скачать книгу бесплатно
Toby put one hand on the porch post, looking as if he’d like to pull it loose and throw it. “Fighting?”
“Just pushing each other. There’s no need for you to say anything more to him. I can deal with what happens at my school.”
“I’m sure you can.” His glance held a hint of surprise. “You’ve changed, Susannah.”
“I’ve grown up,” she corrected. “We both have.”
He blew out a sigh. “I don’t know. Grown-ups are supposed to have the answers, aren’t they? I don’t seem to have any.”
“No one does. We just muddle along and do our best to live as God wants.”
She’d had every intention of keeping her conversations with him cool and impersonal, and here they were, talking like old friends again. Like people who’d known each other so long that they barely needed to use words.
“What can I do, Susannah?” He was looking at her, his eyes so honest and pleading that she knew she had to help him, no matter the risk to her heart.
“I’ve been giving it some thought,” she said carefully. “It seems to me that Anna just needs a bit of time and patience to ease her transition to her new life. As for William...” She had to proceed slowly. She didn’t want to add to Toby’s burdens, but he seemed to be the key to the boy’s difficulties. “Perhaps if you could spend more time with him—”
“Do you think I don’t know that I’m to blame?” The quick flash of anger seemed to be directed more at himself than at her. “That’s the main reason I moved back here. I want William to have the kind of relationship with me that I had with my daad, working together, enjoying each other....” His voice trailed off.
“I know,” she said softly. “I thought perhaps if you volunteered to help with the Christmas program, it would be a start. William could work with you building the props and getting the classroom ready. And Anna would find reassurance in having you close at hand during part of her school day.”
And what would she find in having Toby in her classroom, seeing him often, trying to manage her rebellious heart?
But Toby’s face had already brightened at her suggestion. “That’s a fine idea, Susannah. If you’re sure you can stand having me around so much, that is.”
She couldn’t force a smile no matter how hard she tried, but she nodded. “Gut. That’s settled, then. We’ll start work on the program on Monday afternoon.”
“I’ll be here,” he said. He started to turn toward the classroom and his kinder, and then stopped, looking into her face. “You’re a kind person, Susannah. I won’t forget this.”
His fingers brushed her hand, and awareness shimmered across her skin. No. She wouldn’t forget, either.
* * *
Susannah sat beside Becky in the buggy on Saturday, struggling to find the best way of telling her friend she was going to be working with Toby. There didn’t seem to be any.
Becky was bound to disapprove, and Susannah could hardly blame her. After all, it was Becky who’d seen her through that terrible time after Toby left.
Back then, Susannah had managed to keep her calm facade in place with other people. That had been prideful, most likely, but it had seemed necessary. She hadn’t wanted to burden her parents or Toby’s with her hurt. It was only with Becky that she’d felt free to expose her inner grief and pain.
They were pulling into the parking area at Byler’s Book Shop, and she still hadn’t managed to bring up the subject. Byler’s, like most Amish businesses, was located right on the family farm—a square, cement-block building to house the store, run by Etta Byler, with the help of various sisters and cousins.
Becky parked the buggy at the hitching rail, and they both slid down. “I love having a reason to visit the book shop.” Becky was smiling in anticipation. “I think I’ll get a book for each of the twins for Christmas. After I help find the materials for the program, of course.”
“You can do all the browsing you want,” Susannah said, leading the way to the door. “That’s the best part of coming to the book shop, ain’t so?”
Susannah paused inside the door, taking in the sections devoted to children’s books, history and the ever-popular Amish romance novels. Several women were already browsing through books by their favorite authors. Becky cast a longing look in that direction, but she followed Susannah to the area devoted to aids for teachers.
Susannah paused in front of a display of bulletin-board materials. “I was thinking that we might work the whole program around the idea of light. Jesus came to be the light for the world, and then there’s the Christmas star and the idea of letting your light shine....”
“But not blinding your neighbor with it,” Becky finished the familiar Amish phrase, grinning. “That’s a great idea, if we can find enough things that relate to it.”
“I can write some of the pieces myself, if I need to.” The youngest scholars were usually the most difficult to find parts for. They needed roles that didn’t require too much reading and would allow them to move around, if possible. They’d be fidgeting, anyway, unused to being the center of attention for all the parents and grandparents and siblings who would pack the schoolhouse for the event.
“Stars, candles,” Becky said, musing. “Or even lanterns. We have some in the barn.”
“I’ve been thinking of having two or three large cardboard candles on each side of the area where the scholars will perform. They’d enjoy that, I think.”
Becky nodded, quick to jump on the idea. “We can get some of the fathers to make them, ain’t so? Who do you want to ask?”
Susannah couldn’t put it off any longer. At least no one was close enough to hear Becky’s inevitable reaction.
“I already have a volunteer.” She kept her voice casual and her eyes on the shiny cutouts she was leafing through. “Toby is willing to help.”
It took so long for Becky to respond that Susannah thought she hadn’t heard. She grabbed Susannah’s hands and pulled her around to face her.
“Toby? What is wrong with you, Susannah? Why would you let Toby anywhere near you after what he’s done?”
“Shh. Becky, his children are my students. I can’t keep him away from the school.” She had no hope that Becky would accept that as a reason.
“I know what he’s doing.” Becky’s eyes narrowed. “He’s volunteered to help because he wants to get close to you again.”
Her voice had risen, and Susannah shot a quick look around. “Hush. Do you want someone to hear?” At least in a public place, she had a reason for trying to mute Becky’s protests. Unfortunately she knew she’d have to listen to them all the way home.
Becky dismissed her words with a quick gesture. “Why didn’t you tell him no? Say you already had enough help?”
“It wasn’t that way.” She found she was trying to avoid her friend’s eyes. “Toby didn’t suggest it. I did.”
Becky was silent for a moment, clasping her hands tightly. “Ach, Susannah, what were you thinking? You’re surely not falling for him again.”
“It’s nothing like that,” she protested. “William is troubled, and he needs attention from his father. I thought if they worked together on the project, it might help him.”
Becky pressed her lips together in disapproval. “Let him do that outside of school—far away from you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. My only interest in Toby is as his children’s teacher. I’m not going to get involved with him again.”
Becky studied Susannah’s face for a moment and shook her head. “I’m not sure if you actually believe what you’re saying or not. But I am sure of one thing. If you let Toby get close to you, he’ll only hurt you again.”
Susannah felt her throat tighten as she considered the words. Becky was only saying what she herself knew was true. But her commitment to her students came before her own feelings. Somehow, she’d have to get through working with Toby without exposing her heart.
Chapter Four (#ulink_0ca51f42-97be-51f8-95d7-e16bdf7fabfc)
Toby felt more than a little out of place when he arrived at the school Monday afternoon for his first stint helping with the Christmas program. Susannah had seemed confident that this would be good for his children, but he couldn’t deny it made him self-conscious to think of trying to build bridges with his children under her gaze.
Well, Susannah wouldn’t be critical of him. That wasn’t in her nature. He’d turned his kinder over to her with complete confidence in her abilities, so the least he could do was follow her advice.
The schoolroom was already humming with activity when he stepped inside, and Toby paused for a moment, hefting his toolbox in one hand, while he tried to make sense of what was going on. One group of children seemed to be reading their parts out loud, while in another corner, some older girls were working on poster-size sheets of paper.
Becky was there, directing a group that was decorating a bulletin board. She gave him a cool nod, making him wonder what she’d said when she’d learned he’d be helping. Nothing complimentary, he imagined.
Susannah greeted him, wearing her usual composed smile. “You’re right on time. I have the materials over here for the big candles, and I thought you and some of the boys might start on those first.”
He nodded, following her to one side of the room where some desks had been pushed out of the way. She’d described what she wanted, and it seemed simple enough, although time-consuming, especially since Susannah expected him to be working with the children instead of doing it himself. Still, that was a typically Amish way of learning—doing a task alongside someone who had already mastered it.
Almost before he had gathered his thoughts, Susannah left him alone with a group of boys that included his son. William wore a wooden expression that suggested he wasn’t sure if he liked having his father here in the schoolroom.
“Suppose you all gather ’round, and I’ll show you what Teacher Susannah wants us to build.” He spread out the drawing he’d made for them. “The candles will be supported by a base and a diagonal, wooden brace on the back, where it won’t show.” He pointed with his pencil, and several of the older boys nodded.
“We’ll be painting them when they’re finished, ain’t so?” One of them, a tall kid with a shock of wheat-colored hair brushing his eyebrows, asked as he leaned over the sketch.
Toby nodded. “We’ve got a lot of work to do before then, so let’s get started.”
To his relief, several of the older boys immediately caught on to what was required. They had obviously done some carpentry before. He was able to set them to work on one candle while he tackled another with the younger ones, and soon the tap of hammers joined in the chorus of children’s voices practicing their lines under Susannah’s direction.
“You started school here at the right time,” he told William. “Putting on the Christmas program is one of most fun things you’ll ever do in the Pine Creek school, ain’t so?”
His son shrugged. “I guess.”
Toby inwardly sighed. If he got discouraged every time William gave him a two-word answer, he’d be done before he started. He had to persevere.
“My daadi says you went to school here with him.” The boy working next to William had a face spattered with freckles and a gap-toothed smile.
Memory stirred. “Is your daadi Paul Broder?”
The kid’s grin widened as he nodded. “I’m Matthew Broder. Do you remember my daad?”
“I sure do. Ask him if he remembers the time we ate the green apples from the apple tree in the schoolyard and were sick all afternoon.”
The memory brought a smile to his face. Paul had often been his partner in crime, as he recalled, but he hadn’t trusted Toby’s judgment quite so much after the green-apple affair.
William made a pretense of ignoring them, but he suspected his son was more interested in the conversation than he let on.
“Teacher Susannah was in school here with us, too,” he said. “Did your daad tell you that?”
Matthew nodded. “Everybody knows that.”
Of course. Everybody knew everything there was to know about people in this isolated community. Funny how he’d once been so eager to leave, when now he just wanted to fit in again.
Holding a crosspiece for the base while his son hammered a nail in, Toby realized he hadn’t felt this content in a long time. It was good to be back in the familiar schoolroom, feeling again the sense of order and purpose that permeated it.
And it was especially satisfying to be working next to his son, watching William’s small hands mimic his actions. This was what they could have had all along, if he hadn’t been stuck working in the factory all day and getting home so late that he hardly saw his kinder.
But he’d known what to expect when he got married. Emma hadn’t made any secret of her feelings. He just hadn’t expected their marriage to turn out the way it had.
By the time Susannah rang the bell signaling the end of the school day, they’d made good progress on the first two candles. He glanced over to catch Susannah’s eye.
“I’ll stick around for a few more minutes to finish up, if that’s okay.”
She nodded, supervising as her scholars lined up to leave, obviously preoccupied with seeing that they had coats, jackets, books, lunch pails and so forth. In a moment the schoolroom had emptied, but Becky lingered, her jacket in her hands and the twins tugging at her skirt.
“I told my mother we’d pick her up right after school,” she was telling Susannah, sounding unduly concerned about something so simple.
“Of course. Go ahead.” Susannah picked up a pencil that had dropped on the floor.
“Are you sure?” Becky paused with a meaningful glance at him.
“Go.” Susannah made a shooing motion with her hands.
Despite her doubts, Becky went out the door with her twins.
Once the door had closed behind them, Toby grinned at Susannah. “Is Becky worried about my reputation or yours?”
A faint color came up in Susannah’s cheeks. “I...neither, I’m sure.”
Her reaction took him aback. Maybe this was more than just a matter of Becky disliking him for jilting Susannah. He thought of what Daad had said about the school board member. Was Susannah’s position really so precarious that she couldn’t be in the schoolroom with a man she’d known all her life? Or was Becky afraid Susannah still had feelings for him? Either way, he’d best be careful.
Anna tugged at Susannah’s apron. “Teacher? Were you really in school with my daadi?”
Apparently Anna’s curiosity had overcome her shyness. He was so relieved he rushed to answer. “She was. And so was the twins’ mother.”
Anna blinked, absorbing this news.
“Your daadi grew up here in Pine Creek,” Susannah explained. “So this was his school. When we were in first grade, like you, I sat here.” She led Anna to the desk she’d occupied in the first row. “And he sat right across from me, where you sit now.”
“Really?” Anna seemed to look at her desk with fresh eyes. “Did you really sit here, Daadi?”
“Teacher Susannah is right as usual,” he said solemnly. “In fact, if no one has sanded it out, my initial might still be under the seat.” Crossing to them, he turned the seat over and showed her. “See?”
Susannah looked at him with amusement in her eyes. She bent to run her fingers over the letters he’d dug with the point of a compass, bringing her face close to his. “I can see I’ll have to have these refinished.”
Her nearness brought a treacherous memory to mind. He’d taken Susannah home from a singing for the first time—Daad had let him take the two-seater buggy. He’d been so determined—and so nervous—to kiss her, it was a wonder he’d ever got up the courage.
He’d stopped the buggy just beyond the glow from her parents’ kitchen window. Turned to her, just able to make out the soft curve of her lips. She’d smiled at him and then, maybe reading his intent in his face, her smile had trembled. Their lips had met—an awkward kiss that carried with it all the sweetness of first love.
Maybe the memory showed in his face too clearly. Susannah’s eyes met his, and they darkened. Her lips trembled, and for a moment, he was transported back to that buggy on a spring night....
The schoolroom door clattered open, and heavy footsteps sounded. Fear flared in Susannah’s eyes.
Moving deliberately, he righted the desk, setting it squarely upright. Then he turned to meet James Keim’s unfriendly scrutiny.
“James Keim, isn’t that right? I’m Tobias Unger.”
“I know who you are.” Keim glanced from Susannah to him. “What are you doing here?”
The question was almost openly hostile.
Anger flared, but before he could speak, Susannah did.
“Toby has two kinder in our school.” Her tone was perfectly cool, and Toby wondered what it took to keep it that way.
