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Not What They Were Expecting
Neal Doran
Life can be complicated. And complications are the last thing you need when a baby’s on the way.But when Rebecca and James announce their joyful news, little do they know the road to baby bliss is far from smooth. Not only has James lost his job, but he can’t find another and can’t tell his wife why.Meanwhile Rebecca’s own family has picked the worst possible time to start to fall apart, and are relying on her to try and fix it.As secrets begin to permeate their lives Rebecca and James end up wondering are they really ready to be parents after all…But it’s too late now – and the expectant couple are about to learn that life doesn’t always turn out quite as you expect it.Praise for Neal Doran 'Neal Doran takes us in a rollercoster of emotions: happiness, joy, drama, betrayal, disapointment and secrets, lots of secrets. He keeps the reader totally hooked from the first page with his witty sense of humour and all the unexpected twists (there were some that I didn't see coming at all).' - Lost in Chick Lit'…you would be mad not to pick up this book as it was a wonderful read.' - Reviewed the Book'Neal Doran is funny, brilliant and heart-achingly real. Wickedly insightful with a real heart, he offers a fresh take on modern day relationships and real life. Neal is a rising star in contemporary comedic fiction!' – Miranda Dickinson, bestselling author of Take a Look at Me Now and When I Fall in Love 'Full of witty one-liners, Dan Taylor Is Giving Up On Women is a hilarious examination of the morals of modern-day dating." - Matt Dunn, bestselling author of The Ex-Boyfriends' Handbook and A Day at the Office.'Neal Doran is a very funny writer' John O'Farrell, author of The Man Who Forgot His Wife'A big-hearted breath of hilarious fresh-air, Dan Taylor Is Giving Up On Women is a tender, touching and terrifically funny debut. The crises, the crushes and the cringes of an honest and sharp look at a very modern romance, treat yourself.' - Richard Asplin, author of T-shirt and Genes
Life can be complicated. And complications are the last thing you need when a baby’s on the way.
But when Rebecca and James announce their joyful news, little do they know the road to baby bliss is far from smooth. Not only has James lost his job, but he can’t find another and can’t tell his wife why. Meanwhile Rebecca’s own family has picked the worst possible time to start to fall apart, and are relying on her to try and fix it.
As secrets begin to permeate their lives Rebecca and James end up wondering are they really ready to be parents after all…
But it’s too late now – and the expectant couple are about to learn that life doesn’t always turn out quite as you expect it.
Also available by Neal Doran
Dan Taylor is Giving Up on Women
Not What They Were Expecting
Neal Doran
Copyright (#ud707eb4c-7e91-5735-b5d5-a03577ffdb61)
HQ
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2014
Copyright © Neal Doran 2014
Neal Doran asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.
E-book Edition © June 2014 ISBN: 9781472095275
Version date: 2018-07-23
NEAL DORAN
grew up in London, and the only real childhood hardship he knew was not being able to get a bedroom door sign with his name spelled properly on it. He knew he’d rather be a writer than an astronaut from the time he realised he didn’t want a job that required too much travel. He has been an editor for spoof news website Newsbiscuit, written some jokes for BBC radio, and spent a short time as Britain’s most unlikely private investigator.
Neal now lives on the southwest coast of Ireland with his wife and two sons, who still prefer their mum’s stories to his.
He can be found on Twitter, usually when he’s not supposed to be, as @nealdoran.
Thanks to Mum and Dad, David and the much-missed Carol for not being anything like the parents and in-laws in this book. Thanks also to Mark & Liz for sharing their experience of ‘sharing’; Richard for knowing where I need to raise my game, and to Darren for getting locked out once; wise authors Mark Dawson and Matt Dunn; Miranda Dickinson for a year of marvellous mentoring; Kirsty Greenwood for putting an early version of the start of this story in the Novelicious Undiscovered final; Kathryn, Lucy and Victoria and all the team at HQ Digital for making this happen; and to Gavin Ames, because I forgot about him last time.
Finally, thanks to Jo for making life better than I ever could have expected, and Thomas and Noah for patiently waiting while dad wrote another book about kissing and stuff, rather than dinosaurs or zombies.
For Mum & Dad
Contents
Cover (#ubb507485-b1c7-5b17-aec1-4a152e93f80f)
Blurb (#uadf8f62b-9ed4-51f9-bc2e-bc34d4a6d1f5)
Book List (#u23943cf6-205e-5451-88cd-df6e6aa64302)
Title Page (#u19ef9017-89da-576a-a813-6aca435a648e)
Copyright
Author Bio (#uae8417c7-16a3-5f3f-99f2-6373688d6919)
Dedication (#u9287b3f9-524a-5329-85ed-69c4dae0258b)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Extract (#litres_trial_promo)
Endpages (#litres_trial_promo)
About the Publisher
Part 1
Chapter 1 (#ud707eb4c-7e91-5735-b5d5-a03577ffdb61)
‘Well at least the date means the anniversary will be easy to remember,’ James said.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘25
December 2011. The day the romance died. Still, five years, four months and seventeen days was a good run.’
‘Oh give over,’ Rebecca replied, ‘I was bursting. Now look away, I’m finishing.’
‘Although even without the romance there’s something about seeing you with your knickers around your ankles…’
‘Shut up and turn around, we’re running late as it is.’
‘I don’t need much time,’ he said, his mouth full of toothpaste.
Rebecca watched as he continued brushing his teeth, and making a big deal of looking away – staring at the bathroom doorframe, whistling, and occasionally feinting as if he was about to turn around. She grabbed the toilet roll from the top of the cistern, and noticed those cobwebs above the door must have been there for months.
‘And it’s five years, four months and fifteen days actually,’ she said over the cranky flush. ‘And I saw you wee in the first six months when we went for a ramble in the countryside after a pub lunch.’
‘I remember that walk,’ he said. ‘Did we—?’
