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‘You don’t understand.’
‘Then tell me!’
She placed her hands over his in a gesture of reassurance. ‘I’m frightened of losing you, Jack. I’m frightened that if you don’t get professional help, there might be no way back.’
Jack gave a harsh little laugh, ‘That’s a bit dramatic –no way back!’ He knew what she meant, but wouldn’t admit to it.
In truth, there were times when he thought the same. Lately, he found it increasingly difficult to cope.
‘JACK!’
Molly’s raised voice startled him.
‘Will you keep the appointment, or not?’
Collecting his plate and cup, Jack got out of the chair to place them in the sink. ‘Look,’ he explained, ‘if I seem reluctant to go, it’s just that I went through a lot of this stuff when I was a kid.’
He remembered it as if it was yesterday: the long hours in a stuffy room; the questions he found hard to answer; the fruitless tests and meaningless suggestions, and later the snide remarks from the other kids at school.
Afterwards, for a time the nightmares went away, but they soon came back, stronger than ever.
He had promised never to put himself in the hands of strangers again, so he learned to live with his fears. He became clever at putting on a front for his parents and teachers. When the dreams took him, and he woke with the darkness and the images still clinging to him, he would walk the floor of his bedroom until he was able to relax into a kind of shallow sleep. They never knew. And he never told them.
Consequently, the sessions with the child psychologist eventually stopped altogether. But not the dreams and not the darkness, because they were still there, in that other place. The place where his mind took him.
Over the ensuing years, he had hidden his secret well. Until Molly came into his life and began to sleep with him.
‘You win, Sweetheart.’ Walking over to the sink, he put his arms around her. ‘As soon as I get to the office, I’ll talk to the boss and arrange an extra-long lunchtime.’
‘Good! And I’ll do the same.’
‘Why would you do that?’ he asked defensively. ‘To check up on me? To make sure I get there, is that it?’ He did not want her too involved.
Molly protested, ‘No! It’s just so you won’t have to go on your own, that’s all.’
‘But that’s just it,’ Jack told her. ‘I want to go on my own.’
‘No! That’s not right. You need me there.’
‘Molly, listen to me. I prefer to be on my own.’ Sometimes, she was like a dog with a bone. ‘I don’t want to worry about you being there – if I freak out, or anything. You see, once the therapist starts digging into my brain, who knows how I might react? Like I said, I’ve been there before, so I know what I’m talking about.’
‘All the more reason for me to be there for you.’
‘No, Molly – the subject is closed. I appreciate the offer, but I’m going on my own, and that’s an end to it.’
‘All right, I’ll stay away – but if you want me, give me a call or text me, and I’ll be straight over.’
‘I can tell you now, I won’t be calling you. Like I say, I know what’s coming, and I’m probably better equipped to deal with it now I’m older.’
A short time later, they left the house. Within the hour, Jack had dropped her off at the estate agents in Woburn, before travelling on to the Bletchley showroom, where he clinched a deal with a longstanding customer.
‘You’ve made the right choice, Mr Gallagher.’ With the papers signed and the monies paid, Jack led the client outside, where the shiny new Lexus was parked and waiting.
‘I doubt there’ll be any problems.’ Handing over the car-keys, he then shook the buyer by the hand. ‘If you think of anything you’ve forgotten to ask, just give us a shout.’
The customer was a weasel of a man, but while he looked somewhat lost in such a big car, he appeared more than capable as he skilfully manoeuvred it out of a tight spot, before driving off at some speed.
Jack rubbed his hands. ‘Another satisfied customer,’ he thought, feeling very pleased with himself. ‘Another sizeable commission.’ But when he remembered his appointment in a couple of hours’ time, his sense of achievement fell away.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ Jan the receptionist had noticed how he seemed on top of the world when he walked by her with the customer, and now he looked as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. ‘Lost one of your boy-toys, have you?’ she quipped. ‘Don’t be sad. There’s another delivery in today.’
‘That’s right.’ Jack gave her a cheeky wink. ‘One out, another in. Keeps the wheels turning, so they say.’
‘Oh, I see.’ She tutted. ‘So does that apply to women too – one out, another in?’
‘I never said that.’ He was used to her teasing.
As he hurried back to the office, she called after him, ‘At least when you sell a car, you can look forward to a commission! Not me, though. I smile and make the tea. I answer the phone, run about and take a lot of stick from you lot. But I get no commission.’
Jack leaned out of the office door, ‘Ah, but you get the unending gratitude of the team, and a big smile from yours truly. What else do you want?’
‘Do you really need me to tell you?’
Jack laughed out loud. ‘Not just now.’
‘Later then?’ She gave him a saucy smile.
‘Behave yourself, you!’ He went back into the office, still smiling at her naughty banter.
A short time later, having filed away the last of the paperwork from the sale, he made his way to the main office and tapped on the door.
‘Come!’ The voice was small, but the man seated behind the desk was built like a buffalo, with a short, thick beard and dark-rimmed spectacles. ‘I see you’ve clinched that deal this morning? Well done, Jack!’
Hoisting himself out of his seat, the boss, Branagan, strolled across to where the office window looked into the showroom. ‘So, what can I do for you?’ Hands clenched behind his back, he commented, ‘Well, now! For a man who’s just earned himself a handsome commission, you don’t seem too pleased with yourself. Is there a problem?’
Jack explained, ‘I need to beg some time off this afternoon – an hour, possibly two.’
Stuart Branagan became curious. ‘Might I ask why?’
‘Doctor’s appointment,’ answered Jack.
‘Really? Is everything OK?’
Jack already had an answer. ‘It’s nothing serious – well, at least it’s serious to me, because it’s quite painful. I strained my back some time ago. I just need my GP to take a look so he can give me something for the discomfort, that’s all.’
‘Strained your back, you say?’ The manager was instantly on his guard. ‘You haven’t been lifting stuff on these premises when you’re not supposed to, have you? Because if you have, there’ll be no comeback on the company. You know the rules, Redmond!’
Jack was quick to reassure him. ‘No, it’s nothing I’ve done here. I don’t know how I did it, but it’s beginning to really play me up. My doctor will probably prescribe anti-inflammatories, that’s all. I won’t be away long. An hour. Two at the most, depending on traffic.’
Branagan gave a crude laugh. ‘Too much nookie with that girlfriend of yours, is it?’
Jack ignored his unwelcome remark.
Seeing that Jack was not amused, the big man went on to remind him, ‘Don’t forget we’ve got a delivery late this afternoon. It’ll be all hands on deck.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll be back in plenty of time.’
‘Mmm!’ Branagan was none too pleased, but he needed Jack, especially as he himself had only been with the company for a short time and was still learning the ropes. Moreover, with the under-manager having left a fortnight back, Jack’s experience and expertise were invaluable to him, at least for now.
‘Very well. But make sure you’re here when that delivery arrives.’ With that, Branagan swung round on his heels and, without another glance at Jack, returned to his desk.
As Jack closed the door behind him, the older man muttered, ‘You’ve become far too big for your boots in these showrooms, Redmond! It’s even got to the point where the staff would rather go to you for advice than come to me.’
He had a habit of sucking his bottom lip when rattled, and he was rattled now. ‘Undermining my authority, that’s what you’re doing. Well, I know your little game.’
He watched as Jack retreated into his office. ‘I’ve already got the man to fill your shoes, Redmond!’ he mumbled spitefully. ‘So the sooner I can shift you up north, the better.’
His new son-in-law Jamie was the sort of person he needed to work under him. Unambitious, but hardworking. Ready and able to make the sales, but not too keen to take on managerial responsibility.
Oh, yes. Once he was rid of Jack, he would choose his staff carefully. Capable salesmen who, as long as they got their commission, were not too bothered if someone else took all the glory.
When he realised the receptionist was looking at him, he smiled sweetly and gave a condescending nod. If he hadn’t dropped the blinds before returning to his work, he might have seen the rather crude sign she made to him.
Jack saw it, though, and smiled to himself. Having already been obliged to discreetly mop up the new manager’s mistakes, Jack held much the same opinion of Stuart Branagan as Jan did. ‘Little sergeant-major!’ he mumbled, ‘hunched in his office, ordering tea and biscuits, and putting on airs, while the minions out here have to work twice as hard to keep the place going.’ He had hoped he might get on with the new manager, but no matter how he tried, he could find no respect for him.
‘All right then, Jack?’ That was Bill West, a young newcomer, wet behind the ears but eager to make a name for himself.
‘Fine thanks, Bill. And you?’
‘Not sure.’
Jack understood. ‘Been thrown in at the deep end again, have you?’
The younger man nodded mournfully. ‘You couldn’t help me out, could you, Jack? Only I’ve mixed my appointments up again. I don’t want to tell the boss-man, or that’ll be his excuse to have me out the door.’
He went on quietly, so as not to be overheard: ‘Trouble is, I’ve got this customer arriving in five minutes . . . he wants a trial run in the four-by-four. But when I checked my notes just now, I realised I’ve gone and booked Mr Tomlinson in at the same time, and I can’t get hold of him to change the appointment. He’s not answering his phone.’
‘What’s he coming in for?’
‘To talk about finance, on a trade-in against a new car.’
‘Go on then.’ Jack could see he was beginning to panic. ‘Be sure and make a good job of selling that four-by-four, and I’ll deal with your Mr Tomlinson. Have you done your work on the finance?’
‘Yes. It’s in my desk-drawer – second down on the left.’
‘And do you have his first name?’
‘Er, yes. It’s Jason, I think.’
Jack had a piece of advice for him. ‘First rule of the game, Bill. Make a mental note of the client’s first name. Read the signs, and if it’s all going well, then you adopt the friendly approach . . . but not too friendly, if you know what I mean?’
Bill nodded, ‘I really do appreciate you doing this for me, Jack.’
‘That’s OK. As it happens, I’ve got piles of paperwork to check and file, but because I need to take an extra-long lunch-hour, I’ll be staying on late to make up. So, I’ll do the paperwork then.’
‘Aw, thanks, Jack. You’re a pal. I owe you one.’
As it turned out, Bill’s first appointment was done and dusted in record time. With Mr Tomlinson arriving half an hour late, the young man was thrilled that everything had fallen so neatly into place. However, buoyed by his first-ever big sale, he was too excited and too gushing to concentrate on the matter in hand. Consequently, the second customer walked away without signing.
‘What did I do wrong?’ he asked Jack.
As always, Jack gave it to him straight. ‘Sale or no sale, Bill, once you’ve dealt with one customer, you need to clear your mind and concentrate all your attention on the next one. You have to make every customer feel as if they’re the only one that matters.’
Then, not wishing to curb Bill’s enthusiasm, Jack slapped him on the back and assured him, ‘Don’t be too down-hearted, though. Mr Tomlinson came here because he liked our product. I dare say he’ll be back. They usually are.’
Bill thanked Jack and went away to consider his advice. Jack’s words had pricked his bubble, but he had learned a valuable lesson today. One he would never forget. And for that he was grateful.
As the morning wore on, Jack grew more edgy. The hours passed all too quickly, and then it was time to leave for his dreaded appointment. He was on his way out, when Jan called to him, ‘Going anywhere nice for lunch?’
‘Hardly!’
‘Want me to come with you?’ she asked, fluttering her eyelashes saucily.
‘No, ’cause I need you to keep an eye on young Bill,’ Jack told her, worried that he might have been a bit too harsh with his advice.
‘Why? What’s he up to?’ Jan was curious.
‘He’s not up to anything as far as I know, but I reckon he might need a friend and a cup of tea . . . when you’re making one.’
By the time she turned to look where Bill might be, Jack was already out the door and heading for his car.
Once inside the car, he sat awhile, wondering if he should go or not. There was no denying he was nervous – and he had every right to be. Molly was right, though. If he didn’t master this thing, it would master him.
More than anyone, he knew the score. The nightmares had gone on for too long. Maybe now that he was older, he could handle whatever the sessions threw up. Also, since his relationship with Molly was taking a battering, it was time to seek help. Time to trust a stranger again; enough to put himself into their hands. Today could be his chance to root out his fears and hopefully put a stop to the torment.
The alternative did not bear thinking about.
Chapter Five (#ulink_318e2a20-9939-52f7-a164-29f9b3853704)
DOCTOR LENNOX WAS waiting at the clinic to greet Jack.
The GP was a handsome fellow in his early sixties and with numerous letters after his name. ‘As I explained in our little telephone chat, I’m not qualified to deal with these particular issues,’ he said, ‘but Mr Howard, on the other hand, is one of the best in his field. You’ll be in safe hands with him.’ He suddenly caught sight of the man in question. ‘Ah! Here he is now.’
A tall, bony man with sweeping eyebrows and a look of authority came striding up to Dr Lennox, and greeted him as a valued old friend. ‘Good to see you, Sam.’
Having briefly renewed his acquaintance with the older doctor, he then turned to Jack and shook him by the hand. ‘You’ll be Mr Redmond, no doubt? I’m Alan Howard.’ Taking stock of Jack, he saw a responsible, accomplished man, just as Dr Lennox had described. He also saw the shadows beneath his eyes and the tension in his features, and could tell that he was deeply troubled.
‘Dr Lennox tells me you’ve agreed to let him sit in on the session?’ The psychiatrist allowed the whisper of a smile. ‘If you’ve changed your mind, we’ll just send him away.’
