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‘I could, but I don’t want to,’ Jasmine said. ‘I don’t want any of his grubby money. I stayed close by for a year because, at the end of the day, I figured that he is Simon’s dad and I should make it as easy for him as possible to have access to his son. But when he wanted nothing to do with him …’ She was a little more honest than she’d expected to be. ‘I was embarrassed to go back to work too. He just completely upended my life.’
And Jed got that, he got that so much, how one person could just walk into your life and shatter it, could make a normal world suddenly crazy, and he could have told her then, but Jed knew that now wasn’t the time.
‘And I’m the one left holding the baby.’ She was the most honest she had been with another person. ‘And I know if it hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have Simon and I love him more than anything so I can’t wish it had never happened, except sometimes I do.’
Of course she heard Simon crying then, just to ram home the guilt of her words.
‘I need to go and settle him.’
‘Sure.’
Simon didn’t want settling, Simon wanted a drink and a play and a conversation.
‘He’s not going to settle.’ She came back into the living room a good twenty minutes later.
‘Do you want me to leave?’
‘No,’ Jasmine said. ‘But I’m going to have to bring him in here.’
‘Are you sure?’ Jed checked.
‘It’s no big deal,’ Jasmine said.
Except they both knew that it was. Jed hadn’t seen Simon since that day on the beach when he’d helped get him into the water.
And Jed really didn’t want to leave her.
Simon was delighted with the late night visitor, chatting away to him for as long as he could till his eyes were heavy and Jasmine put him back to bed.
‘Cute,’ Jed said. ‘He looks like you—apart from the blond hair. Is his dad blond?’
‘No,’ Jasmine replied. Simon was a mini, male Penny.
‘Have you told Lisa what happened?’
Jasmine shook her head.
‘I think you might feel better if you did.’ He was very practical. ‘You did nothing wrong, but you know what rumours are like and it might be better to just tell Lisa up front what happened,’ Jed said. ‘And then you can stop worrying about it. If anyone does bring it up, Lisa will just blow them off.
‘And …’ he gave her a smile ‘… she might be a bit more understanding when patients land in the department with their life savings stuffed in a carrier bag.’
‘I think I might,’ Jasmine said. ‘Thanks.’ It was actually nice to have told someone and telling Lisa was a good idea.
‘I’d better go,’ Jed said. ‘It’s one thing having a friend over, but different me still being here in the morning. What are you on tomorrow?’
‘I’m on a late,’ Jasmine said. ‘Ruby’s picking Simon up from crèche.’
‘How’s that working out?’
‘Good,’ Jasmine admitted. ‘She’s really sensible and he seems to adore her. Simon’s usually in bed by about seven so she gets her homework done.
‘Stay if you like,’ Jasmine said, ‘I mean …’
‘I know what you mean.’ And he looked over at Jasmine and for the first time things were starting to get serious, and he didn’t feel hemmed in. In fact, he wanted more of this and was sure that Jasmine was someone he could open up to about his past. She just didn’t need it tonight. ‘Are you sure?’ Jed checked. ‘He might wake up again.’
‘He might.’ Jasmine looked up at him. ‘Look …’ She didn’t really know how to say it without sounding needy, but she had Simon to think of so she had to be brave. ‘I want to see more of you, Jed.’ His eyes never left her face. ‘I’m the same as you. I don’t want this to carry over to work, which means that if we are going to see more of each other … I’m not asking for for ever, but if you’re thinking this isn’t working out then say so now.’
‘I think it is working out.’
‘And I’d like to see you a bit more than a couple of hours once a week.’
‘Me, too.’
‘Stay, then,’ she said.
It was all a bit different having Simon in the house with them.
Like at midnight when they were kissing on the sofa, instead of things leading to wherever they might lead, she had to check on Simon, who was whimpering with his teeth. By the time she’d given him some medicine and rubbed some gel on his gums, Jed was sitting up in her bed, reading his horoscope in one of her trashy magazines.
Except he put it down as she started undressing.
‘Don’t,’ Jasmine said, because he had an unfair advantage, well, two actually. He was already in bed and also with a body like his there was no need to be embarrassed about stripping off in front of another person.
‘Why are you shy now?’
‘I don’t know.’ She actually wasn’t shy, she felt guilty for what she had said. ‘Thanks,’ she said as she slipped into bed. ‘For hearing me out and what I said about wishing it had never happened.’
‘I’d be the same,’ Jed said, shuddering at the thought of how much worse things might have been for him—and he closed his eyes for a moment, imagining the last couple of years with a baby added to the mix. And he turned and he almost told her, but he could see her eyes were still swollen from crying and it simply wouldn’t be fair to her.
‘Imagine if he hadn’t stolen the money,’ Jed said. ‘You could have spent your life married to a guy who was crap in bed.’
He saw the start of a smile.
‘Go on,’ he said. ‘Say it.’
‘No.’ Jasmine kicked him. ‘Anyway, you don’t know that he was.’
‘Please.’ Jed rolled his eyes.
‘So much for not getting involved with anyone from work.’ He looked down at her before he kissed her. ‘I think we should keep it separate, though,’ Jed said. ‘I really mean that.’
She was incredibly glad to hear it. ‘I’m the same.’
‘Things are a bit sensitive at the moment,’ he said.
‘With the promotion?’ It was an entirely innocent question, or at least she’d thought it was, but Jed stopped kissing her and frowned.
‘You’ve heard about that?’
‘Sorry.’ She tried to play for time.
‘How did you hear about that?’
She was glad for the lights being off for another reason now. Her face was on fire in the dark from her slip-up.
‘I don’t know,’ she attempted. ‘You know what that place is like, there’s always talk.’
‘I guess.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘Oh, well, if it’s out there’s nothing I can do about it. At least I know no one heard it from me.’
He forgot about it then but it took a while for Jasmine to.
He kissed her till she almost had, she kissed him back till she nearly did, but it was there at the back of her mind, just how complicated things were and he didn’t even know.
‘Are you all right?’ He lifted his head.
‘Just tense.’
She almost told him, she nearly did.
Except she’d promised her sister that she wouldn’t.
‘I can fix that.’
And he slid beneath the sheets and she lay there biting her lip, thrashing with her thoughts as his tongue urged her to give in.
He was incredibly patient.
Didn’t seem to mind a jot how long it took.
And she tried to relax to the probe of his tongue. To forget her problems, forget Penny and Lloyd and everything really except …
‘Jed?’
He didn’t answer.
‘Jed?’ She had to tell him, had to tell him now. ‘Things are complicated.’
‘Not from where I am,’ Jed said, lifting his head just a little. ‘You worry too much.’
Maybe she did, Jasmine realised, closing her eyes to the mastery of his mouth.
He gave her no room to think about it anyway. His hands lifted her buttocks so he could concentrate his efforts and he homed in, she pushed on his shoulders, because she should surely tell him, except he pushed back on the pressure she exerted and obliterated her thoughts with his tongue.
He was determined now, felt the shift in her, and it turned him on further. He loved feeling her unbend beneath him, loved the constant fight with her busy mind, and he would win this one and he felt her quiver as he worked on her most tender spot.
He felt her thighs start to tighten and the moans in her throat and he loved the wrestle within in her, loved how her hands moved from his shoulders and to his head, how her body begged him to continue while her mouth urged him to stop.
And then she gave in to him, shocked that he didn’t stop there, that when he should surely abate he worked harder, and she throbbed into him and still his mouth cursed her restraint. Still his tongue told her there was more, and there was.
He rose over her in the dark, his hand moved to the bedside and it was hers that stopped him, stopped a man who, very kindly, never forgot.
‘I told you,’ she said. ‘I’ve got the coil.’
And he smiled down at her as just once she said it. ‘And, yes, as I’ve since found out—he was crap in bed.’
There was nothing to complicate or confuse right now, just the bliss of him sliding inside her, and for Jed he had never been closer to another, just lost himself in her. It was more than sex and they both knew it—it was the most intimate either had ever been. He thrust into her as he wanted to and she tightened her legs around him. He could hear the purr in her throat and feel the scratch of her nails on his back and she knew that, however they denied it, this was fast becoming serious.
And yet there were secrets between them.
For Jed there were no secrets, or there soon wouldn’t be. He’d already made the decision to tell her, he just had to find the right time and tonight wasn’t it. He felt her tighten around him, loved the intimacy and feeling her without the barrier of a sheath, loved the sob into his shoulder and the sudden demand within her that gave Jed permission to let go, which he did, but not fully. He lifted up on his arms and felt every beat of pleasure that shot out of him, he felt every flicker of hers, except he held back on the words that seemed most fitting right now.
He lay there afterwards and he should have been glad he hadn’t said them. Neither of them were ready for love, but for Jed it was starting to feel like it.
And for Jasmine too, she felt as if they were on the edge of something, something that neither had seen, a place they had never intended to go. Except he was in bed beside her and it felt as if he should be, and she knew what to do now.
She wasn’t waiting for the interviews, and Penny would just have to deal with it if it confused things.
Tomorrow, or at the very next opportunity, she would tell Penny.
Then she could be completely honest with Jed.
Then, Jasmine decided, there would be no holding back.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#ulink_cf808ff8-de37-5aff-90b7-280ac039a6d0)
JED WAS GONE before Simon woke up, but her resolve was the same and once she’d given Simon his breakfast and got him dressed, Jasmine picked up the phone and rang Penny.
‘What are you doing, ringing me at work?’ Penny sounded irritated at the intrusion.
‘It’s the only chance I get to speak to you,’ Jasmine said. ‘Of course I can talk to you there if you prefer.’
‘No, this is fine,’ Penny sighed. ‘What did you want?’
‘I was hoping we could catch up away from work. There’s something I’d like to talk about, something I need to check with you.’
‘Fine,’ Penny said.
‘Tonight?’ Jasmine asked.
‘I’m going out tonight.’ And she was working the next one. ‘I’m going to Mum’s on Sunday for dinner—how about then?’
Jasmine really didn’t want to discuss this in front of their mother, but maybe they could go for a walk afterwards, or she could suggest that Penny go back to her place for a coffee?
‘Sounds good.’
‘So, when are you working again?’ Penny asked.
‘In a couple of hours’ time.’ Jasmine smiled. ‘I promise to keep on ignoring you.’
