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Kathleen pulled free and resumed pacing. “Why did I ever leave? What was I thinking?”
Noah stared at his empty hands, then tucked them into his pockets to keep them from reaching out for her again. “Honestly, I’ve never been able to figure that out. Did you think the leaders would pat you on the back for your efforts? You know they disapprove of your actions? But your parents don’t.”
She stopped and stared at him with wide blue eyes. “I don’t know what to do. In a hospital or surgery I do, but not here. Give me a patient, and I’d know what to do.”
How could someone be so confident in one area and not in another? “Climb back in the buggy and go see your family. Both you and they have been waiting fourteen years for this. Your reception isn’t going to change five minutes from now. Or five hours. Or five days.”
“You’re right. Gut or bad, I must go.” She clasped her hands together and bowed her head.
He prayed silently as well. Prayed for a warm welcome. Prayed for Kathleen to be strong. Prayed for Kathleen to become the woman Gott meant her to be. Prayed to get to know her better.
After another pickup truck passed, Kathleen marched around the buggy, climbed in and stared straight ahead with her hands folded primly in her lap.
Definitely not how he’d pictured the indomitable Kathleen Yoder. This Kathleen Yoder was never going to make it as a doctor in their Amish district. She would fall back into the traditional Amish role for women or leave the community for gut this time. That thought settled uneasily inside him.
Either way, it would be a loss, and he would be disappointed. The community could use her skills and knowledge as a doctor—even if they weren’t willing to admit it.
Yet.
No, she wasn’t the woman he’d imagined her to be. Hoped her to be.
She was so much better in so many ways.
Chapter Two (#u1c888003-8add-5727-8177-f57cd49f26e4)
Kathleen shifted on the buggy seat as Noah settled next to her. When he flicked the reins and the horse stepped forward, her stomach lurched in tandem with the buggy.
What was wrong with her? She had countered doctors senior to her when a patient was at risk, even grouchy Dr. Wilson. She had taught an undergraduate class. She had stood shoulder to shoulder with other doctors in an operating room.
Or was it this handsome Amish man sitting next to her? Couldn’t be. It had to be returning home.
This was her family. Who loved her. And that was the problem. It was one thing to have an arrogant doctor think ill of her, but quite different to have her family view her poorly. That would hurt too much.
Kathleen sat up a little straighter. Regardless of her family’s reaction, Gott had called her to this path. She had done nothing wrong in His eyes. And wasn’t He the one who mattered most?
Noah turned off the road and into her driveway. “Everything will be well. You’ll see.”
She hoped so. And strangely his words comforted her.
Like the other homes, solar panels sat on the roof.
A tricolor Australian shepherd loped from the barn, barking, announcing their arrival. A dozen or so chickens squawked and scattered.
Noah pulled to a stop and set the brake. When he got out, the dog pranced and leapt around him. “Sit.”
The dog raced a few feet away and tore back just as fast.
Making his voice more ominous, he repeated his command. “Sit!” When the dog finally obeyed, it settled at Noah’s feet, still wiggling as though it might burst. Noah tousled the shepherd around the neck. “What are you doing here? You should be at home guarding my sheep.”
Kathleen stepped down. “This is your dog?”
“Ja. She’s still young. My other two are supposed to be keeping an eye on her and training her. She does well while I’m on the farm but strays when I’m not there.”
She bent toward the dog. “What’s her name?”
“Kaleidoscope, on account of her eye.”
She looked at the dog’s eyes more closely. One brown and the other a patchwork of blues. “Are all your dogs this same breed?”
“I have a black Belgian sheepdog and a black-and-tan Cardigan Welsh corgi.”
The Australian shepherd rolled onto her back.
Kathleen obliged by rubbing her tummy. “How old is she?”
“Almost eleven months. She has a lot of growing up to do.”
“Noah!” a man called from the barn.
Kathleen froze. Was that her dat’s voice? She remained crouched with the dog and stole a glance out of the corner of her eye. The man walking toward them was too young to be her dat. Benjamin? He’d grown into a man.
The screen door of the house creaked, and her mutter spoke. “Noah, so glad you have come. Who have you brought?”
Air lodged in Kathleen’s lungs. She could breathe neither in nor out.
Kaleidoscope flipped from her back to her feet and ran for Benjamin. Fool dog. She was Kathleen’s excuse for not looking directly at anyone.
“Someone you’re eager to see,” Noah said in a light tone. His deep voice brushed over her, calming some of her nerves.
Still looking at the ground, Kathleen saw three pairs of smallish women’s shoes come into view. Her mum and sisters?
The time had come. Taking a deep breath, Kathleen stood and gazed directly into her mum’s face.
Her mum’s smile dropped, and her mouth slipped open. “Kathleen? My Kathleen?”
Kathleen nodded. “Ja, Mum.”
Mum cupped her face in both hands. “You’re home.” Her eyes glistened.
“I’m home.” Kathleen’s eyes filled with tears as well.
“I cannot believe this.” Mum pulled her into her arms. “Finally, my child has returned.”
After a moment, Ruby’s arms wrapped around her and Mum.
“Is that my girl?” Her dat’s voice came from beside her.
Both women released her, and her mum spoke. “Noah has brought our Kathleen home.”
Strangely, she liked the sound of that. Noah had brought her.
Beside Dat stood Benjamin, who had grown into a strapping young man, as well as Joshua and a gangly Samuel.
Dat gave her a pat on the shoulder in greeting. Exuberant for him. “You know Benjamin and Joshua, but you’ve not met Samuel.”
How old were they all now? She counted in her head. Benjamin would be twenty, Joshua eighteen, and Samuel thirteen. She’d missed so much.
Her brothers each gave a nod.
“Pleased to meet you, Samuel.”
He gave her another nod.
Mum hooked her arm around Kathleen. “You remember Ruby.”
Her twenty-one-year-old sister smiled. “Of course she does. It’s Jessica she might have forgotten. She was only one when you left.”
Fifteen-year-old Jessica was the spitting image of Mum.
Kathleen took one of Jessica’s hands and held it in both of hers. “Naturally I remember you. I carried you around wherever I went.”
Mum gave half a laugh. “She was quite put out when you left. No one could console her.” Her words weren’t said as an admonishment but in loving kindness.
Jessica gave Kathleen a quick hug. “Welcome home.”
“Supper will be ready in an hour,” Mum said. “Noah, you’ll stay and eat with us.”
Not a question but a command.
He chuckled. “I’d love to.”
His laugh warmed Kathleen.
Mum shooed the men away. “Get your work finished so you won’t keep supper waiting.”
The men—including Noah, leading his horse and buggy—tromped off toward the barn.
Noah glanced over his shoulder as he walked away, and a smile jumped to Kathleen’s mouth.
Ruby grasped the handle of the suitcase.
Kathleen reached for it. “I can get that.”
“Nonsense. You’ve had a long trip.” Ruby struck out across the yard toward the house.
Mum snatched Kathleen’s backpack of medical supplies off the bumping suitcase. And when her coat slid to the ground, Jessica retrieved that. With nothing left for Kathleen to carry, she followed in their wake.
She basked in her family’s love. All her trials, doubts and time away would be worth the heartache she’d endured to finally be able to help her people.
Jessica and Samuel might be strangers to her, and she to them, but she looked forward to getting to know them.
Standing shoulder to shoulder with her mutter and sisters in the kitchen was both familiar and foreign to Kathleen. The other three obviously had their regular tasks and worked in harmony. Kathleen was more of a hindrance than a help until Mum sat her at the table to snap the green beans. In time, she would ease back into the flow of the goings-on in and around the house. Hopefully, that wouldn’t take too long.
* * *
Noah washed up at the outside spigot with the Yoder men. He had always been welcomed at their table. Even more so since losing Rachel three years ago.
He followed the others inside and sat across the table from Kathleen. Though the shortest of the Yoder women, Kathleen was similar in height to the rest. All between about five-two and five-five. Why had he ever imagined her to be so much taller? And assumed she wouldn’t be so pretty?
Seeing Kathleen sitting in the usually empty place always set for her seemed strange. She was finally here to fill the void she’d left. He’d never known this table with her physically here. Her presence had always been felt, even when she wasn’t mentioned, by the fact of the vacant chair and unused place setting.
After David said grace, each person filled their plates. Everyone chattered easily except Kathleen. She quietly ate while appearing to enjoy the conversations around her. He tried to listen as she did, a person who had been away for nearly a decade and a half.
Partway through the meal, Samuel asked, “Do we have to call you Doctor now?”
The room became silent. This was what Kathleen had likely feared. Noah wanted to speak up to save Kathleen from having to answer. But why? She was more or less a stranger to him. There was something about her that drew him in. Made him want to protect her.
But her vater spoke up. “We’ll discuss that another time.”
Smoothly avoided, but obviously a tender subject.
Kathleen set her fork down. “I don’t mind answering. You are my family. I’m still Kathleen.”
Samuel turned back to his plate. One by one, everyone else did the same. Except Kathleen. She looked at each person around the table, then settled her gaze on Noah. He couldn’t read her expression, but it flickered between hope and discouragement. He could almost read her thoughts. If her family couldn’t accept her being a doctor, how would the rest of the community?
Kathleen averted her gaze first, picking up her fork again and stacking several green beans on it. Nothing but the soft clinking of silverware on plates, swallowing of milk and breathing. The silence in the room resounded as loud as hail pelting the roof.
How much opposition could she take before she gave up? Though not overt opposition, it was opposition nonetheless. How could such a small slip of a woman stand against the whole community? They would wear her down even though what she was offering could help the community greatly. He ached to help her. But what could he say? It wasn’t his place. But still he longed to.
After a couple of minutes of the painful silence, and Kathleen shifting in her seat, she spoke up. “How’s the garden faring this year?”
Pamela’s shoulders relaxed. “It’s doing very well. We’ve planted several new fruit trees since you—in the past few years.”
So that was how it was going to be. Would everyone in the community pretend Kathleen had never left? Pretend she hadn’t gone to college? Pretend she wasn’t a licensed doctor?
He sighed. Too bad Kathleen had caved under the pressure of silence. What would she do if the leadership decided to shun her for her actions? She would give up for sure. But the table conversation relaxed back into typical Amish discussions about farms and gardens, horses and canning, and barn raisings and quilting. She had put order back into the meal.
Later at home, Noah stared into the mirror. He should have shaved off his beard years ago, but since he never planned to marry again, he didn’t see the need. The Lord had been niggling him for months to do it, but he’d ignored the prodding.
The image of Kathleen sprang to his mind. She’d mistakenly thought he had a wife.
It was time. He opened the mirror cabinet over the sink and retrieved scissors, a disposable razor and shaving cream. He pinched his two-inch brown chin whiskers between his thumb and index finger and poised the scissors to snip.
Several breaths passed.
Releasing his beard, he lowered the shears. Was he ready to completely let go of Rachel and their child?
Lord, I know I need to let them go. I should be ready, but I’m not. Please heal my heart.
