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Her eyes were the same deep, luminous brown that he remembered. The same unhappiness he had seen before continued to lurk in their depths. He had the ridiculous urge to reach out and stroke her cheek.
“I went back to that club every night for two weeks hoping to find you again.”
She unclenched her hands, folded her arms across her chest and leaned back in the chair. “Two whole weeks. Wow! I’m flattered.”
Frowning at her sarcasm, he said, “You left first, remember?”
Her attitude of defiance faded. “I remember. Look, I made a mistake. A big, huge, gigantic mistake.”
“You don’t get to take all the blame. Nobody held a gun to my head.”
“All right, we made a huge mistake.”
Shane wasn’t proud of his behavior that night. “Just so you know, I’m not in the habit of picking up women in bars and taking them to motel rooms.”
A tiny smile curved her lips. “Corporal, I could tell. And just so you know, I used to pick up guys in bars all the time for the price of a drink and I’ve seen the inside of a cheap motel more than once.”
Annie Delmar watched the soldier’s eyes widen as the meaning of her words sank in. To his credit, he didn’t make any smart remarks. She had heard plenty of them in her time, but she never got used to the hurt.
This was so much harder than she had imagined. She wanted to sink through the floor. Maybe she should just leave. That would be the easiest thing to do.
She needed a drink.
No, I don’t. I want a sober life. I deserve a sober life. God, if You are listening, lend me Your strength. Help me do the right thing for once.
Drawing a deep breath, she launched into the speech she had worked on for the past week. There was a lot this man needed to understand. “I can tell by your expression that you get my drift. I used to live a very destructive lifestyle, but I’m in recovery now. I had been clean and sober for almost a year when I had a setback. That is no excuse. I made a choice to drink and to spend the night with you when I knew it was wrong.”
“What kind of setback?”
His concern wasn’t something that she’d expected. “You mean, what caused me to fall off the wagon? It doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“It must have.”
“Okay, maybe it did, but I’ve been sober since I left you at that motel. That’s what’s important. I’m getting the help I need and I’m getting my life back on track.”
There was a joke if she’d ever uttered one. Her life was closer to being derailed than on track, but she didn’t want this man to think she couldn’t handle herself. She would handle this and she would do it the right way, with God’s help and the help of others like herself in AA. Still, she found it hard to meet his frank gaze.
“That’s good,” he said at last. “I hope it wasn’t something that I said or did.”
She relaxed for the first time in days. “No. You and your buddies came along afterward. You were all so happy about something. You were all laughing.”
He had a nice laugh. She remembered that about him even if other parts of that evening were fuzzy.
He pulled his hat out from beneath his arm. She watched him fold and unfold the red ball cap that matched the T-shirt he wore under his army jacket. She had no clue what he was thinking.
“Our unit had just returned from riding in the inaugural parade in Washington, D.C., and our sergeant had just gotten engaged. She’d be mad if she knew we went out drinking to celebrate. I don’t mean to sound like a prude, but I don’t normally drink.”
“I could tell that, too.”
It had been his cheerful smile and his happy laughter that had drawn Annie to him that night. She had craved being a part of that happiness as much as she had craved the liquor.
She cleared her mind of the memory. “Look, I need to make it plain that I don’t want anything from you. I want you to know that. I don’t want anything from you. Do you get that?”
He stopped scrunching his hat and looked at her. “You don’t want anything from me. I get that, but I’m sort of hazy on all the rest. Amy, why are you here? How did you find me?”
“My name is Annie.”
“Annie. I’m sorry.”
She thought she was done feeling like this. Cheap and disposable. Crossing her arms again, she looked down at the floor. “Don’t be. The music was loud. We were…”
Why does this have to be so hard? I’m trying to do the right thing, Lord. Please help me.
Shane looked down and began folding his hat again. “I never was good with names. I forget my own sometimes.”
Annie saw his discomfort and took pity on him. The man was six feet tall and as good-looking as the day was long—if a woman liked the blue-eyed cowboy type with a Texas drawl that made every word in the English language sound as soft as a cotton ball. And he was embarrassed because he didn’t remember her name.
“It’s okay. It’s not like we had any intention of becoming best friends.”
Looking up, a slight grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “My list of friends is pretty short. I’d be honored to add you.”
Oh, yes, he was as sweet and kind as she remembered—and she was about to drop a bomb on his life.
“As for finding you,” she continued, “that wasn’t hard. It’s a big Army base, but how many stables are there here?”
“One.”
“Right. I called and spoke to your captain yesterday and he told me when you would be here today.”
Annie glanced at her watch. She couldn’t stay much longer. It was time to get it over with.
This is my step number nine: I need to make amends for the harm I caused. I need to admit the truth.
Was she doing the right thing? She wasn’t sure she should burden this man with her news. Telling him wouldn’t change anything, but Marge believed that he had a right to know, and Annie believed in Marge’s wisdom. She had seen it in action time and time again.
Annie raised her head. She had come a long way in the last year even if she had slipped up one night. She could be proud of what she had accomplished since she’d turned her life over to God. Something good would come of this because it had to be part of His plan.
“Corporal Ross—”
“Call me Shane.”
“Okay, Shane, I’ll get to the point. I’m here because I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Two
Shane blinked once, not certain he had heard Annie correctly. He opened his mouth but closed it quickly without posing the question that dangled on the tip of his tongue.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m sure it’s yours?” she demanded.
The mixture of defiance and pain in her voice made him glad he hadn’t spoken that thought aloud.
“I don’t think you would have gone to the trouble of finding me if you weren’t sure.”
Her attitude softened slightly but not completely. “That’s right.”
She shot to her feet, clutching the strap of her scuffed black vinyl purse. “Okay, then, I guess we’re done.”
He stood in surprise. “Whoa! You can’t just lay this on me and then scoot out the door.”
“Why not? I told you I didn’t want anything from you.”
“You’ve just told me I’m going to be a father. I need more than a minute to process that information.”
“Sorry, but one minute is all you get. Look, neither one of us wanted this. We were both looking for a good time, not for a family. My counselor convinced me that you deserve to know. Now you know. From here on out it is my problem and I’ll handle it as I see fit.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to leave here and get to my job before I’m late. Have a nice life.”
She stepped around him and headed for the doorway. Was she kidding? She had hit him with this brick and now she was going to split? As she started to pull open the door, he reached over her head and pushed it shut with a bang. “Wait just a minute!”
The look she sent him was twice as sharp as the nails he had put in Jasper’s shoe. “Take your hand off this door.”
“I will as soon as we settle a few things.”
She crossed her arms and glared at him. “Such as?”
“Do you plan to keep the baby?”
“None of your business.”
“I hope you aren’t considering an abortion.”
“That is also none of your business.”
“If it wasn’t any of my business, you wouldn’t be here. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or what I’m supposed to say, but this isn’t just your problem.”
She drew a deep breath. “I have to decide what is best for me. You don’t get a say in that.”
It was plain she didn’t want his help or his interference. If she didn’t want him involved, wasn’t that her right? Past experience had certainly proven he wasn’t father material. Why should this woman think differently? She barely knew him and yet she had already made that decision. He pulled his hand away from the door frame. “Okay, you need to do what is best for you. I guess I can understand that.”
“Good.”
Shane stuffed his hands in his pockets and stepped away from her. “I’m sorry this happened. If there is anything you need…anything…let me know.”
“I won’t need anything, and you don’t need to worry that I’ll show up again looking for support for this kid. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had to find out like this. You seem like a nice guy.”
He quickly crossed the room to the desk. Picking up a pen and business card, he scribbled his cell number. Returning to her side, he handed it to her. “This is my number. Could you at least let me know what you plan to do? I really want to know.”
She hesitated, but took it from him. “I’ll think about it.”
Annie pulled open the door and walked out of the office with her heart pounding like a drum in her chest. Her hands felt ice-cold and her legs were barely able to hold her up. She prayed she could make it to her car without falling down. She was bad at confrontations.
Corporal Shane Ross had no idea how much it had cost her to maintain her mask of indifference. At least the dreaded meeting was over and she could stop worrying about it. Now it was time to look ahead and make a plan.
She managed to reach her car. A soldier stood on the other side of her beat-up peacock-blue hatchback, chatting through the rolled-down window with her roommate in the passenger seat. Crystal was laughing at something the man said. Annie glanced back. Shane stood just outside the building, watching her. His face wore a puzzled frown. Who could blame him?
The sudden clop-clop of hooves startled her as a soldier walked past, leading two brown horses with black manes and tails. She had heard a lot about Shane’s unit from him during their one evening together. At first she had thought he had been teasing about being in the cavalry, but it had soon become apparent that he and his friends really did ride horses in a modern army.
Shane had spoken with quiet pride about his participation in the inaugural parade in Washington, D.C. She could still see his shy smile and the sparkle in his blue eyes when he spoke about it. He hadn’t been the best-looking guy in the bar that night, but there had been something about him. In him she thought she had seen someone like herself. Someone without anyone.
Yeah, and look where that got me.
Opening the car door, she climbed in and slammed it shut. If only she could shut out her memories as easily.
Crystal leaned toward her. “How did it go?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Did you see those horses?”
“I saw them.” Annie tried twice to get the key in the ignition before it finally slid into place. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Please, please let it start.
“Private Avery was just telling me that we can have a tour of the stable and even pet some of the horses.”
“We don’t have time. We’re going to be late as it is.”
“Come back someday when you can stay longer,” Avery suggested. “I’d be happy to give you a private tour.”
“I’d like that,” Crystal gushed.
The car’s temperamental engine turned over. Annie breathed a silent prayer of thanks, then backed out of the parking space.
“’Bye,” Crystal called, waving as they drove off.
“Roll up the window,” Annie snapped. “It’s freezing in here and you know my heater doesn’t work.”
Crystal did as she was told. “You didn’t have to be rude to Avery. He only wanted to let me see his horses.”
“It was just another pickup line.”
“It was not. Sometimes I think you don’t like men.”
“I don’t dislike them. It’s that I don’t trust them—and neither should you.” If Crystal couldn’t see that, Annie wasn’t going to waste her breath trying to convince her.
Shane turned away from the sight of Annie’s car disappearing down the street. He knew he’d never hear from her again. She had already decided he had no business being a father.
Avery came over to stand beside him. “What did the lady want?”
