Festive Fling With The Single Dad

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‘Big isn’t always best. In a very large room like this, Mette might find it difficult to orientate herself.’

Aksel thought for a moment, and then nodded, striding across the hallway and opening the door of the other bedroom. Inside, Flora could see a large double bed, which must have come from the main bedroom. This room too was scrupulously tidy, as if Aksel had decided to camp here for the night and would be moving on soon.

He looked around, assessing her suggestion. ‘I think you’re right. I’ll move everything back the way it was.’

‘Would you like a hand?’ The heavy bedframe must have been a bit of a struggle.

‘Thanks, but I’ll manage. What else?’

‘Well… I’m no expert…’

‘Give me your next-door-neighbour opinion.’ His smile sliced through all of Flora’s resolutions not to interfere too much and she puffed out a breath, looking around.

‘You’re not here for long so you don’t want to make any permanent changes. But it would be great to be able to change the tone and brightness of the light in here to suit her needs. Maybe get some lamps with programmable bulbs that you can take with you when you go?’

He nodded. ‘That’s a great idea. What else?’

‘Taking her toy box downstairs and just having a few cuddly toys up here for bedtime might get her used to the idea that upstairs is for sleeping. If you use bright colours that she can see, it’ll help guide her around the room. And what about some textures, a comforter or a bedspread…?’

He walked across to the nightstand next to his bed, picking up a notebook and flipping it open. ‘Lights…’ He scribbled a note. ‘Colours… Textures… Bedspread.’

Flora nodded. ‘If you got her a nice bedspread, then perhaps she could use it here and on her bed at the clinic. Then, if she wakes up in the night, she’ll have something that feels familiar right there.’

Aksel nodded, scribbling another entry in the notebook. ‘Good idea. Anything else?’

‘What does Mette like?’

That seemed the hardest question of all to answer. ‘Um… Sparkly things, mostly. And she likes it when I read to her. She always wants the same stories over and over again.’

‘The ones her mother read to her?’

‘Yes. I think they help her to feel more secure.’

‘Then use them as a guide. Maybe choose some things that feature in her favourite stories.’

‘That’s a great idea, thank you.’ He made another note in his notebook before putting it into the back pocket of his jeans and striding back to the main bedroom. ‘I’ll take the toy box downstairs now. If you could suggest a place for it…’

He was trying so hard. Maybe that was the problem, he wanted to make everything perfect for Mette and couldn’t be satisfied with anything less. Flora watched as he cleared the cuddly animals from the top of the toy box, trying not to notice how small they looked in his large, gentle hands.

‘Oh…wait, I’ll give you a hand…’ Aksel had lifted the large wooden box alone, hardly seeming to notice its weight.

‘That’s all right. If you’ll just stand aside.’

She could do that. Flora jumped out of his way, noticing the flex of muscle beneath his shirt as he manoeuvred the box through the doorway. She followed him as he carried it downstairs, swallowing down the lump in her throat. Aksel’s strong frame was impressive when he was at rest, but in action it was stunning.

‘Over there, maybe…?’ He was standing in the centre of the sitting room, looking around with a perplexed look on his face. Flora shifted one of the chairs that stood around the fireside, and he finally put the box down, one hand rubbing his shoulder as he straightened up.

‘Is your shoulder all right?’ He raised an eyebrow, and Flora felt herself redden. Okay, so she’d been looking at his shoulders. ‘Professional interest. I’m a physiotherapist, remember?’

‘It’s fine. It was just a little stiff this morning.’

His tone told Flora to leave it, so she did. ‘Maybe we could move one of the lights so that when Mette opens the box she can see inside better.’

Suddenly Aksel grinned. ‘Kari…’

The dog raised her head, moving from relaxed fireside mode to work mode immediately. In response to a command in Norwegian, she trotted over to the box and inserted her paw into a semi-circular hole cut into the side, under the lid. Flora heard a click and the lid swung open smoothly, its motion clearly controlled by a counterbalance mechanism.

The ease of opening was just the beginning. As the box opened, light flooded the inside of the box, and Flora could see that there were small LEDs around the edge, shaded at the top so that they would shine downwards and not dazzle Mette. The contents were carefully arranged in plastic baskets, so that she would be able to find whatever she wanted.

‘That’s fantastic! Wherever did you get this?’

‘I made it. There was nothing on the market that quite suited Mette’s needs.’ Aksel was clearly pleased with Flora’s approval.

She knelt down beside the box, inspecting it carefully. The lid opened easily enough for a child…or a dog…to lift it and the counterbalance mechanism meant that once open there was no danger of it slamming shut on small fingers. The lights came on when the lid opened and flicked off again as it closed, and they illuminated the contents of the box in a soft, clear light.

And the box itself was a masterpiece, made of wooden panels that were smooth and warm to the touch. It was quite plain but that was part of its beauty. The timber had obviously been carefully chosen and its swirling grain made this piece one of a kind.

‘Mette must love it.’ It was a gift that only a loving and thoughtful father could have made. And someone who was a skilled craftsman as well.

He nodded, looking around the room restlessly as if searching for the next thing that needed to be done. Aksel’s response to any problem was to act on it, and he was obviously struggling with the things he could do nothing about. No wonder he was carrying some tension in his shoulders.

‘We could go and do some shopping, if you wanted. It won’t take long to pick out a few things to brighten Mette’s bedroom up.’

‘Would you mind…?’ He was halfway towards the door, obviously ready to turn thought into action as soon as possible, and then stopped himself. ‘Perhaps another time. Whenever it’s convenient for you.’

Flora allowed herself a smile. ‘Now’s fine. I’ll go and get my coat.’

Aksel had been struggling to get the fantasy out of his head ever since he’d opened his eyes this morning. Rumpled sheets and Flora’s cheeks, flushed with sleep.

Yesterday had shown him how easy it would be to slip into loving intimacy with Flora, but her reaction had told him that she didn’t want that any more than he did. The word impossible usually made his blood fire in his veins at the thought of proving that nothing was impossible, and it had taken Flora’s look of quiet certainty to convince him that there was something in this world that truly was impossible.

He could deal with that. If he just concentrated on having her as a friend, and forgot all about wanting her as a lover, then it would be easy. When she returned, wearing a dark green coat with a red scarf, and holding Dougal’s dog coat and lead, he ignored the way that the cottage seemed suddenly full of light and warmth again.

‘Why don’t you leave him here? They’ll be fine together.’ The puppy was curled up in front of the fire with Kari, and didn’t seem disposed to move.

‘You think so?’ Flora tickled Dougal’s head and he squirmed sleepily, snuggling against Kari. ‘Yes. I guess they will.’

She drove in much the same way as she held a conversation. Quick and decisive, her eyes fixed firmly on where she was going. Aksel guessed that Flora wasn’t much used to watching the world go by, she wanted always to be moving, and he wondered whether she ever took some time out to just sit and feel the world turn beneath her. He guessed not.

For a woman that he’d just decided not to be too involved with, he was noticing a great deal about her. Flora wasn’t content with the just-crawled-out-of-bed look for a Sunday morning. She’d brushed her hair until it shone and wore a little make-up. More probably than was apparent, it was skilfully applied to make the most of her natural beauty. She wore high-heeled boots with her skinny jeans, and when she moved Aksel caught the scent of something he couldn’t place. Clean, with a hint of flowers and slightly musky, it curled around him, beckoning his body to respond.

‘So… Mette’s never lived with you before?’ She asked the question when they’d got out of the winding country lanes and onto the main road.

‘No.’ Aksel couldn’t think of anything to say to describe a situation that was complicated, to say the least.

‘Sorry…’ She flipped her gaze to him for a moment, and Aksel almost shivered in its warmth. ‘I didn’t mean to pry.’

‘It’s all right. It’s no secret. Just a little difficult to explain.’

‘Ah. I’ll leave it there, then.’

Flora lapsed into silence. ‘Difficult to explain’ didn’t appear to daunt her, she seemed the kind of person who could accept almost anything. He imagined that her patients must find it very easy to confide in her. All their hopes and their most secret despair. Suddenly, he wanted to talk.

‘I didn’t know that I had a daughter until after Mette’s mother died.’

Nothing registered in Flora’s face, but he saw her fingers grip the steering wheel a little tighter. Maybe she was wondering what kind of man hadn’t known about his own daughter. He wouldn’t blame her—he frequently tormented himself with that thought.

‘That must be…challenging.’

Her answer was just the thing a medical professional would say. Non-judgemental, allowing for the possibility of pain and yet assuming nothing. Aksel wanted more than that, he wanted Flora to judge him. If she found him wanting then it would be nothing he hadn’t already accused himself of. And if she found a way to declare him innocent it would mean a great deal to him.

‘What do you think?’ He asked the question as if it didn’t mean much, but felt a quiver deep in the pit of his stomach.

No reaction. But as she changed gear, the car jolted a little, as if it was reflecting her mood.

‘I’d find it very difficult.’

Aksel nodded. Clearly Flora wasn’t going to be persuaded to give an opinion on the matter and maybe that was wise. Maybe he should let it drop.

‘In…lots of ways.’ She murmured the words, as if they might blow up in her face. Flora wanted to know more but she wasn’t going to ask.

‘Lisle and I split up before either of us knew she was pregnant. I was due to go away for a while, I was leading an expedition into the Andes.’ Suddenly his courage failed him. ‘It’s a fascinating place…’

‘I’m sure.’ Her slight frown told Aksel that she wasn’t really interested in one of the largest mountain ranges in the world, its volcanic peaks, the highest navigable lake on the planet or the incredible biodiversity. To her, the wonders of the world were nothing in comparison to the mysteries of the human heart, and she was the kind of woman who trod boldly in that unknown territory.

He took a breath, staring at the road ahead. ‘When I got back, I heard that Lisle had gone to Oslo for a new job. I think that the job might have been an excuse…’

Flora gave a little nod. ‘It does sound that way.’

There was compassion in her voice. Most people questioned why Lisle should have gone to such lengths to keep her pregnancy a secret from him, but Flora didn’t seem disposed to make any judgements yet.

‘I never saw her again. The first I knew of Mette’s existence was when her parents called me, telling me about the accident.’

‘That must have been a shock.’

It had changed his world. Tipped it upside down and focussed every last piece of his attention on the child he’d never known he had. ‘Shock is an understatement.’

She flipped a glance at him, then turned her gaze back onto the road ahead. But in that moment Aksel saw warmth in her eyes and it spurred him on, as if it was the glimmer of an evening campfire at the end of a long road.

‘Olaf and Agnetha are good people. They never really agreed with Lisle’s decision not to tell me about Mette, although they respected it while she was alive. When she died, they decided that Mette needed to know more than just what Lisle had told her. That she had a father but that he was an adventurer, away exploring the world.’

Flora nodded, her lips forming into a tight line. ‘And so you finally got to meet her.’

‘Not straight away. Mette was in hospital for a while. She had no other serious injuries, she was still in her car seat when the rescue services arrived, but one of the front headrests had come loose and hit her in the face. The blow damaged her optic nerves…’

The memory of having to stand outside Mette’s room, watching through the glass partition as Agnetha sat with her granddaughter, was still as sharp as a knife. He’d understood the importance of taking things slowly, but reaching out to touch the cool, hard surface of the glass that had separated them had been agony. Aksel gripped his hands together hard to stop them from shaking.

‘Olaf and Agnetha were naturally anxious to take things at whatever pace was best for Mette and I was in complete agreement with that. I dropped everything and went to Oslo, but it was two weeks before they made the decision to introduce me to her. They were the longest two weeks of my life.’

‘I imagine so. It must have been very hard for them, too.’

‘Yes, it was. They knew me from when I’d been seeing Lisle, but they wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t hurt Mette any more than she’d already been hurt. Letting me get to know her was a risk.’

‘But they took it. Good for them.’

‘Not until I’d convinced them that I wouldn’t walk in, shower Mette with presents and then leave again. That was why Lisle didn’t tell me about her pregnancy. Because I was always leaving…’

Aksel could hear the bitterness in his own voice. The helpless anger that Lisle hadn’t known that a child would make all the difference to him. She’d only seen the man who’d wanted to go out and meet the world, and she’d done what she’d felt she had to do in response to that.

‘She must have cared a lot about you.’

That was a new idea. Aksel had been more comfortable with the thought that the only emotion he’d engendered in Lisle’s heart was dislike. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘If the thought of you leaving was such an issue to her, then it must have hurt.’

Guilt was never very far from the surface these days, but now it felt as if it was eating him up. ‘I didn’t think of it that way.’

‘You’re angry with her? For not telling you about Mette?’

Yes, he was angry. Rage had consumed him, but he’d hidden it for Olaf and Agnetha’s sake. And now he hid it for Mette’s sake.

‘Mette loves her mother. I have to respect that.’

He was caught off balance suddenly as Flora swerved left into the service road that led to a large car park. That was the story of his life at the moment, letting other people take the driving seat and finding himself struggling to cope with the twists and turns in the road. She caught sight of a parking spot, accelerating to get to it before anyone else did, and turned into it. Aksel waited for her to reverse and straighten up, and then realised that the car was already perfectly straight and within the white lines.

‘I’d want to scream. I mean, I’d go out and find a place where no one could hear me, and really scream. Until I was hoarse.’

So she knew something of the healing nature of the wilderness. Aksel hadn’t told anyone why he’d taken the train out of Oslo towards Bergen, or that he’d set out alone in the darkness to trek to the edge of one of the magnificent fjords, roaring his anger and pain out across the water.

‘I didn’t scream, I yelled. But apart from that, you have it right.’

She gave a soft chuckle, regarding him silently for a moment. ‘And then you went back home and read all the manuals? Did your best to be a good father, without any of the training and experience that most men get along the way?’

That was exactly how Aksel felt at times. He’d loved Mette from the first moment he’d seen her. But sometimes he found it hard to communicate with her.

‘I’ve made a career out of dealing with the unexpected.’

Flora smiled and the warmth in the car turned suddenly to sticky heat. If he didn’t move now, he was going to fall prey to the insistent urge to reach forward and touch her. Aksel got out of the car, feeling the wind’s sharp caress on his face.

Flora grabbed her handbag from the back seat, getting out of the driver’s seat, and Aksel took his notebook from his pocket, skimming through the list he’d made. ‘I should get some Christmas-tree decorations as well while we’re here.’

She turned to him, a look of mock horror on her face. ‘You don’t have any?’

Aksel shrugged. ‘I’m used to moving around a lot. Whenever I’m home for Christmas, I go to my sister’s.’

‘Perfect. I love buying tree decorations, and if I buy any more I won’t be able to fit them on the tree.’ She scanned the row of shops that skirted the car park, obviously keen to get on with the task in hand. ‘It’s a good thing we came today, all the best ones will be gone soon.’