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“I’m serious,” she said, not caring if her mother was in earshot. She’d heard it all and the rest of the house was empty. “I’m one hundred percent ready to do this on my own. As you can see, I’ve started working here, where Mum and Dorry have agreed to help with child care. The London office is paying for itself and turning a small profit. So is my flat. Nell and her friends are renting it, but I give what I make on that to Mum since I’ve kicked out all her boarders. This place has been outfitted with a security system—”
“I’m supposed to imagine that my child is safe in a house where strangers—I’m sorry, potential clients—are coming and going?”
“You’re supposed to imagine that I did not do this on purpose and I am not trapping myself a wealthy husband, as you obviously thought when you came storming in here on your high horse. I knew you would think that of me. I knew. Why else did I send back all your stupid jewelry? I could have kept it and sold it, you know! That money would be really handy right now, and God knows I earned it, didn’t I? But I never asked you for it, Henri. I never asked you for anything.”
“Calm down,” he growled.
“You calm down! I never wanted to be pregnant by accident! I wanted it to be something I did on purpose. With the man I loved!”
His head went back like she’d clawed at his cheek. Her own emotions were clawing open her chest, leaving her heart exposed, raw and vulnerable. She railed on, protecting herself the only way she could, with mean, nasty words.
“I never asked for anything until that last morning and I would have settled for you telling me you cared. I would have settled for you asking me not to leave. But you didn’t give one solid damn that I wanted to end it. Bye-bye, Cin. Nice having sex with you. Take your pretty payoffs. And all you can think about right now is how hard this is for you? Try hiding this from paparazzi!” She pointed at her massive bump. “Congratulations on being as big an ass as I thought you would be.”
“Are you finished?”
“Really?” she cried. “You’re going to take that patronizing tone with me? No, I’m not finished! I’m allowed to freak out! While you’ve spent the last twelve weeks screwing other women and carrying on with your completely unaffected life, I’ve been overhauling mine. I’ve been working damned hard so you never have to be inconvenienced by something that we did together. Say ‘Thank you, Cinnia’ and get the hell out of my house.”
“Well aren’t you the great martyr,” he scoffed. “Excuse me for not being grateful when I wasn’t given a choice in the matter, was I?”
“Oh, you had choices. And you made them. I’m making the same one, which means getting on with my life without you. Ta-ta,” she sang in a jagged, off-key tone. “I have to get back to work now.” After bawling her eyes out over this stupid man and his complete lack of regard for her.
“That’s very cute. You know I have no choice. Neither do you,” he warned, chin low, brows flat and ominous.
That did it. Her heart broke along old lines and her eyes filled up with hot, fat tears.
“Right,” she said in a voice that cracked. “Your only choice is to be saddled with a woman you don’t want. A gold digger, obviously, who had her eye on your money all along.” She couldn’t do this. She started to leave the room.
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” He caught at her arm.
She shook him off and blinked rapidly, but her lashes were matted together and her composure was thinning to the breaking point.
“Don’t put babies in my belly.”
“I’ll confine it to one, trust me.”
“Too late!” It came out shrill and loud. She spun to leave again, but quickly found herself halted and turned back to face him.
Through her tears, he was a blur of ashen skin.
“What?”
“Oh, look at me, Henri!” she intoned. “Have you ever been satisfied with only giving me one orgasm? Of course, you had to give me two babies!” Her fists clenched and she wanted to pound them against him, against the wall of his chest, as if she could break past the invisible wall he presented to hold off everyone.
Including her.
Especially her.
Instead she found herself stumbling across the hall as he dragged her with him. He plonked himself onto the love seat in the parlor and tugged her to sit beside him.
She was shaking so badly she let it happen and sat beside him in stiff silence, trying to hold her threadbare self together.
He sat with his elbows on his thighs and his face pressed into his wide hands.
She reminded herself she’d had weeks to process her pregnancy and the fact it was twins. He’d had, well, she would guess a few hours on the first baby and about ninety seconds on the second.
Oh, she didn’t want to feel sorry for him! Maybe the idea of being a father was hard for him, but it didn’t change the fact he’d thought awful things about her and hadn’t tried at all to hang on to what they’d had.
What had they had? she asked herself for the millionth time. Sex. So much sex and yes, a few good laughs and many excellent meals. But while they’d been profoundly intimate physically, on an emotional level he’d held her off in a dozen subtle ways. Two years she had spent banging her head against that reserve of his and yes, she knew things about him like his taste in music and had a handful more facts on his family than the average person did, but he had never let her into his heart.
How many times had she counseled a girlfriend not to let a man own her soul without giving back a piece of his? Dear God, it was easier to give that advice than take it.
She reached for a tissue off the side table and blew her nose, fighting to pull herself together. She hadn’t realized how much poison she’d been harboring over all of this. At one point her mother had accused her of punishing Henri by keeping the pregnancy from him and Cinnia had denied it, vehemently.
Just as she had vehemently done her best to annihilate him in every possible way today, holding off on stabbing him with the fact it was twins so she could do maximum damage when his shields were down.
Because she was crushed and she wanted him to join her in her anguish. She wanted to know she could hurt him.
Taking a shaky breath, she started to rise.
His hand shot out and he kept her on the sofa.
“I have to use the toilet. It’s nonnegotiable.”
He released her and she went, then lingered after washing her hands, studying the profile of her body while avoiding her gaze in the mirror.
She had come from a loving, nuclear family. It was what she had always aspired to have for herself and had never been comfortable as Henri’s mistress. He had called her his friend and his companion, sometimes even his lover, but the lack of emotional commitment had always stung.
Part of her had wanted to believe Henri did love her deep down, but she had believed Avery had loved her because he had said the words and he hadn’t. Even her first boyfriend, who had possessed her whole heart, had let her down. So she had tried to hold off giving up too much of herself to Henri. Had tried to stay autonomous and strong.
Still, she had hoped they were moving toward something. When she had turned up pregnant, however, she had had to face how superficial their relationship really was. She hadn’t been able to stay with him at that point, not if she had any self-respect left.
At the same time, she knew how he would react to a pregnancy. Ties. Short, cold chains and tall, barbed wire fences.
It wouldn’t be easy to hold herself apart from him while he tried to do what she knew he would want to do: pull her inside his castle and shut the drawbridge. That was why she had held off telling him. She couldn’t be dragged back into his life knowing she meant nothing to him.
That was why she had to find the strength to continue resisting him now.
CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_e2a9cccb-0d11-505c-8a94-012637a649cf)
THE RATTLE OF china made Henri lift his head.
Millicent Whitley—Milly—came in with a tea tray. She set it up on the coffee table before him. The only noise was the sound of the dishes, but she made a statement with the force with which she served him.
He knew that Cinnia had had words with her mother at different times about their relationship and his refusal to offer a ring. Milly had never said a word to him about it, though. She was too wellborn, too possessed of impeccable manners.
Today, however, she brilliantly conveyed that she would love to see him choke to death on his petit four.
“Thanks, Mum,” Cinnia said in a subdued tone as she came back.
“Eat one of the sandwiches,” Milly said to her, pointing at the stack of crustless triangles as she straightened with the now empty tray, adding as she passed her daughter at the door, “You’re behaving like a harridan.”
“Gosh, I hope I haven’t ruined my chances for a proposal.”
Her mother shut the door on that comment and Cinnia made a face.
“How is your health?” Henri asked her, grasping for a lifeline of fact and logic to keep from being blown into the abyss of unknowns circling in his periphery.
Cinnia blew out a breath that lifted her fringe and came to perch next to him. She reached for a sandwich. “No issues. The weight packs on fast, which is expected. I’m not watching calories, but I try to avoid the empty ones. I’ve started drinking my tea black and I skip things like mayonnaise and sweets.”
He nodded, watching her bite into what looked like plain tuna with a slice of tomato between two dry pieces of bread. Her lips looked fuller. Plump and kissable.
“There haven’t been other women.” His voice came out a shade too low.
She choked, hand going to her mouth before she reached for her tea and took a cautious sip, clearing her throat and flashing him a persecuted look.
“I’m ready to be civilized, but let’s agree to be honest, shall we?”
“I had to date, you know I did.” If she was offended that he’d accused her of deliberately getting pregnant, he was insulted that she believed he’d slept with all those women—any woman—since her. “Our breakup was well documented. I couldn’t appear to be carrying a torch, could I? That wouldn’t be safe for you.” He’d been plagued by concerns regardless, teetering on wishing she would find a man to look out for her while passionately hating the idea.
“Well, you did an excellent job of convincing me you weren’t carrying one.”
He waited for her gaze to come to his, but she kept her attention on the plate she held.
Her features were softer and, if anything, prettier for it. More feminine. She wasn’t wearing makeup, her hair was clipped at her nape, but he found her casual elegance as fascinating as ever.
He wanted her, every bit as much as ever.
He pushed to his feet, restlessly moving away from temptation. He was still processing that she was pregnant. His brain was not ready to take in twins and he was still very much reeling from the anger she’d thrown at him.
“There were no other women,” he repeated. “I’m not going to say it again.”
It was too much of a blow to his ego. He couldn’t screw other women. She wanted them to throw toxins at one another? Fine. He would love to tell her how much he resented her grip on him. He felt like a cheat merely allowing another woman’s hand to rest on his arm. Had he realized that would be a by-product of a long-term, monogamous relationship, he never would have entered into one.
Damn. He wished that was true, but Cinnia had entranced him from the first time he’d seen her. She still did, sitting there cutting a suspicious glare at him from beneath pulled brows. This connection between them was as base as an alpha wolf imprinted by a mate.
He wasn’t comfortable being ruled by anything so visceral, but even now, as he was reeling from this life-altering news, part of him was soaring with the knowledge that he now had the perfect excuse to yank her back into his bed.
“As for expecting things of me, you expected me to behave badly and set me up to do so.” He pushed his hands into his pockets. “How long did you think you could hide this? I can see if you had a single baby, you might have convinced the press it was someone else’s, maybe pretended your infidelity was the reason we broke up. But twins? Of course they’ll assume they’re mine and go stark raving mad! How did that even happen?” He tried to wrap his brain around it. “Are they identical? Do you know?”
“One placenta,” she said with a bemused shrug. “I realize it’s like your family has been struck by lightning three times. I’m buying lotto tickets, but I’m told that’s not how it works…”
Her joke fell flat.
She had finished her sandwich and was nursing her tea, brow furrowed in contemplation. He always had an urge to kiss that little wrinkle in her brow when she looked like that. She always tsk-tsked at him when he did, complaining it broke her train of thought.
Because he invariably wound up kissing her mouth next, and that led to making love.
That’s probably why he liked to kiss her brow.
Could they make love? What the hell was wrong with him that that was all he could think about as he faced such a daunting prospect? Escape, he supposed. Making love with Cinnia had always provided him with a sense of peace to balance the rapid juggling of priorities that was the rest of his life.
She rubbed between her brows with two fingers, like tension sat there.
“I knew I’d have to tell you,” she mumbled in a disheartened tone. “I was putting it off because I know what you’re going to say, and…” She dropped her hand and said firmly, “I don’t want to marry you.”
In his lifetime, there were a handful of words that had gone through him like bullets. Trella’s been taken. Your father is gone. Now, I don’t want to marry you.
He’d been trying to ignore what she’d said earlier about wanting children with the man she loved. He had been fairly convinced she was in love with him, even though she’d never said the words. Then she had left him.
Today, all that rage she’d aimed at him? His brain told him that came from a scorned heart. He had scorned her. Bye-bye, Cinnia. Yes, he had let her go without a fight. What was he supposed to have done? Denied her the family she had told him from the beginning that she wanted? If she had been telling the truth on her way out the door, and really had wanted to run off and find Mr. Right, to make a family with that unknown man, Henri had been honor bound to let her.
She hadn’t been telling the truth, though. She’d been testing him.
He’d failed, obviously.
Had his rejection killed whatever she had felt?
He pinched the bridge of his nose. It didn’t matter.
“You still have to do it,” he informed her.
“No. I—”
“Cinnia,” he interrupted, unequivocal. “I will accommodate your career if you want to keep working. Dorry can be our nanny. I will give you just about anything you ask of me, but you know that you are coming with me today. Our children must be protected. You know I won’t negotiate on this.”
“No.”
Cinnia had never been a pushover, something he had always admired in her, but Henri had written the book on how to get your way. He didn’t bother saying anything, only gave her a look that warned she was wasting both their time.
“Divorced people raise children apart. If you want to amp up my security, that’s your prerogative, but I’m handling things just fine.”
“Are you?” He scratched his cheek and glanced toward the draped window. “Shall I open those curtains and we’ll see how well you’re keeping the world at bay?”
“Oh, you didn’t drag a swarm of those buzzards here, did you?”
He could have taken steps to lose the cameras they’d picked up at the airport, but he’d been too intent on getting here. “You know what my life is like.”
“I do!” she asserted with a crack in her voice as the words burst out of her. “And I put up with your guards and all the awful trolls who post those nasty things and I never made a peep because it was my choice to be with you. I could have walked away anytime if I didn’t like it. And I did! So don’t ask me to sign up for a lifetime of it. Don’t try to make me.”
His fuse, the one that had slowly been burning down since Killian had set a match to it, reached powder.
“Do you honestly think either of us has a choice?” He managed to keep his voice under a roar, but it was fierce with the bitter vehemence he normally kept pent up. “Don’t tell me how hard it is to live under such attention. I know, damn you.”
She sat back, intimidated by his muted explosion, but he couldn’t contain it. Not if she was going to throw it in his face as the reason she didn’t want to marry him. Damn it, she would understand, if nothing else, that it wasn’t just a nuisance, but a life-threatening menace.
“Trella wasn’t kidnapped because we’re rich. We were valuable because we’d been portrayed as a national treasure. I didn’t sign up for that. None of us did! And did they have the decency to give us privacy after she was rescued? Hell, no! It was worse!”
He thought of all the ugly conjecture that had followed them for years.
