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Had it been the accident? he wondered now. That would make sense, answer the questions he had been carrying around in the years since they had been together. It hit him like a blow to the chest, the thought that perhaps he had been wrong. That she had wanted to come as desperately as he had wanted it. But it didn’t hurt any less when she looked at him and didn’t see him.
He’d thought of her over the years. Thought of them. Thought of the days and the nights that they had spent on this beach. Thought of the night, years later, that he’d made the decision to buy the tiny uninhabited island of Le Bijou and build his resort. Thought of the pain that he had felt when he had been left alone, wanting her, wondering what had gone wrong. Thought of all the ways that he had tried to numb that pain, and the consequences that had spiralled out of control.
And then he couldn’t think about it any more, because the loss and grief from that time of his life was still too painful, too raw even to glance at, never mind examine more closely.
He’d come here to get over her. To face their past, bury it, landscape over the evidence and then move on. But then he’d seen her lying there, looking exactly as she had the day that he’d left her, and known immediately that it was a mistake.
But maybe the fact she didn’t remember him was a saving grace. She had no idea what they’d once shared and he had every intention of keeping things that way. He could never let her know what they had been to one another. What he had felt for her. He’d spent years trying to get over her. To shake the pain that her rejection had caused him. And he couldn’t bear to reopen those old wounds. Not now.
They were over. They had been over for a long time. She didn’t even remember that they had ever been together and, as far as he could see, that was a good thing. He wouldn’t take that away from her and replace it with the anger and bile that had built up and then been fought down over the years. If she knew what he had done—who he had become—after the last time he had left this island she could only be relieved that she had escaped him.
It was kinder to lie, he told himself, convincing himself of its truth. He had to live with what they had lost and he wouldn’t wish that on her too. Not now, when he knew that he could never again be that person he had been when they’d been together. Even though they were here on Le Bijou, they could never go back and be who they had been before.
He couldn’t risk being in a relationship again. The only time he had tried it since Meena had ended in the worst possible way, and it was something for which he would never forgive himself. There was no way that he could ever let Meena get involved with him again. She was better off without him. Better off not knowing him.
Meena turned and looked at him, and he knew he’d been caught staring. He couldn’t let that happen, he chastised himself. Couldn’t let her see what he felt for her—what he had felt for her, he corrected—those long years ago. Before she’d failed to turn up as she’d promised and confirmed what he’d always known about himself—what his parents had made clear for as long as he could remember—that he just wasn’t worth it.
She’d never let him become part of her life here on the island. Or vice versa. He’d agreed to it at the time because, more than anything, he’d just wanted her in his life and the sneaking around had felt fun at first. But he had realised, later, that she had done it on purpose, had kept their relationship separate from the rest of her life, so that when it was over she could move on.
He wouldn’t let it happen again because they were done. She had no idea they’d ever started anything in the first place and that was a blessing.
‘So I’m going to make a start on the detailed environmental impact study tomorrow,’ Meena said eventually. ‘You should have already received the initial report; this one will go into greater detail on the areas that were raised as a concern. I’ll keep you updated with the results as I progress.’
‘Do that,’ Guy replied shortly, wanting this meeting at an end. ‘I need those permissions in place as soon as possible if I’m going to keep to my schedule.’ And he would be keeping to his schedule and leaving as quickly as possible. If his usual project manager hadn’t broken his thigh bone in a nasty jet-ski accident, Guy wouldn’t have had to take this meeting. He would have been on the island and off again within a couple of days, leaving everything in the capable hands of his team. It was the only way that he had been able to contemplate being back here at all, to minimise the risk of accidentally bumping into Meena. Now he was faced with the prospect of managing this himself, for the foreseeable future at least, and that meant managing Meena. Or trying to. He couldn’t think that he had ever been successful at it before.
‘Well, don’t think I will rush it,’ Meena said right on cue, confirming his fears of how this working relationship was going to proceed. ‘There are reefs on this side of the island and the coral is very vulnerable. It’s my responsibility to make sure that the environment isn’t harmed by your building developments here, and I’m not going to cut corners. If you want to build here, you have to take care of the island first.’
He gritted his teeth, knowing that his tension was probably showing on his face. But why hide it? She didn’t care what he was thinking. He was nothing to her. A stranger.
‘I understand that—I think my plans have made reasonable provisions for the environment, so there should be no hold-ups. I will be following your work closely.’
She bristled at that, crossing her arms and fixing him with a glare. Good. He could handle her like this. He could handle angry. Angry was nothing like what he remembered between them. Angry didn’t bring back memories that still—somehow—had the power to hurt him. Well, not for much longer. Once his plans were under way, this island would no longer be recognisable. Would no longer call to him. Would no longer be the yardstick by which he unconsciously measured his experiences and his relationships. Of course, no real woman could live up to an island fantasy, a summer romance with a beautiful girl while he’d been on holiday, barely into his twenties.
‘Where are you going to start with your report?’ he asked, trying to read her notes upside down. But her notes were in French. A language he had started to learn once—with scribbled love notes—here, with her—but had fallen out of using. Another very good reason he had hired a capable project manager to oversee this development. As soon as he got off this tiny island and back to the capital, he would be instructing his assistant, Dev, to find a temporary replacement for his injured project manager.
‘I need to inspect the reef,’ Meena said, checking her list. ‘Many of the ones nearby have suffered from coral bleaching or damage from boats, and my initial look showed that these reefs appeared to be suffering similarly. At the very least we would need to do any remedial work before building is approved and make a plan for how it can be protected from further human damage. My other main concern is the turtle population. I saw tracks on the beach that indicate there may be a nesting site. We need to wait out the incubation period to see what, if anything, hatches, and to ensure that increased use of the beach won’t impact on breeding or migratory patterns.’
He nodded, wondering how much time this was all going to take. But these were details, and he was no longer the details guy. He was the money and he was the vision. One of the joys of being the boss of your own multi-billion-dollar resort business was letting someone else worry about the bloody turtles.
‘I’m sure your report will be fine, Miss Bappoo. Just submit your findings to my office and someone will be in touch.’
He turned away from her but then stopped, his feet halting in the sand. Was this it? Was it all finally going to end with a glib remark about turtles? With Meena having no idea that they had met before today? He turned back and looked at her. Really looked. He saw pink rise in her cheeks at his unmasked appraisal of her.
Seven years. That was how long it had been since he had seen her. And yet he couldn’t see any sign of it on her face. Her cheeks, rosy beneath the warm bronze-brown of her skin, were still the smooth apples that he remembered. Her eyes were as golden and as full of challenge as they had been then.
What would she think of him, he wondered, if she remembered the man—boy—he had been? Would she find him much changed? His body was no softer—he had worked hard to ensure that. His heart, however, was harder—she was responsible for that. He shook his head. That wasn’t fair. He couldn’t entirely blame her for the way he had behaved after they had broken up. He had to carry that alone.
He held her gaze for a moment longer. He needed to know that she had seen him—really seen him. To give her one last chance to recognise him. To remember.
The blush faded from her cheeks as he refused to look away and her expression changed. He didn’t know her well enough any more to guess what she was thinking. But in that moment it wasn’t indifference. Curiosity, maybe. Desire. Did he want that? Would this feel better if she wanted him? If he was the one to walk away this time? Probably not, he conceded.
Anyway, those wounds had healed a long time ago, he told himself. He didn’t need them to be reopened. ‘So, goodbye, then,’ he said, and turned from her, walking back towards his speedboat, knowing this would be the last time that he saw her. It had to be.
CHAPTER TWO (#uef0f6499-50e1-5d97-be6f-3ad55e540b21)
‘COME IN.’
Guy glanced at the schedule on the computer monitor; he wasn’t expecting a meeting and the knock on the door had taken him by surprise. In fact, he hadn’t been expecting still to be on the island at all, but the search for a replacement project manager was proving to be more difficult than he had hoped. He’d already delayed his departure from the island by a fortnight, and the replacement that he’d hired couldn’t fly out for another week at the earliest. Guy was going to have to get the environmental permissions he needed before he could get back to Sydney. Whoever was at the door had better be quick. He had three days’ worth of work to do that evening. The last thing he needed was an unscheduled five o’clock meeting.
In the promotional brochures he’d had mocked up, he’d billed his island as paradise. But most of what he’d seen of the country in the last two weeks was the inside of its government buildings and his air-conditioned office. He could have been in the offices of any of his corporate buildings for all he’d seen of the local environment.
The door opened and he glanced up; his body registered her presence before his brain did. Before her name formed on his lips, his heart was beating wildly in his chest and there was a tightness, low in his belly, that seemed a response unique to being close to her.
‘Meena, what are you doing here?’
Way to play it cool, he chastised himself, angry that she still had that hold over him, the ability to make him say what he was thinking without any regard for whether it was a good idea. When they’d been younger, it had felt like a blessing: their mutual honesty helping them past the barrier of dive instructor and pupil. Past the social conventions of a conservative culture and into the realms of something much more personal.
‘Your environmental reports,’ she replied, her brow furrowed into a curious expression. ‘I emailed them over to Dev and he told me you’d want me to come and talk through my findings in person.’
‘And why is that?’ he asked, wondering why his assistant had thought that another meeting would be the way to cap off today. ‘Never mind. Just give me the highlights.’ He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. The last thing this project needed was more delays.
‘Well, the headline is, I’m not giving the approval for your permits.’
Guy sighed, leaned forward again, rested his elbows on his desk and gestured towards the chair opposite, inviting her to take a seat.
‘Why not? What’s the problem?’
She crossed to his desk and laid out the paperwork in front of him. ‘The main problem right now is that the reef won’t withstand an increase in boat traffic or sedimentation from the building work. There’s been extensive bleaching and it needs to be stabilised and then an ongoing regeneration plan put in place.’
He gritted his teeth. Ongoing. ‘Ongoing’ wasn’t a word he wanted to hear in the context of this development, and not from Meena of all people.
‘Anything else?’
‘There’s still no sign of hatchlings from the possible turtle nesting site. We need to wait out the incubation period and see what we’re dealing with before I could give the go-ahead.’
‘How much time are we looking at?’
‘A couple more wee—’
‘Unacceptable,’ he interrupted. ‘This needs to be wrapped up within a week maximum, Miss Bappoo. I can’t leave the island until they’re done, and I need to get back to Sydney.’
‘With all due respect, that isn’t for you to say,’ she replied, crossing her arms. ‘This will take as long as it takes. It’s not something you hurry. It’s not something you can hurry. This is my call.’
He looked at her, assessing. Was she doing this on purpose? he wondered. Because of their past? And then he had to remind himself that she didn’t even remember their past. She wasn’t angry with him. She didn’t feel anything for him. He envied her ignorance. He wished that he could see this as she undoubtedly did: a simple business matter with no personal feelings involved.
‘That’s not good enough,’ he stated, leaning back in his chair.
She mirrored him, implacable. He remembered that look and he knew that it meant that there was no changing her mind. ‘Unfortunately for you, your feelings on the matter aren’t a criterion in my report.’
He shook his head. A standoff wasn’t going to get them anywhere fast. Cooperation was the only way that he was going to get this project moving again. ‘Tell me what I can do to make this happen faster.’
He saw his more relaxed demeanour soften her. ‘You can stop asking questions like that for a start,’ Meena said. ‘Faster isn’t the aim here; environmental conservation is. I’m not letting this island come to harm because you want to throw your hotel up faster.’
‘I’m not throwing anything,’ he retorted. ‘And you say that like you think I want to cause harm. I don’t; that’s why you’re here.’
‘Good to know. I’ll note it in the report.’
He paused. ‘Meena, I...’
She was doing all this to protect the island. Their island. The tiny speck of sand and rock in the Indian Ocean. Could it be that she remembered it? That that was why she was being so fiercely protective of it? The thought warmed him somewhere deep but he shook off the feeling. That wasn’t what this was about. She didn’t remember him. She didn’t remember anything about who they had been to each other.
‘Look,’ Guy said. ‘I want this application to go through and I have no interest in doing any harm to Le Bijou,’ he lied. ‘Tell me what I need to do to make that happen.’
She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. ‘You really want to do this right?’
He nodded. ‘I really do.’
‘Then you need a marine biologist on your team once building starts. Someone to ensure you are considering environmental impacts at every stage. You need short-term and long-term sustainability plans, and someone to hold you to account.’
He gave an ironic smile. ‘You seem to be doing a pretty good job of that.’
‘For now.’ She smiled back. ‘But my job’s done when the reports are completed. This island needs a permanent guardian.’
‘You’re right. And you’re perfect for the job.’
As he said the words he knew that it was true. Much as he hated to admit it, she would be the perfect person to make sure that the island was protected through the building of the resort, and after. And once his new project manager started he would be gone and he wouldn’t have to see her again. If this was what it took to get the permits approved, he would do it. He could see from her face that she was surprised by the offer nonetheless.
‘I have a job,’ she said abruptly.
‘True.’ He shrugged. ‘But here’s the offer of another. Because you’re right. An in-house marine biologist should always have been a part of the plan. I think this offer shows how serious I am about getting these permits. Your report proves you know what you’re doing. And you love the island.’ He knew what love looked like on her. He had seen it before. He remembered lying on that beach, seeing her look at him and knowing—knowing—that she loved him. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve it then. He knew that he didn’t deserve it now.
Which was why it was such a spectacularly bad idea to offer her the job. He should be putting as much distance between them as he could right now. Not creating yet another bond.
It was fine, he reminded himself. As soon as he had a replacement project manager in place, he would be leaving this island and not coming back. In his headquarters in Sydney, he would have no more contact with Meena than with thousands of his other employees and contractors. She wouldn’t be his problem any more. Wouldn’t be in his life any more.
‘I’ll have to think about it,’ she replied slowly, as if looking for the catch in his offer.
She could do a lot for Le Bijou as the resident marine biologist, Meena acknowledged, turning Guy’s job offer over in her mind. She had done a lot of good when she had worked at another resort before her accident, she reminded herself, educating holidaymakers and divers about the local area and how to dive without impacting the coral reefs. She had even started a programme of coral regeneration with newlyweds, planting out coral, something that would carry on growing long after the honeymoon was over.
She could do the same at Le Bijou, she thought, if she took up Guy’s job offer. She could stay on the island. Do her best for it. Protect it as best she could once the works were completed and the worst of the damage had been done.
Perhaps damage limitation was all she could do. Guy owned Le Bijou, and it was going to change. Her sanctuary. It just wouldn’t exist any more. Not in the way that she wanted—needed—it to.
But something made her hesitate before telling Guy that she wanted the job. Working with Guy, specifically, made her hesitate.
She’d thought a lot about men the last few years. A lot about specifically what sort of man would make her fall for him. She knew she wouldn’t have slept with someone she didn’t love. Last she remembered, she had been a virgin planning to wait until she was married, as was expected of her. And then she was waking from a coma, finding out that she had been pregnant, and the only clues she had to her mystery boyfriend were notes she’d found months after she had finally left the clinic, scribbled in French on the back of a dive planner.
I love you. I can’t wait to see you again. Meet me at our beach.
She had wondered ever since then who he could have been. Who her type was. What sort of man she had fallen in love with.
And now here was Guy and the strange sense of déjà vu she felt around him. It was probably just his accent, she thought. The twang of his Australian vowels that was so familiar from her scholarship year studying there. That was what was giving her this strange feeling, she decided. There was no way that Guy was her mystery boyfriend. The way that he looked at her was so cold, so impersonal, it couldn’t possibly be him.
Which made the dreams she had been having about him all the stranger. They felt so vivid, so real. She had touched him. Smelled him. Tasted him. In her sleep last night she had run her fingertips over every part of his body and then followed them with her tongue. He had spanned her waist with his hands, cupped the curve of her hip and her buttock, teased her with his lips.
All of which was making this meeting extremely awkward.
She risked another glance up at him, but his eyes were still fixed on his computer screen.
‘I want to know what working with you will mean.’
‘I’m glad you’re considering it.’ He didn’t look as if he thought it was great. Considering he’d made the offer in the first place, he looked as if he didn’t want her there at all. Well, it was too late. She’d been thinking about Le Bijou. What it would mean to stand guard over it. However awkward things got with Guy.
‘Are you sure we haven’t met before?’
She wasn’t really aware of thinking the question before it popped out of her mouth. He was just so...unsettling. He unnerved her. And she couldn’t help thinking that there must be a reason he had this effect on her. Must be a reason why her body reacted to him every time that he was close. A reason her heart was racing and her palms were sweating.
Was it you? Her mind jumped to the familiar question. Did you love me? Did I carry your baby? Lose your baby?
He sighed, looked up and made eye contact with her for the first time since she had walked into the room.
‘What period of time are you missing memories from?’ he asked. ‘I’ve only visited St Antoine once before.’
She told him the date of her accident, and that she didn’t remember the three months before, wondering at the change in his demeanour.
‘I was here then,’ he said. ‘My parents own the Williams resort on the mainland. I was staying there for the summer.’
‘But I worked there!’ Meena exclaimed. ‘I was working at the dive school before my accident. It was the summer after I got back from Australia,’ she added, realising she’d never mentioned to him that connection. Was this the reason for his strangeness? For the strange familiarity she felt around him? Would she have mentioned that if she’d bumped into an Australian guest? Would she have struck up a conversation about that common link?
‘So maybe I have seen you before, or maybe we spoke back then? I’m sorry,’ she added, realising she was speaking out loud. ‘It’s just, it’s hard, having this gap in my memories. It makes me question myself. Question what I know, you know?’
Of course he didn’t know. How could he? How could anyone know what it felt like to live in a body and a mind that didn’t fully belong to them?
‘Maybe we did meet.’ Guy shuffled some papers on his desk, not looking at her. ‘I went to the dive school when I was here before. Maybe we crossed paths.’
‘But you don’t remember? You don’t remember me?’ It was clear from the way that he had turned back to his work that he was ready for this meeting to be over. But it had been so long since she had had any new information about that time that she couldn’t let this drop, no matter how annoying Guy seemed to be finding her.
Just once in her life, she wanted a straightforward answer. No, scratch that. Once in her life she wanted to know the answer to questions about her life herself, without relying on near strangers to fill in the gaps. But as that didn’t seem to be an option, no matter what she or her medical team had tried, she would have to settle for getting answers from someone else. For trusting other people to paint this picture of who she had been.
‘I don’t remember you,’ Guy said, looking back at his screen. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘No need to be sorry.’ Meena shrugged, tried to cover her disappointment. No answers, again. No reason for why she felt this strange familiarity around Guy. For him and for Le Bijou.
‘Get in touch with Dev about the details of the new job, if you want to consider it. And keep him updated with your progress on the environmental reports. If there’s nothing else...’
It was clear she was being dismissed.
‘Okay, great.’ She forced professionalism back into her voice. ‘Well, I’m going to go have another look at the reef tomorrow. To see if there is any way that its decline can be reversed, or at least halted. If you want to come and see for yourself, you would be welcome.’
