скачать книгу бесплатно
He scowled. “Yes, I can.”
Her son started to close his door, but Zoey stuck her foot in the doorway to stop him. “Your father is here to stay.”
“How do you know?”
His question caught her off guard. She didn’t know for sure. Dane’s job with the DEA had always been so important to him, to the point that she’d felt her and their family had often come in second. He’d told her the evening before he didn’t have plans yet, but if past patterns were any indication, Dane would be gone on some DEA assignment as soon as he felt he had recovered, and Blake needed a full-time father, especially right now. “I want you downstairs for breakfast in ten minutes.”
She didn’t wait for her son to protest her command. She hurried to Tara’s room and found her youngest playing in her crib as though she had been patiently waiting for someone to come get her. It wouldn’t be long before she needed to put the crib away and get a big girl bed for Tara. Her youngest was growing up too fast.
“Sweet pea, time to get up.”
With a big smile, Tara stood in the crib and lifted her arms for Zoey to take. “Mama, up now.”
After quickly changing Tara’s diaper and dressing her, Zoey carried her downstairs, noticing her son’s bedroom door was still closed. Blake was a good kid. He’d do what he needed to do.
As she entered the room, Dane placed his bowl in the dishwasher, then poured himself another cup of coffee. She drew in a deep breath at the sight of him in her kitchen. She’d never thought she would see that again. Then she remembered Blake’s question about Dane staying and needed a more definite answer than the one Dane had given her the night before.
“What are your plans, Dane?” Zoey put Tara into her high chair, then tied a bib around her neck. She gave her daughter some apple juice to drink in a sippy cup.
He glanced up, his eyebrows rising. “To go with you to the store.”
“No, I mean for your future.” She heard the exasperation in her voice and didn’t care. She was frustrated, confused and afraid for her children, for herself.
A shadow dimmed his eyes before he veiled his expression and focused his attention on his mug of coffee. “I told you last night, I haven’t made any plans yet. That hasn’t changed in the past ten hours. I just got back to the States not long ago.”
“How long have you been back?”
“Five days.”
“Five days! Why did it take so long to let me know you were alive?” She was determined not to feel hurt, but it gripped her in its powerful talons.
“Zoey, I wasn’t in the best of shape. The jungle can be hard on a person’s body. I was in a hospital, then I had to be debriefed.”
“Hospital!” She collapsed into a chair next to Dane, her whole body trembling. “I should have been there.”
“I didn’t want our reunion to be in a hospital and Carl wanted me to be checked out thoroughly before leaving Dallas. I even had to see a psychologist.”
“How many people knew you were back before I did?” she asked, the hurt she couldn’t keep at bay lacing her question. Again she was reminded that she had often come in second to his job.
His gaze snared hers, dark, hard and unreadable. “Not many. I didn’t want the media to get a hold of it before I had a chance to see you.”
“Thank you for that.” Zoey gripped the table’s edge and leaned into it. “I still want to know what your plans are. Where do Blake, Mandy, Tara and I fit into your life?”
He hesitated, taking a long sip of his coffee.
His silent wall was in place. She might have changed in the past two years, but Dane really hadn’t. He was still quite good at shutting her out of his life. “Never mind. That says it all.”
He finally pierced her with that probing look of his. “Says what? That I’m not sure what I’m going to do? That I’ve spent the past few years wondering who I am? That I’m still trying to fill in some gaps in my memory?”
Her anger fizzled as quick as it surfaced. “What gaps?”
“I don’t remember anything leading up to the crash and right afterwards. They tell me Bob Patterson, my partner, was on the plane. I don’t remember any of that. So you see, I haven’t had time to decide what I’m going to do.”
She didn’t want to add to Dane’s pain, but she had her son to think about, too. Blake was hurting. “Blake’s worried you’ll leave soon.” And so I am, she silently added.
“I’m not—”
The door eased opened, and her son came into the room, a pout on his face, his eyes downcast. He plodded to the cabinet and prepared himself some cereal, then started eating it at the counter.
“Blake, please have a seat,” Zoey said in a gentle voice, aware how fragile her son’s emotions were at the moment because they mirrored hers.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, his attention trained on his bowl as though it were the most delicious food he’d ever had.
Zoey scooted back the chair next to her. “We don’t eat at the counter. We sit down as a family at the table.”
He huffed, then grabbed his bowl and trudged to the table where he plopped into the chair. Not once did he look toward Dane. But his father watched him, a sadness in his eyes that ripped apart Zoey’s fragile control. Putting her family back together wouldn’t be easy. Like Humpty Dumpty, the nursery rhyme she often read to Tara, it might never be accomplished.
Silence, thick and heavy, lay like a blanket over the room. Zoey swallowed several times to coat her parched throat, searching for something to say to ease the tension. Nothing came to mind.
“Blake, I hear you have a soccer game later this morning. What position do you play?” Dane asked, cupping his mug between his hands and bringing it to his lips.
“Forward,” her son mumbled, barely audible.
“I used to play in high school and college. I was the goalie.”
Blake continued to eat his cereal, his movements quickening as if he couldn’t finish fast enough. Finally he spooned the last bite into his mouth and shot to his feet. “Mom, may I get ready to go to Nate’s?”
Zoey nodded, her throat constricted.
After putting his bowl in the sink, Blake hurried from the kitchen. Zoey looked at Dane, wishing there was something she could do to make the situation better between father and son.
“I didn’t do it on purpose, you know,” Dane said into the quiet that again reigned.
“What?”
“Be gone for two-and-a-half years.”
“It’s more than that, Dane. He thought you had died. He had to deal with those emotions and now he realizes that wasn’t really what happened. He didn’t handle it very well then and I’m afraid he might not handle it very well now.”
“And what about you?”
Chapter Three
“Are you asking me if I handled your ‘death’ well?” Zoey remembered the days of numbness, of not feeling as though she could get a handle on anything, and never wanted to revisit that time—not even in her memories. Despite often coming in second in Dane’s life, hers had revolved around him. His disappearance had shaken the very foundation of her life to the point she’d had to grapple with who she was.
“I suppose I am.” One corner of Dane’s mouth hitched up in a self-mocking smile that reminded her so much of the old Dane, self-assured of every move he made.
“I’d rather not talk about the past right now,” was all she could say.
“I guess I deserve that.”
She didn’t want to reveal the depth of her despair. That would leave her open to being hurt by Dane all over again, and she wouldn’t allow that to happen—once was enough. She shoved back her chair and rose. “I’d better get Tara fed, then we need to leave if we’re going to get any shopping done before the soccer game.”
“I’m eager to see Blake play. I just wish he was eager for me to see him play.”
“Give him time. He’ll come around.”
“I hope you’re right. It’s been a while since I’ve been a father.”
The wistful tone in Dane’s voice bothered her more than she cared to acknowledge. “It’s like riding a bike. If you fall, you can pick yourself up and try again.” Zoey prepared Tara’s breakfast, then started to sit and feed her.
Dane waved her away, taking the spoon and dipping it into the cereal. “I’ll do this.”
She glanced about her, needing something to do. She couldn’t just stand there and stare at Dane feeding their youngest daughter. Watching him with Tara brought emotions to the surface she wasn’t ready to deal with. How many times had she wished for this very thing? She had prayed for Dane to be a part of the children’s lives—her life—again, but how long would this last? Their discussion of what he was going to do underscored all the reasons she should guard her heart from further pain. He had broken it once before, and she had finally patched it together. She couldn’t go through that anguish again. Zoey began cleaning up what few dishes remained, then placed a call to her mother to make sure it was all right for Mandy to join Tara.
When Dane was finished, he wiped Tara’s face and hands, then lifted her from the high chair. “We’re all ready.”
Zoey scooped up Tara’s dishes and placed them in the sink to take care of later. “Then let’s go.” I need to be around people, she thought and headed for the front of the house. At the bottom of the stairs she called, “Blake. Mandy, it’s time to go.”
Mandy bounded down the stairs with one of her dolls clutched in her hand. “Nana’s making some clothes for Mrs. Giggles. They should be ready today.” She raced out onto the porch, leaving the front door wide open.
At a much more sedate pace Blake came down the steps, dressed in his soccer uniform, his head bowed, his shoulders slumped, as though he were going to do something he hated to do. But Zoey knew he loved to play soccer, which made his demeanor even more worrisome. She wished she could erase his troubles and make everything all right. But life wasn’t that simple, and her son was going to hurt because of that. Again she felt a helplessness—any control she had over her future gone.
When Blake reached the bottom, Zoey laid her hand on his shoulder, intending to draw him into an embrace, to let him know she would be with him every step of the way. He wrenched away and hurried toward the car.
“I’m sorry, Zoey. I know this can’t be easy for you, either.”
She looked at Dane, saw his usual neutral expression in place and struggled to keep her anger in line. What would it take for him to open up to her? Was it even possible for him to share himself totally with another person? How was this marriage going to survive when they really didn’t know each other anymore? How was she going to forgive Dane when he kept a part of himself shut off from her still? Not trusting her enough to share his innermost thoughts? Nothing had really changed in their marriage since he’d been gone. She remembered the desperation and sadness she’d felt right before his last assignment. It came to the foreground, demanding attention.
“It’s hard watching someone you care about hurting,” she finally said and followed her children to the car.
Zoey dropped Mandy and Tara off first at her mother’s house, then Blake at Nate’s. The silence in the car after the girls left was nerve-racking. Zoey flipped on the radio to fill it, but nothing lessened the tension churning in her stomach.
When she pulled into a parking space at the super center, she quickly exited the car and hurried toward the store. Suddenly she needed some distance, which thankfully Dane gave her for a few minutes. His nearness caused so many conflicting emotions to surface that it was hard to grasp onto any one feeling for long.
She waited for him with her shopping cart inside the door. Slowly he made his way toward her, his gaze intense as it bore into her. She had no idea what was going on in his mind. And to think about what he must have endured the past few years made her heart throb painfully. What she’d said to him before leaving the house was as much about him as Blake.
She gave him a tentative smile to try and ease the strain in their strange situation. She felt the corners of her mouth quiver from the effort, but she managed to maintain the smile. “I need to pick up some odds and ends. If you want to meet me back here, we can check out together.”
For a good minute he didn’t say anything. He scanned the rows and rows of items and for a fleeting few seconds a bewildered look entered his eyes. “I’d forgotten how big these stores are. I’ll come with you. I just need a few personal items.”
“We’ll pick up the coffeepot first.”
“You won’t get a complaint from me.”
“I noticed you didn’t eat much breakfast. That was usually such an important meal for you. Is there anything I can get you for breakfast?” she asked, needing to fill any silence between them with idle chatter. The silence allowed her to think, which had been the main reason she had tossed and turned the past night—that and the fact Dane was only a few rooms away. Those few rooms might as well be a continent.
Again Dane didn’t respond right away. Zoey slanted a look at him and noticed the tightening about his mouth. She didn’t know what to say to him—what was a good topic for conversation.
“I’m sorry, Dane, if—”
He shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
Uncomfortable, Zoey wheeled the cart toward the small appliance area.
“My love for coffee hasn’t diminished. I just haven’t gotten the chance to indulge like I used to. In fact, I haven’t indulged in much lately. I must say, what the jungle had to offer is quite different from what this store has to offer. Makes you appreciate the small things we take for granted.”
Even though he sounded cavalier, her throat ached with suppressed feelings. His closed expression prohibited further discussion. He’d always insisted he kept quiet about his work to protect her. He’d never understood she’d needed to share the bad as well as the good with him.
She compelled herself to smile. “Then after we shop here, I know a store that sells the best coffee in this part of Kentucky. We’ll have to hurry, though. We don’t have much time before the game.”
“Why, Zoey, it’s so good to see you. I heard the news. Is this your young man?” Susan Daniels, her mother’s best friend, asked, planting herself in their path, her sharp, assessing gaze on them.
Zoey knew they wouldn’t be going anywhere until they had satisfied the older woman’s curiosity. “Susan, this is my husband, Dane Witherspoon.”
He nodded, a finely honed tension emanating from him. “Pleased to meet you.”
“My, what a ruckus you’ve caused in this little town, young man. Coming back from the dead. You must tell us what happened sometime.”
Dane stiffened. “There’s not much to tell.”
Waves of tension rolled off Dane. Zoey stepped between him and Susan. “I wish we had more time to talk, but Blake has a soccer game in less than an hour and we still have a lot of shopping to do. We’ll have to chat another time.” She maneuvered her cart around the older woman and continued toward the small appliance aisle, hoping Susan Daniels didn’t follow.
“You can slow down now, Zoey. I think we lost her at ladies’ clothing,” Dane said behind her.
Zoey glanced back. “Are you sure? When Susan wants to know something, she’s ruthless in her pursuit.”
“Then she’s met her match,” Dane said with a thread of steely determination she’d heard on more than one occasion.
She stopped in the middle of the small appliance aisle. “You have to realize, Dane, that everyone will want to know all the details.”
“It’s none of their business.”
“But that’s the way small towns are, especially since you never came with me and the children to visit Mom. You’re a mystery to them.”
“My past is just that, in the past.”
Realizing the people of Sweetwater had truly met their match in Dane, Zoey grabbed a box from the shelf. “I need a few cleaning supplies and some cat litter. Then we can get your things and get out of here.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“What?”
“People wanting to know your private affairs.”
“Sure, but you get used to it. There are some good things about small towns.”
“What?”
