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His hand dropped to his side and she felt him give a big sigh. Eyes drifting closed, he relaxed against her.
The privilege of being the person who got to hold this baby and offer him safety was not lost on her. He was beautiful, those long, dark lashes an inky smudge on his cheek. As the bottle slid out of his mouth, a milky peace settled on his face.
What a strange feeling it was to have someone else’s child in her arms, completely dependent on her. She didn’t want to risk him waking up, so slowly she moved one leg and then the other onto the couch and laid her head back, letting the sleepless night catch up with her.
* * *
Ash knocked on the door of Jordan’s cottage. The place had been falling down when his brother, Joe, moved in, but he’d repaired it. Now with Jordan’s touch, there were dark purple and gold pansies spilling out of pots on the whitewashed front steps. The front door was painted a bright coral and the ceiling of the porch a contrasting pale blue.
He would never have imagined that the colors would work but they did, and the eclectic place seemed to suit Jordan. He tapped lightly on the door. No answer. Glancing at his watch, he confirmed that it was nearly noon.
Maybe she was at the barn?
He knocked again, a little more loudly, and heard shuffling on the other side of the door. A few seconds later the door flew inward.
Jordan, the baby on her hip, squinted into the noonday sunlight. She rubbed the heel of her hand in one eye. “Wow. Bright.”
“I’m so sorry I woke you up. I brought food?”
“I could kiss you.” She grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the door. Two bright pink spots of color appeared in her pale cheeks. “But I won’t. I mean, obviously I won’t.”
He laughed. “You might want to reconsider when you see what’s in the bag. I brought cinnamon bread from my sister Jules’s bakery. Mom sent you sandwiches from the Hilltop for lunch and my sister Wynn is in town and made you a chicken casserole for dinner.”
“You guys.” She pushed the door open wider to let Gus out and Ash in. “Come on in. I assume you knocked more than once? I’m sorry. We were up most of the night.”
“How’s he doing today?” Ash laid the armload of supplies onto the kitchen island and began to unpack them into the refrigerator.
“He took a bottle, which I know he’s technically too old for, but it just felt right. He’s been asleep ever since.”
Ash held up a brown paper bag. “Toddler formula. I think your instincts are on target. Even if he’s three, he’s probably developmentally delayed. Trauma and neglect have serious consequences. And... I’m not telling you anything you don’t know already.”
“He didn’t sleep until around four, I guess. He doesn’t seem as scared as he was when I first got him home, but he doesn’t cry so it’s hard to tell.” She brushed a hand over the dark curls. Levi flinched.
Ash shook his head. “Poor kiddo. He’s had such a rough time.”
Dark brown eyes opened and scowled at Ash. Jordan was right, though. He didn’t seem terrified like he had in the hospital.
“You may not know it now, Levi, but we’re going to be friends, you and I.” Ash pulled a construction vehicle sticker out of his pocket.
Levi curled into Jordan’s side, but his eyes were on the sticker.
Jordan idly ran a hand over the baby’s arm, gentling him. He wondered if she did it on purpose or if it was just instinct to her, like the bottle. The morning sun poured in through the windows, touching her red hair with fire. She really was something.
“Have you taken him outside? We could take him on a walk, get him out of the house for some fresh air.”
“Good idea. Let me throw some jeans and boots on. Don’t want to be walking around the barn in...” Her voice drifted off as she noted his leather loafers.
He laughed. “A little horse manure won’t kill me. I’ll take him while you change.”
Jordan shifted Levi to hand him to Ash, but the toddler was having none of it, and his arms locked around her neck in a vise grip. She sighed. “I’ll sit him on the couch. Don’t let him fall off.”
“Yes, ma’am.” As Jordan disappeared into the bedroom, Ash studied Levi. With his thumb in his mouth and big, dark eyes trained on Ash, he wasn’t letting anything get past him. “I thought we made progress. Remember the lollipop last night?”
No response. They were going to have to do some testing on this little guy to see where his deficits were. Ash wasn’t even sure that Levi could hear.
Jordan opened the door of her bedroom, her hair twisted into braids, a ball cap on her head and black Hunter boots over her jeans.
Levi’s eyes followed her as she moved around the room. She smiled at him, her eyes shining. “Little man, you ready to go for a walk outside?”
When the toddler looked at the door as Jordan picked him up, Ash figured that answered his question about hearing. He could at least hear and understand some things. “Have you seen him crawl or walk?”
“No. I put him down on the floor a few times with a toy during the night but he didn’t play. No crawling or walking. He sat in one spot and sucked his thumb, watching every move I made.” She opened the door and stepped out onto the porch. “Wow, it’s really nice out here this afternoon.”
He grinned. “Spring in Alabama. Severe weather, freezing cold, warm, hot. It changes by the hour.”
They walked along side by side. The farm was peaceful, in its way. Pastoral, he guessed, was the right word for it. The pond was pretty—clear and spring-fed. Chickens wandered the yard. Goats, horses and a couple of spoiled donkeys grazed in the pasture. Because it was Saturday, though, half a dozen kids, who looked like they might have multiplied, raced around the yard.
Ash loved kids. Kids were awesome. It was one reason he had chosen to work with them when it came time to select a specialty. He did not, however, want kids of his own. He was going to leave that up to Joe, because his brother now had enough kids for the entire family, certainly enough to assuage his mother’s desire for grandchildren.
Gus, Jordan’s dog, loped up, circling them, nosing Levi’s jammie-clad foot. Jordan uttered a low “Heel” and Gus dropped into place by her side.
She stopped at the fence to the pasture. Claire’s horse Freckles was closest and the most curious. He lifted his head and snorted. She laughed. “He wants his apple, Levi. What do you think we should do?”
The little boy bounced once in her arms, the most animated Ash had seen him. He popped his thumb out of his mouth and pointed at Freckles. Jordan dug a piece of an apple out of her pocket and held it out to Freckles, whose soft lips plucked it gently from the palm of her hand.
A cat twined through Ash’s legs and around Jordan’s.
“Mama Kitty,” Jordan said to Levi. He pointed at the children climbing on a play gym that Ash had helped Joe build. “Kids.” Levi nodded and stuck his thumb back in his mouth. Jordan watched the kids, who were screaming in laughter. “You know my sister and I were in foster care for a while. We were relinquished by our biological parents and placed with a family for adoption, but it didn’t work out.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I had a heart defect when I was born and had to have heart surgery before I was a year old. I don’t think the adoptive parents were prepared for a sick baby. They wanted to keep Claire, but the adoption agency refused to split us up. We were placed in a foster home.”
“How long before you were adopted?”
“Our foster mom adopted us when we were about eighteen months old. I’m not sure why it took so long, but that’s the system for you. Not everyone can have an idyllic childhood with Bertie and Frank as their parents.”
“Yeah, not so much.” As soon as the words were out in space, he regretted them. He didn’t like to talk about his childhood, at least what he remembered of it. Too many years had been spent in a drug-induced haze after surgeries, chemo and radiation. “When kids are sick, it puts a real strain on the family.”
Jordan silently fed another piece of apple to Freckles. When she finished, she looked at him, a quizzical expression in her ocean-blue eyes. “Are you speaking as a doctor?”
It was the perfect out. He could say yes and she would never question it, but what good would that do? “I had cancer when I was a kid. I spent most of two years in the hospital and then I was in and out all through school.”
“That must have been so hard.”
Her hand on his arm surprised him. He smiled, slid his fingers through his hair and looked away, embarrassed. “It was. No one in the family really talks about it much. Even me. Especially me, I guess.”
“We don’t have to talk about it, Ash.” Her voice was gentle, but he knew she meant it. Being with her was easy, and maybe that was why he found himself wanting to stay. To watch the sun travel the afternoon sky, talk to Jordan, watch the little guy’s eyes lose some of the wariness.
And that scared the mess out of him. Ash reached into his pocket for his keys. “I’m glad I got to see our little patient. Keep the cream on those irritated areas and stick with the formula for a while. I’ll see you in a few days at the office for his formal evaluation.”
Surprise hid in her eyes, but she nodded. “Sounds good. Thanks for the supplies.”
His car was just on the other side of the yard in the driveway. Was he running away?
Yes, probably.
And he didn’t have to dig deep into his psyche to figure out why.
Chapter Three (#u96d88f8f-fbad-5e81-851e-9e39512f2257)
Jordan bargained with Joe and Claire’s thirteen-year-old daughter, Amelia, to listen for Levi so she could do the morning chores with the animals. It cost her a drive into town to the middle school, but with Amelia safely at school, she and Levi had time for breakfast at the Hilltop before their appointment at the WIC—Women, Infant, Children nutrition—office.
The café was owned by Joe and Ash’s mom, Bertie, and her blueberry pancakes were the best in the state. Jordan pushed the door open, the bell on the door jingling.
Bertie looked up from behind the cash register and made a beeline toward them. “Oh, I heard about this little sweetie pie. Hi, Levi!”
Levi buried his head in Jordan’s shoulder and wailed. Jordan winced. “I’m sorry. He’s found his voice and he’s been using it. A lot.”
“No, it’s my fault. I always get excited and forget there’s a reason our kids end up in our family. We’re a little short on tables this morning, but Ash ran in for a cup of coffee and a Danish. He’s in the back corner.” As she said the words, she tucked her hand through Jordan’s arm and started walking.
“I don’t want to disturb him. Really, Bertie, I can wait.” A sense of desperation laced her voice. “We can get takeout!”
“Nonsense. He’ll love the company.” Bertie all but dragged Jordan to the corner table. “Look who’s here to have breakfast with you, Ashley.”
Ash’s jaw clenched and Jordan smothered a laugh as she slid onto the seat. “Only a mother can get away with calling you by your full name.”
Bertie chuckled. “I’ll be right back with coffee for you and...chocolate milk for the little one?”
Jordan looked at Levi. “Sure, let’s give it a try.”
Ash was wearing khaki pants, a spotless white shirt and a bright green bow tie with blue whales. His black square-frame glasses should have made him look nerdy, but didn’t. He just got cuter.
“Nice tie.”
She was teasing him but he looked up from his Danish and said, “Thanks.”
Catching the expression on her face, his eyes took on a knowing look. “Oh, you’re joking. Hmm. It must only be the under-twelve set that likes dolphin-print bow ties.”
He winked at Levi and a little pang hit her dead center in the belly. Why did he have to be so ridiculously handsome?
Their waitress, Lanna, placed a high chair at the end of the table and came back seconds later with a mug of coffee for Jordan. “The new baby’s cute. What can I get you?”
“Blueberry pancakes, please. Nothing for Levi, here.”
“Got it.” Lanna ripped a ticket off and shoved the pad back in her pocket. She turned to Ash. “A refill for you, hot stuff?”
Ash cut his eyes at Lanna. “Such abuse. I’m leaving.”
She was laughing under her breath as she walked to the kitchen to give Jordan’s ticket to the cook.
“Lanna loves to rub that in my face.” His cheeks turned ruddy. “When I was thirteen, I came in for a sandwich. She asked me what kind of bread I wanted and called me Ash, as she should. I said, ‘that’s “hot stuff” to you.’”
Jordan nearly spit out her coffee as she choked in laughter. “No wonder she gives you grief. You totally deserve it.”
He laughed and slid a ten under the sugar dispenser. “I know. I’m not sure what I was thinking. I was barely five feet tall and a hundred pounds soaking wet.”
“That’s some confidence.” She lifted baby Levi from the seat beside her into the high chair, but before she even got him seated, he was screaming. High-pitched, terrified screeching. She picked him up immediately, aware that every eye in the restaurant was on her.
Jordan pulled him into her arms and cuddled him as much as he would let her, saying over and over again into his ear, “You’re okay, Levi. You’re okay.”
It wasn’t long before the screams turned into sobs and then sniffles. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes tight against the world.
“Wow, when he found his voice, he really found it.” A little shell-shocked, she sat back against the bench seat, hands shaking, her face flaming. “It didn’t cross my mind that strapping him into the high chair would trigger the trauma for him.”
Ash slid his glass of ice water to her. “You did exactly the right thing to handle it. He calmed down quickly. The pediatrician in me is impressed.”
“I’m familiar with working with traumatized kids, just not usually this young. Being his foster mom makes it different than being a therapist, too.”
“I’ve heard great things from my patients who are clients of yours.”
She smiled. “You should come out some time and watch a session. The kids think they’re just coming to ride, but they work hard. And honestly, there’s something special about the horses. Some connection they have with kids with all kinds of special needs. I can’t explain it, but it works.”
“There’s a huge need for people to have options for therapy. Not just kids, either. Don’t give up.”
“I won’t. I’m not sure I could if I wanted to.” Her therapy practice was her passion and she absolutely loved the work she did with the kids. She’d even coached a few adult PTSD survivors with good results.
“Don’t give up with Levi, either. He’s got a long way to go, but we’ll get him there.” Ash glanced at his watch and slid out of the booth. “I’ve got to run. My first patient will be waiting for me.”
He took a few steps toward the door and turned back. “Hey, Jordan. Meltdowns happen. He learned during this one that you will be there for him when they do.”
Touched, she nodded. To be honest, it was all she could do. She had no words. She watched Ash walk out of the restaurant, his characteristic confidence evident as he waved at Lanna and kissed his mom, stopping long enough to whirl her around until she swatted at him to put her down.
Lanna slid the blueberry pancakes onto the table, along with a pitcher of warm maple syrup. “Bless this baby’s sweet heart. Yours, too. You stay as long as you like to finish that up.”
“Thanks, Lanna.”
Jordan leaned forward to take the first bite and nearly choked as someone popped into the seat across from her. A pretty blonde she recognized—from church, maybe?
“Hey, Jordan, I’m Darla. We met at the potluck after church a few weeks ago. I heard last night that you were picking this little one up and I called around. We’ve got meals planned for you for the next couple of weeks and Suzette Sloan pulled some baby supplies together for you. It’s not much but would it be okay if she drops it off on your porch?”
Jordan’s throat was full of unshed tears. She swallowed hard, focusing on the solid weight of little Levi in her arms. Meeting Darla’s sparkling dark brown eyes, she smiled, willing her lips not to tremble. “I don’t even know what to say. Y’all are so generous.”
“You don’t have to say anything—just say yes!” Darla laughed and pulled her cell phone out of her purse. “And give me your phone number in case we need to get in touch with you.”
Jordan rattled it off as Darla typed it in. “What made you guys think about doing this?”
Darla tucked a loose curl behind her ear. “Well, to be honest, I think we all wish that we had the nerve to do what you guys are doing out there on the farm. Maybe someday.” Darla’s phone buzzed and she glanced at it before jumping to her feet. “I’m supposed to be at Clara’s school right now. Okay, meals will start tonight and we’ll just leave everything on your porch. I’ll text you so you have my number.”
