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‘I’m fine.’ Nick grinned to himself as she disappeared out of the cubicle. Maybe he should have thought of that one sooner.
The A and E nurse had cut the leg of his trousers to get them off and it was easy enough to slip them back on again. Discarding the flimsy hospital gown and pulling on his shirt, Nick struggled with getting his sock onto his injured leg and decided to carry his boot. A quick phone call elicited the information that Sam was outside, trying to find a parking space.
‘Right.’ The curtain had twitched slightly, indicating that she’d checked first to make sure he was dressed, before she breezed back into his cubicle. ‘I’ve got a leaflet here, to give you some guidelines on how to manage the leg.’ She proffered a printed sheet and Nick took it. Next to one of the items she had drawn a star and written a few notes. Even her handwriting was bewitching. Nick wondered briefly whether it was possible to be seduced by someone’s handwriting, before folding the sheet and putting it into his jacket pocket.
‘Thanks. I appreciate all you’ve done, Abby.’ It was time for him to leave. Before she got around to the prescription she held in her hand. Before he got too used to the light that seemed to shine from her and gravitated towards it, like a moth whose wings had already been burned by the flame.
‘Oh, no, you don’t.’ She was quicker than he was at the moment, and blocked his path. ‘Sit down for a moment. I’ve had a colleague write you a prescription for something to control your pain.’
She was keeping him well and truly at arm’s length. Somehow the fact that she’d got someone else to write the prescription rankled more than anything. As if she was trying to wipe him from every corner of her life. Nick wondered if she’d been hurt as badly as he had by what had happened between them.
‘I don’t need it.’ The words sounded harsh and ungrateful. ‘Thanks, Abby, but I don’t want it. Sam’ll be here to pick me up any minute.’
‘Sam!’ She jumped like a startled fawn, flushing slightly. She did remember, then. The leisurely Sunday morning breakfasts after training when Sam and the half-dozen others at the table had faded into blurred insignificance, and there had only been Nick and Abby. The reckless slide into dinner and the cinema. He’d fallen for her hard and fast, before sanity had taken hold and convinced him to draw back.
She pulled herself together with impressive speed. ‘He’ll have to wait, then, we’re not finished yet. You should have something to control the pain and bring the inflammation down. I really can’t recommend that you be discharged without it…’
‘Then I’ll discharge myself.’
The conversation had finally degenerated into a game of chicken. Whose nerve was going to break first. In the end, no one broke. Sam’s light touch on Abby’s shoulder made her jump again and she whirled round to face him.
‘Abby. Where have you been? Long time no see…’ Nick directed his most ferocious glare in Sam’s direction and Sam got the message. ‘So how’s he doing, then?’
She pursed her lips as if she was considering the question and Nick broke in. ‘We’re done here.’
‘Really?’ Sam gave Abby a quizzical look and she frowned.
‘No. Not really. Nick…’
In between him and Sam, she suddenly looked small. Vulnerable. Staring up at them with what looked like frightened defiance in her eyes. The urge to protect her leaked into Nick’s aching bones, almost before he realised that the only thing Abby needed protecting from was him.
He slid past her, brushing against her as he went. ‘I’m sorry.’ He was sorry for everything. The way he’d left her without a word of explanation six months ago. How he was leaving things between them now. But if she knew his reasons she’d be the first to want him gone. ‘Thanks for all you’ve done.’
The words stuck in his throat because he knew they weren’t enough. But they were all he could give her and he lunged forward on his crutches. He heard her exclamation of frustration behind him and Nick made for the exit doors without looking back.
CHAPTER TWO
SAM had given her a grinning shrug and followed Nick, jogging to catch up with him. Abby didn’t stop to watch them go. She did what she had schooled herself to do as a teenager and which now came as second nature to her. If someone hurts you, don’t go running after them. Turn away. Be strong.
‘How did that go?’ She was concentrating hard on Not Caring and the voice at her elbow made her jump.
‘Michael. I didn’t see you there.’
‘Penny for them?’ Michael Gibson, the A and E doctor who would have seen Nick had he not been with a more urgent patient, was standing beside her.
‘Not worth it.’ She held the prescription form up for Michael to see. ‘He didn’t take it.’
‘No? Why not?’
‘I don’t know. He just said that he didn’t need it. Stayed long enough for an X-ray and for me to give him a diagnosis and then as soon as I let him get his hands on a pair of crutches he was off. I couldn’t stop him.’
‘What were you thinking of doing? Handcuffing him to the bed?’
Don’t say things like that, Michael. You’ll give a girlideas. ‘I… I just can’t help thinking that he would have taken it from someone else.’
Michael sighed. ‘Look, Abs. You asked him if he was okay with you treating him, you ran everything past me. Aren’t you overthinking this a bit? People make decisions about what level of treatment they’re going to take from us all the time.’
‘I guess so.’ Abby wasn’t convinced. She wouldn’t lay the blame on Nick when she should be shouldering it herself. His decision must have been something to do with her.
Michael looked at his watch. ‘Can you do me a favour and write up the notes, then sort out a referral?’
‘Of course. You get on. I’ll put him on the list for an early MRI scan and get him an appointment up in Orthopaedics.’ Abby grinned. ‘With someone else, who might be able to talk some sense into him.’
‘Don’t sweat it so much, Abby.’ The charge nurse had caught Michael’s eye and he was already turning to see his next patient for the evening. ‘All we can do is our best.’
She’d spent half the night considering that rationally, and the other half beating her head against an imaginary brick wall, which might just as well have been real from the way her head was throbbing this morning. The only thing that Abby was sure of was that she’d messed up somehow and that she had to put it right.
Something had made him act that way. He was perfectly at liberty to walk out on her as a woman and she was at liberty to hate him for it. But if a little of the past had leaked through into her attitude towards Nick last night and made him refuse medical treatment he needed, that was unforgivable. Whatever Michael had said, she had to put it right.
Not giving herself time to change her mind, Abby got out of the car, marched quickly up the front path and pressed the doorbell. No one answered. She was about to turn and walk away when a bump from inside the house told her that Nick hadn’t gone out. She thumbed the doorbell again, this time letting it ring insistently.
‘Okay! Give me a minute…’ The door was flung open and Nick froze.
‘Hello.’ She was expecting to see him this time, but that didn’t seem to lessen the shock all that much.
‘Hi… Abby.’ He had the presence of mind not to say it, but his eyes demanded an answer. What are you doing here?
‘I came to see how you were.’ Her hands were shaking but her lips were smiling. Not too much. Professional.
‘You didn’t need to. I’m fine. Thanks.’ Nick was leaning on the crutches she’d given him, his loose sweatpants stretched over the bulky brace. That was something. At least he hadn’t taken it off and thrown it away as soon as he’d got home.
‘I think we have a little unfinished business, Nick.’
He pressed his lips together. ‘I know. I should have called you, it was unforgivable…’
‘Not that.’ Abby had spent some time convincing herself that the events of six months ago were all water under the bridge, and she wasn’t going to let Nick bring it up now. ‘I mean from last night. You left before I had a chance to finish…’ She stopped, flushing. Her voice sounded like a pathetic, childish whine, as if she was begging for his attention.
Understanding flickered in his eyes. His warmth curled around her senses and just as Abby’s knees began to liquefy her defences clicked in. This man was not going to see her vulnerable. Not again.
‘I left because I was done. It was nothing to do with you.’
Abby straightened herself. ‘What was it to do with?’
‘It’s none of your business, Abby…’ He seemed to be about to say more but stopped himself. ‘Look, as I said, it’s really good of you to come here and I want to thank you for everything you’ve done. But you’ll have to excuse me.’
She wasn’t giving up without a fight. The door was closing, and there were only two things that Abby could think of to do. She wasn’t quite angry enough to punch him—not yet, anyway—so she stuck her foot in the doorway, bracing herself for the blow of the door as he tried to close it.
It didn’t come. There was nothing wrong with Nick’s reflexes and he whipped the door back open before it hit her foot. ‘Abby…’ His gaze met hers, dark and full of pain, and concern for him grated across her nerve endings. There was no point in that. Nick wasn’t the type to accept sympathy. She faced him down, and saw a flare of what might have been tenderness.
Wordlessly he stepped back from the doorway, turned, and made his way back along the hall, leaving the door open behind him. It wasn’t the most cordial of invitations she’d ever received but Abby followed him, closing the door behind her.
‘Can I get you some coffee?’ He had led her through to the kitchen, a large, bright room where the house had been extended at the back. Indicating that she should sit down at the sturdy wooden table, he swung across to the counter and reached up into a cupboard for a tin of coffee beans.
‘Thanks.’ Abby sat down. Making coffee and drinking it would take at least ten minutes. She could use that time.
‘Toast?’ The room smelled of fresh bread and there was a loaf, just out of the breadmaker, on the countertop.
‘Thanks. I didn’t have breakfast this morning.’ Fifteen minutes. Even better. Time enough to sort this out and then get out of there.
Nick didn’t turn to face her and Abby sat down. Without a word, he ground the coffee beans and switched the coffee machine on, then shifted awkwardly across to cut the bread, leaning one of his crutches against the sink.
‘Here, let me help you.’
‘I can manage.’
She dropped back down into her chair. He seemed to be managing not to look at her as well. It occurred to Abby that the offer of coffee hadn’t been intended as hospitality as much as an excuse not to sit down and talk to her.
Finally he was done. He’d made tea for himself, and Abby jumped up to ferry the cups and plates to the table, while Nick lowered himself into a chair.
‘We don’t need to argue about this.’ He gave her a persuasive grin. ‘We could just agree to differ and enjoy our breakfast.’
Nick’s charm didn’t work on her any more. Much. ‘Or we could talk about why I think it’s important that you take the medication you’ve been offered. I’m here to help you. As a friend, Nick.’ ‘Friends’ was dangerous territory. But being his doctor was becoming more inappropriate by the minute, and that was the only other excuse she had to be there.
His lips twitched. ‘And you think that I’m not helping myself?’
‘From where I’m sitting, that’s how it looks.’ Abby took a sip of her coffee.
‘I guess it might.’ The words were almost a challenge.
‘It does, Nick. Pain control isn’t just about making things easier for you. With an injury like this, it’s important that you give your body a chance to heal. That means being able to sleep and move around gently. You need to get some of that swelling around your knee down as well.’
‘I’ve been putting ice packs on it. The swelling’s down from yesterday.’
‘That’s better than nothing. How much sleep did you get last night?’
Nick didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. The dark hollows beneath his eyes and the stiffness of his movements attested to how little he’d slept and how much he was hurting right now. Abby could strike the suspicion of him having decided to self-medicate from the list of possibilities.
‘Did you take analgesics the last time you hurt your knee?’ Abby could have looked that up on the hospital’s computer system after he’d left, but she’d baulked at that.
He nodded. Another couple of options to strike off the list. Whatever his reason was, it must be something that had happened in the four years, since his last injury. ‘Are you saying you had an adverse reaction to one of the drugs?’
‘No. I’m saying that I don’t want the drugs now.’
‘Nick, if you don’t want to tell me what the problem is, that’s fine. But you wouldn’t let me do my best for you last night, and I can tell you now that’s not the way that I work and it’s not the way the doctor I’ve referred you to works either.’ Abby could feel the colour rising in her cheeks, and checked herself.
Something bloomed in his eyes, which looked suspiciously like respect, and Abby ignored the answering quiver in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t need Nick’s respect, she just needed him to see the logic of what she was trying to tell him.
‘Since you put it that way…’ He seemed lost in thought for a moment and then jerked his head up to face her, his stare daring her to look away. ‘I’m a drug addict.’
His message was clear. Get back. Stay back. Nick knew that Abby was not stupid. She had to understand it and the only other explanation was that she was planning on ignoring it.
‘Okay. What kind of drugs?’ She was doing a fairly good job of staring him down. There was barely a flicker at the corner of her eye.
‘Painkillers. The kind that were prescribed for me. And others that weren’t.’
‘But you’re clean now.’
‘What makes you think that?’ He’d never be truly clean.
‘If you were still taking opiate drugs, for whatever purpose, maybe you would have slept a little better last night.’
‘Yeah. Fair enough.’ It would take more than just staying off the drugs to make him whole, but Nick was done with admitting things. That was all she needed to know. He reached for his keys, which were sitting at the far end of the table where he’d dumped them last night, and showed her the small engraved disc that served as a key fob.
She leaned forward to focus on the letters, alongside a logo with a set of initials. ‘IK. What’s that?’
‘Stands for one thousand days. In that time I haven’t had as much as an aspirin or a cup of coffee.’ Her gaze flicked involuntarily towards the cup of herbal tea in front of him, and Nick wondered how much of this she had already worked out for herself. ‘I earned this six months ago, and I’m not giving it up for anything.’
‘Your support group asks that you give up everything? Aspirin, coffee…?’
‘No. That’s what I require of myself.’
She sucked in a deep breath, seeming to relax slightly as she exhaled. ‘I’d like to help, Nick. If you’ll let me.’
She’d disarmed him completely. Maybe it was the way that sunlight from the window became entangled in her hair and couldn’t break free. Maybe her steady, blue gaze, which held the promise of both cornflowers and steel. ‘What do you suggest?’
Nick was expecting one, maybe two platitudes about not overstepping the mark again and a lecture on how effective ice-packs could be. Then she could do the sensible thing and wash her hands of him.
Instead, she drew a pad from her handbag, turned to a page of scribbled notes, asked questions and made some more notes. Then she produced a bundle of printed pages from the internet, selecting some for him to look at, which left Nick in little doubt that she had come prepared for almost every eventuality, including the one which he had just admitted to. He hadn’t thought that Abby was such a force to be reckoned with.
‘What do you think, then?’
Nick had no idea what he thought. He’d heard everything she’d said, but the bulk of his attention had been concentrated on the soft curl of her eyelashes. On trying to resist the impulse to reach out and touch the few golden strands of hair that strayed across her cheek, aware that he could so easily become trapped. ‘Sounds logical.’
She rolled her eyes, twisting her head to one side in a shimmer of liquid light, and he almost choked on his tea. ‘It’s obviously logical. But how do you feel about it?’
‘Okay, then.’ There wasn’t much option other than the truth, not with Abby. ‘I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.’
‘Fair enough, but can you do it?’
‘Stick pins in my eyes? I’d rather not.’
She gifted him with a glare that made his stomach tighten. ‘Stop messing around, Nick. Will you do this?’ She tapped the list she’d made with her pen.
A visit to a pain clinic, specialising in drug-free therapies, which Abby had assured him was among the best in its field. Taking the clinic’s advice on nonopiate painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs. Coming clean with the orthopaedic surgeon that Abby had already arranged for Nick to see at the hospital, and having him work with the clinic to provide what she termed as ‘joined-up’ care.
‘I can do it.’ This would be harder than dealing with the constant, throbbing pain in his knee but Nick saw the sense in it. It was his best chance of being able to get back on his feet again any time soon.
‘So I’ll call the pain clinic and try to get you an emergency appointment for this afternoon.’
