” She shook her head as if processing the information. “I didn’t know her name. No one would tell me anything.”
How could she not know Anna’s name or that she died? True, when Carmen had skipped town immediately following the inquest for the two teens from her vehicle who’d died in the accident, Anna was still fighting to live. But that was seven years ago. How could it be in all that time no one in the entire Shields family had felt Anna’s death was worth mentioning to her?
Anger surged through him and he spoke through gritted teeth. “She clung to life for nineteen days, fighting to live. Trying to stay with her family, who loved her. But her body had been battered too badly and she wasn’t strong enough to survive her injuries. She died in my arms.”
Carmen reached out her hands. He stiffened and stepped back. He wouldn’t be responsible for his actions if she touched him.
She paused and then folded her hands as if in prayer. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry for everything. If I could go back and change things, I would.”
“Your apology changes nothing.” He had half a mind to prolong this traffic stop and make her late for the funeral he now knew was for her mother. But he didn’t. Anna would never have approved of such a vengeful act. She’d been full of love and forgiveness, even for people who didn’t deserve it. He wouldn’t dishonor her memory by giving in to his hatred.
He dropped the license into Carmen’s hand. “Don’t speed while you’re in my town.” He strode away, determined to get away from her and the memories she awakened. But it was too late. Seeing her had ripped open the wound in his heart that had never completely healed.
Chapter Two (#ulink_5ef423c0-0ddb-5fb2-934d-f9b4e9c814cd)
Carmen stood apart from the dwindling group of mourners lingering beside her mother’s grave. She’d been close enough to hear the service, but far enough away to go unnoticed. Everything was over now. The preacher had prayed the last prayer and the final white rose had been placed upon the casket before it was lowered into the ground. One last neighbor hugged her sisters, patted her father on the shoulder and then left, leaving the sad trio alone.
A gentle breeze blew and a squirrel raced across the green grass. Carmen lifted her face to the clear blue sky. It was a perfectly beautiful day and it broke her heart that her mother wasn’t alive to enjoy it.
Rachel Shields had loved summertime, spending countless hours puttering in her garden. While their neighbors hired landscapers to design their flower beds and gardeners to maintain them, Carmen’s mother had done it all herself, despite her husband’s claim that such work was beneath the dignity of the Shields name. With flowers in every color imaginable in the numerous flower beds, the Shieldses’ gardens always outshone every yard in their neighborhood, if not the entire town. Rachel had claimed being surrounded by flowers made her happy. Now the only flowers around her were those dropped onto her casket. Soon they would be dead, too.
Carmen lowered her head and allowed the tears to fall. She’d lost so much precious time with her mother. Time she could never get back.
If only she could go back and change the events of that horrible night. She would have stayed away from those kids, would have gone to school and then straight home like she was supposed to. If she could have a do-over, she never would have started hanging out with that rowdy crowd in the first place.
But there was no magic eraser to remove the mistakes of her past. She could only move forward and make better decisions.
Swallowing more tears, Carmen eased closer to her family. Although she’d seen her father as he’d walked into the church between her two sisters, she was still shocked by the physical changes in him. The father she remembered had been tall and slightly overweight. Robust. He’d always been larger than life. Charles Shields had dominated every room he’d been in, throwing his weight around until he’d gotten his way. Now he looked like a strong wind could blow him over. Where he’d once been the man in charge, now he looked lost.
“Daddy,” Carmen said, her voice cracking. No one turned and she realized she’d whispered the word. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Daddy.”
Her father and sisters froze and then as one turned to stare at her. Charlotte, her oldest sister, looked at her with blank eyes, black mascara streaks on her face. Charmaine, the middle sister, gasped and blinked as if she’d seen a ghost.
Her father, however, looked at her for barely a second before turning and stalking to the limousine idling several yards away.
“Daddy, please,” she cried in anguish. “Please talk to me.” She grabbed the nearest headstone and leaned against it, her strength suddenly gone in the face of his total rejection. He hadn’t even hesitated. He’d simply looked at her—no, through her—and turned and walked away. Like she was a stranger.
Charmaine started toward Carmen, but Charlotte stopped her with a hand on her arm. Charlotte’s cold eyes drilled into Carmen, enlarging the hole in her soul. “This isn’t the time or the place. Daddy is grieving. He doesn’t need this drama now.”
“Drama? I don’t want to cause a scene or upset him. I just want to talk to him.” To have him wrap her in his arms the way he’d done when she’d fallen off her bike and scraped her knee so many years ago.
When she was a little girl, her daddy had been her hero. She’d worshipped him until she discovered his love was conditional. As long as she dressed the way he wanted and associated with the people he chose, his love was hers. When she’d rebelled and begun making her own choices, his love evaporated like dew in the sun. Still, a part of her always hoped he’d regret turning her away, and that once his anger cooled, he would welcome her back. But his anger and disappointment burned just as hotly now as they did seven years ago. He really had stopped loving her.
Charmaine pulled away from their older sister and came to stand before Carmen. Charmaine made no attempt to touch her, so she kept her own arms by her sides, despite how badly she needed a hug. “Carmen, please try to understand. Daddy’s hurting. He and Mama were married for thirty-five years. He’s still in shock over losing her so suddenly. Seeing you is another shock to him.”
“And I lost my mother,” Carmen added, hoping Charmaine could see how hurt and lost she felt. How alone.
“Isn’t that just like you?” Charlotte snarled. “After everything you put us through, you’re thinking only of yourself.”
“That’s not true,” Carmen protested, stepping closer to Charlotte. “I know you’re hurting as much as I am. I thought we could help each other through the grief.”
Charlotte drew herself up to her full height, and in that moment she so resembled their father in all her self-righteous glory that Carmen could only stare. “Really? You expect to just waltz back into town and act like you didn’t bring shame upon our family?”
Charlotte had always been a female version of their father, hard and unforgiving, with pride to spare. Despite that, they had been close when Carmen was a little girl. When she began getting into trouble and angering Charles, Charlotte had turned off her love as easily as she might have switched off a light.
Charles had demanded Carmen live up to his impossibly high standards of behavior. When she realized that nothing short of robotic obedience would satisfy him, she’d stopped trying. She’d started skipping school and running with a bunch of troublemakers. Although the phase hadn’t lasted long, it had a devastating effect on her life. Her father had been on the verge of launching a campaign for Congress when the accident occurred, quashing his dream. Apparently, he had yet to forgive her.
Carmen realized now the hope she harbored that her sisters would welcome her back was completely irrational. That was never going to happen. Charlotte needed Charles’s approval and would never defy him. Charmaine was too afraid to go against her sister and father. More mouse than woman, she was happiest when invisible. She might love Carmen and might even be glad to see her, but she’d never act on those feelings as long as Charles forbade it.
Carmen watched as her sisters joined their father in the limousine before it sped away. Once more she was alone, separated from a family that didn’t want her. Only this time, instead of being banished from her home by an angry father, she was left standing alone in a cemetery. The heartbreak, though, was no different.
Forcing her legs to stop wobbling, Carmen strode closer to her mother’s grave. Her family had placed white roses on the casket before it was lowered into the ground. There were still several roses left in a tall vase beside the grave, so she removed the most beautiful one. Bringing it to her nose, she inhaled its sweet fragrance and then kissed it. She closed her eyes, prayed for strength she would need now more than ever and dropped the flower into the grave.
“Goodbye, Mama. I loved you even when you stopped loving me.”
Carmen stood there a moment longer, before finally turning and trudging to her rental car. She had just sat down when her cell phone vibrated. She reached for it gratefully, relieved that she had been saved from sinking into despair, or worse, self-pity.
“Hello.”
“How are you, Carmen?”
Damon’s warm voice wrapped around her, providing her with the comfort her family had refused to give, and some of the tension slipped from her shoulders. He was more than her best friend. He was the supportive father figure she’d needed. She wouldn’t have survived these past years without him.
She’d been homeless, desperate and alone in New York when he’d found her. He’d given her a job as a clerk in his plastics company and found her a place to live, paying six months’ rent in advance for her. He’d also paid for her education. In short, he’d saved her life. Later she’d learned that he’d helped many other girls, giving them what he hadn’t been able to give his own daughter.
“I’m okay,” she replied automatically, and then sniffed, fighting back the tears.
There was only silence over the line, and Carmen knew he didn’t believe her. He had the uncanny knack of knowing when she wasn’t being honest with him or herself. In the seven years she’d known him, he’d never used that ability to take advantage of her, though.
“Well, maybe okay is stretching the truth a bit,” she admitted, and gave a watery laugh.
“Did you see your father?” Damon’s question, though quietly asked, blasted through the emotions she’d been trying to keep under control. Fresh tears filled her eyes.
“Yes. And he made it clear he wants nothing to do with me. He truly meant what he said when he threw me out of the house. I’m not his daughter anymore.” The last words were swallowed up by sobs. She’d lost her family years ago. So why was the pain still so fresh?
She dragged her arm across her eyes, using the sleeve of her jacket to mop up her tears.
“Did he say that?”
Swallowing hard, she dug a tissue from her purse and wiped her nose. “No. He didn’t say anything.” She tossed the damp tissue back into her purse and grabbed another one. “And don’t tell me he’s hurting because he lost his wife. I lost my mother and I’m hurting, too.”
“I wasn’t going to say that. I’m not going to make excuses for someone I haven’t met and don’t think I would like.”
“Good.” She sniffed again. “Are you back in the States?”
“Yes. I arrived home early this morning. I only wish I could have been there with you so you wouldn’t have to face this alone.”
Carmen wished so, too. But when he’d offered to return home early from his business trip abroad to accompany her to Sweet Briar, she’d told him it wasn’t necessary. She’d naively believed that her family would welcome home their prodigal child. Fool that she was, she’d actually thought they could comfort each other at this sad time and become a family again.
“Can you pick me up at the airport?” she asked.
“I already told you I would.”
“I don’t mean in a couple of days. I mean tonight. As soon as I can get a flight home.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes.”
Damon sighed. “What happened, baby?”
“Daddy’s not like you. He doesn’t care about second chances. He doesn’t want to have one more day with me. Not like you do with Kimberly.”
Damon’s daughter, Kimberly, had died nearly twelve years ago in a swimming accident. If she had lived, she would be a few years younger than Carmen.
“Carmen, he’s grieving,” Damon said gently, his voice calm and soothing. It was that tone that had convinced her that she could trust him all those years ago. “And he’s in shock. Give him time.”
“I thought you weren’t going to take his side.”
“I’m not. I’m on your side as always. But didn’t you tell me you wanted your family in your life again? How do you expect to accomplish that if you don’t give them a chance?”
“But what if they still don’t want me?” Her voice was small as she admitted her greatest fear. She’d almost convinced herself her worry was baseless and that they would greet her warmly. Now she knew they might never forgive her.
“Then they’re fools. But you’ll never know if reconciliation is possible if you run away. Try to work things out. Remember, I’m only a phone call away. If you need me, I’ll be on the first plane. Okay?”
She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Okay. I’ll stay. For now.”
“Good. I’m sure you’re making the right decision.”
“There’s more,” she said, forcing out the words.
“What?”
“Remember the accident I told you about?”
“Of course I do.”
She closed her eyes on the wave of pain and guilt that shot through her. “The driver of the other car died.”
“Oh, Carmen. Are you sure?”
“Yes. I met her husband today.” Unbidden, the image of Trenton Knight flashed in her mind. His sorrow had been a tangible part of his being. Even though he wore a wedding band, she would bet it had been put there by the poor woman who’d died in the accident. His pain was too raw and his anger too hot for Carmen to believe he’d found happiness with another woman. “She had two little girls.”
Her heart ached for him and for his motherless children. She couldn’t stand knowing she’d played a role in their tragedy. She should have tried harder to convince Donny to let her drive.
She exhaled a long sigh that turned into a sob. “I apologized to him, but he didn’t accept it.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I plan on apologizing again so he’ll know I mean it.”
“That’s a good start. But if you’re seriously sorry, you have to find a way to make amends.”
“I know.” She blew out a heavy breath. “Thanks, Damon. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You won’t have to find out. I’ll always be here for you.”
“I know. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She sat there for a while, pondering his words. Damon was right. She needed to make amends. She knew she couldn’t repair the damage she’d done, but there had to be a way to be of help to the Knight family. If she wanted to maintain her hard-earned self-respect, she had to try.
And she knew just where to start. Getting out of the car, she stood and straightened her shoulders. In order to go forward, she had to go back.
It took a bit of searching, but she found Anna Knight’s grave. The gravestone was clean and a pink rosebush had been planted in the center of the grave. Carmen took a deep breath and spoke softly.
“I’m Carmen Shields. I just found out you died in that accident.” Carmen gulped, feeling a bit uncomfortable, but plugged on.
“I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. I met your husband. He seemed sad.” She could have added furious as well, but she didn’t. “I know you didn’t plan on leaving your little girls. I can’t ever change that, but I promise I’ll do my best to make sure they’re all right. I’ll do all I can to help them.”
Having made her promise, she stood, turned and came face-to-face with Chief Knight.
Chapter Three (#ulink_b41fcc46-9108-57c0-8bae-75a5ff00443c)
“What are you doing here?”
Carmen took in the chief’s angry face and quickly looked away as she searched for an answer. He stood between two girls, who she guessed were his daughters. The younger one looked about eight. She had a pink sheet of construction paper in her hand and was looking at Carmen curiously, a smile on her pretty face.
The other girl was older, maybe fifteen or sixteen. She was tall and thin, with an unreadable expression, her hands shoved in the back pockets of her tight jeans. She glanced at Carmen and then sighed before turning away.
Finally, Carmen did what she’d been avoiding. She looked at Chief Knight. He’d changed out of his uniform and into a pair of dark dress pants and a white pullover. Despite her nervousness, she couldn’t help but notice the way his shirt emphasized his fit torso, and then she immediately chided herself for gawking at him in front of his children. He was holding a bunch of wildflowers and a large balloon that read Happy Birthday!
A fresh wave of guilt swept through Carmen. Although she needed to begin to make amends, this clearly wasn’t the time or the place. Mumbling an apology, she started to walk away. She’d taken only one step when her heel sank into wet grass and she stumbled. She reached out for something to break her fall but encountered only air.
