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“My parents washed their hands of me when I married Lyle,” she admitted. “Well, not actually right then, but later, when he’d stolen from my father’s company.” She looked up at Finn, hoping he would understand why she’d chosen Lyle over the mother and father who had loved her so.
“I’d promised to stay with him, for better or worse,” she said finally.
“And it only got worse, didn’t it?” His mouth had lost all traces of his usual good humor during their exchange and his eyes seemed to lose the sparkle she was wont to see in their depths. His hands touched hers and the bowl she held was lowered to sit on the ground at her feet, leaving her fingers free to twine with his.
“I’ve tried, especially on this trip, not to let others know how bad it was,” she said with a sigh.
“Most of those who traveled nearby your wagon knew you were being abused during the last weeks,” Finn told her, and she swallowed a protest. As though he read her mind, he nodded, a firm movement of his head. “There was no hiding the way he spoke to you, Jessica. And more than once you wore bruises.
“It was all I could do not to shoot him myself,” he admitted. “Jonas told me to stay out of it, that if you wanted help, then it would be time enough to interfere.”
“Lyle was difficult,” she said, looking down to where Finn clasped her hands in a grip so firm she thought she might never be turned loose from his hold. “You can let go of me,” she told him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not without me, anyway,” he said fervently. “From now on you’ll be mine to protect, Jess.”
“I haven’t said—”
“Look at me,” he said, cutting off her words with a wave of his hand. And then as if he saw something in her expression that made him hesitate, he only smiled. “Later on,” he said quietly. “We’ll talk after a while, when we’ve eaten and taken care of the bath detail down at the stream.”
She nodded, willing to set aside their discussion. Pewter bowls from the keg made an appearance within moments, and Jessica lifted the lid from the kettle a bit, peeping beneath to check on the dumplings. “I think they’re almost done,” she told him.
“I’ll wash up,” he said, reaching for the basin that hung on a hook beneath her wagon. “There’s fresh water on the water wagon, Jess. I’ll pour some in your barrel.”
She nodded, shooting him a smile of thanks. “All right. I’m beginning to run low.”
“We’ll fill all the barrels in the morning. Jonas said there’ll be time for the ladies to do their washing before we head out again and cross the stream. We’ll go upstream and make sure we dip clean water while the women get lines strung and scrub their clothes. We may be here for another full day.”
She sighed in anticipation of a day spent doing the small bits and pieces of household chores that would allow her to stay in one place, and then volunteered a bit of help in his direction.
“You’re doing so much for me, Finn. Let me do your washing tomorrow, why don’t you?” she offered. “It’s the least I can do in return for your hard work on my behalf.” He considered her for a moment, then nodded agreement before he turned away.
Her gaze remained on him as he headed for the water wagon, heard the murmur of his voice as he spoke to someone while he poured water from a bucket into her basin, and then watched as he returned. The man moved with a natural grace, she thought, his stride long, his shoulders wide, and his body lean and honed.
For so long a time she’d made certain not to look at another man, lest she set Lyle into a temper tantrum. It was no wonder she’d paid no attention to Finn during the early weeks of the trip west. Her instincts were for self-preservation, and one glance from her eyes toward anyone wearing trousers was all the excuse Lyle would have needed to punish her for her lapse.
Now, she thought with a sense of freedom, she could look at Finn Carson all she pleased. And it did please her, she admitted to herself. She had the right to pick and choose who she would speak with, the privilege of walking beside another woman, passing the time of day, should that be her inclination.
She turned back to the fire and lifted the lid of the kettle with a folded towel, setting it aside with care, lest she burn herself. Her large serving spoon held a dumpling and over-flowed with gravy and meat as she turned it out into a bowl. Another scoop of the spoon added a potato, bits of onion and more gravy.
“Looks good,” Finn said, standing at her elbow, waiting to take the bowl from her.
He sat by the fire and watched her as she served the second bowlful and then joined him, easing to the ground with care, accepting his hand for balance as she settled beside him.
They ate in silence, broken only when Finn rose to serve himself another bowlful of the stew and offered her seconds. She shook her head, and he nodded, settling down beside her again, only to nudge her with his elbow as he pointed to where two little boys ran back and forth, chasing a dog between the wagons.
“I’ve always wanted a dog,” she said as she scooped up the final bite from her bowl. “Lyle said they weren’t worth the food it takes to keep them alive.”
“I’ll get one for you if you like,” Finn told her. “But probably not until we get to the end of this trip. Hell, you can have two of ’em, if it’ll make you happy, Jess.”
She laughed aloud in delight, and then quickly placed her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound. “I can’t believe I did that,” she whispered. “I’m supposed to be in mourning, Finn. One day a widow and already I’m carrying on as if I’d never been married. Let alone the fact that I’m to have a child.” She smiled at him. “If you can get a pup, I’d appreciate it. And I’ll try to be more circumspect in my behavior. No more cutting up and carrying on.”
She felt the same weightless sensation she’d noticed earlier. “It’s almost as if I’m set free, Finn. As if the bars have been removed and I’m no longer a prisoner.”
“Well, you’ve about got that right,” he told her flatly. “After what you put up with, no one would blame you if you had spit on the man’s grave.”
“Oh, I doubt that would have gone over very well,” she said quietly. “There are a couple of the ladies who don’t seem to approve of me. Even at the graveside, one gave me a long look and sniffed, as if I smelled really bad.” Her eyes sought his, and she felt the old sense of loneliness creep closer as she spoke words that saddened her yet filled her with a new resolve. “I think they’d like to see me leave the train at Council Grove.”
Finn snorted and shook his head. “A pretty woman is always vulnerable to gossip,” he said. “And you’re the prettiest female around. Some women can’t help but keep a tight rein on their menfolk. Maybe they think you’re a threat to them.” He shot her a quick look. “And then there’s the single men, most of them needy—some of them really looking for a wife. Why do you suppose the vultures are circling? We’re all hoping you’ll give one of us the nod.”
“Is that so?” She took his bowl and stacked it in hers, then rose to clear up the remains of their supper.
He watched, relaxing for a few minutes, enjoying the sight of her graceful movements, the elegant line of her profile and the prospect of having her walk beside him to the bank of the stream a bit later on. “Harv said once Geraldine got their girls settled down for the night, we’d go to the stream for our baths,” he said quietly. “I see her scrubbin’ them up right now, and Harv’s cleaning up their supper dishes.”
“I won’t be long,” Jessica told him. “I’ll just need to clean my kettle out first.” She emptied the remains of the stew into a quart jar and set it aside, then poured clean water into the black container, sloshing it around before she dumped it on the far side of the wagon. Again she poured a portion of clean water into it and set it over the fire to heat.
The bowls went into it, along with the spoons and the mixing dish she’d used earlier. Finn watched, a comfortable sensation flooding him as she methodically did her evening chores. She would wash everything in a few minutes, adding soap and using a rag to clean every surface. He’d watched her from the shadows more than one evening as she organized her campsite, aware of the aura of loneliness surrounding her. Lyle had not invited the friendliness of others, and Jessica had suffered for it.
Now she looked up, smiling as Arlois approached, towel in one hand, a bundle of clothing in the other. “We’re about ready to walk to the stream,” she said. “Geraldine said she’d be ready in five minutes, and a couple of the others are coming along. Can I help you, Jessica? I’ll climb in your wagon and find your towel and nightgown and wrapper if you like.”
“Would you?” Jessica answered. “I’d appreciate it. I try not to hoist myself up over those boards any more often than I have to lately.”
His own towel and change of clothes were ready at the back of Jonah’s wagon and Finn sauntered in that direction, nodding at Arlois as he walked past her. “You and your wife going along?” he asked another of the men, and received a nod. He felt a part of the group in a different way tonight, he realized, aware that it was because of Jessica, because of her tentative acceptance of him as a suitor.
Glancing back to where she stood with Arlois, he caught her gaze and knew a moment of revelation. Limned in the light of the fire behind her, she seemed an almost unearthly figure. And wasn’t that a strange thought.
For the space of just a few seconds he was back in Saint Louis, watching as an unknown female stood by a covered wagon and then was tossed with uncaring hands to sit atop the seat. Her eyes had met his for only a moment then, her nod a polite response to his own.
And with an ironic twist of fate, she’d been destined to be the one woman he must pursue in order to avenge Aaron’s death. Marrying her would only solve part of the problem, he admitted to himself silently. If she found, somewhere down the road, that he’d courted her in order to gain possession of Aaron’s deed, she would turn from him in anger and disgust. He would lose her trust should his motives be revealed.
One day, he would tell her the whole story, one day when their marriage was secured and he’d had time to prove himself to her. And if she turned from him then, he would kick himself for keeping the secret from her.
Finn clenched his jaw. It couldn’t be helped. Blood had been shed, and Aaron’s death must not be in vain. Jessica was an innocent bystander, but that fact couldn’t be considered now. Of primary importance was possession of the piece of paper that had caused Aaron’s death. No matter the cost, he would possess the deed, and Aaron would be avenged.
The group assembled quietly in the darkness, whispering among themselves lest children sleeping in the wagons be disturbed. Finn walked beside Jessica, lifting her hand to rest on his bent arm as he led her toward the stream. Around them several couples walked, the women clinging to their menfolk, almost as if this were a celebration of sorts.
“I feel as if we’re going to a party,” Geraldine Littleman said in an undertone as she and Harv caught up with Jessica’s slower stroll. “I’m so tired of that wagon seat and walking in the dust, it’ll be almost fun to wash clothes tomorrow morning.”
“I hope you’ll be feeling the same way when I bring you my things,” Finn said in a low voice, his head bending until his mouth almost touched Jessica’s ear.
She smiled at his words, glancing up at him, her fingers squeezing his forearm. Words didn’t seem to be necessary, she thought, enjoying the darkness, the murmurs of the men and women who surrounded them. Just ahead was the stream, its banks lined by shrubbery, shaded by darkness that spread its cover beneath the low branches of willows that fought for space beside the water.
The men stayed at a distance while the women sought the shallow stream. “I’m glad Mr. Carson brought you along,” Geraldine said as she dropped her bundle on the stream bank. “You looked so tired today, Jessica. Not that it wasn’t expected, after all that happened yesterday.”
Besides Arlois, of all the other females on the train, she’d been drawn to the young mother. She’d watched during the evenings as Geraldine’s two young daughters wrote their sums and then begged for stories from the precious books that held a place of honor in their wagon.
“Mr. Carson was thinking of you, I’ll warrant, when he walked around to the campfires, recruiting the bunch of us to come along for bathing tonight,” Geraldine said with a chuckle as the women stripped quickly from their clothing. “I think he has eyes for you, Jessica.”
“You think so?” she asked, thankful for the darkness that hid her rosy cheeks. Her dress lay around her ankles and now her underwear followed. “I’m amazed that any man would be interested in a woman who’s carrying another man’s child,” she said quietly, catching her breath as she skimmed her stockings off. She bent to tuck them into the bundle she’d made of her dress and petticoat, and then straightened, glancing over her shoulder to where tall figures were shadows in the moonlight.
Naked but for her shift, Jessica felt the evening breeze flutter the soft cotton of her brief garment and she shivered. The women were vulnerable, almost nude as they shed their clothing. Another look eased her mind, for two of the men faced west, three looked toward the east, long guns in their hands as they guarded the place where their womenfolk enjoyed this rare treat. Finn was the farthest from her, Jessica realized, but if he should turn, he would be able to see her, would no doubt recognize her outlined form in the shadows, a shape heavy with pregnancy.
Her hands quickly removed the simple ribbon from her braid and as she untangled the three strands, running her fingers through her hair, she recalled Finn’s words. I like your hair that way, hanging loose down your back. She smiled, allowing the length of it to fall almost to her hips once it was free from its confinement.
It was her only concession to feminine pride, this heavy mass of waving hair that proclaimed her a woman in the most primitive fashion. Falling around her like a mantle, it hid much of her from view until she gathered it in one hand, pulling it over her shoulder as she entered the river.
Carefully she stepped from the bank into knee-deep water, her precious bar of soap in hand, and sank beneath the surface, settling on the sandy bottom. The current was slow, and in the shallows where she bathed, the water held but a trace of the day’s heat. Cooler than her body by a long shot, it was a welcome relief to her parched skin. After long moments, she rose to her knees and bent over, allowing her hair to float on the surface, then began working up suds in her hands. Even a sunbonnet couldn’t keep the dust of the trail from settling on her head, and she used her nails to scrub the soap into the surface of her scalp, and then squeezed the suds through the length of hair.
The women, almost as one, washed, soft murmurs of pleasure rising from their throats as they enjoyed the luxury of soap and water, then rising from the shallows to splash away the residue. Whispers floated above the surface of the moving stream as they laughed among themselves, and for those precious moments, Jessica delighted in the camaraderie of their kinship as women.
A call from one of the men broke the air, interrupting the soft chatter, and they hushed as a male voice bespoke impatience at keeping watch.
“That’s my David,” Arlois confided. “I think he’s getting anxious to crawl under the wagon with me. I told him last night he smelled like a warthog.”
Jessica joined in the wash of laughter, and with the others completed her ablutions in haste. Another such occasion might not present itself for several days, possibly not even before they arrived in Council Grove, and they would not ruin another opportunity by lingering overlong in the water.
Quickly they donned their nightwear and together they trooped up the rise to where two of the men waited. David Bates motioned them to walk ahead, ready to escort them back to the circle of wagons. The other men hastened to the water, and within seconds Jessica heard the splashing of bodies in the stream as the men sought the depths at the middle of the expanse in which to bathe.
David whispered a quick word in Arlois’s ear before he loped back to the stream, and she laughed aloud, leading the way between two wagons into the light of the campfires. Seeking their wagons, the women were the object of male eyes from every corner, the men obviously enjoying the sight of females in various styles of robes and wrappers, their hair falling damply down their backs.
Jessica sat on her chunk of wood beside her dying fire, toweling her hair, then drawing her comb through its length, a process that involved long moments of unsnarling the waves that resisted her attempts to curb their tendency to corkscrew. Her fingers tamed it finally, and she worked hastily to form a long braid, aware of watching eyes. Then, with awkward movements, she arose and began the process of climbing into her wagon bed.
Her knee became tangled in her gown and she teetered for a few seconds, almost falling before she managed to gain the inside. Her wrapper slid off and she folded it, then tugged her feather tick to the floor, where it covered almost half the available space. Four feet wide, the wagon held all she owned, most of her belongings stacked along the sides, only leaving enough room for her to make her way from one end to the other.
Even with the chairs Lyle had tied on the outside and the heavy objects dangling beneath, the contents would barely make enough furnishings for one room once she arrived in Colorado.
Her quilt sailed wide and settled on the feather tick, and once more she was thankful she’d dug in her heels and insisted on bringing it along, even over Lyle’s protests. It was her only luxury, comforting her body each night. From the river, she could still hear the men’s voices, raised in laughter. Perhaps another night one of them might make his way to her wagon, might climb in to join her on her bed.
The stark memory of Lyle sharing her bed caused her to tremble, and for a moment she wondered if ever she would welcome a male presence beside her. The blessing was that she no longer had to fear a cuff from a closed fist or a slap from his narrow, gambler’s hand. The sound of Dave’s low voice, speaking teasingly in masculine tones caught her ear and she thought of Arlois, waiting for him to join her beneath their wagon.
The thought that she might one day welcome a man lured her beyond her fear and she envisioned golden hair and blue eyes that smiled on her with approval.
Without a moment’s regret for the loss of the husband she’d buried only yesterday, she recognized the depth of the attraction to Finn Carson that had gripped her so quickly. Refusing to allow the burden of guilt to weigh on her shoulders, she thumped her pillow and nestled it beneath her head as she spread a sheet over herself.
She’d done her best to be a good wife to Lyle, and had only years of neglect and abuse to show for it. The blame for her unhappiness rested on the gambler she’d spent four years trying to please, and now she was free from the millstone her marriage had become. Her sigh was deep as she settled herself to sleep.
But in only moments she heard her name spoken in an undertone, and at the sound her eyelids flew open. “Jessica? Are you awake?”
“Yes.” It was all she could manage to whisper as she crawled from beneath the sheet and made her way to where he stood, the wooden rear panel of the wagon rising between them. She knelt, leaning her forearms on the barrier, and looked up at him. He was in the shadow of the wagon, but his hair glimmered silver, and she could barely resist the urge to touch its damp length as he looked down at her.
“What do you want?” Her voice was a hushed whisper, and Finn swallowed the answer that begged to be spoken aloud.
You. Just you. Instead, he murmured quiet words of concern. Did she need anything? Was she all right?
His hand brushed against strands of hair waving about her face, and he rued the braid she’d formed to tame the heavy fall, wishing with all his heart that he might see it undone in the moonlight, might wrap his fingers in its length. He watched as her slender hands moved to settle on the piece of wood that separated them, noted how she clutched at it, and dropped his own hand to rest beside hers.
If he bent just a little, he thought…if she tilted her head just so…if only there weren’t others nearby.
“I’m fine,” she whispered, drawing him from his fanciful meandering. “Thank you for planning the jaunt to the stream. The women were all so pleased, and I haven’t been clean all over at the same time for longer than I want to think about.”
It was silent for a moment, only the sound of fractured breathing apparent as Jessica inhaled and then allowed her breath to pass through soft lips that opened as if she would speak again.
And then she tilted her head—just so—and he bent, just a bit.
Without a twinge of regret, his lips touched hers, lingered for a moment and then retreated. “Good night,” he said, aware that his voice was rough, his breathing rapid, and his arousal apparent. He turned aside to walk in the darkness outside the circle of wagons. His horse was tied to the wagon he normally slept beneath, and he quickly exchanged halter for bridle and reins, and then with one leap was astride the animal.
He wouldn’t be gone more than twenty minutes or so, he figured—just long enough for his body to resume its usual condition—before he sought his bed. Although his normal condition these days was one of longing for a woman who was patently still off-limits to him, at least until he could get a ring on her finger.
A woman who held a deed to property he’d vowed to retrieve the day he’d stood by his brother’s grave. A woman whose husband had fired a bullet into Aaron Carson and then set off to claim his gold strike and the property surrounding it.
A woman who was unaware of Finn’s dual purpose in courting her.
Jessica Beaumont. The woman he intended to claim as his own.
Chapter Four
Laundry was the order of the day, with rope lines strung between wagons, where a motley assortment of clothing was hung to dry in the hot sun. Men carried baskets of trousers and shirts, dresses and undergarments up from the stream, and their womenfolk reached high to drape them higgledy-piggledy over the lines. Those men without wives did their own or paid out good cash money to willing ladies who were not averse to accepting their coins.
The children ran wild, as if it were a holiday, and even though they were ever under the watchful eyes of their parents, they splashed downstream in the water and played tag beneath the trees. The noon meal was taken together, the womenfolk carrying food from their individual campfires to where quilts were spread beneath the willows near the water. Upstream, several of the men had cast lines into the water, and their catch lay on the stream bank.
“It feels like Fourth of July, doesn’t it?” Arlois asked Jessica as she settled her youngest boy with a pewter plate on his lap.
Jessica nodded, remembering picnics from her childhood, and for a moment she was lonesome for the company of her parents, who were lost to her now. She would write them, she determined, before they arrived at Council Grove, and send the letter back to Saint Louis. By that time she would be able to tell them her news, of Lyle’s death and the man who would be her husband from this time on.
“You’d think we were celebrating July fourth early, wouldn’t you?” Finn picked up a drumstick from his plate and bit into it with gusto.
“That’s almost the same thing Arlois said,” Jessica told him, enjoying the smile he tossed so casually in her direction. She watched him eat, noting the manners he exhibited with unconscious ease. His upbringing had obviously contained the presence of a mother who taught her son well the everyday courtesies, judging from his ability to make himself at home with any company.
“I think these folks will take any opportunity to have a good time,” he said, waving his drumstick in the general direction of the men and women sitting in small groups beneath the shade of the willow trees. He looked down at his plate. “I’m glad the ladies were able to come up with picnic food. I saw some of them picking berries at daybreak. Must’ve been for this cobbler.”
“Hazel O’Shea contributed three eggs to make that,” Jessica said. “They’re about worth their weight in gold. Her husband had a fit when she insisted on bringing along her hens in a cage, but I’ll bet he’s happy now that she won that fight. He’s about the only man on the train who eats eggs for breakfast a couple of times a week.”
“How about seeing if we can pick up a couple of hens for you once we get to Council Grove?” Finn asked. “I can make a cage for them if there’s wood available.”
“Would you?” she asked. “I thought of it in Independence, but Lyle said it would be too much trouble turning them loose to scratch every evening, and they’d probably get eaten by hawks once we let them run free a bit.”
“You just have to keep a close eye on them,” Finn told her. “We could manage if it’s something you’d like. We’ll have a chance to buy some supplies at the general store there, too. The prices are high, but you’ll know better now what things you need to fill in the gaps in your supplies.”
“Your hunting expedition is what made this such a good meal, you know,” Jessica told him. Finn had headed up the group of hunters early in the morning while the women did their washing, and the wild turkeys and rabbits they’d shot and prepared for roasting over the fires formed the basis of the meal they shared. Along with the berry cobbler, another of the women had generously used her store of dried apples to make fried turnovers, then cut them in pieces for the children to share.
It was almost like being a part of a family, Jessica decided, and though the group would split off into different directions in a few weeks, she knew she would never forget the unexpected delights of this day.
The laundry hanging on the makeshift lines was ready to be tended by the time their picnic was finished, and the women turned back to their mundane chores as the menfolk watered the stock and carried quilts and weary children back to the circle of wagons.
It had been a joyous day, Jessica thought as she folded Finn’s shirts. She inhaled the fresh scent of the prairie breeze that seemed caught up in the very fabric of each garment, then stacked them neatly on a box. As she turned from the chore with the last of his shirts in her hands she caught sight of him, striding with long, firm steps toward her wagon, her quilt across one arm, a basket of her belongings from the picnic swinging from his other hand.
“I’ll take care of your clothesline,” Finn said after he deposited her things inside the wagon. He reached up to unfasten the length of rope from a hook on the rear bow, and walked slowly toward the next wagon in line, looping the coils over his elbow and hand as he went.
She watched, enamored by the idea of a man doing chores for her. She’d been so long without tenderness in her days and nights. And now Finn provided that quality in abundant measure. He twisted and turned the rope, forming it into a neat figure eight, and then leaned past her to hang it on the nail where she stored it.
